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I Have a Little Satnav, by Pam Ayres

I have a little Satnav; it sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver’s friend it tells you where you are.

I have a little Satnav; I’ve had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones, My Satnav is my wife.

It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
“It’s sixty miles an hour”, it says, “You’re doing sixty five”.

It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it’s never ever, Safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear
And taking this into account, It specifies my gear.

I’m sure no other driver, has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car, It still gives its advice.

It fills me up with counselling, each journey’s pretty fraught
So why don’t I exchange it, And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I’m properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off

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Posted by on September 14, 2015 in funny story, humor, humour, poems

 

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OH NO, I GOT A COLD!

OH NO, I GOT A COLD

By Pam Ayres

That bloke in the telly adverts,
He’s supposed to have a cold.
He has a swig of whatnot
And he drops off, good as gold,
His face like snowing harvest
Slips into sweet repose.
Well I bet this tortured breathing
Never whistled down his nose.

I burnt me bit of dinner
Cause I’ve lost me sense of smell,
But then, I couldn’t taste it,
So that worked out very well,
I’d buy some, down the cafe,
But I know that at the till,
A voice from work will softly say
“I thought that you were ill”.

So I’m wrapped up in a blanket
With me feet up on a stool,
I’ve watched the telly programmes
And the kids come home from school,
But what I haven’t watched for
Is any sympathy,
Cause all you ever get is:
“Oh no, keep away from me!”

Medicinal discovery,
It moves in mighty leaps,
It leapt straight past the common cold
And gave it us for keeps.
Now I’m not a fussy woman,
There’s no malice in me eye
But I wish that they could cure
the common cold. That’s all. Goodbye.

*******

 
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Posted by on April 7, 2014 in humor, humour, poems

 

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Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth

Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.

Written by Pam Ayres.
*****

*****

Stories for children and young at heart adults.

eBooks for children; fantasy stories.

*****

I don’t care what you call me

as long as you enjoy reading my stories.

 

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