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Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

She’d been drinkin’ too much egg nog
And we’d begged her not to go
But she’d left her medication
So she stumbled out the door into the snow

When they found her Christmas mornin’
At the scene of the attack
There were hoof prints on her forehead
And incriminatin’ Claus marks on her back

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walkin’ home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Now were all so proud of Grandpa
He’s been takin’ this so well
See him in there watchin’ football
Drinkin’ beer and playin’ cards with cousin Belle

It’s not Christmas without Grandma
All the family’s dressed in black
And we just can’t help but wonder
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walkin’ home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig
And a blue and silver candle
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma’s wig

I’ve warned all my friends and neighbors
Better watch out for yourselves
They should never give a license
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walkin’ home from our house, Christmas eve
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe!

 

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I think I’ve forgot!

I might have forgot!

You might have forgot?

I think I’ve forgot!

You think you’ve forgot?

I know I’ve forgot!

You know you’ve forgot?

What have you forgot?

I’ve forgot!

 
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Posted by on March 23, 2017 in funny story, humor, humour

 

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Don’t step on a duck!

Three women die together in an accident and
go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, ‘We! only have
one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!’

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are
ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to
step on a duck, and although they try their best to
avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, ‘Your
punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend
eternity chained to this ugly man!’

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps
on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t
miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment
as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not
wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man,
is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on
any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her
with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on … very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, ‘I wonder what I did to
deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?’

The guy says, ‘I don’t know about you, but I stepped
on a duck!’

 
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Posted by on October 20, 2014 in funny story, humor, humour

 

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Old Butch, The Prize Rooster

Old Butch, The Prize Rooster


Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young’ pullets,’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Fred’s favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Fred’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Piece Prize,” but they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most  coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.
Vote carefully in the next election, you can’t always hear the bells.
 
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Posted by on July 22, 2014 in funny story

 

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