It might be a silly shed to you,
For me, it’s that and more; it’s true!
Peace, serenity, my very own space,
Escape from the madness of the human race.
That’s it, there’s nothing more I can say.
Go, go, go away,
And find a shed, be it big or small,
For inside you will stand ever so tall.
******************
There was a young lad named Paul,
Who wanted to get away from it all,
So he took up sea swimming,
Then set off one evening,
Now he’s nowhere at all,
*****
Welcome to my Crazymad world; stories for children and young at heart adults.
Takes a gander. You will be amazed, enthralled and mesmerized
by what i have here on offer.
So says the Crazymad Writer – ARRGH!
The Mallard?
No, Silly, it’s the Crazymad Writer steam engine!
Mystic Cola, powerful might,
Thunderous magic, hidden from sight,
Disguised by a drink,
So sugary and sweet,
The way to Alocyrrehcyzzif,
The Cryptic Agenda decree.
*
If this makes no sense to you,
Then click on to the link,
And buy the eBook about this fizzy drink.
But watch out for that bottle once it’s uncorked,
Lest you are ensnared by its wonder,
And inside it are caught.
*****
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. OMG
A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. Is that why they are always squealing?
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy) I’m still not over the pig.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Don’t try this at home; perhaps maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (Honey, I’m home. What the…?)
A flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
A catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. And I joined Rotary!?! (I still can’t believe that pig …quality over quantity.)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm…….)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.)
A cat’s urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
The mind BOGGLES, with it all. ZZZZZZ
I am the Minister for Water, the Minister I am,
The Minister for Water for all of Ireland,
This fair and green county suffering such pain,
A shortage of water despite so much rain.
*
The snow it has gone, replaced by a flood,
Threatening to cover us under inches of mud,
But that’s not my care, not part of my tack,
I am the Minister for Water, not mud; it’s a fact.
*
Leave me alone; free to get on with my job,
Saving the planet while making a few bob,
Lining my nest before my time it has gone,
When I’m voted out of office having done nothing wrong.
Dunking the Mouse, Oh, Dunking the Mouse,
What can be better than dunking the Mouse?
Be it with a fine friend like the Rabbit, so stout,
Or on my old lonesome, I love dunking the Mouse.
*
I open the pot and stick his head in,
And before he’s awoken he’s half the way in.
With Rabbit a-helping, we finish the job,
Then put the lid on, though Mouse is beginning to sob.
*
Oh please let me out, he implore us, so meek,
But why should we do that when the tea tastes so sweet?
Oh give me a cup of that heavenly brew,
Says Rabbit to me, and a jam tart for you.
*
So I pour out two cups and we sit down anew,
With the tea and the tarts – and with Mouse in the brew,
Until Alice strolls by, and unsettles our ruse,
Saving Mouse from his fate and us from the noose.
*****
A NEW Alice in Wonderland story
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The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 