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Daily Archives: December 22, 2025

The Wren Boys of Duckett’s Grove

The Wren Boys of Duckett’s Grove

The Return of the Wren Boys from Duckett’s Grove

Deep in the heart of County Carlow, where the Barrow River winds lazily and the fields are dotted with ancient ring forts, stands the crumbling gothic majesty of **Duckett’s Grove**. Once a grand estate with towering walls, ornate gardens, and a family cursed by bad luck (and worse fires), it’s now a romantic ruin—ivy-clinging towers, empty windows staring like ghostly eyes, and whispers of a banshee who combs her hair on stormy nights.

On St. Stephen’s Day (the proper Irish name for December 26th, when the Wren Boys traditionally roam), a ragtag group of locals from nearby Rathvilly decided to revive the old custom. Led by young Tommy “The Bold” Murphy—a farmer’s son with a fiddle and too much enthusiasm—they donned the ancient straw suits: towering masks made from hay, old sacks, and painted faces, looking like scarecrows escaped from a nightmare. Their mission? Parade through the lanes, bang bodhráns, play tunes, and collect a few euro for the pub fund, all while chanting the old rhyme: “The wren, the wren, the king of all birds…”

But this year, they took a shortcut through the forbidden grounds of Duckett’s Grove. “Sure, it’ll be grand,” said Tommy. “A bit of atmosphere for the photos!”

Big mistake.

As the Wren Boys burst into the ruined courtyard, banging drums and whooping, a cold wind howled through the arches. The ground trembled. From the shadows of the burnt-out mansion emerged… the ghosts.

First came the **Spectral Huntsman**, a towering figure in faded red coat and tricorn hat, astride a translucent horse that neighed silently. His hounds—ethereal wolfhounds with glowing eyes—bounded around the terrified Wren Boys.

Then, with a wail that rattled the ivy, appeared the **Banshee of Duckett’s Grove** herself—long silver hair flowing, eyes like midnight pools, combing her locks with bony fingers.

The Wren Boys froze. One lad dropped his bodhrán and legged it toward the gate.

But the Huntsman raised a ghostly horn to his lips (no sound, but everyone felt it in their bones) and boomed: “At last! Revelers! We’ve been waiting centuries for a proper Wren Day!”

Turns out, the ghosts weren’t angry—they were bored. Trapped in the ruins since the big fire in the 1930s, they’d missed the craic. No parades, no music, no Guinness. The Banshee floated forward: “Will ye not play for us, boys? A tune for the dead?”

Tommy, ever the bold one, struck up his fiddle with shaky hands. “The Wren Song,” of course.

Magic happened. The ghosts joined in. The Huntsman grabbed a spectral bodhrán and beat it like thunder. The Banshee’s wail turned into the most haunting harmony you’d ever hear—off-key, but pure soul. Even the hounds howled along in rhythm.

Word spread like wildfire (pun intended). Farmers arrived on tractors decked in fairy lights. Villagers poured out of pubs. The parade swelled: living Wren Boys in straw, ghostly ones in ethereal tatters, marching down the snowy lanes toward the nearest hostelry—O’Brien’s Pub in Rathvilly.

By nightfall, the pub was packed beyond belief. Ghosts phased through walls to join the céilí. The Huntsman led a set dance, his horse parked outside (clip-clopping invisibly). The Banshee sang “Fields of Athenry” and brought tears to every eye—living and dead. Pints of Guinness materialized for the specters (they drank through osmosis, apparently).

The party raged till dawn. No one got exorcised. No one got hurt. Just pure, mad Carlow craic.

And now, every St. Stephen’s Day, the Wren Boys return to Duckett’s Grove. The ghosts wait eagerly. The parade grows bigger. Tractors join. Tourists come from afar.

Because in rural Carlow, even the dead know: nothing beats a good knees-up with tunes, stout, and a bit of banshee wailing on Wren Day.

Nollaig Shona Duit—and mind the ghosts on your way home! 🎻👻🍻

 

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The Ballykillduff Daleks’ Christmas Catastrophe

The Ballykillduff Daleks’ Christmas Catastrophe

The Ballykillduff Daleks’ Christmas Catastrophe

In the misty hills of rural Ireland, nestled in the tiny hamlet of Ballykillduff (population: 47 humans, 12 sheep, and one very confused postman), something extraordinary happened one snowy Christmas Eve.

It all started when a battered Dalek saucer, fleeing a botched invasion of the North Pole (they’d mistaken Santa’s elves for a rebel Time Lord faction), crash-landed in Paddy O’Connor’s turnip field. The impact was spectacular: turnips flew like cannonballs, sheep scattered in terror, and the saucer buried itself nose-first in the mud, looking like a giant metallic pepper pot that had lost a fight with a bog.

Out glided the survivors: the Ballykillduff Daleks. There were five of them, led by Supreme Dalek Seamus (he’d reprogrammed himself with a dodgy Irish accent after scanning too many RTE broadcasts during atmospheric entry). His platoon included:

– Dalek Bridget, the strategist (obsessed with tea breaks).
– Dalek Mick, the engineer (always fixing things with duct tape and prayers).
– Dalek Siobhan, the scout (who kept exclaiming “Jaysus!” instead of “Exterminate!”).
– And little Dalek Paddy Jr., the newest model, fresh from the factory and still figuring out his plunger arm.

Their mission? Original plan: EX-TER-MIN-ATE all non-Dalek life in the galaxy. New plan, after the crash fried their navigation circuits: Conquer Ballykillduff and turn it into the new Dalek Empire headquarters. Why? Because it had a pub.

On Christmas Eve, the villagers were gathered in O’Leary’s Pub for the annual céilí, singing carols, pouring Guinness, and arguing over whether mince pies needed brandy butter. Suddenly, the door burst open (well, more like glided open menacingly), and in rolled the Daleks.

“EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE THE IN-FE-RI-OR HU-MANS!” screeched Seamus.

The pub went silent. Then old Mrs. Murphy, three sheets to the wind, squinted and said, “Ah, sure lookit the fancy dress! Are ye from the panto in Tralee?”

Dalek Bridget trundled forward. “WE ARE THE DA-LEKS! YOU WILL O-BEY!”

Father Kelly, mid-pint, raised an eyebrow. “Daleks, is it? Ye look like ye could use a bit of Christmas spirit. Come in out of the cold, lads. Have a hot whiskey.”

The Daleks hesitated. Their hate circuits buzzed confusedly. Hot whiskey? What was this sorcery?

Before they could blast anyone, little Paddy Jr. spotted the Christmas tree in the corner, twinkling with fairy lights. His eyestalk widened. “WHAT… IS… THAT… SHINY… THING?”

“It’s a tree, ye daft pepper pot,” laughed Tommy the barman. “Decorated for Christmas. Presents underneath and all.”

Presents? The Daleks had never heard of such a thing. Their programming only included domination, extermination, and occasional civil wars.

Seamus demanded: “EX-PLAIN THIS… PRES-ENT… CON-CEPT!”

The villagers, sensing an opportunity (and being Irish), decided to humor the invaders. They wrapped up random pub items: a pint glass for Seamus, a packet of Tayto crisps for Bridget, a hurley stick for Mick (he could use it as a weapon upgrade), and for Siobhan, a woolly jumper knitted by Mrs. Murphy.

Paddy Jr. got a selection box of chocolates. He plunged his plunger into it experimentally. Chocolate smeared his dome. “THIS… IS… SU-PE-RI-OR… TO… SLIME… NUT-RI-ENTS!”

Chaos ensued. The Daleks, for the first time in their genocidal history, experienced joy. Bridget started demanding “MORE TEA! MORE TEA!” Mick rigged the fairy lights to his gunstick, creating a disco Dalek effect. Siobhan attempted Irish dancing, spinning wildly and knocking over tables while yelling “REEL-EX-TER-MIN-ATE!”

Seamus tried to maintain order: “WE MUST NOT… SUC-CUMB… TO… HU-MAN… EMO-TIONS!” But then someone handed him a slice of Christmas pudding soaked in Jameson. One bite, and his voice modulator slurred: “HAP-PY… CHRIST-MAS… TO… ALL…”

By midnight, the Ballykillduff Daleks were caroling (badly): “We wish you a merry EX-TER-MIN-ATE… We wish you a merry EX-TER-MIN-ATE…” The villagers joined in, teaching them “The Fields of Athenry” instead.

Come Christmas morning, the Daleks’ saucer was fixed (Mick used parts from a tractor), but they couldn’t bring themselves to leave. Seamus declared: “BALLY-KILL-DUFF… IS… NOW… PRO-TECT-ED… BY… DA-LEKS! ANY… IN-VA-DERS… WILL… BE… EX-TER-MIN-A-TED… AND… OF-FER-ED… A… PINT!”

And so, every Christmas since, the Ballykillduff Daleks return. They guard the village from misfortune, demand tribute in the form of Guinness and tayto, and host the wildest céilí in Ireland. Tourists come from miles around to see the glittering, plunger-waving pepper pots dancing under the mistletoe.

Because even the most hateful beings in the universe can’t resist a proper Irish Christmas. Sláinte!

 

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The Kingdom in the Corner, a new Christmas song for 2025.

**[Verse 1]**
The floorboards groan beneath a careful tread
As shadows stretch and slip away from bed
The house is held in winter’s quiet thrall
Save for the muffled whispers in the hall
With held-back breath and toes that barely graze
The chilly wood, they move through morning haze.

**[Pre-Chorus]**
Down the stairs where silver moonlight slept
A secret path is carved where magic crept
Then—the scent of pine, a sharp and sudden sweet
And the velvet pull of carpet ‘neath their feet.

**[Chorus]**
They turn the corner, frozen at the sight
A world transformed by small, electric light
The tree stands tall, a guard in emerald green
With tinsel dripping like a frozen stream
No longer just a corner of the room
But a kingdom born in winter’s early bloom.

**[Verse 2]**
And there, in heaps of crimson, gold, and blue
Are dreams made real, and every promise true
Ribbons curled like woodsmoke on the floor
Boxes hinting at the wonders kept in store
Tags with names in handwriting they know
Dusted with the glitter’s faux-light snow.

**[Bridge]**
There is a hush before the paper tears
A holy pause within the living room chairs
It’s the warmth of cocoa and the radiator’s hum
The heart-beat thrill of knowing that the Day has come.

**[Chorus]**
They turn the corner, frozen at the sight
A world transformed by small, electric light
The tree stands tall, a guard in emerald green
With tinsel dripping like a frozen stream
No longer just a corner of the room
But a kingdom born in winter’s early bloom.

**[Outro]**
Before the noise, before the sun breaks through
The world is soft, and ancient, and brand new
(Softly) Ancient… and brand new.

 

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