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Category Archives: humour

Three Old Ladies

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Three old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Monday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The first one’s name was Elizabeth Porter
She went in to be rid of some overdue water
And she stayed there far more than she ought to
And nobody knew she was there.

CHORUS

The second one’s name was Elizabeth Pomphrey
She went in and made herself comfy
Then she said: “Girls, I can’t get my bum free.”
And nobody knew she was there

CHORUS

The last one’s name was Elizabeth Carter
She was known as a world renowned farter
She went in and played a sonata
And nobody knew she was there.

CHORUS

 
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Posted by on November 17, 2016 in funny story, humor, humour, Song

 

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Reilly, the Slug

There once was a slug called Reilly,

Who was incredibly slimy,

He thought he was smart,

Going out in the dark,

Until he fell down in a hole, did Reilly.

While stuck in that dark place,

Reilly thought about his life and his fate,

About the jerk he had been,

To everyone he had seen,

So he promised to be good, did Reilly.

Suddenly, a stick falling into the hole,

Presented a way to escape from it all,

Freed from that space,

Reilly forgot his promise, though great.

And returned to his bad ways, did Reilly.

One day when Reilly was alone,

He forgot to cover up his dank home,

It was an incredibly hot day,

The sun shone brightly away,

Drying him up, that slug, old Reilly,

The moral of my story is this,

Treat everyone you meet with a wish,

That their life is just fine,

Untroubled by lying and slime,

Don’t end up like silly old Reilly.

reilly-the-slug

 
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Posted by on October 12, 2016 in fantasy, fantasy story, humour

 

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Catweazle

Catweazle

Catweazle Series 1 Episode 1 – The Sun in a Bottle (Part 1)

 
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Posted by on August 9, 2016 in humor, humour

 

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Sir Gerrard

Gerrard, Sir Gerrard – are you sure that it’s so,

Your title, your label, or are you having a go,

At me, your poor servant, a man dearthly low?

Gerrard, Sir Gerrard, pray tell me, with haste,

How you got it, your title, your rank and your place?

Cos I want it, really want it, so I can lift up my face.

I got it, my title, after years of hard slog,

Writing stories for children; my mind was agog.

I was tired, so tired, when I knelt down before,

The Queen, then she tapped me and I fell to the floor,  asleep.

Crazier things have happened to me,

I am the Crazymad Writer, you see,

In the meantime, while you are here,

Take care that you don’t get too near,

My title, my award, for being so fine,

After years in the wilderness now is my time!

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2016 in humor, humour, poems

 

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Danny Brown

Danny Browne had many noses,

It’s the truth, so many poses.

He forgot to breathe, both in and out,

Now he’s dead, the silly lout.

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2016 in funny story, humor, humour, poems

 

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Porridge

Porridge, porridge, good for your bones,

Bones, bones, good for your bones.

Eat it up; it’ll do you good,

Do you good, good, good, good.

Look at it now; it’s so fine to eat,

It’s so fine and good, it is a treat.

free eBooks for everyone

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2016 in funny story, humor, humour, poems

 

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A Boy Named Paul

There once was a boy named Paul,

Who wanted to get away from it all,

So he took up sea swimming and set off one evening,

Now he’s nowhere at all,

A shark or something horrible probably ate him.

free eBooks for everyone

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2016 in humor, humour, Limerick

 

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Ermaddogan

Ermaddogan is my pet,

A beastie, that’s him,

Though howling and snarling,

He is always my darling,

My sweetie, my beastie, Ermaddogan.

*****

Please note: any similarity between my pet and Erdogan,

the President of Turkey, is purely coincidental.

mad dog

 
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Posted by on April 12, 2016 in crazy, fantasy, humor, humour, poems, rhyme

 

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Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!”
His father smiled and replied, “What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means?
The son replied, “I do know!”
“Okay,” said his father. “What does the Bible mean?”
“That’s easy, Daddy…” the young boy replied excitedly,” It stands for ‘Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.’

Mouse

It’s the way I tell ’em!

 
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Posted by on March 15, 2016 in funny story, humour

 

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Miser Kenny

There was an old man called Kenny,
Who loved his money, his pennies,
He nursed them each day,
What more can I say,
About Kenny, obsessed with his pennies.

Miser Kenny

 
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Posted by on October 14, 2015 in humor, humour, poems

 

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