A New Alice in Wonderland story – and here is the video to prove it!
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Welcome to my CRAZYMAD Website
Welcome to my CRAZYMAD Website
Hello and welcome to my CRAZYMAD website, a place where I try to share with you, the reader, an impression of what it has been like, having to live through, to endure so many weird, wacky and oftentimes wonderful situations that I have found myself in during my CRAZYMAD life. I have no idea why I such things happened to me – but they did. All that that I can think of, can say by way of explanation, is that we all experience CRAZYMAD things during our short time here on earth, but prefer to erase them from our consciousness, preferring to recall only the mundane day-to-day situations that help us to ‘fit in’ and to ‘be normal’.
Our collective consciousness seems to have ‘developed’ to the stage where we prefer to hear and read about ‘celebrities’ and their lives of vulgar excess, rather than living our own lives in which we can follow own dreams and do almost anything we want, if we feel so inclined, that is. Having said that, I invite you to read each and every one of the stories that I have included in my CRAZYMAD website; from my early childhood all the way through to my adult life. And when you have read them, I strongly urge you to look deep within yourself, and to live your own CRAZYMAD life to the full. Meanwhile, sit back and enjoy your trip though my CRAZYMAD website, and know you this; each and every story is TRUE!
I am an…
I am black, I am blind,
I am a slave, who has no free will,
I work for the good of all, not for the sake of the individual,
I have no dreams, I have no plans, I receive no rewards,
I am conditioned to serve, I do so without complaint,
And I will continue until the day I die,
I am – an ant.
I’m 50; it came so fast
I’m 50; it came so fast,
The big five-0, I am aghast.
Where are the years? They flew so fast,
As close to the grave I pass.
If I could have that time again,
Oh, what changes I would make.
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Sir Gerrard
Gerrard, Sir Gerrard – are you sure that it’s so,
Your title, your label, or are you having a go,
At me, your poor servant, a man dearthly low?
Gerrard, Sir Gerrard, pray tell me, with haste,
How you got it, your title, your rank and your place?
Cos I want it, really want it, so I can lift up my face.
I got it, my title, after years of hard slog,
Writing stories for children; my mind was agog.
I was tired, so tired, when I knelt down before,
The Queen, then she tapped me and I fell to the floor, asleep.
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Old Testament Computing…
Old Testament computing…
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddlebags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures—Hebrew To The People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.”
And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.
He said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”
And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”
“YAHOO,” said Abraham..
And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began. And that’s the truth.
Study says Earth on brink of mass extinction event
Study says Earth on brink of mass extinction event
A landmark study by an international group of scientists has concluded that planet Earth is on the brink of a mass extinction event comparable in scale to the one that wiped out the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. The researchers found that extinction rates are currently 1000 times higher than normal due to deforestation, global climate change, and the depletion of ocean fisheries. Ben Gruber reports.
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The Grim Reaper is Coming…
Aliens Landed in Ballykilduff
Aliens Landed in Ballykilduff
Aliens landed in Ballykilduff,
Aliens landed; that is a fact,
In the dark of the night it happened, it did,
At the end of my garden they landed, then hid.
Breda, dear Breda, wake up, will you please?
Something is happening and I am all in a tizz!
Leave me alone, she answered, I’m beat,
Having said that to me she fell fast asleep.
Donning my gown and slippers I left,
Her sleeping in bed as into the kitchen I crept,
Searching for light, the torch, my best friend,
I opened the door and into the garden I went.
Towards the end of the garden with my torch I progressed,
Then I climbed over the fence into the field with its guests,
Pointing my torch, I rained light upon them,
Aliens a plenty around a spaceship humming.
What are they doing? I wondered out loud,
Signalling my place, my location – and how,
Pointing their guns, the Aliens zapped me with rays,
Blue, yellow and green, orange and grey.
Thinking my time was finished, all gone,
I fell to the ground awaiting the anon,
Sorry about that, one of them said helping me up
We thought you were a cow wanting to eat us all up
What are you doing? I asked with curious eyes,
Seeing them cutting the grass, then taking it inside,
We are refuelling our spaceship, he told me quite proud,
We get one light year per armful, he said out aloud.
That’s amazing, I said, can I go see inside?
Sorry, he answered, it’s too small for your like,
Laughing, I asked if there was anything they need,
Yes, he told me forthrightly, can we have some tea?
Tea? I asked, you drink tea way up there,
In outer space, with its atmosphere rare?
No, silly, he replied, it’s to pour down our boots,
We never travel with them empty, forsooth.
You pour tea down your boots? I laughed out loud,
What does it do, make you fly like a bird?
It does, he told me, how did you know that?
Was your mother or father an alien, or even your cat?
Just then I heard something, someone calling to me,
Gerrard, wake up, its morning; here is your tea,
Opening my eyes, I saw Breda, my wife,
Offering the cup of plenty, tea; it’s my life.
Where are my boots? I asked, still half sleep,
I want them, I need them; oh where are they please?
They are under the bed, here, she said, offering them to me,
Why do you want them before drinking your tea?
Accepting my boots, I poured in the tea,
What on earth are you doing? she asked warily,
I don’t go anywhere without filling them first,
Can I have another cup, I asked, because I sure have a thirst.
The moral of my story is this:
Don’t go anyway near Ballykilduff, GIVE IT A MISS,
Strange things are happening down that neck of the woods,
Like Aliens, and Slugs driving campervans – and Fiats to boot.
Buy this exciting new eBook today.
It’s only 99 cents!
Wikipedia doesn’t know me; heck, do I care?
Mad Eye Moody, can it really be,
That splendid interpretation, a hero so free?
Who gave up his all for the cry of the truth?
So we could know that good is forsooth.
Yes, they can all Twitter, be it here, be it there,
About American Idol and Celebrities fair,
But can they replace the genius, so fine,
Like Rowling and Dahl – or Wilson’s strange mind?
When next you are shopping in Wal-Mart, I think,
If its bargains you’re after then remember the ink,
On the paper, in the book section, where I’m waiting for sure,
To temp you with my writing so as to open that door.
And when it is open my world of strange stuff,
Will entrance and beguile you; the air will be hushed,
As you read about Alice, the Cat and the Mouse,
Harry Rotter and Jimmy – and Beetle About.
Forget about Powerball, cars and the news,
Never mind Danny Choo – who is he? I muse
Wikipedia doesn’t know me; heck, do I care,
When I’ve got so many readers in the REAL WORLD out there!
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The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 