Category Archives: castleknck
Castleknock Henry, is a cat that is fat,
It’s fatter than fat, a cat that’s so fat,
It cannot get into its home natural way,
Neither door or by window, I tell you, I say.
It enters its home via the roof,
The chimney above the chosen route,
Landing below in a cloud of black soot,
It meows, mama, it have landed, forsooth.
Gazing at it in anger and dismay,
Its mama cried out, you have ruined my day,
Destroyed the hard work I put into this place,
Making it nice my suppers and dates,
I should have listened to Ged; he warned me about you,
Castlekock Henry is one horrible cat,
That’s not an opinion, it’s a simple plain fact,
Sleeping all day and hunting all night,
Killing for fun; such a terrible sight,
What can we do to stop this bad cat,
Short of feeding him Prozac or Valium extract?
When will it end we gasp in despair,
As he saunters away for a night of blood air,
It will end, he meows, when I am too old for this route,
Now leave me alone lest I turn my attention to YOU.
Q. How do you sharpen a pencil with a cat?
A. Insert the pencil and then turn the cat.
I am not a bad cat, I am not, no no!
I am not a bad cat, haven’t you heard?
The bird that is dead wasn’t killed by me,
I am not a bad cat, now where is my tea?
I’m Henry the cat,
A Castleknock fact,
The cat that’s really a rat,
Spending my days lazing away,
And killing for sport ‘till I’m jacked,
If you think I’m not nice,
That is not my concern.
But remember you this if you please,
I am Castleknock Henry,
Henry the cat, enjoying myself ‘till I die.
Henry is a horrible cat,
That’s not an opinion, it’s a simple, plain fact,
Sitting all day, doing little at all,
Just eating and sleeping and farting for sport.
I am Castleknock Brutus, a dog, you know,
I am Castleknock Brutus, now where did he go,
That pipsqueak, that thing that calls itself cat,
Where is he at; I want Henry the cat!
I want to kill him, Brutus growled, then eat him up,
That thing, that Henry, that calls itself cat,
When I get hold of him, I will never let go,
Until he is finished and lost his cat soul.
I am here, dog Brutus, I am here before you,
Said the cat called Henry, do you think it not true?
I am not sacred of you, you silly old moo,
You won’t get me, I am going to get you!
Ha ha, barked Brutus, ha ha, he barked,
What a twat you are and not very smart,
To think you are able to do such a thing,
I am laughing so much I am almost choking.
Just then, cat Henry leapt high in the air,
And landed on Brutus who got quite a scare,
Biting hard on his neck he went for broke,
And severed the jugular; Brutus never awoke.
The moral of this, my tale of intrigue,
Is never believe the lies you preach,
Others can, despite what you think,
Finish you off before you can blink.
There once was a cat called Henry,
Who was incredibly naughty,
He thought he was smart,
Going out in the dark,
Until he fell down in a hole, did Henry.
While stuck in that dark place,
Henry thought about his life, his fate,
About the jerk he had been,
To all he had seen,
So he promised to be good, did Henry.
Suddenly, a stick falling into that hole,
Presented a way to escape from it all,
Freed from that space,
He forgot his promise, though great.
And returned to his bad ways, did Henry.
Next day while Henry was alone,
He set off away from his home,
It was an incredibly hot day,
The sun shone brightly away,
He got sunstroke then died, did Henry.
The moral of my story is this,
Treat everyone you meet with a wish,
That their times are just fine,
Untroubled by lives of the nine,
Don’t end up like silly old Henry.