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Category Archives: fantasy

Sack Cat

There once was a cat in a sack,

That thought it knew where it was at,

It thought the whole world,

Was in that dark swirl,

Of Hessian; what a sad cat.

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Posted by on September 12, 2017 in cat, fantasy, funny story

 

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Marilyn Manson- You’re So Vain ft. Johnny Depp

Marilyn Manson- You’re So Vain ft. Johnny Depp

 
 

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Fantastic Beasts and where to find them

Fantastic Beasts and where to find them,

That’s the aim and conundrum,

For they are keen and magical too,

And if not careful they will get you.

*

So when you set off with wand in hand,

Make sure it’s primed with magical rhymes,

For as sure as night follows each day,

You will need that magic to get your way.

*

And if you do, if you kill those beasts,

And make the world safe from gruesome deeds,

Don’t you forget how many there are,

Waiting, just waiting to strike from afar.

And where to find them

Fantastic Beats and where to find them

 

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Reilly, the Slug

There once was a slug called Reilly,

Who was incredibly slimy,

He thought he was smart,

Going out in the dark,

Until he fell down in a hole, did Reilly.

While stuck in that dark place,

Reilly thought about his life and his fate,

About the jerk he had been,

To everyone he had seen,

So he promised to be good, did Reilly.

Suddenly, a stick falling into the hole,

Presented a way to escape from it all,

Freed from that space,

Reilly forgot his promise, though great.

And returned to his bad ways, did Reilly.

One day when Reilly was alone,

He forgot to cover up his dank home,

It was an incredibly hot day,

The sun shone brightly away,

Drying him up, that slug, old Reilly,

The moral of my story is this,

Treat everyone you meet with a wish,

That their life is just fine,

Untroubled by lying and slime,

Don’t end up like silly old Reilly.

reilly-the-slug

 
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Posted by on October 12, 2016 in fantasy, fantasy story, humour

 

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Aliens Have Landed!

Aliens landed in Ballykilduff,

Aliens landed; that is a fact,

In the dark of the night it happened, it did,

At the end of my garden they landed, then hid.

 

Breda, dear Breda, wake up, will you please?

Something is happening; I am all in a tizz!

Leave me alone, she answered, I’m beat,

With those words on her lips she fell fast asleep.

 

Donning my gown and slippers I left,

Her sleeping soundly as into the kitchen I crept,

Taking hold of light; the torch, my best friend,

Into the garden I stealthily went.

 

Along the path, man and light progressed,

Over the fence, into the field with its guests,

Pointing my torch at some little green men,

I saw aliens a plenty around a spaceship broken.

 

What are they doing? I said far too loud,

Signalling my place, my location – and how,

Pointing their guns, the aliens zapped me with rays,

Blue, yellow and green, orange and grey.

 

Thinking my time was finished, all gone,

I fell to the ground, awaiting the anon,

Sorry about that, one of them said, helping me up

We thought you were a cow, wanting to eat us all up

 

What are you doing? I asked, with curious eyes,

Seeing them cutting the grass, taking it inside,

We are refuelling our spaceship, he told me quite proud,

We get one light year per armful, he said out aloud.

 

That’s amazing, I said, can I go see inside?

Sorry, he answered, it’s too small for your like,

Laughing, I asked if there was anything they need,

Yes, he told me forthrightly, can we have some tea?

 

Tea? I asked, you drink tea way up there,

In outer space, with its atmosphere rare?

No, silly, he replied, it’s to pour down our boots,

We never travel with them empty, forsooth.

 

You pour tea down your boots? I laughed out loud,

What does it do, make you fly like a bird?

It does, he told me, how did you know that?

Was your mother or father an alien, or even the cat?

 

Just then I heard something, someone calling to me,

Gerrard, wake up, its morning; here is your tea,

Opening my eyes, I saw Breda my wife,

Offering the cup of plenty, tea of my life.

 

Where are my boots? I asked, still half sleep,

I want them, I need them; oh where are they please?

They are under the bed, here, she said, offering them to me,

Why do you want them before drinking your tea?

 

Accepting my boots, I poured in the tea,

What on earth are you doing? she asked warily,

I don’t go anywhere, I told her, without filling them first,

Can I have another cup, I asked, because I sure have a thirst.

 

The moral of my story is this:

Don’t go anyway to Ballykilduff, give it a miss,

Things are happening in spaceships; it’s true,

Aliens aplenty are waiting for YOU.

free ebooks

 

 

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Ermaddogan

Ermaddogan is my pet,

A beastie, that’s him,

Though howling and snarling,

He is always my darling,

My sweetie, my beastie, Ermaddogan.

*****

Please note: any similarity between my pet and Erdogan,

the President of Turkey, is purely coincidental.

mad dog

 
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Posted by on April 12, 2016 in crazy, fantasy, humor, humour, poems, rhyme

 

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David Cameron’s EU referendum plan

You put the right side in,
The left side out,
In, out, in, out,
Shake it all about,
You do the votey, votey,
And we turn around,
That’s what EU’s about.

Whoa, votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Hell-bent, downward trend, blah, blah, blah!

You put Eurocrats in,
Democracy out,
In, out, in, out,
Mix it all about,
You do the votey, votey,
And we turn around,
That’s what EU’s about.

Whoa, votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Hell-bent, downward trend, blah, blah, blah!

You put the fat cats in,
And freedom out,
In, out, in, out,
Shake it all about,
You do the votey, votey,
And we turn around,
That’s what EU’s about.

Whoa, votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Hell-bent, downward trend, blah, blah, blah!

You put the fascists in,
Your liberty out,
In, out, in, out,
Shake it all about,
You do the votey, votey,
And we turn around,
That’s what EU’s about.

Whoa, votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Hell-bent, downward trend, blah, blah, blah!

You put your whole world in,
Your old life out,
In, out, in, out,
Shake it all about,
You do the votey, votey,
And we turn around,
That’s what EU’s about,

Whoa, votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Hell-bent, downward trend, blah, blah, blah!!!

 
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Posted by on January 13, 2016 in EU, fantasy, funny story, politics

 

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