Daleks Open a Tourist Shop

It all began when a Dalek invasion fleet mistook Ballykillduff for the capital of Earth. Their saucer landed in a cow field, flattening three hedges, two cows, and Farmer Doyle’s wellington boots (which he had left outside to dry).

The Supreme Dalek, unimpressed with the lack of skyscrapers, announced:
“THIS IS EARTH PRIME. THIS VILLAGE SHALL BE OUR NEW BASE OF OPERATIONS.”

But the locals didn’t seem particularly bothered. Mrs. McGillicuddy simply shook her rolling pin at them and told them not to block her view of the church.

Confused, the Daleks held an emergency meeting.
“THE HUMANS DO NOT FEAR US.”
“THEY THINK WE ARE… ODD-LOOKING TRACTORS.”
“WE MUST ADAPT. WE MUST BLEND IN.”

Thus was born their cunning plan: open a tourist souvenir shop.

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Chapter One: Obey… and Buy

The next morning, a little shop appeared on the main street of Ballykillduff, between the post office and O’Rourke’s Pub. Above the door, a flickering neon sign read:

“DALEK WORLD OF WONDER – OBEY OUR BARGAINS!”

Inside, the Daleks stocked the shelves with “authentic souvenirs”:

• “I ♥ Ballykillduff” mugs (lasered with their ray guns).
• Sheep-shaped keyrings (slightly charred).
• Postcards of the Dalek saucer crushing Doyle’s cows.
• Fridge magnets that glowed ominously at night.

The Daleks shouted at every customer:
“YOU MUST PURCHASE! OBEY THE TWO-FOR-ONE OFFER!”

To their surprise, the shop was a roaring success. Tourists came from miles around just to be barked at while buying tea towels.

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Chapter Two: Local Problems

Of course, not everything went smoothly.

• Old Mr. Brennan tried to pay with turnips. The Daleks nearly vaporised him before realising turnips could be used to make “Dalek Soup-in-a-Cup.”
• Mrs. Flanagan demanded refunds. The Daleks had never heard of refunds. After much shouting, they gave her three extra mugs and a small goat.
• Children from the school started calling one Dalek “Shiny Bin.” This sparked an identity crisis.

The Daleks decided they needed a grand attraction: something to keep humans permanently distracted from resisting invasion.

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Chapter Three: The Big Idea

After long debate, one Dalek proposed:
“LET US BUILD… A THEME PARK!”

And so, Dalek Land opened behind the churchyard. Rides included:

• The Exterminator Rollercoaster (which only derailed twice).
• Dodgem Daleks (where real Daleks chased you around shouting “OBEY!”).
• The Tunnel of Existential Dread (which was just a shed with a flickering lightbulb).

People adored it. Ballykillduff had never seen so many visitors. The pub couldn’t keep up with the demand for Guinness. Farmer Doyle made a fortune charging tourists to take selfies with his squashed boots.

The Daleks were thrilled.
“THE HUMANS ARE UNDER OUR CONTROL!”
“THEY PAY US TO BE ENSLAVED!”
“THIS IS OUR GREATEST VICTORY!”

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Chapter Four: Strange Rumblings

But then… things got strange.

The humans started to get a little too enthusiastic. Tourists wore tin bins on their heads, chanting “OBEY” in the streets. Mrs. McGillicuddy marched into Mass shouting, “EXTERMINATE!” at Father Murphy’s sermon.

Soon the entire village was obsessed. They painted their houses Dalek grey. They held weekly contests to see who could shout “OBEY!” the loudest.

Even the cows mooed in a suspiciously mechanical tone.

The Daleks began to panic.
“THE HUMANS ARE… OUT-DALEKING US!”
“THEY ARE STARTING TO GIVE US ORDERS!”

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Chapter Five: The Great Reversal

One night, during the Ballykillduff Annual Céilí Dance, the humans surrounded the Daleks.

“Your tourist shop is ours now,” declared Mrs. McGillicuddy, wearing a saucepan on her head.
“We are the Daleks of Ballykillduff! And we demand FREE SOUVENIRS!”

The Daleks tried to resist, but it was no use. Overwhelmed by tin-hatted villagers and armed with turnips, the humans forced them into the shop’s storage room.

The next morning, the neon sign had been changed. It now read:

“MRS. MCGILLICUDDY’S SOUVENIR PALACE – HUMANS ONLY.”

The Daleks had been… outsold.

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Epilogue: The Unexpected Twist

Weeks later, the Supreme Dalek returned to inspect the invasion.

He hovered down into the street, expecting terrified slaves. Instead, he saw humans dressed like Daleks, dancing in a conga line, shouting “OBEY!” between mouthfuls of ice cream.

And at the very front of the parade… was Mrs. McGillicuddy, riding in the old Dalek saucer like a carnival float.

The Supreme Dalek spun in confusion.
“WHAT IS THIS? WHAT HAS HAPPENED?”

One small child, licking a Dalek-shaped lollipop, looked up at him and said:
“You’re late. The invasion’s over. We won.”

The Supreme Dalek screamed, sparks flew, and he exploded on the spot—defeated not by weapons, but by Ballykillduff’s sheer stubborn madness.

And so it was written in the history books:
“The Day the Daleks Were Shopped Out of Existence.”