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Category Archives: funny story

Mad Mr Viscous glueing again

Mad Mr Viscous glueing again

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Mad Mr Viscous, the owner of a glue factory, is hell-bent on making his fortune, selling glue made from his secret ingredient – horses. Determined to put a stop to it, Jimmy and his best friend Eric set off on a fantastic adventure, battling witches, warlocks, animalistics – and MAD MR VISCOUS.

In a town, not so distant, where shadows often grew,
Stood a factory tall and eerie, owned by Mad Mr. Viscous, too.
A place where whispers grew to tales of old,
Where children’s feet grew cold, when they were told,
Of the glue that bound the very souls of the town so true.

Mad Mr. Viscous, with his wild cackling laugh,
And eyes that gleamed like a madman’s half-lit staff,
With his apron stained and his hat askew,
He’d stir and mix, brew and cast,
The stickiest glue that ever was.

He’d gather the ingredients under the moon’s pale glow,
In his cauldron of secrets, in his workshop of woe.
Bones of the lost and the tears of the damned,
All to make his potion so grand,
A glue that could hold fast what the world did not know.

The factory chimneys, they’d belch forth a smoke,
Thick and black, like the darkest of jokes,
It wrapped around the town like a shroud,
Silencing the cries of those who’d dared approach,
To the lair of Mad Mr. Viscous, in his glue factory so cloak.

The walls were thick with the whispers of the trapped,
Their cries for help forever enrapt,
In the sticky embrace of the glue so foul,
A prison of despair, a fate so cruel,
Where the lost souls of the town did forever dwell.

He’d catch the town’s secrets, the whispers in flight,
With his glue, he’d bind them tight,
To the pages of his tome of lore,
Where they could speak nevermore,
Forever silenced in the glue factory’s lightless well.

The townsfolk lived in fear, each day anew,
Of the madman and his glue that grew,
They knew not what he sought to achieve,
What twisted plot did he conceive,
In the heart of his factory so fell and fell.

One brave soul, young and bright, did dare,
To venture forth in the moon’s gossamer glare,
With a heart of hope and a sprig of peppermint,
To set the secrets and souls free from their glint,
And to bring an end to the madman’s reign so fell.

In she crept, through the doors of despair,
The smell of amber and fear in the air,
The cauldron bubbled with a witch’s brew,
As Mad Mr. Viscous sang his tune so true,
Oblivious to the girl with the minty flair.

With a touch of the mint to the cauldron’s side,
The glue began to loosen its tie,
The whispers grew louder, the smoke grew thin,
As the souls began to unbind,
From the madness that had held them there.

The secrets flew out, a storm of white,
Their voices now free to take flight,
They soared through the town, a silent scream,
Exposing the lies of the madman’s scheme,
And the truth was revealed to all to see.

Mad Mr. Viscous, his plan unfurled,
Faced the wrath of the souls of the world,
They bound him in his own glue so fast,
In his factory that was now theirs at last,
And the town, once bound, was free and clear.

The chimneys now smoke-free, the air so mild,
The children laugh, their spirits wild,
The glue factory stands, a monument of old,
But now it’s a place of tales so bold,
Where Mad Mr. Viscous’s spirit is forever curled.

So if you’re ever in a town so blue,
Where whispers of the past come through,
Remember the girl with the minty might,
And the madman who lost his fight,
In the glue factory that saw the light of day appear.

 

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An American in Ireland

An American in Ireland

An American in Ireland

In a pub where the shamrocks all grow,
An American burst in with a glow.
He sipped on his stout,
Then let out a shout,
“The Guinness here’s better than snow!”

With a hat made of tweed on his head,
He danced like he’d just seen the dead.
The locals all laughed,
While he stumbled and quaffed,
“Is it me or this whiskey so red?”

He tried to say “sláinte” with flair,
But tripped over his own long hair.
Yet with every bad pun,
And each joke he had spun,
He filled up the room with good cheer!

an american man enjoying himself in ireland

 
 

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A Man with a Match

The Matchmaker’s Mirth
There once was a man with a match,
Who dreamed he could set fire to scratch;
He flicked with delight,
In the glow of the night,
Then ignited his coat — what a catch!
With sparks flying high in the air,
He laughed at the curious stare;
“My wardrobe’s on fire!
What a laugh and a choir!
A bold fashion statement, I swear!”
So off he danced under the moon,
His jacket ablaze like a tune;
With each wobbly jig,
“Can you dance too?” he’d dig—
“Just don’t try this at home anytime soon!”
a man with a match
 
 

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There once was a man with a hat

There once was a man with a hat

The Man with a Hat

There once was a man with a hat,

Who fancied he looked quite the brat.

He danced with a twist,

And laughed with a fist,

“Oh look at me! Who needs a cat?”

 

His hat was of colors so bright,

A rainbow that sparkled in light.

With each jolly step, He’d skip and he leapt,

Creating pure joy at first sight.

 

Around him, the children would play,

For laughter would brighten their day.

So they’d follow his lead,

In dance and in deed,

A whimsical show on display!

 
 

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Big Hairy Nose

There once was a man all alone,
Spent his time chatting on the phone,
Trying to find a kind ear,
Someone to listen, not glare,
At his ever so big, hairy nose.

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Posted by on December 8, 2020 in funny story

 

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A Politically Correct Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”,
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called “unenlightened”.

To show you the strangeness of today’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.

So…half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she’d had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.

And as for gifts…why, he’d never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur…
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales…while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football…someone might get hurt,
besides – playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn’t figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to admit he was having a very bad day.
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy – with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere…even you!
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…
“May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on Earth.”

 

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SNOWBALL

SNOWBALL
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I made myself a snowball,
As perfect as could be,
I thought I’d keep it as a pet,
And let it sleep with me.

I made it some pajamas,
And a pillow for its head,
Then last night it ran away,
But first – it wet the bed!

 

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Free eBook – Garlic and Stink Bomb

I am a poor writer; this is quite true, writing stories for each one of you. Tales to intrigue, entertain and mystify. That’s me, The Crazymad Writer, and I’ll do it until I die.
lulu.com

 

Once upon a time, there lived a troll called Garlic. He was not a happy troll; in fact, he was the most dejected troll you could have the misfortune of meeting. How could he have been happy, when he had what he believed was the worst name in the entire troll world? read this story and see what happened to him. It’s a hoot.

http://www.lulu.com/shop/gerrard-wilson/garlic-and-stink-bomb/ebook/product-23399092.html

 

 
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Posted by on November 7, 2017 in free, free ebooks, funny story

 

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Bony Head Larry

Bony head Larry is what he is called,

A bone instead of a head is installed,

More akin to a chicken that a head of a man,

Bony head Larry – what a weird man!

 
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Posted by on September 13, 2017 in chicken, funny story

 

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Leave Me Alone!

Headlamp Harry is an odd bod,

Lamp in his forehead, searching for God,

Despite shiningg it brightly near and quite far,

He cannot find Him, then lets out a roar,

Oh, where are You, he ask of his God,

I am in the pub drinking, He answers, leave me alone!

 

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2017 in funny story

 

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