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Category Archives: Alice in Wonderland

The Fête That Was Never Announced

The Fête That Was Never Announced

 


Under the White Bunting

No one tied the bunting there.
It simply leaned from post to post
As though the wind had practised.

No chalkboard named the hour.
No bell rehearsed the call.
And yet by noon
The quarry field remembered us.

Tables stood
With lace that smelt of careful years,
Cakes waited
Under domes of patient glass,
Jam jars caught the light
Like small, obedient suns.

The tombola drum
Turned with its wooden sigh —
Hope in a circle.

Children ran before the rules,
Dogs disobeyed with confidence,
Tea was poured
As if it always had been.

And overhead
The bunting held its breath.

Not black.
Not bright.

Only listening.

A coin rolled.
A chair wavered.
A praise paused
On the edge of pride.

These were the fireworks.

Not flame —
But inclination.

Not thunder —
But reflex.

In the smallest space
Between falling and reaching
A village chose itself again.

By dusk
The bunting had settled
Into white.

The mirror said nothing.
The field resumed its grass.
The wind untied what it had tied.

Tomorrow
There would be no trace
Except doors opening
A fraction sooner.

And somewhere,
Folded into the quiet of the land,
The Fête would wait —

Unadvertised,
Unforgotten,
Watching
For the colour of the sky.

Epilogue: The One Who Watched

They did not notice her at first.

She stood where the stone wall dips,
Where daisies lean
And lantern light does not quite reach.

Her hair caught the fire’s gold
Before the fire caught her face.

She did not enter the sack race.
She did not judge the sponge.
She did not turn the tombola drum.

She watched.

When the coin rolled,
Her hand did not move.

When the chair wavered,
Her breath did —
But she did not.

She has learned, you see,
That villages must steady themselves.

The bunting above her
Had begun the afternoon undecided.

She saw the first thread pale.
She saw the second follow.

She saw Mrs Doyle’s praise
Tilt the colour toward light.

And when the mirror stood
At the field’s edge,
She did not look for herself.

She looked for the field.

Grass.
White bunting.
No ledger.

That was enough.

Later — long after the fire fell to embers —
A child would say,

“Was Alice there?”

And someone would answer,

“Of course she was.”

Because there are some gatherings
She does not begin,
Does not mend,
Does not command —

She only keeps.

And when the wind untied the bunting
And folded it back into the sky,

It brushed her shoulder
Like thanks.


 


You can read the full story via this LINK. Enjoy.

 

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The Day the Frost Blinked

The Day the Frost Blinked

February 25th, 2026 — The Day the Frost Blinked

The frost arrived late.

It did not settle in the night as frost properly should, but wandered into Ballykillduff sometime after breakfast, looking faintly apologetic and extremely decorative.

Alice noticed it first on the gate.

At precisely eleven minutes past ten, the iron latch glittered.

At twelve minutes past ten, it stopped.

At thirteen minutes past ten, it glittered again.

“It’s blinking,” Alice said calmly, which is the sort of thing one must say calmly if one wishes to be believed.

The frost had begun appearing and disappearing in polite intervals — hedge, path, rooftop, sheep — as though winter were reconsidering its position.

Alice stepped into the square. Each time the frost shimmered into existence, the air grew crisp and silver; each time it vanished, the village returned to its damp February self.

“Make up your mind,” she advised the sky.

The sky, which had been undecided all month, hesitated once more — and then, with a soft sigh, allowed the frost to remain.

Not thick.

Not harsh.

Just enough to turn the puddles into mirrors.

Alice looked down and saw not her reflection, but a faint suggestion of spring standing just behind her shoulder.

“Ah,” she said.

The frost did not blink again.

And somewhere beneath the quiet silver crust of February 25th, something green made up its mind to begin.

February 25th, 2026 — The Hat That Refused to Thaw

The frost had only just decided to behave itself in Ballykillduff when the sky coughed politely and produced a hat.

Not a rabbit.
Not a teacup.
Just a hat.

It fell with dignity, landed upright in the square, and waited.

Alice, who had already negotiated with blinking frost that morning, approached it cautiously.

The hat cleared its throat.

A moment later, the Mad Hatter unfolded himself out of it as though he had merely been stored there for convenience.

“Good morning!” he cried. “I’ve come for the Thawing!”

“We are not thawing,” Alice said firmly. “We are gently transitioning.”

“Ah,” said the Hatter, peering at the frost. “A hesitant season. Very dangerous. They tend to wobble.”

He removed a small silver teaspoon from his sleeve and began tapping the frost on the cobbles.

Ping.

A patch melted.

Ping.

A daisy appeared.

Ping.

A sheep sneezed and turned very briefly pink.

Alice caught his wrist before he could strike again.

“We’ve only just persuaded February to sit still,” she said. “If you start stirring it, we shall have daffodils arguing with snowflakes.”

The Hatter considered this gravely.

“Yes,” he agreed. “They never agree on colours.”

He placed the spoon back into his sleeve, stamped his hat once (which caused three crocuses to pop up apologetically), and looked at Alice with unusual sincerity.

“Very well. No mischief. Only observation.”

They stood together in the soft silver light, watching the frost hold its breath and spring wait its turn.

After several whole minutes of remarkable good behaviour, the Hatter leaned closer.

“Between ourselves,” he whispered, “March is terribly impatient.”

Then he folded neatly back into his hat.

The hat tipped itself.

And vanished.

The frost did not blink.

But somewhere beneath the cobbles, something giggled.

 

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Alice and the White House of Backwards Decisions

Alice and the White House of Backwards Decisions
Here is chapter one of a brand new story featuring Alice…
Alice and the White House of Backwards Decisions
**************************************************************

Chapter One

The Letter That Was Already Waiting
On a morning in Ballykillduff that could not quite decide whether it wished to be winter or spring, Alice discovered a letter waiting for her.
This was not unusual in itself — letters occasionally appeared in Ballykillduff without anyone remembering the postman delivering them — but this letter possessed three particularly suspicious qualities.
First, it was addressed in handwriting Alice recognized as her own.
Second, it was already open.
Third, it was warm.
Alice found it resting upon the small table beside the window of the cottage where she had been staying ever since Ballykillduff had politely refused to let her leave permanently.
Outside, the hedges were still wet from the previous night’s rain. Somewhere in the village square, a dog barked with the confidence of a creature that had never once doubted its understanding of the world.
Alice picked up the letter.
It felt as though it had been held only moments before.
“Curious,” she said, which in Alice’s experience usually meant something extremely peculiar was about to happen.
Inside the envelope was a single sheet of paper. The paper was perfectly blank.
Alice examined it carefully, turning it upside down and sideways in case the words were shy.
Nothing.
“Perhaps it is an invisible message,” she suggested.
The paper grew slightly warmer.
Then, very slowly, words appeared, as though remembering how to exist.
They read:
Miss Alice, Occasional Visitor to Impossible Places,
You are cordially invited to attend a matter of considerable confusion.
Washington, Immediately.
Below this was a line for a signature.
The signature wrote itself.
The White House
Alice nodded thoughtfully.
“Yes,” she said. “That sounds exactly the sort of invitation one should accept without understanding.”
She folded the letter.
The moment the paper creased, it refused to remain a letter at all. Instead, it rearranged itself with cheerful determination into a paper aeroplane.
Alice watched this transformation with calm interest.
“I suspected as much,” she said.
The aeroplane lifted gently from her hands and hovered in the air like a hummingbird made of stationery.
It waited.
Alice did what any sensible traveller between worlds would do — she opened the cottage door and followed it.
The paper aeroplane drifted down Ballykillduff’s main lane, passing the cream-and-green telephone box that never rang unless someone was already speaking, and gliding across the quiet village square where puddles reflected a sky that looked slightly unfinished.
No one in Ballykillduff found this remarkable.
Mrs O’Daly, sweeping her step, merely said:
“Morning, Alice.”
“Morning,” Alice replied, walking past a floating invitation as though this were ordinary.
At the edge of the village, the aeroplane stopped beside a gate that had not been there yesterday.
It was a small white gate set into a hedge that Alice was quite certain had always been continuous.
A brass plaque hung from the latch.
It read:
TRANSATLANTIC SHORTCUT
“Well,” Alice said, “that saves time.”
She opened the gate.
On the other side was not a field, nor a road, nor even another hedge.
There was a long, polished corridor.
The paper aeroplane sailed inside.
Alice followed.
The gate closed behind her with the polite click of something that did not intend to reopen immediately.
The corridor smelled faintly of paper, polished wood, and decisions that had not yet been made.
Portraits lined the walls.
They were not portraits Alice recognized, but they behaved in the familiar manner of Wonderland portraits — pretending not to move when observed.
The carpet stretched ahead in a straight line that suggested great seriousness, though it occasionally wrinkled itself when Alice wasn’t looking directly at it.
The aeroplane continued forward until it reached a tall white door.
On the door was a brass plate.
THE WHITE HOUSE
Alice paused.
“I wonder,” she said, “whether this is the real one, or the sensible version.”
The paper aeroplane flattened itself back into a letter and slid beneath the door.
After a moment, the door opened inward of its own accord.
Alice stepped through.
The room beyond was circular.
Very circular.
So circular, in fact, that Alice briefly suspected the room might be quietly spinning.
A large desk stood in the center. Behind it sat a perfectly polite gentleman with an expression suggesting he had been waiting since yesterday afternoon.
He smiled.
“Welcome,” he said.
“We have been expecting you before you arrived.”
Alice curtsied politely.
“I hope I am not early.”
“You are exactly confusing,” the gentleman replied.
Alice felt immediately at home.
Behind the gentleman, the walls of the circular room seemed to stretch further than the outside of the building should reasonably allow.
There were doors everywhere.
Dozens of them.
Perhaps hundreds.
Some were tiny. Some were enormous. One appeared to be made of folded newspapers. Another looked like a playing card pretending to be architecture.
One door opened briefly, and Alice thought she heard teacups arguing.
It closed again.
Alice smiled.
“Yes,” she said quietly.
“This is definitely Wonderland.”
The gentleman behind the desk shook his head gently.
“No,” he said.
“This is Washington.”
The floor shifted slightly, as though reconsidering.
Alice suspected they were both correct.
And with that, the building began to rearrange itself.
To be continued.
 

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A Few Alice in Wonderland Pictures for You to Enjoy.

A Few Alice in Wonderland Pictures for You to Enjoy.

 

 

 

 

Alice in Wonderland

The Mad Hatter

The March Hare

The White Rabbit

The Queen of Hearts

The Crazymad Writer

 

 

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Alice in Wonderland and Beyond

Alice in Wonderland and Beyond

ENJOY

 

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Alice Meets Dorothy

Alice Meets Dorothy

One followed a rabbit down into the dark,

The other a cyclone that left its own mark.

On a road paved in gold, where the green towers rise,

They met for a moment and shared their surprise.

 

Both wearing ribbons and dresses of blue,

In worlds where the logic is never quite true.

One spoke of riddles and tea with a cat,

The other of wizards and where home was at.

 

“The cards are all shouting!” the blonde one declared,

While the girl with the braids found herself rather scared.

“There’s a lion who cries and a man made of tin,

And a city of emeralds we’re meant to go in.”

 

They paused by the signpost that points the same way,

In the soft, hazy light of a magical day.

With a sip of her tea and a click of red heels,

They pondered how living a fairy tale feels.

 

No logic or compass could show them the door,

Between Kansas, and London, and Never-Before.

But for one quiet second, the wanderers stood—

Two girls lost in dreams, as all wanderers should.


Alice Meets Dorothy

The sun, a pale, milky orb in the sky, cast long, shifting shadows along the path of gold bricks. Dorothy, her blue gingham dress a familiar comfort, stood with a curious expression. Before her, a girl with hair the color of sunlight and a similar blue dress held a steaming teacup, a delicate saucer resting precariously on the rough, uneven bricks.

“Emerald City?” the blonde girl mused, peering at the signpost that read the same words twice. “How perfectly uninteresting. All cities are rather green, if you ask me, with all the grass and trees.”

Dorothy blinked. “But it’s Emerald City! Everything is green inside. The people wear green spectacles, and the palace is green, and—”

“Oh, like a rather large, sparkly bottle then?” the other girl interrupted, taking a sip of her tea. “I once met a bottle that contained a rather rude pigeon. Do you have many rude pigeons here?”

“Pigeons?” Dorothy frowned, trying to recall. “Well, I haven’t really noticed. I’ve been so busy trying to get to the Wizard.”

“A wizard, you say?” The blonde girl’s eyes widened slightly. “How dreadfully dull. Are they anything like a Dodo? Or a March Hare, perhaps? They are quite good at making things disappear, though often they just hide them.” She gestured with her teacup towards the path. “Are you going to a tea party?”

Dorothy shook her head, a little bewildered. “No, I’m going to ask the Wizard to send me home to Kansas. And my dog, Toto, needs to go home too.” She looked around. “Where’s your dog?”

“A dog? Oh, I don’t have a dog,” the girl replied, looking down at her cup. “I have a rather persistent White Rabbit. He’s always late for something or other. And a Ches—” She stopped, a peculiar glint in her eye. “No, I mustn’t mention him. It makes his smile appear, and then he’s terribly difficult to remove from conversations.”

Dorothy tilted her head. “A rabbit that’s always late? And a disappearing smile?” This world felt even stranger than Oz. “Are you… lost too?”

The blonde girl finally looked directly at Dorothy, a flicker of something familiar in her gaze. “Lost? One is never truly lost when one has a destination, however illogical. Though I confess, ‘Emerald City’ wasn’t on my itinerary. I was rather hoping for a game of croquet.” She gestured to the fallen teacup beside her feet. “Though this tea has gone quite cold, I daresay. Would you care for a cup?”

Dorothy looked from the cold teacup on the ground to the girl’s outstretched hand, holding another. The Emerald City gleamed in the distance. “I suppose… a small cup couldn’t hurt.” She had, after all, met a talking lion and a scarecrow. What was one more peculiar encounter on the road?


The meeting of the girls was polite, but the meeting of their companions would be a much more baffling affair!


Toto was a dog of simple, sturdy principles. He liked bones, he liked chasing the occasional crow, and he liked things to stay where he could see them.

He was sniffing a patch of particularly bright poppies when a tail appeared. Just a tail. It was striped, purple, and twitching lazily in the air about four feet off the ground. Toto gave a sharp, inquisitive bark.

“Oh, do stop that,” a voice purred from the empty air. “It’s dreadfully loud, and I’m trying to contemplate the nature of a ‘Kansas’.”

A pair of wide, yellow eyes flickered into existence above the tail, followed by a grin so wide it seemed to be holding the rest of the face together. Toto’s ears flattened. He was used to monkeys with wings and lions who cried, but a cat that was only half-finished was an insult to his canine senses.

Toto growled, a low vibration in his chest.

“A growl?” the Cheshire Cat remarked, its ears finally materializing. “How singular. In my forest, we growl when we’re pleased and wag our tails when we’re angry. Or is it the other way around? It hardly matters, since I haven’t got a tail at the moment.”

The Cat vanished entirely, leaving only the floating grin. Toto lunged, snapping at the empty air where the nose should have been, but his teeth met only the scent of tea and ozone.

“You’re quite a determined little thing,” the grin said, reappearing behind Toto’s left ear. “But you’ll find that biting the air is a very hungry business. Tell me, does your girl always walk on such a yellow road? It’s a bit loud for the eyes, don’t you think?”

Toto turned in a circle, barking at the floating teeth. He didn’t care about the color of the road; he just wanted this cat to pick a shape and stick to it.

“He’s not a dog, Toto,” Dorothy called out from a distance, sensing the commotion.

“And he’s certainly not a rabbit,” Alice added, peering over.

The Cheshire Cat began to fade again, starting with the tip of its tail. “We’re all mad here, little dog. Some of us just have the decency to hide the evidence.”

With one final, mocking wink of a yellow eye, the cat was gone. Toto sniffed the spot, let out one final, huffy “woof,” and trotted back to Dorothy’s side. He decided then and there that he much preferred the Wicked Witch; at least she stayed solid when you bit her.


 

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Seven for a Secret, Never to Be Told

Seven for a Secret, Never to Be Told

Seven for a Secret, Never to Be Told

Everyone in Ballykillduff knew the rhyme. They learned it young, usually from someone older who lowered their voice for the last line.

One for sorrow.
Two for joy.
Three for a girl.
Four for a boy.
Five for silver.
Six for gold.
Seven for a secret, never to be told.

Most people laughed at it. Some people touched wood. Nobody ever talked about seven.

Alice saw them on a Tuesday morning, standing along the hedge at Curran’s Lane.

Seven magpies. Neat as fence posts. Silent as if silence were a rule they were following carefully.

Alice stopped walking.

The hedge itself felt wrong. Not dangerous. Just… held together too tightly, like someone smiling for longer than was comfortable.

She counted them twice. She always did when things felt important.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven.

All seven turned their heads together and looked at her.

“Right,” Alice said quietly. “It’s that sort of day.”

People passed along the lane without noticing anything at all. Mr Keane walked by whistling. Mrs Donnelly hurried past with her shopping. No one looked at the hedge. No one slowed down.

Only Alice stood there.

The magpies did not speak. They had never needed to.

Long ago, Ballykillduff had made a decision.

It was not a cruel decision. It was a tired one.

Something sad had happened. Something that could not be fixed. A thing with a name, and a place, and a day that people still remembered too clearly. After a while, the village agreed to stop saying it out loud. Not because it wasn’t real, but because remembering it every day was making it impossible to live the next ones.

So the remembering was set aside.

And the magpies stayed.

They stayed because someone had to remember, and magpies are very good at keeping what others lay down. Not just shiny things, but moments, and names, and truths that no longer fit anywhere else.

The rhyme was never meant to predict luck.

It was a warning.

Seven magpies meant a place was carrying a memory it no longer wanted to hold.

One of the magpies hopped down from the hedge and pecked at the ground. Not at soil, but at a flat stone half-buried near the roots. A stone no one stepped on, though no one could have said why.

Alice knew what was being asked of her.

She did not need to know the whole story. She did not need names or details. She only needed to do one thing the village had not done in a very long time.

She knelt and placed her hand on the stone.

“I know,” she said, softly.

That was all.

Not what she knew. Just that she knew something had been there. Something had mattered.

The hedge loosened. Just a little. The air moved again.

When Alice stood up, there were only six magpies left.

They were already arguing with one another, hopping and chattering, busy once more with ordinary magpie business. Shiny things. Important nonsense. The everyday work of being alive.

The seventh magpie rose into the air and flew away, light now, its work finished at last.

Alice walked on down the lane.

Behind her, Ballykillduff continued exactly as it always had. But somewhere deep in its bones, a small, quiet weight had finally been set down properly instead of being hidden away.

And the rhyme, for once, was at rest.


The Eighth Magpie

Everyone in Ballykillduff knew the rhyme. They said it quickly, like a spell that worked better if you didn’t linger on it.

One for sorrow.
Two for joy.
Three for a girl.
Four for a boy.
Five for silver.
Six for gold.
Seven for a secret, never to be told.

Alice had already seen seven magpies once before, and she knew what that meant.

So when she walked along Curran’s Lane and saw eight, she stopped dead.

Seven stood along the hedge, silent and still.

The eighth stood on the path itself, blocking the way.

“Well,” Alice said, “that’s new.”

The eighth magpie was smaller than the others and less patient. It tapped one foot, then the other, as if waiting for a late train.

Seven magpies meant the village had forgotten something important. A sad thing. A thing everyone had agreed not to talk about.

That part had already been done.

Ballykillduff had remembered.

But the eighth magpie had arrived because remembering had changed nothing yet.

The bird pecked sharply at the ground.

Alice followed its beak and saw the problem at once.

The old path had collapsed further down the lane. A fence lay broken. The shortcut people once used had never been repaired. Long ago, someone had been hurt there. That was the secret. That was why people stopped using it.

They had remembered the accident.

They had never fixed the path.

“Oh,” said Alice. “You mean that.”

The eighth magpie nodded briskly.

It wasn’t here for memory.
It was here for mending.

Alice went back to the village and told people what she’d seen. Not the whole story. Just enough.

By evening, someone had brought tools. Someone else brought boards. Someone else brought tea.

By the next morning, the path was safe again.

When Alice returned to Curran’s Lane, there were only seven magpies on the hedge.

Then six.

Then none at all.

The eighth magpie was gone first.

It always is.

Because once something is put right, there is no need for it to stay.

And the rhyme, at last, had room for one more line, though nobody ever said it aloud:

Eight for the thing you do about it.

 

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Proceed at your own risk.

Proceed at your own risk.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The Invisible Architecture

The story you are about to read is not a fantasy. It is an autopsy.

When Lewis Carroll wrote Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland in 1865, he was satirizing the rigid, nonsensical logic of Victorian education and law. He used a rabbit hole to show how a child’s innocence is swallowed by the arbitrary rules of adulthood.

In our modern era, we do not fall through holes in the earth. We descend through pixels.

“The Terms of Service” is an allegory for the year we are currently living in—a time when the “elites” are no longer just people in high offices, but the very algorithms they have unleashed. We find ourselves in a world where “Truth” has been replaced by “Engagement,” where “Citizens” have been downgraded to “Users,” and where our most private thoughts are harvested like raw ore to power a machine that never sleeps.

This story is intended to hold no punches. It explores the uncomfortable reality that our modern “Wonderland” is not a prison forced upon us by a cabal of geniuses. Instead, it is a gilded cage we have built for ourselves, one convenient click at a time. The institutions we fear—the media, the tech giants, the financial structures—are merely mirrors reflecting our own collective desire for distraction over depth and safety over sovereignty.

As you follow Alicia through the Institutional Layers of New Ouroboros, I invite you to look closely at the “Slang” in the Appendix and the “Friction” in the Tea Party. Ask yourself:

When was the last time I looked away from the screen long enough to see the sky in its own color, rather than the shade I was told to expect?

The Queen is waiting. The Rabbit is glitching. And the Terms of Service are non-negotiable.

Proceed at your own risk. Click HERE to read the full story

 

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Alice and the Wild Boar of Wonderland

Alice and the Wild Boar of Wonderland

Alice and the Wild Boar of Wonderland:

The Director’s Cut (Now With 300% More Chaos)

Alice had returned to Wonderland for one reason: nostalgia. Big mistake.

The place had gone full corporate dystopia. The White Rabbit was now a crypto bro shilling “CarrotCoin,” the Mad Hatter ran an NFT tea party where every cup was a unique digital collectible worth exactly nothing, and the Queen of Hearts had rebranded as an influencer with the handle @OffWithTheirHeads69.

Worst of all, the Cheshire Cat had launched “GrinR,” Wonderland’s premier ride-sharing app. Slogan: “We vanish when you need us most.”

Alice tapped the app. Destination: Home.

Vehicle arriving: “Kevin the Boar – 4.9 stars (deducted 0.1 for chronic truffle addiction).”

Kevin arrived looking like a warthog that had lost a bet with a taxidermist. He wore a tiny saddle, a Bluetooth earpiece, and an expression that screamed, “I went to boar school for this?”

Alice climbed on. Kevin immediately side-eyed a glowing mushroom.

“Don’t even think about it,” Alice warned.

Kevin thought about it. Hard.

The ride began politely, past teacup gardens, under rainbow toadstools, until Kevin spotted the Holy Grail of truffles: a massive, glistening beauty sprouting right in the middle of the Queen’s private croquet lawn.

Kevin floored it.

“KEVIN, NO!” Alice screamed, clutching his mane as they bulldozed through a hedge maze like it was made of tissue paper.

Card soldiers dove left and right. One guard yelled, “License and registration!” only to be flattened into the shape of the two of clubs.

They skidded onto the croquet field just as the Queen was about to execute a flamingo for “unsportsmanlike squawking.”

Kevin launched himself at the truffle like a furry missile, uprooted it, and inhaled it in one obscene slurp. Then he let out a belch so powerful it parted the Queen’s wig, revealing a tattoo that read “Live, Laugh, Lob.”

The entire court froze.

The Queen’s face turned the color of a ripe tomato having a stroke.

“OFF WITH HIS TROTTERS!” she shrieked.

Alice, panicking, did the only thing she could think of: she pulled out her phone and fake-reviewed on the spot.

“Your Majesty, please! Kevin has 4.9 stars! He’s verified! He accepts tips in acorns!”

The Queen paused, mallet raised. “Reviews?”

Alice nodded frantically. “Read them yourself! ‘Best ride ever, 10/10 would be stampeded again.’ ‘Kevin took a shortcut through a caterpillar’s hookah lounge, legendary.’ ‘Only complaint: he ate my picnic.’”

Kevin, sensing an opportunity, turned on the charm. He sat. He gave paw. He even attempted a smile, which looked like a constipated bulldog discovering taxes.

The Queen lowered her mallet. “Fine. But he’s banned from my lawn. And someone get this pig a breath mint.”

As they trotted away, the Cheshire Cat materialized on Kevin’s head like a smug helmet.

“Not bad for a rookie driver,” he purred. “Next fare’s the Dormouse, he tips in half-eaten crumpets.”

Alice groaned. “Just get me out of here.”

Kevin suddenly braked. In the path ahead: a single, perfect truffle.

Alice glared. “Kevin. I swear to Lewis Carroll.”

Kevin looked back at her with big, innocent eyes.

Then he winked.

And floored it again.

Somewhere in the distance, the Queen’s scream echoed: “OFF WITH ALL OF THEM!”

Alice clung on for dear life, laughing in spite of herself.

Wonderland, it seemed, was exactly as mad as ever, just with worse customer service.

 

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Alice and the Places That Think: Ballykillduff Wonderland

Alice and the Places That Think: Ballykillduff Wonderland

Prologue

Alice decided later that the most troubling part was not the sheep.

The sheep was troubling, certainly. It stood in the middle of the lane with the quiet confidence of something that knew it had always been there and always would be. Its wool was the colour of old clouds, its eyes were thoughtful, and around its neck hung a small wooden sign that read:

BACK SOON

Alice read it twice.

“I don’t think that’s how sheep work,” she said politely.

The sheep regarded her in silence, chewing in a manner that suggested deep consideration of the matter. Then it turned, quite deliberately, and began to walk away down the lane.

“Excuse me,” Alice called. “I think you’ve dropped your…”

The sheep did not stop.

Alice hesitated. She had been taught very firmly never to follow strange animals, especially those displaying written notices. But the lane itself seemed to lean after the sheep, curving gently, as if it preferred that direction. Even the hedges appeared to listen.

With a sigh that felt far older than she was, Alice followed.

The lane led her into Ballykillduff.

At least, that was what the sign said. It stood crookedly at the edge of the village, its letters faded and patched over, as though someone had changed their mind halfway through spelling it. Beneath the name, in much smaller writing, was a second line:

Population: Yes

Alice frowned.

The village looked entirely ordinary, which in her experience was often a bad sign. Stone cottages huddled together as if exchanging secrets. A postbox leaned sideways in what might have been exhaustion. Somewhere, a clock was ticking very loudly and very wrongly.

The sheep paused beside the postbox.

It did not look back. It did not need to.

The postbox cleared its throat.

“Letter?” it asked.

Alice jumped.

“I—no,” she said. “I mean, not yet.”

“Take your time,” said the postbox kindly. “We’ve plenty of it. Too much, if you ask me. It keeps piling up.”

The sheep nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Alice said carefully, “but could you tell me where I am?”

The postbox considered this. “Well now,” it said, “that depends. Where do you think you ought to be?”

“I don’t know,” Alice admitted.

“Ah,” said the postbox, sounding relieved. “Then you’re exactly right.”

The sheep turned at last and met Alice’s eyes. For a moment she had the strange feeling that it recognised her.

Then the ground beneath her boots gave a polite little sigh and began to sink.

Alice did not scream. She had learned by now that screaming rarely helped.

Instead, as Ballykillduff folded itself carefully over her like a story closing its covers, she wondered whether anyone at home would notice she was gone.

The sheep watched until she vanished completely.

Then it picked up its sign, turned it around, and hung it back around its neck.

BACK AGAIN.


Chapter One

In Which Alice Arrives Properly, Though Not Entirely on Purpose

Alice discovered that falling into Ballykillduff was not at all like falling into a hole.

There was no rushing wind, no spinning cupboards, no floating bookshelves or jars of marmalade. Instead, there was the distinct sensation of being lowered, as though the ground itself were doing its best to be polite about the whole affair.

The earth sighed again, thoughtfully, and then stopped.

Alice found herself standing upright on a narrow stone path, her boots perfectly clean, her hair only slightly rumpled, and her sense of direction completely missing.

Above her was a sky that could not quite decide what time it was. Clouds hovered in pale layers, some tinged with early morning pink, others sulking in late afternoon grey. A sun of modest ambition shone through the middle, as if unwilling to commit itself fully.

Ahead lay Ballykillduff.

Up close, it was even more ordinary than before. That, Alice felt, was the problem.

A row of cottages leaned together in a way that suggested ongoing conversation. Their windows blinked slowly, like eyes that had just woken up. Smoke curled from chimneys without any particular urgency, drifting sideways and then upwards as though reconsidering.

Alice took one careful step forward.

Nothing happened.

She took another.

Still nothing.

“Well,” she said to herself, “that is either very reassuring or extremely suspicious.”

A man appeared from nowhere in particular, which is to say he stepped out from behind a low stone wall that Alice was quite certain had not been there a moment earlier.

He was tall, thin, and wrapped in a long coat that had known many weathers and disagreed with all of them. In his hand he carried a pocket watch, which he examined with great seriousness.

He did not look at Alice.

“Oh dear,” he muttered. “Not yet. Definitely not yet.”

“Excuse me,” Alice said.

The man startled so badly that he nearly dropped the watch, which he caught just in time and then scolded.

“You shouldn’t do that,” he said to Alice. “Appearing suddenly.”

“I didn’t,” Alice replied. “You did.”

He considered this.

“Well,” he said at last, “we’ll call it a draw.”

He finally looked at her, his eyes sharp and kind and far too alert for someone who seemed permanently behind schedule.

“You’re early,” he said.

“Am I?” Alice asked.

“Oh yes,” he said firmly. “Or late. One of the two. We get very upset if people arrive exactly when they mean to.”

“What is your name?” Alice asked.

“Seamus Fitzgerald,” he said, consulting his watch again. “At least, that’s what it says here. And you are Alice.”

Alice blinked. “How do you know that?”

Seamus smiled apologetically. “You’ve been expected.”

“I have only just arrived,” Alice said.

“Yes,” Seamus agreed. “That’s what I mean.”

Before Alice could ask anything else, a bell rang.

It was not a loud bell, nor an urgent one. It sounded as though it had rung many times before and had learned not to get worked up about it.

Seamus gasped.

“Oh dear,” he said. “That will be Bridget.”

“Who is Bridget?” Alice asked.

Seamus was already walking away.

“You’ll see,” he said over his shoulder. “Everybody does.”

Alice followed him into the village.

As she did, she noticed that the houses were watching her now, not rudely, but with the quiet interest one might show a guest who had arrived without luggage and clearly intended to stay.

Somewhere behind her, the sheep coughed.

Alice did not turn around.

She had a feeling that once you began turning around in Ballykillduff, you might never stop.

And that, she suspected, was how the village liked it.

To read the rest of this story, click HERE – and enjoy

 

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