I Am a Camel, it said Snarling at Her

22 Apr

I Am a Camel, it said Snarling at Her

*

I am a Camel, it said snarling at her,

A very old camel; you can tell by my fur,

My teeth and manner give also a hint,

And the hump on my back gives more than a hint.

*

I can see by your hump, said Alice – I do,

And also your teeth and manner; it’s true,

The look on your face has me all in affray,

Groaning and snarling, in such a way.

*

Still snarling at Alice, the Camel replied,

You’d never believe me; you’d think I had lied,

If the look on my face was gone; it’s a fact,

No one would listen or look at this chap.

*

Without offering Alice a chance to reply,

The Camel went on with his horrible lie,

Creeping closer and closer, until ever so near,

He suddenly pounced and bit off her ear.

*

Feeling the hurt and the blood running down,

Alice said, I was such a clown,

To have listened at all to a Camel like you,

Smelling of sweat and stinking like poo.

******

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Posted by The Crazymad Writer on April 22, 2014 in humor, humour, poems, The new Roald Dahl

Tags: camel

I am so Forlorn

Rich slug, poor slug, fat slug, thin,

I am a slug that just cannot fit in,

To categorising, following the norm,

I was born with a shell; I am so forlorn!

*

Do not be upset, said a stranger to me,

Look at me, she said. Pray tell what you see,

I see a slug with a shell, but how can that be?

I am a snail, she replied, and so are you – can you see?

*

Rich slug, poor slug, fat slug, thin,

I am a slug that just cannot fit in,

To categorising, following the norm,

I was born with a shell; I am so forlorn!

*

Do not be upset, said a stranger to me,

Look at me, she said. Pray tell what you see,

I see a slug with a shell, but how can that be?

I am a snail, she replied, and so are you – can you see?

*

Yes, I replied, this is true – I can see!

The what and the wherefore are included, said she,

Come slime down the path; forget slugs and their ways,

Snails on life’s journey, together each day.

*

Yes, I replied, this is true – I can see!

The what and the wherefore are included, said she,

Come slime down the path; forget slugs and their ways,

Snails on life’s journey, together each day.

****************

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Posted by The Crazymad Writer on April 22, 2014 in humor, humour, poems

Tags: Slug, snail

Slug Joke

“What is the difference between a slug and a bag of salt?” Bert asked his friend Fred.
“Go on, tell me,” Fred answered.
“Salt makes your food taste better; slugs, however, shrivel and up and die if they come into contact with salt.
“That’s terrible!” Fred protested. “That’s not a joke!”
“You think it’s terrible?” Bert replied, flapping his arms about wildly, with excitement. “Imagine how the poor slugs feel!”

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Posted by The Crazymad Writer on April 18, 2014 in humor, humour, joke

Tags: crazy, funny, joke, mad, Slug

One two buckle my shoe

17 Apr

!

One two buckle my shoe,

Three four knock at the door,

Five six pickup sticks,

Seven eight open the gate,

Nine ten start again,

Nah, that would be silly,

I would much rather go look for slugs to kill.

(It’s funny old world, isn’t it?)

*********************

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Posted by The Crazymad Writer on April 17, 2014 in humor, humour, poems

Tags: funny, mad, poem, slugs

That’s Joe

17 Apr

That’s Joe

There once was a slug called Joe

Who wished he were fast, not slow

Until one day, while alone

He saw a snail struggling, carrying its home

Now he slimes about happy: That’s Joe

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Posted by The Crazymad Writer on April 17, 2014 in humor, humour, nursery rhymes, poems

Tags: children, funny, poem, rhyme, Slug

A Funny Thing Happened The Other Day

17 Apr

A Funny Thing Happened
The Other Day

I saw this sleek snail in the green grass one day,
A flyboy, he was, I do have to say,
For he whisked himself past as fast could be,
In a shell of many colours, a flyboy was he.
*
I had hardly perceived that he had even arrived,
Before he disappeared into the sunset – I tell you no lie!
That snail of many colours, as bold as could be,
Was a flyboy for sure, so flashy was he!
*
He made me so sad, as sad as could be,
For I am a slug, not flashy, that’s me,
No shell to impress with colours and bling,
Just a poor, boring slug and it’s a terrible thing.
*
But I do have this plan, a means to an end,
That could make so cool, like snails and their friends,
All that I need are paint and a brush,
A golf ball and glue – not really so much!
*
With these said items, I will make myself grand,
Painting the ball, gluing it on my back is my plan,
Then I’ll parade myself round as proud as can be,
Like the snail of many colours and just as flashy, hee hee.