Category Archives: funny story

Weirdo Cat

Castleknock Henry, is a cat that is fat,

It’s fatter than fat, a cat that’s so fat,

It cannot get into its home natural way,

Neither door or by window, I tell you, I say.

*

It enters its home via the roof,

The chimney above the chosen route,

Landing below in a cloud of black soot,

It meows, mama, it have landed, forsooth.

*

Gazing at it in anger and dismay,

Its mama cried out, you have ruined my day,

Destroyed the hard work I put into this place,

Making it nice my suppers and dates,

I should have listened to Ged; he warned me about you,

Weirdo cat be away I want no more of you!

I think I’ve forgot!

I might have forgot!

You might have forgot?

I think I’ve forgot!

You think you’ve forgot?

I know I’ve forgot!

You know you’ve forgot?

What have you forgot?

I’ve forgot!

It’s Not a Tank Top!

It’s not a tank top, it’s not, no no!

It’s not a tank top, please let it go,

It’s a slipover and I love it so much,

My wonderful slipover, why all the fuss?

tank-top

farting for Sport

Henry is a horrible cat,

That’s not an opinion, it’s a simple, plain fact,

Sitting all day, doing little at all,

Just eating and sleeping and farting for sport.

castleknock-henry

Castleknock Henry

Castleknock Henry is a fine cat,

Enjoying his food while getting quite fat,

Off to the garden he sets off in hast,

To find a nice spot to dispose of his waste,

Around and around the garden he goes,

But all that he finds is cobblelock woes,

Oh, why is there nowhere to shit?

He hisses and spits, feeling quite sick,

This garden is not cat-friendly at all,

He snaps as he finally drops his big haul,

What have you done to my garden so grand?

Says Maria, his owner, this is not part of my plan,

A garden that needs no work to put in,

Take that and that you horrible thing!

castleknock-henry

It was driving alright yesterday – I swear it!

It was driving alright yesterday

I swear it!

i-am-not-roald-dahl

Three Old Ladies

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Three old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Monday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The first one’s name was Elizabeth Porter
She went in to be rid of some overdue water
And she stayed there far more than she ought to
And nobody knew she was there.

CHORUS

The second one’s name was Elizabeth Pomphrey
She went in and made herself comfy
Then she said: “Girls, I can’t get my bum free.”
And nobody knew she was there

CHORUS

The last one’s name was Elizabeth Carter
She was known as a world renowned farter
She went in and played a sonata
And nobody knew she was there.

CHORUS

Danny Brown

Danny Browne had many noses,

It’s the truth, so many poses.

He forgot to breathe, both in and out,

Now he’s dead, the silly lout.

Porridge

Porridge, porridge, good for your bones,

Bones, bones, good for your bones.

Eat it up; it’ll do you good,

Do you good, good, good, good.

Look at it now; it’s so fine to eat,

It’s so fine and good, it is a treat.

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Erdogan Burgers – Beefed up Security

Alice in Wonderland storiesThe German manager of a burger bar in Cologne will start selling “Erdogan-Burgers” again, despite closing for three days because of threats, he told the BBC.

Joerg Tiemann said his Urban Burgery sold the burgers garnished with goat’s cheese as a “satirical answer” to Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

He has now installed security cameras. BEEFED UP SECURITY.

erdogan burgers

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