Monthly Archives: April 2015

Polytar, anyone?

Does anyone know where I can buy Polytar shampoo?

 Polytar shampoo

 

Mind my Unguarded Brain

Johnny was a barber; he loved his job, he did,
Cutting people’s hair and mowing other wigs.
Until one day he reeled back, shocked by what he saw,
A hole in the head of a customer, a man so old and poor,
Why don’t you go to the doctor? he asked the man out loud,
To get it fixed, filled in quick, that’s what I’d do, he cried,
No, I can’t do that, the old man then answered him,
I’ve had it there for forty years; it’s a part of me, he grinned,
I would miss that hole in my head; he went on to explain,
Please trim my hair but mind my unguarded brain.

free eBooks for everyone!

Free eBooks for everyone!

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I am not Roald Dahl

It’s the way I tell ’em, so it is!

Tins and Junk

Tins and junk, so good to eat,
And garbage scraps are tasty treats.
Trolls swear by them; I’ll try a bit,
They taste SO BAD I am going to be sick.

Bolf at the Crazymad Writer's blog

Skulduggery’s Afoot

Skulduggery’s Afoot

Skulduggery’s afoot; did you hear him say,
Trouble’s abroad, that means TODAY.
It’s time to face the Faceless Ones,
Skulduggery and friend; his best number one.

Skulduggery is dead; he is only some bones,
Traipsing through of Dublin, appearing alone
And just as we think he is finished – again,
Valkyrie appears and saves her best friend.

Derek Landy, a cabbage farmer by trade,
Was inspired to create said detective and aid,
While tending his crops in the field one day,
He shouted, Eureka, I have it; I’m made!

I won’t have to tend cabbages anymore,
Working the fields until my back is so sore,
Skulduggery and partner will give me it all,
Money and fame; I will have such a ball!

It’s goodbye from Derek and adios from me,
He’s off to the bank and I’m off to a field,
Searching through cabbages for ideas of my own,
Like The Crazymad Detective with a sidekick called Bones.

Nah, that’s no good, it’s too corny; let me see…
Ah, I have it, Doctor Bones and his Travelling Palaces.
That certainly has a ring to it.
You want to know what Travelling Palace are?
Hah, that’s easy to explain.
No, I won’t tell you! Read Alice in Wonderland Christmas.
And when you have read it you will understand just what they are.

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I’m Not Mad!

I’m not mad; mad, mad, mad,
I’m not mad, not me!
I’m not mad, mad, mad, mad,
I’m not mad, hee hee.
I’M NOT MAD!
We’ll, not so much that anyone would notice, would they?

I am not Roald Dahl

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Courtesy of The Crazymad Writer.

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Download one today – and enjoy.

He Thought He Saw…

Fat cat at the Crazymad Writer's blog

He thought he saw a politician,
Who lived the perfect life,
He looked again, and saw it was,
A huge, humongous lie .
That’s it, he said, I realise,
The foolishness of life.

It’s a mess

He thought he saw an honest man,
Within the parliament,
He looked again, and saw it was,
Another bloated blimp.
Unless they leave this house,” he said,
There’ll be no hope, I think.”

It’s a real mess!

He thought he saw a banker man,
Who made an honest buck,
He looked again, and saw he was,
Entwined in all the muck.
If I were king, he said,
His head would be on the block.

It’s a terrible mess!

He thought he saw a banker’s clerk,
A man of honest youth,
He looked again, and saw he was,
A succubus forsooth.
If he should stay, he said, for sure,
My savings I will lose.

Crikey, what a mess!

He thought he saw a kangaroo,
Hopping down his street one day,
He looked again, and saw it was,
A banker’s ill gained pay.
Were I to accept this, he said,
It would be a dark, dark day.

Mess, mess, mess!

He though he saw limousine,
With groom and bride, so sweet,
He looked again, and saw it was,
The country on its knees.
We’re lost, he said, the country’s bust,
Kaput, no more, deceased.

Fix the mess!

He though he saw a shaft of light,
That shone through all this gloom,
He looked again, and saw it was,
The cold, reflected moon.
If I were young, he said aloud,
I’d make them swing – and soon!

Get those who are responsible for the mess!

He though he saw a chink of light,
A way from all this mess,
He looked again, and saw it was,
Their New World Order – yes!
Their ways are bad, corrupt, he said
For them, not us, excess.

And when we get them, what are we going to do with them?

He thought he saw the final words,
Inscribed upon a sheet,
He looked again, and saw it was,
Them sweating from the heat.
They thought us fools, he sorely said,
Come on, we have lives to live!

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St George’s Day 2015

St George’s Day and Leyland Princess, what a GREAT combination!

St George's Day 2015

Blondie – Maria

FANTASTIC SONG by Blondie

The First swallow of Summer, 2015

I spotted the first swallow of summer, 2015, on Easter Sunday, 5th April

The first swallow of summer at the Crazymad writer's blog

Happy days.

TEST FOR SENIORS

TEST FOR SENIORS……think carefully.

Something for seniors to do to keep those “aging” grey cells active!

1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May….What was the third child’s name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers….What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole…that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language…is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer…..How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. …Why not?

8. What was the President’s Name…in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Here are the Answers: (No peeking!)

1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name?

Answer: Johnny, of course.

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn’t discovered yet. [You’re not very good at this, are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer: Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can’t take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President’s Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now – Barack Obama [Oh, come on …]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1) You can’t count your hair.

2) You can’t wash your eyes with soap.

3) You can’t breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.

Ten (10) Things I know about you.

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.

10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

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