Castleknock Henry, is a cat that is fat,
It’s fatter than fat, a cat that’s so fat,
It cannot get into its home natural way,
Neither door or by window, I tell you, I say.
It enters its home via the roof,
The chimney above the chosen route,
Landing below in a cloud of black soot,
It meows, mama, it have landed, forsooth.
Gazing at it in anger and dismay,
Its mama cried out, you have ruined my day,
Destroyed the hard work I put into this place,
Making it nice my suppers and dates,
I should have listened to Ged; he warned me about you,
Castlekock Henry is one horrible cat,
That’s not an opinion, it’s a simple plain fact,
Sleeping all day and hunting all night,
Killing for fun; such a terrible sight,
What can we do to stop this bad cat,
Short of feeding him Prozac or Valium extract?
When will it end we gasp in despair,
As he saunters away for a night of blood air,
It will end, he meows, when I am too old for this route,
Now leave me alone lest I turn my attention to YOU.
I am not a bad cat, I am not, no no!
I am not a bad cat, haven’t you heard?
The bird that is dead wasn’t killed by me,
I am not a bad cat, now where is my tea?
There once was a cat called Henry,
Who was incredibly naughty,
He thought he was smart,
Going out in the dark,
Until he fell down in a hole, did Henry.
While stuck in that dark place,
Henry thought about his life, his fate,
About the jerk he had been,
To all he had seen,
So he promised to be good, did Henry.
Suddenly, a stick falling into that hole,
Presented a way to escape from it all,
Freed from that space,
He forgot his promise, though great.
And returned to his bad ways, did Henry.
Next day while Henry was alone,
He set off away from his home,
It was an incredibly hot day,
The sun shone brightly away,
He got sunstroke then died, did Henry.
The moral of my story is this,
Treat everyone you meet with a wish,
That their times are just fine,
Untroubled by lives of the nine,
Don’t end up like silly old Henry.
I am a Cat, it said smiling at her,
Caslteknock Cat, you can tell by my fur,
My paws and whiskers give also a hint,
While the smile on my face is most significant.
I can see by your fur, said Maria – I do,
And also your paws and whiskers – it’s true,
But that smile on your face has me all in a tizz,
Coming and going in such a whiz.
Still smiling at her, the Cat dryly replied,
You’d never believe me; you’d think I had lied,
If the smile on my face was gone – it’s a fact,
No one would listen or look at this Cat.
Without offering Maria the chance to reply,
The Cat went on with his horrible lie,
Creeping closer and closer, until ever so near,
He pounced, lashed out and cut her left ear.
Feeling the hurt and the blood running down,
Maria groaned, I was such a clown,
To have ever believed a Cat with a grin,
Take that, and that, you horrible thing!