“Ode to the Glorious EU (or How I Learned to Love the Bananas)”
by The Crazymad Poet of Ballybureaucracy
Oh hail to thee, O Brussels great,
Where minds convene to legislate
On crucial things — like how to weigh
A cucumber in a solemn way.
The noble minds with golden pens
Who argue lunch for twelve till ten.
They ponder hard, debate, and stress —
Then outlaw slightly crooked cress.
Thou tower of paperwork divine!
Thy memos stretch from Rhine to Tyne.
Your forms require three pens, a prayer,
A notarised strand of your hair.
You ruled with wisdom, calm and sage,
To standardise the hamster cage.
And what great minds did then agree?
To banish jugs that hold more tea.
Let Britain beg, let France protest,
Let Italy wear garlic vests!
Still forth you march in fine attire —
With rules on how to light a fire.
Thou master of the sausage war!
You settled that — and so much more:
“Thou shalt not call it cheese, ye goat,
If from a cow or southern moat.”
Oh, sing of subsidies so grand —
A field of stones in promised land!
And butter mountains, milk lakes too,
Enough to drown a small canoe.
We thank thee for thy wise decree
On metric shrimp and brie-to-be.
We toast with wine (with tax applied)
Your parking fines EU-wide.
So raise the flag, the stars, the blue,
For all the pointless things you do!
And may you rule with gentle blight —
And never, ever, get things right.
The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 