Category Archives: humour

I think I’ve forgot!

I might have forgot!

You might have forgot?

I think I’ve forgot!

You think you’ve forgot?

I know I’ve forgot!

You know you’ve forgot?

What have you forgot?

I’ve forgot!

Henry Fell Down a Hole

There once was a cat called Henry,

Who was incredibly naughty,

He thought he was smart,

Going out in the dark,

Until he fell down in a hole, did Henry.

*

While stuck in that dark place,

Henry thought about his life, his fate,

About the jerk he had been,

To all he had seen,

So he promised to be good, did Henry.

*

Suddenly, a stick falling into that hole,

Presented a way to escape from it all,

Freed from that space,

He forgot his promise, though great.

And returned to his bad ways, did Henry.

*

Next day while Henry was alone,

He set off away from his home,

It was an incredibly hot day,

The sun shone brightly away,

He got sunstroke then died, did Henry.

*

The moral of my story is this,

Treat everyone you meet with a wish,

That their times are just fine,

Untroubled by lives of the nine,

Don’t end up like silly old Henry.

castleknock-henry

Castleknock Henry and friend

There was a little cat that wanted a little fun,
So up the chimney he did run,
What a shocking brat with the neighbour’s cat,
Up the chimney having fun, fun, fun.

castleknock-henry-and-friend

Castleknock Henry

Castleknock Henry is a fine cat,

Enjoying his food while getting quite fat,

Off to the garden he sets off in hast,

To find a nice spot to dispose of his waste,

Around and around the garden he goes,

But all that he finds is cobblelock woes,

Oh, why is there nowhere to shit?

He hisses and spits, feeling quite sick,

This garden is not cat-friendly at all,

He snaps as he finally drops his big haul,

What have you done to my garden so grand?

Says Maria, his owner, this is not part of my plan,

A garden that needs no work to put in,

Take that and that you horrible thing!

castleknock-henry

It was driving alright yesterday – I swear it!

It was driving alright yesterday

I swear it!

i-am-not-roald-dahl

Three Old Ladies

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Three old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Monday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The first one’s name was Elizabeth Porter
She went in to be rid of some overdue water
And she stayed there far more than she ought to
And nobody knew she was there.

CHORUS

The second one’s name was Elizabeth Pomphrey
She went in and made herself comfy
Then she said: “Girls, I can’t get my bum free.”
And nobody knew she was there

CHORUS

The last one’s name was Elizabeth Carter
She was known as a world renowned farter
She went in and played a sonata
And nobody knew she was there.

CHORUS

Reilly, the Slug

There once was a slug called Reilly,

Who was incredibly slimy,

He thought he was smart,

Going out in the dark,

Until he fell down in a hole, did Reilly.

While stuck in that dark place,

Reilly thought about his life and his fate,

About the jerk he had been,

To everyone he had seen,

So he promised to be good, did Reilly.

Suddenly, a stick falling into the hole,

Presented a way to escape from it all,

Freed from that space,

Reilly forgot his promise, though great.

And returned to his bad ways, did Reilly.

One day when Reilly was alone,

He forgot to cover up his dank home,

It was an incredibly hot day,

The sun shone brightly away,

Drying him up, that slug, old Reilly,

The moral of my story is this,

Treat everyone you meet with a wish,

That their life is just fine,

Untroubled by lying and slime,

Don’t end up like silly old Reilly.

reilly-the-slug

Catweazle

Catweazle

Catweazle Series 1 Episode 1 – The Sun in a Bottle (Part 1)

Sir Gerrard

Gerrard, Sir Gerrard – are you sure that it’s so,

Your title, your label, or are you having a go,

At me, your poor servant, a man dearthly low?

Gerrard, Sir Gerrard, pray tell me, with haste,

How you got it, your title, your rank and your place?

Cos I want it, really want it, so I can lift up my face.

I got it, my title, after years of hard slog,

Writing stories for children; my mind was agog.

I was tired, so tired, when I knelt down before,

The Queen, then she tapped me and I fell to the floor,  asleep.

Crazier things have happened to me,

I am the Crazymad Writer, you see,

In the meantime, while you are here,

Take care that you don’t get too near,

My title, my award, for being so fine,

After years in the wilderness now is my time!

Danny Brown

Danny Browne had many noses,

It’s the truth, so many poses.

He forgot to breathe, both in and out,

Now he’s dead, the silly lout.

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