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Three Old Ladies

Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Three old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Monday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The first one’s name was Elizabeth Porter
She went in to be rid of some overdue water
And she stayed there far more than she ought to
And nobody knew she was there.

CHORUS

The second one’s name was Elizabeth Pomphrey
She went in and made herself comfy
Then she said: “Girls, I can’t get my bum free.”
And nobody knew she was there

CHORUS

The last one’s name was Elizabeth Carter
She was known as a world renowned farter
She went in and played a sonata
And nobody knew she was there.

CHORUS

 
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Posted by on November 17, 2016 in funny story, humor, humour, Song

 

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Christmas Giants

Christmas Giants

These creatures – Christmas Giants – reside quiet and unseen, throughout the entire year, in people’s houses. They rest, slumber peacefully away in their places of concealment, until they are needed, when they are summoned, called by the old man himself, Father Christmas.

Santa in Green

Nowadays, Christmas Giants are vital part of the yuletide effort, of getting the presents into children’s Christmas stockings, on Christmas Eve. What these Giants actually do is quite simple; they stretch all the way up the chimney, where Father Christmas is waiting patiently adjacent the chimney pot. Then, after the old man has given it the children’s presents, the Giant returns to ground level and places them in the children’s Christmas stockings, for him.

Father Christmas in Green

Yes, I know this has previously been done by Father Christmas. It’s just that, with modern building practices adopting ever thinner chimney flue designs, the old, and rather fat man, simply cannot get down them anymore. You see, the Giants, as well as being ever so tall, are incredibly thin. Passing up and down a chimney each Christmas Eve is child’s play for them. It’s a delightful task they volunteered for, when the old man began to get into difficulties with this new style of chimney design.

Santa in Green

A note: If you happened to look for one of these creatures in your house, at a time other than Christmas, you might notice a large foot poking out from under your bed, or a long and incredibly thin finger half-hidden to the rear of a cupboard. Don’t be worried, it will not wake up, though, not until not until next Christmas Eve, that is.

Merry Christmas.

Santa in GREEN.

 

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