Author Archives: The Crazymad Writer

Henry landed in Ballykilduff,

Castleknock Henry; that is a fact,

In the dark of the night it happened, it did,

At the end of my garden he landed, then hid.

Breda, dear wife, wake up will you please?

Something has landed and I am all in a tizz!

Leave me alone, she answered, I’m beat,

With those words on her lips she fell fast asleep.

Donning my gown and slippers I left,

Her sleeping soundly and into the kitchen I crept,

Taking hold of light; the torch, my best friend,

Into the garden I stealthily went.

Along the path, man and light progressed,

Then climbed the fence, into the field with its guests,

Pointing my torch a thing before me,

I saw a cat, a big one, trying to flee.

What is it doing? I said a bit loud,

Signalling my place, my location – and…

Henry is a horrible cat,

That’s not an opinion, it’s a simple, plain fact,

Sitting all day, doing little at all,

Just eating and sleeping and farting for sport.

I am a Mouse, it said proudly to her,
A poor little Mouse, you can tell by my fur,
My paws and whiskers give also a hint,
And the tail at my end is most significant.

*

I can see by your fur, said Alice – I do,
And also your paws and whiskers – it’s true,
But the tail at your end has me feeling quite sick,
Wriggling and squiggling ever so quick.

*

Still quite clearly, the Mouse replied,
You’d never believe it; you’d think it a lie,
If my tail didn’t move about in this house,
You would believe I was a poor Mouse.

*

Without offering Alice the chance to reply,
The Mouse let out a very long sigh,
Then creeping towards her, until ever so near,
He jumped on her shoulder and kissed her left ear.

*

Feeling such love for the poor little thing,

My Socks That Magically Changed Colour

This story, one of the earliest from my childhood days, is about my socks changing colour. Yes, they really did change colour! I am sure you are thinking, ‘Did it really happen or was it just the result of a child’s overactive imagination?’ Read on, my friend, and you can decide for yourself…
I was only six years of age when we set off on our first summer holiday, to Ireland. Although my mother hailed from there, in my young, innocent mind Ireland was a far-off, exotic country. I thought it something akin to Africa, India or even Borneo, where it was claimed head-hunters roamed.
We lived in a quiet part of southern England, a place called Sunbury-on-Thames, where nothing exciting ever happened. Setting off, on holiday, to another country was as exciting as it could possibly get.
My sister, Maria, two years my…

I am the President, Trump said to young Kim,

A powerful President, do you think you can win,

Against me, the most powerful man in the world?

You are in for a shock when you what I unfurl.

*

I can see by your hair, Kim answered, I do,

And also your guns and weapons, it’s true,

But remember I have one hell of a bomb,

Heading your way if you don’t leave me alone

Snarling at Kim, the President dryly replied,

Aren’t you afraid, do you think I have lied?

I can destroy your country despite your crude bomb,

Unless you obey me, you will be dead and gone.

*

Without offering Trump the chance to reply,

Kim Jong-un made ready to die,

Launching his bomb, a hydrogen feat,

He said you can kill me but I can kill thee.

*

Feeling the hurt and the blood running down,

Noddy and Big Ears, while boating one day,

Were caught in a storm and they happened to stray,

Far out to the sea, on an ocean so spare,

They landed on an island, tropical, I declare.

*

What shall we do? Big Ears cried loud,

We are far from our friends and our spouses, so proud,

I really don’t know, Noddy answered him, then,

He heard rustling in the bushes behind them.

*

Is it, said Big Ears, cannibals that we face?

I hope not, really hope not, said Noddy, red faced.

Then out from the bushes and the dark trees,

Golliwog appeared and he put them at ease.

*

Where did you come from? they asked of him,

We thought you were banished, never to return.

I was banished, he explained. Set adrift in a boat,

I was lost to the ocean, a place without hope.

*

After many…

Noddy was a happy chap,

In his car; red, blue and yellow,

Driving up and down the road,

He was such a happy fellow,

*

One day while driving roundabout,

Noddy heard a cry, you see,

Help, help, it called, lest I might die,

I have the flue, said he.

 *

Applying brakes, stopping fast,

Noddy wondered who it was,

Who’s that? he asked, looking around,

His mind was all agog.

*

It’s me, he answered, it’s Mr Toad,

I am feeling ill and sick,

Bring me to the doctor, please,

Drive your car quick, quick!

*

Hop in my car you poor, poor thing,

Said Noddy to the Toad,

I’ll bring you there so very fast,

Your feet will touch your nose,

*

The doc will know just what to do,

He’ll fix you up, real strong,

With pills and potions, drugs and cures,

You won’t be ill for…

Noddy and Big Ears were out driving one day,
When they heard that Golliwog was not allowed to stay,
He’s politically incorrect they were told by their peers,
Golliwog must go; do we make ourselves clear?

Golliwog must go, but how can that be?
He is our dear friend, this just cannot be!
We have had such good times with him and his kin,
Golliwog, you stay, they said with a grin.

Weighing down harder on Noddy and friend,
Their peers chastised them with their words once again,
The powers that be say he is not good for this land,
Or the people within it; Golliwog is banned!

Golliwog is banned, now we know that you’re bad,
Said Noddy and Big Ears, (they were really quite mad),
To punish our friend, to exile him in disgrace,
Just because of his colour, the look of his face!

Fighting back harder, Noddy…