Tag Archives: writer

I may not be Roald Dahl…

I may not be Roald Dahl, J K Rowling, Darren Shan or even Derek Landy, but I am The Crazymad Writer – and proud of it!
Hello and welcome to my CRAZYMAD website, a place where I try to share with you, the reader, an impression of what it has been like, having to live through, to endure the many weird, wacky and oftentimes wonderful situations that I have found myself in during my CRAZYMAD life. I have no idea why such things happened to me – but they did. All that that I can think of, can say by way of explanation, is that we all experience CRAZYMAD things during our brief stay on earth, but most of us erase them from our consciousness, preferring to recall only the mundane day-to-day situations, that we are comfortable with, that help us to fit in and be ‘normal’.
Sadly, our collective consciousness seems to have ‘developed’ to the stage where we prefer to hear and read about celebrities and their lives of vulgar excess, rather than living our own lives in which we can follow own dreams and do almost anything we want, if we feel so inclined, that is.
I invite you to read my CRAZYMAD stories about my CRAZYMAD life. And when you have read them, I strongly urge you to look deep within yourself, and to live your own CRAZYMAD life to the full. Meanwhile, sit back and enjoy the read, and know you this; each and every one of the stories about me is true!

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Do you want to be certified?

Do you want to be certified as a true practitioner of Mysticology and Magic?

Simply right click on the certificate, below, and save it to your computer.

Then print it, and write your name in the space provided.

You will then be an honorary member of the Onishian

Brotherhood of Mystics.

Fantasy stories for children and adults


Stories for children and adults by The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH.


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The New Crazymad Writer 75 pence postage stamp

It sure is a beauty!

I am NOT Roald Dahl

And here is another one…

Bolf is a very old troll


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I am I and who are YOU?

I am Gerrard T Wilson, The Crazymad Writer of children’s stories.

Although my works are primarily aimed at children, adults can and, indeed do,

read them with as much interest and excitement. I like to think that my work

has a universal appeal, spanning the generations, the sexes and even the

continents. I have written so many stories, including ‘Tales of the Extraordinary’

(short stories with a unique, sometimes chilling appeal), ‘Ali-bonkers’,

‘Fizzy Cherry Cola’, and ‘The Witches’, also ‘Forget the Celebrities –

Read about My Crazy Life’ (weird and bizarre tales from my absolutely

crazy-mad life), ‘Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World’ (a follow on story

to Alice in Wonderland, and Through the Looking Glass), ‘HARRY ROTTER

(she’s a girl and a bad one at that), and ‘Jimmy, the Glue Factory and Mad

Mr Viscous’ (Jimmy is trying to stop Mr Viscous from rendering the

horses into GLUE). I also wrote ‘Nursery Rhymes – MY CRAZYMAD WAY’

(my own unique slant on some familiar rhymes), ‘My CRAZYMAD Poems’

(a collection of strange, oddball, oftentimes bizarre poems, including

‘Are you Normal?’, ‘Conkers Bonkers’, ‘Louco’s Preferred Drink’,

‘Sparky Parents’ , and ‘I’m NOT Mad’). There is also ‘Bolf’

(a Troll whose idea of a having good time is eating empty cigarette packets!).

You will also read about ‘Fle’ (an extremely old elf who lives in a fertilizer mine),

‘Fairy Tales’ including ‘The Three Faerie Sisters’, the ‘Little Brown Frog’, and

‘A Christmas Story’. Next up is ‘God, dog and Beelzebub’ (what (what on earth

can that be about?), ‘Greengrocer Jack and the Talking Cabbages’ (trying to stop

a giant Yam from taking over the world), ‘Poor Jane’, and ‘A Punt across the

Thames’ (I almost drowned that day!). Last, but certainly not least, I also

wrote Wot, Nott, Kakuri and the HU BA HOU’, a series (three quadrilogies)

featuring the oddball Outlanders, Wot and Nott.

Instead of giving your child that extra toy for his or her birthday, a book is a

far better option. Preferably one of mine, I am sure they will treasure it long

after their toys are abandoned at the back of that dusty old wardrobe.

Signed: The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH.


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I may not be Roald Dahl…

I may not be Roald Dahl, J K Rowling, Darren Shan or even Derek Landy,

but I am The Crazymad Writer – and proud of it, to boot.

The Crazymad Writer writes again.

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Posted by on October 3, 2014 in Roald Dahl


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I’m mad and getting madder!

Stories for children and young at heart adults

I’m mad and getting madder,

It’s black and white; my writing’s all around,

And oh, I must be getting madder,

And all this show is trying to get me down.


There’s a story in the making slowly dying away,

Sometimes I just don’t feel like writing on anymore,

And yet I know it’s more than worth the straining,

For another chance to write another day,

Come on, read with me.


There’s a bookshelf in the corner slowly crumbling away,

Sometimes I just don’t feel like writing on anymore,

And yet I know it’s more than worth the straining away,

For another chance to write on the anon,

Come on, read with me.



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Are you ready?

Stories for children and young at heart adults

So, here we are, you and me.

Are you ready?

Do you think you are really and truly ready

to begin reading my stories?

You really are?

Okay, then, away with you, but remember,

it’s on your head if you end up as

Mad and Crazy as I am.

On with the lunacy….

Little green Man


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He’s crazy and he’s bonkers, as mad as flaming conkers

99 cent ebooks

He’s crazy and he’s bonkers,
As mad as flaming conkers,
He’s altogether zonkers,
The Crazymad Writer.
His stories are a dream,
When people read, they gleam
He really is a scream
The Crazymad Writer.
Download a book today,
And join the mad brigade
Who love the tales he’s made,
The Crazymad Writer.

The Crazymad Writer in red

Stories for children

and young at heart adults

by, ME, The Crazymad Writer – arrrgh.


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Don’t call me that name, the new Roald Dahl!

The Crazymad Writer writes again.

Don’t call me that name, the new Roald Dahl,

I am not that man, either new or old,

I am a writer, as mad as can be,

The Crazymad Writer; it’s the truth – YIPPEE.

Little green Man


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The Amulet of Oxmosis

99 cent ebooks

The Amulet of Oxmosis

Whilst out on a drive in my beetle, one day,
She put-putted along quite happily away,
Down streets so crowded with people, that’s right,
I was slap-bang in the centre of London, so bright.
As I drove my love bug through old London town,
Watching the people all milling around,
Something caught my attention within this mad rush,
An item, in the gutter, all covered in dust.
Applying the brakes, I screeched to a halt,
Then opened my door despite the retort,
From drivers not happy all with my tack,
You’re blocking our way, they shouted, quite hacked.
I won’t be a tick, I said smiling at them,
As leaning down low, I inspected this thing,
That although almost totally covered in dust,
Glistened so brightly, like gold; it’s a fact.
Wiping it clean, the gold sparkled, and how!
It’s an amulet and chain, I spluttered out loud,
Then apologising again, for the jam I had caused,
I returned to my bug amidst facetious applause.
Slamming into gear, I tore down that street,
Away from old London, and all of those feet,
Where people could see me, and what I had found,
An amulet – my amulet; I left London town.
Far out in the sticks, I slowed to a halt,
Away from all eyes, or so I had thought,
Inspecting my prize, my amulet, so dazzling,
With diamonds and rubies and garnets, enticing.
It’s mine, all mine, I cried out, with joy.
I’ll be rich, I’ll sell it – I’ll sell it today,
Then a hand dove through the window, into my car,
And took it, it took it, my amulet so rare.
What are you doing? I gasped, trying to see,
Who was taking, stealing the amulet from me,
Then I saw him, a man, bald-headed and robed,
With eyes so black, as black as coal.
I am Miafra, he said, in a slow, haughty tone,
With this power, of Oxmosis, I will crush all my foes.
Wot, Nott and Kakuri will cease to be,
They will crumble and die, in ignominious defeat.
The Amulet of Oxmosis, is that what it is?
That’s what I asked him, my brain in a tizz,
But Miafra, already chanting his spell,
Made ready to dispatch me downwards to Hell.
Wait, WAIT! I pleaded, stalling for time,
I have some information, of the magical kind,
With that his ears perked, and he listened for more,
But all that I did was slam shut the door.
Turning the key, the engine burst into life,
Put-putting away; it didn’t think twice,
With pedal to the metal, I swiftly sped off,
Forgetting all about the magical amulet.
Yes, yes, I know, Miafra still had it, clear,
As he hastened away to Onisha, I fear.
To crush his opponents, Wot, Nott and Kakuri,
But that was their problem, for I had to hurry.
If you are thinking of me as cold and aloof,
Leaving folks to their fate, not giving a hoot,
Then open that story at chapter, first one,
To see what will happen, and what can be done…

Stories for children and young at heart adults

I am The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH


99 cent eBooks you can download today.

99 cent eBooks


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