THE BALLYKILLDUFF DALEKS SAVE CHRISTMAS
THE BALLYKILLDUFF DALEKS SAVE CHRISTMAS
A Festive Tale
CHAPTER ONE
Snow on Ballykillduff Hill
Ballykillduff was not known for dramatic weather. Rain was expected. Mists drifted in like gossip and no one questioned them.
Snow, however, did not fall in this part of Carlow. Not ever.
Which was why the villagers stared at the sky on Christmas Eve as soft flakes began to drift down with the elegance of ballet dancers who had taken a wrong turn.
Jimmy McGroggan burst out of his shed and threw his arms wide.
“I told you so,” he shouted. “The Weather Encourager Three Thousand works at last. I have finally persuaded the heavens to behave.”
Before he could continue bragging, three Daleks came sliding down Ballykillduff Hill.
“Slipping,” cried Zeg. “This terrain is treacherous.”
“My lower section is freezing,” shouted Zog.
“The ground is attempting to exterminate us,” howled Zag.
They crashed together in a perfect metallic heap inside Jimmy’s gooseberry bushes.
Jimmy sighed in a way that suggested he was used to this sort of thing.
**CHAPTER TWO
A Disturbing Visitor Arrives**
While Jimmy tried to untangle the Daleks from the shrubbery, a powerful booming voice rolled through the frosty air.
“Ho ho ho. Exterminate.”
The sheep fled.
The villagers froze.
Even the Daleks paused in confusion.
Down the lane appeared a Dalek dressed as Santa Claus. It had a red coat draped over its casing, a paper beard taped to its grille and a sack that bulged with unknown objects.
Zeg trembled. “Unidentified Santa unit approaching.”
Zog trembled harder. “This is an imposter.”
Zag trembled the most. “We must initiate Christmas Defence Protocols.”
Jimmy groaned. “Here we go again.”
**CHAPTER THREE
The Dalek Santa and His Odd Gifts**
Dalek Santa entered Ballykillduff village square as if it was delivering the most wholesome joy imaginable.
“Prepare to receive your festive gifts. Refusal will not be tolerated.”
People ducked behind milk churns and windowboxes.
Mrs Maher peeked out from behind the shop door. A wrapped parcel flew past her, landed in a puddle and unravelled to reveal a battered frying pan.
She shouted, “That is not improving my Christmas.”
Another villager received a bicycle pump.
A small child received a traffic cone.
Someone else received a packet of frozen peas which remained frozen long after hitting the ground.
“Where is he getting all this nonsense,” Jimmy muttered.
Zeg replied, “Daleks contain storage dimensions that defy human comprehension.”
Jimmy frowned. “That explains nothing at all.”
**CHAPTER FOUR
A Plan That Should Not Be Trusted**
Jimmy dragged the three Daleks behind the old telephone box.
“Listen,” he said. “We cannot let that thing run wild. We need to neutralise him.”
“Extermination of the imposter is the most efficient option,” said Zog.
“No exterminating,” Jimmy snapped.
Zeg recalculated. “Perhaps we can gently inconvenience the imposter.”
“Still no,” Jimmy said. “He needs to be rebooted. Calm him down. Make him forget he is Santa.”
Jimmy pulled out a strange rod of wires and copper coils.
“What is that,” Zag asked.
“This is my Portable Non Explosive Rebooting Wand,” Jimmy said proudly.
The wand sparked.
It smoked slightly.
It also hummed like an angry wasp.
Zeg observed, “It appears extremely explosive.”
Jimmy muttered, “Only a small bit. Now follow me.”
**CHAPTER FIVE
Chaos in the Square**
Dalek Santa swivelled around as Jimmy ran forward.
“Stop,” the metallic voice boomed. “You are not authorised to maintain Santa Claus.”
Jimmy jabbed the Rebooting Wand.
The wand fizzed.
The wand sizzled.
The wand turned bright pink.
It then exploded into a cloud of glitter.
Dalek Santa rotated its eyestalk.
“You have interfered with Christmas. Prepare for festive obliteration.”
The villagers fled.
The sheep bolted.
Jimmy let out a squeak that was not very heroic.
Zeg, Zog and Zag rolled forward in formation.
“You shall not destroy Christmas,” they shouted together.
Dalek Santa charged.
The three Ballykillduff Daleks charged.
The scene resembled three furious wheelie bins attempting to tackle a runaway tractor.
**CHAPTER SIX
Light in the Sky**
Just when everything seemed lost, a clear chiming sound carried over the hill.
A sleigh appeared high above the snow covered lane. It was golden and glittering and pulled by eight mechanical reindeer whose eyes glowed like small red lanterns.
The villagers stared.
Father Christmas himself descended from the sleigh. His coat shimmered with threads of light and his long white beard sparkled with frost. He landed softly beside Dalek Santa.
“My good friend,” he said in a gentle voice. “It seems you have taken the concept of holiday cheer a little too seriously.”
**CHAPTER SEVEN
The Reboot**
Father Christmas placed one warm hand upon the Dalek casing.
A hum filled the air.
A soft click sounded.
A puff of steam rose, scented with cinnamon.
Dalek Santa froze.
Its lights blinked.
It spoke in a confused tone.
“Seasonal malfunction detected. Identity error. I am not Santa.”
The cotton beard slid off and fell to the snow.
Jimmy exhaled with the relief of a man who had been holding his breath since Halloween.
**CHAPTER EIGHT
A Village Restored**
Father Christmas turned to the crowd.
“I must apologise. One of my workshop prototypes wandered off during testing. He attempted to help in the only way he knew.”
Mrs Maher frowned. “He gave me a frying pan.”
Father Christmas smiled kindly. “That sounds like early stage gift programming.”
Jimmy raised a hopeful hand. “What about the snow? That was my machine, was it not?”
Father Christmas chuckled. “I am afraid that was me. I do enjoy a wintry atmosphere.”
Jimmy looked deflated, although only slightly.
**CHAPTER NINE
The Dalek Awards**
Father Christmas lined the three Daleks up with ceremonial seriousness.
“Zeg, Zog and Zag. Your bravery and remarkable enthusiasm have protected the spirit of Christmas. Therefore, I present each of you with a medal of honour.”
He held out three gold baubles that glowed softly.
Each was engraved with the words, “For Services to Christmas. Chaotic but Effective.”
Zeg vibrated with pride.
Zog asked, “Can we have unlimited mince pies now?”
Zag shouted, “We require cocoa.”
Father Christmas laughed. “Come to the sleigh. You shall have both.”
**CHAPTER TEN
The Feast**
Inside the sleigh, which was far larger on the inside than the outside, Father Christmas served a collection of magical treats.
There were steaming mugs of cocoa.
There were mince pies covered in sparkling sugar.
There were candy canes that giggled when licked.
There were tiny biscuits shaped like snowflakes that melted into warm vanilla as soon as they touched the fingers.
The Daleks absorbed everything at a remarkable speed.
“This is delicious although we do not possess taste buds,” Zeg announced proudly.
**CHAPTER ELEVEN
A Warm Farewell**
Father Christmas climbed back into his sleigh. The mechanical reindeer pawed at the snowy ground and sparks of golden light drifted around their hooves.
“Thank you, Ballykillduff,” he said. “You have reminded me that Christmas magic is very unpredictable, especially when Daleks are involved.”
He saluted Jimmy.
He bowed to the villagers.
He even nodded respectfully at the sheep who were still hiding behind the stone wall.
The sleigh rose into the sky in a swirl of golden stardust.
**CHAPTER TWELVE
Snowball Mayhem**
Christmas was saved.
The villagers cheered.
The Daleks rolled back towards the hill with triumphant energy.
Zeg announced, “We shall now begin Celebration Protocols.”
Zog clarified, “This involves snowballs.”
Zag added, “The objective is maximum joyful chaos.”
Before anyone could stop them, the Daleks began firing snowballs from their plungers with increasing enthusiasm.
Children laughed.
Adults ducked.
The sheep fled once again.
Jimmy trudged after them. “What have I done,” he muttered.
**EPILOGUE
Baubles of Honour**
On Christmas morning, three golden baubles hung proudly on the door of the Dalek Shed.
Each bauble glowed softly and carried the name of one heroic Ballykillduff Dalek.
Villagers walking past whispered to one another.
“They saved Christmas, did they not?”
“True, although they nearly destroyed the village while doing it.”
“That is Ballykillduff for you.”
Inside the shed, the three Daleks entered sleep mode.
Their final words before powering down were soft and content.
“Christmas successful.”
“Cocoa upon waking.”
“Commence nap.”
Outside, the snow continued to fall gently.
It had absolutely nothing to do with Jimmy McGroggan’s Weather Encourager Three Thousand, no matter how often he insisted otherwise.
The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 