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Category Archives: funny story

A Politically Correct Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”,
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called “unenlightened”.

To show you the strangeness of today’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.

So…half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she’d had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.

And as for gifts…why, he’d never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur…
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales…while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football…someone might get hurt,
besides – playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn’t figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to admit he was having a very bad day.
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy – with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere…even you!
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…
“May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on Earth.”

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SNOWBALL

SNOWBALL
************
I made myself a snowball,
As perfect as could be,
I thought I’d keep it as a pet,
And let it sleep with me.

I made it some pajamas,
And a pillow for its head,
Then last night it ran away,
But first – it wet the bed!

 

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Free eBook – Garlic and Stink Bomb

I am a poor writer; this is quite true, writing stories for each one of you. Tales to intrigue, entertain and mystify. That’s me, The Crazymad Writer, and I’ll do it until I die.
lulu.com

 

Once upon a time, there lived a troll called Garlic. He was not a happy troll; in fact, he was the most dejected troll you could have the misfortune of meeting. How could he have been happy, when he had what he believed was the worst name in the entire troll world? read this story and see what happened to him. It’s a hoot.

http://www.lulu.com/shop/gerrard-wilson/garlic-and-stink-bomb/ebook/product-23399092.html

 

 
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Posted by on November 7, 2017 in free, free ebooks, funny story

 

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Bony Head Larry

Bony head Larry is what he is called,

A bone instead of a head is installed,

More akin to a chicken that a head of a man,

Bony head Larry – what a weird man!

 
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Posted by on September 13, 2017 in chicken, funny story

 

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Leave Me Alone!

Headlamp Harry is an odd bod,

Lamp in his forehead, searching for God,

Despite shiningg it brightly near and quite far,

He cannot find Him, then lets out a roar,

Oh, where are You, he ask of his God,

I am in the pub drinking, He answers, leave me alone!

 

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2017 in funny story

 

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Sack Cat

There once was a cat in a sack,

That thought it knew where it was at,

It thought the whole world,

Was in that dark swirl,

Of Hessian; what a sad cat.

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2017 in cat, fantasy, funny story

 

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Hat Cat Hat

There once was a man with a hat,

Who wanted to have a pet cat,

So he called his hat cat,

Then gave it a pat,

The hat he thinks is a cat.

 

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2017 in cat, fantasy story, funny story

 

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