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I Have a Little Satnav, by Pam Ayres

I have a little Satnav; it sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver’s friend it tells you where you are.

I have a little Satnav; I’ve had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones, My Satnav is my wife.

It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
“It’s sixty miles an hour”, it says, “You’re doing sixty five”.

It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it’s never ever, Safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear
And taking this into account, It specifies my gear.

I’m sure no other driver, has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car, It still gives its advice.

It fills me up with counselling, each journey’s pretty fraught
So why don’t I exchange it, And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I’m properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off

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Posted by on September 14, 2015 in funny story, humor, humour, poems

 

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Wee Willie Winkie – Take Two

Wee Willie Winkie
Runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his night gown,
Rapping at the windows,
Crying through the locks,
I’ve lost my keys, my feet are cold,
THERE ARE HOLES IN MY SOCKS!

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Mind my Unguarded Brain

Johnny was a barber; he loved his job, he did,
Cutting people’s hair and mowing other wigs.
Until one day he reeled back, shocked by what he saw,
A hole in the head of a customer, a man so old and poor,
Why don’t you go to the doctor? he asked the man out loud,
To get it fixed, filled in quick, that’s what I’d do, he cried,
No, I can’t do that, the old man then answered him,
I’ve had it there for forty years; it’s a part of me, he grinned,
I would miss that hole in my head; he went on to explain,
Please trim my hair but mind my unguarded brain.

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Free eBooks for everyone!

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I am not Roald Dahl

It’s the way I tell ’em, so it is!

 

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Giggle My Boots

Giggle My Boots

Giggle my boots, gaggle my hat,
Goggle my shirtsleeves and fraggle that cat.
I am friggled with laughter, for I know that it’s true,
That you really do love me and not Johnny Lazoo.

You see, Johnny Lazoo, a man of some strength,
Wanted to court you, wanted to bend,
Your ear with his stories, your eye with his looks,
But you never gave him as much as one look.

The day that you said, Yes, I’ll marry you, I will,
Was the happiest day of my life; it was brill,
To think that you chose me over Johnny Lazoo,
Makes me friggle with laughter knowing it’s true.

Before I head off with my bride and my life,
I will give you this piece of excellent advice.
If you are planning to woo your beau, here’s the rub,
Friggle her with laughter and griggle her with love.

Horrid henry? No, he's Horrible Horace, and he's in a free eBook especially for you.

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2015 in funny story, humor, humour

 

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Dunking the Mouse

Dunking the Mouse

 Dunking the Mouse, Oh, Dunking the Mouse,

 What can be better than dunking the Mouse?

 Be it with a fine friend like the Rabbit, so stout,

 Or on my old lonesome, I love dunking the Mouse.

 *

I open the pot and stick his head in,

 And before he’s awoken he’s half the way in.

 With Rabbit a-helping, we finish the job,

 Then put the lid on, though Mouse is beginning to sob.

 *

‘Oh please let me out’, he implore us, so meek,

 But why should we do that when the tea tastes so sweet?

 ‘Oh give me a cup of that heavenly brew’,

 Says Rabbit to me, ‘and a jam tart for you’.

 *

So I pour out two cups and we sit down anew,

 With the tea and the tarts – and with Mouse in the brew,

 Until Alice strolls by, and unsettles our ruse,

 Saving Mouse from his fate and us from the noose.

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AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.

 

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Donkra

There was a donkey named Fred,

Who got his lady friend, a zebra, into bed.

Several months later on Donkra was born,

And Fred gasped, was it something I said?

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Posted by on March 4, 2014 in humor, humour

 

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dog (with a small d)

dog

I am a dog (that’s god spelt backwards).

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Yes; dog.

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dog, dog, dog.

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Woof!

It’s good being a dog.

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I can bark whenever I want to.

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I can play whenever I want to…

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And I can do nothing, if I so want to.

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It’s really quite grand being a dog.

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I have just seen next-door’s cat, so I must dash.

(It’s about time she had a good scare!)

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Signed: dog (with a small d).

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