One crisp autumn morning in 2025, King Charles III was tending to his organic gardens at Highgrove House, muttering to his beloved plants about the virtues of sustainable composting. “You see, my dears,” he said to a row of heirloom tomatoes, “one must nurture the soil as one nurtures the realm.” But as he bent down to inspect a particularly plump specimen, the ground trembled. A mischievous baby hippopotamus—escaped from the Windsor Safari Exhibit and inexplicably drawn to the royal compost heap—barreled through the hedges like a living cannonball.
Before Charles could exclaim “Good heavens!”, the hippo, whom he later dubbed Sir Splashalot, scooped him up with its snout and charged toward a peculiar rabbit hole that had appeared out of nowhere amid the flowerbeds. “Unhand me, you aquatic rascal!” the King shouted, but it was too late. With a mighty leap, Sir Splashalot plunged into the hole, carrying His Majesty tumbling down, down, down into a swirling vortex of colors and chaos. The crown tilted crookedly on his head, his ceremonial sceptre flailing like a conductor’s baton in a hurricane.
They emerged not in a burrow, but splash-landing in a vast, upside-down river where the water flowed uphill and fish swam through the air like birds. This was no ordinary Wonderland—it was a topsy-turvy realm called Blunderland, where logic took tea breaks and absurdity reigned supreme. Charles, drenched and disheveled, clung to Sir Splashalot’s back as the hippo paddled merrily through the rapids. “Where on earth—or rather, where off earth—are we?” he gasped.
Their first encounter was with a flock of floating teapots that bobbed along the riverbank, each spouting riddles in steamy whispers. “Why is a monarch like a leaky kettle?” one hissed. Before Charles could ponder, a new character emerged: the Jittery Jester, a lanky figure in polka-dotted pajamas with bells that jingled out of tune. The Jester was no fool; he was Blunderland’s self-appointed tour guide, cursed to rhyme everything he said. “Welcome, oh soggy sovereign, to this land of flip and flop! To escape the river’s wrath, you must hop atop a mop!”
With a twist of fate, the Jester handed Charles a glowing mop that doubled as a raft. But as the King mounted it, Sir Splashalot sneezed a mighty bubble, propelling them into a forest of candy cane trees where the leaves tasted like peppermint but turned your tongue invisible. Here, they met the Grumbling Gardener, a rotund gnome with a beard of living vines that whispered secrets. “Plants don’t talk back in your world, eh?” the Gardener grumbled, pruning a bush that shaped itself into royal portraits. “Mine do—and they’re plotting a revolution against the squirrels!”
Charles, ever the environmentalist, tried to mediate. “Perhaps a spot of diplomacy? Organic treaties?” But the vines entangled him, glowing with mischievous energy, and suddenly he shrank to the size of a thimble. Sir Splashalot, now gigantic in comparison, looked down with wide eyes. “This won’t do,” Charles declared, his voice a squeak. The Grumbling Gardener laughed. “Eat the glowing berry, Your Tiny Majesty, but beware—it might make you merry… or hairy!”
Swallowing the berry in desperation, Charles ballooned to the height of a giraffe, his crown now a comically small hat on his enormous head. Twisting through the forest, they stumbled upon a mad banquet hosted by the Queen of Quiches, a flamboyant ruler with a crown of crusty pastry and a court of animated desserts. “Off with their crusts!” she bellowed at intruders, but upon seeing Charles, she curtsied dramatically. “A fellow royal! Join our feast of folly—today’s menu: upside-down cake that makes you walk on ceilings!”
At the table, Charles met more new characters: the Whispering Wombat, a furry philosopher who debated existential questions in haikus (“Hippo runs wild / King seeks homeward path / Chaos laughs last”), and the Ticklish Troll, who guarded a bridge made of tickle feathers. The feast turned chaotic when the quiches rebelled, squirting custard at everyone. In the melee, Charles discovered a hidden twist: the Queen was actually his long-lost corgi, Fluffington, transformed by Blunderland magic! “Woof—I mean, Your Majesty?” the dog-queen yipped. “I’ve been ruling pies since that portal mishap last equinox!”
But no time for reunions—a sudden storm brewed, summoned by the Mischievous Water Sprites, tiny impish beings with wings of waterfalls and grins like whirlpools. They danced around the banquet, splashing illusions that turned the food into wriggling eels. “Play our game or stay forever!” they chorused. The game? A riddle relay where answers twisted reality. Charles, shouting in alarm, guessed wrong on the first: “What has a crown but no kingdom?” (He said “A tooth,” but it was “A bottle of ale.”) Reality warped, and suddenly Sir Splashalot could fly, lifting them all into the stormy jungle chaos above.
Soaring through thunderclouds that rained jellybeans, they crash-landed in the Lair of the Labyrinth Lizard, a serpentine beast with scales of shifting mazes. “To pass my test,” the Lizard hissed, “navigate my belly—it’s a puzzle of portals!” Inside the lizard’s maze-like innards, Charles faced twists galore: rooms that looped time, making him relive his coronation backward; mirrors that swapped personalities (briefly turning him into a hippo and Sir Splashalot into a king); and a chamber of forgotten dreams where he debated climate policy with ghostly versions of world leaders.
Emerging victorious but dizzy, Charles uncovered a shocking twist: Blunderland wasn’t a separate world—it was a dreamscape created by his own overworked mind, fueled by too much late-night reading of Lewis Carroll and worrying about parliamentary sessions. But wait—another turn! The Jittery Jester revealed he was actually a time-traveling advisor from 2050, sent back to “loosen up” the monarchy with absurdity. “Your reign needs whimsy, sire! Or it’ll crumble like dry scones.”
As the group fled a horde of chasing clockwork crocodiles (summoned by the Lizard’s sore loser tantrum), they reached the Exit Vortex—a swirling portal guarded by the final new character: the Benevolent Banana, a wise fruit sage who peeled away illusions. “To return,” it intoned, “admit one mad truth.” Charles, crown still crooked, shouted, “Riding a hippo is the best way to travel!”
With a pop and a whirl, they tumbled back to Highgrove. Charles awoke in his garden, Sir Splashalot (now just a normal escaped hippo) munching tomatoes beside him. Was it all a dream? Perhaps—but his sceptre was sticky with jellybeans, and a single water sprite winked from a puddle before vanishing.
From that day on, King Charles ruled with a touch more madness: royal decrees included “Hippo Holidays” and tea parties with talking plants. And if you listen closely in the gardens, you might hear the faint jingle of a Jester’s bells, reminding all that even kings need a dash of Blunderland in their lives.
The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 