The Online Safety Farce
(A Satirical Poem About the Act That Thinks It’s Clever)

Oh hail the noble Safety Act!
A law so wise, so bold, intact—
It guards us from the perils deep
That hide in memes and TikTok sheep.

Its authors, clad in suits so grey,
Declared: “The web’s gone all astray!
We’ll tame its tone, we’ll scrub its text,
We’ll scan each thought that might come next!”

No longer may you speak too free,
For bots are watching—one, two, three.
A joke too sharp? A meme too rude?
Prepare to be digitally sued.

They’ll filter tweets and flag your posts,
And hunt for trolls and edgy ghosts.
But who, you ask, decides what’s vile?
A faceless desk, file after file.

They’ll guard the kids from naughty vids
(While selling data from your fridge).
They’ll say it’s “just a safety net,”
While mining you for clicks and debt.

“Online harm must end!” they shout—
Then ban a gif, and shadow doubt.
And every site must now comply—
Or else they’re fined until they die.

Encryption? Gone. Your chats are read.
Just in case you’re bad in your head.
A joke with irony too thick?
That’s flagged as harmful, quick-quick-quick!

It’s safety, yes! But at what cost?
Free speech, once ours, is now half-lost.
For every troll they claim to thwart,
Ten thinkers vanish from the chart.

So here’s a toast, with tongue in cheek,
To every daft, misguided tweak—
A law so clumsy, vague, and wide,
It pokes your thoughts and peeks inside.

A triumph, this! Of kneejerk might!
Protecting us from memes at night.
Now, hush your voice and wear a grin—
The Safety Act is watching in.

👁️