Perhaps the BEST children’s
stories in the world
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The Crazymad Writer
Category Archives: joke
It’s no laughing matter, or is it?
A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion,multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this” said theman. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We
went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that
one of the cows had something white in it’s rear end. I walked over
and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my
wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt.
That’s when I made my mistake.” “What did you do?”, asked the
doctor. “Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, “Hey!
This looks like yours!”
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THE ‘Y’ CHROMOSOME
THE ‘Y’ CHROMOSOME
People born before 1946 are called – The Greatest Generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called -The Baby Boomers.
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called -Generation X.
And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called -Generation Y.
Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
But perhaps a cartoonist explained it most eloquently below…
I just thought you might want to know “Y”
John Kerry
While John Kerry was at a meeting one day, he accidentally knocked over a glass of water on the table in front of him. Staring madly at the spilled water, he said, Vladamir Putin is responsible for that.
A Fart Poem
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud.
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known,
To sound just like a song.
Some farts do not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger awhile.
A fart can create
A most-curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, but deadly.
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairies,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of us
Sooner or later.
So be not afraid
Of the invisible gas,
For always remember,
That farts, too, shall pass.
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Courtesy of http://www.thefartmachine.com
Slug Joke
Slug Joke
“What is the difference between a slug and a bag of salt?” Bert asked his friend Fred.
“Go on, tell me,” Fred answered.
“Salt makes your food taste better; slugs, however, shrivel and up and die if they come into contact with salt.
“That’s terrible!” Fred protested. “That’s not a joke!”
“You think it’s terrible?” Bert replied, flapping his arms about wildly, with excitement. “Imagine how the poor slugs feel!”
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Satan Appeared
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”
The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
Satan asked, “Aren’t you going to run?”
“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”
The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”
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Lucky Five?
I was walking down the street the other day when I saw my best friend Jeff. I walked up to him and mentioned that I had the craziest dream the other night. Jeff listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge glowing number “5”. It was made of gold and sparkled with shiny diamonds. Jeff’s curiosity was peaked. I went on to say that the first thing that I did in the morning was to grab the daily racing digest and look up the 5th race.
Jeff raised an eyebrow. I told him that the #5 horse in the 5th race was named “The 5th Element.” Jeff started grinning. Then I told him point-by-point what I did that entire day.
I ate 5 bowls of cereal for breakfast and drank 5 cups of coffee
I went for a 5 mile jog to clear my head
I took a 5 minute shower to rinse off
I dressed in the 5th suit I found in my closet
I sat in my car for 5 minutes before starting it
I drove to the racetrack and parked in the 5th stall in the 5th row
I entered through the 5th admissions gate
I bought 5 programs
I went to the 5th betting window and bet $555 on the 5th horse in the 5th race
I went and sat in the 5th row of the bleachers making sure there were 5 people sitting on both sides of me.
I settled in and waited for the race to start.
“Well,” said Jeff. “Did your horse win??”
I frowned at Jeff and said, “Stupid horse came in 5th.”
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AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.
Skoda
I’ve just bought the new 16 valve Skoda …….4 in the engine, 12 in the radio!
(If you understand this and you are under 40 then you need to get out more)
FIRE!
A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher were sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was taken from his cell and as the soldiers took aim he shouted “Avalanche!” The soldiers panicked and in the confusion the chemist escaped. The shopkeeper was led out next. As the soldiers took aim he shouted “Flood!” and escaped. The teacher was then lead out. The squad took aim and the teacher, remembering how the other two had escaped, shouted “Fire!”
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Click HERE to visit my online book shop,
where you can purchase my eBooks
**********
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME
AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.
The Crazymad Writer 