I may not be Roald Dahl, J K Rowling, Darren Shan or even Derek Landy, but I am The Crazymad Writer – and proud of it!
Hello and welcome to my CRAZYMAD website, a place where I try to share with you, the reader, an impression of what it has been like, having to live through, to endure the many weird, wacky and oftentimes wonderful situations that I have found myself in during my CRAZYMAD life. I have no idea why such things happened to me – but they did. All that that I can think of, can say by way of explanation, is that we all experience CRAZYMAD things during our brief stay on earth, but most of us erase them from our consciousness, preferring to recall only the mundane day-to-day situations, that we are comfortable with, that help us to fit in and be ‘normal’.
Sadly, our collective consciousness seems to have ‘developed’ to the stage where we prefer to hear and read about celebrities and their lives of vulgar excess, rather than living our own lives in which we can follow own dreams and do almost anything we want, if we feel so inclined, that is.
I invite you to read my CRAZYMAD stories about my CRAZYMAD life. And when you have read them, I strongly urge you to look deep within yourself, and to live your own CRAZYMAD life to the full. Meanwhile, sit back and enjoy the read, and know you this; each and every one of the stories about me is true!
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I may not be Roald Dahl…
The Amulet of Oxmosis
The Amulet of Oxmosis
Whilst out on a drive in my beetle, one day,
She put-putted along quite happily away,
Down streets so crowded with people, that’s right,
I was slap-bang in the centre of London, so bright.
*
As I drove my love bug through old London town,
Watching the people all milling around,
Something caught my attention within this mad rush,
An item, in the gutter, all covered in dust.
*
Applying the brakes, I screeched to a halt,
Then opened my door despite the retort,
From drivers not happy all with my tack,
You’re blocking our way, they shouted, quite hacked.
*
I won’t be a tick, I said smiling at them,
As leaning down low, I inspected this thing,
That although almost totally covered in dust,
Glistened so brightly, like gold; it’s a fact.
*
Wiping it clean, the gold sparkled, and how!
It’s an amulet and chain, I spluttered out loud,
Then apologising again, for the jam I had caused,
I returned to my bug amidst facetious applause.
*
Slamming into gear, I tore down that street,
Away from old London, and all of those feet,
Where people could see me, and what I had found,
An amulet – my amulet; I left London town.
*
Far out in the sticks, I slowed to a halt,
Away from all eyes, or so I had thought,
Inspecting my prize, my amulet, so dazzling,
With diamonds and rubies and garnets, enticing.
*
It’s mine, all mine, I cried out, with joy.
I’ll be rich, I’ll sell it – I’ll sell it today,
Then a hand dove through the window, into my car,
And took it, it took it, my amulet so rare.
*
What are you doing? I gasped, trying to see,
Who was taking, stealing the amulet from me,
Then I saw him, a man, bald-headed and robed,
With eyes so black, as black as coal.
*
I am Miafra, he said, in a slow, haughty tone,
With this power, of Oxmosis, I will crush all my foes.
Wot, Nott and Kakuri will cease to be,
They will crumble and die, in ignominious defeat.
*
The Amulet of Oxmosis, is that what it is?
That’s what I asked him, my brain in a tizz,
But Miafra, already chanting his spell,
Made ready to dispatch me downwards to Hell.
*
Wait, WAIT! I pleaded, stalling for time,
I have some information, of the magical kind,
With that his ears perked, and he listened for more,
But all that I did was slam shut the door.
*
Turning the key, the engine burst into life,
Put-putting away; it didn’t think twice,
With pedal to the metal, I swiftly sped off,
Forgetting all about the magical amulet.
*
Yes, yes, I know, Miafra still had it, clear,
As he hastened away to Onisha, I fear.
To crush his opponents, Wot, Nott and Kakuri,
But that was their problem, for I had to hurry.
*
If you are thinking of me as cold and aloof,
Leaving folks to their fate, not giving a hoot,
Then open that story at chapter, first one,
To see what will happen, and what can be done…
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Stories for children and young at heart adults
I am The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH
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