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A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

Deep in the heart of Ballykillduff, where the tea is strong and the Daleks have replaced their death rays with tinsel, comes a festive greeting just for you.

A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

“Listen here now, humans of the parish! It is I, Dalek O’Shea, and I have a formal announcement before the Angelus rings.

We have scanned the perimeter of the creamery and found no trace of bad luck. Therefore, by order of the Supreme Council (and Father Murphy), you are all sentenced to a Grand Ould Time.


The Festive Mandate

  • EXTERMINATE the dry turkey!
  • CELEBRATE with a decent drop of Jameson!
  • REGENERATE after the third helping of pudding!
  • INFILTRATE the neighbor’s house for a quick gossip and a mince pie!

“You will sit by the fire. You will watch the Late Late Show. You will enjoy yourselves… OR BE EXTERMINATED! (But only after we finish this plate of sandwiches.)”


The Wish

May your chimney be wide enough for a Dalek in a Santa hat, may your cows stay milked, and may your Christmas be more powerful than a Sub-Etheric Transmitter.

Nollaig Shona Duit—EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!


 
 

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The Great Hot Cocoa Mix-Up

The Great Hot Cocoa Mix-Up

The Great Hot Cocoa Mix-Up

Old Mr. Arthur lived in the kind of silence only a widower with grown children far away could truly know. This Christmas Eve, he sat by a sparse tree, nursing a mug of tea—he’d forgotten to buy hot cocoa mix again.

Arthur decided to text his granddaughter, Clara, a photo of his favorite, slightly crooked ornament: a tiny wooden reindeer. He wanted to say, “Merry Christmas, sweetie.” He carefully typed the message, attached the photo, and hit send.

Except, in his haste, he hadn’t texted Clara. He had accidentally posted the picture to a local community group chat he hadn’t known he was in, followed by the text:

“Wish it wasn’t tea. Deer needs cocoa.”

The group, comprised mostly of busy, young families, usually exchanged lost-cat notices and plumber recommendations. They were silent for a long minute.

Then, the replies started.

A young man named Mike, who lived two blocks over, replied with a photo of a thermos: “On my way, Arthur. Best cocoa in the county. Don’t move the deer.”

A woman named Sarah added, “I’m baking cookies! Will swing by with a plate and some shortbread.”

Suddenly, the thread exploded. People weren’t just replying; they were mobilizing. Someone brought a bag of marshmallows. Another, a new string of twinkling lights to replace the half-burnt ones. The original post, with the slightly sad reindeer and the plea for cocoa, was screen-shotted and posted to a local social media feed with the hashtag #DeerNeedsCocoa.

Within an hour, Arthur’s quiet living room was filled with the gentle, chaotic energy of neighbors—strangers, really—who had shown up with gifts of warmth, light, and sugar. Arthur, eyes wide, was holding a steaming mug of actual, rich hot cocoa, the wooden deer ornament reflected in the dark surface.

He realized the “viral” part wasn’t the funny mistake; it was the immediate, overwhelming desire for connection and simple kindness that the mistake had uncovered. He looked around at the laughing faces, the glow of the freshly lit tree, and the plate piled high with cookies.

“Well,” he chuckled, lifting his mug in a salute, “it seems the deer got his cocoa, and then some. Merry Christmas, everyone.”

And somewhere, Clara finally checked her phone, saw the community post, and grinned. Grandpa Arthur had accidentally become the accidental, greatest Christmas star their little town had ever had.

 

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We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year

Good tidings we bring
To you and your kin
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year

Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
And a cup of good cheer

We won’t go until we get some
We won’t go until we get some
We won’t go until we get some
So bring it right here

So bring us some figgy pudding
So bring us some figgy pudding
So bring us some figgy pudding
And bring it right here

Good tidings we bring
To you and your kin
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year

I am not Roald Dahl

 

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