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Category Archives: humour

He Thought He Saw…

Fat cat at the Crazymad Writer's blog

He thought he saw a politician,
Who lived the perfect life,
He looked again, and saw it was,
A huge, humongous lie .
That’s it, he said, I realise,
The foolishness of life.

It’s a mess

He thought he saw an honest man,
Within the parliament,
He looked again, and saw it was,
Another bloated blimp.
Unless they leave this house,” he said,
There’ll be no hope, I think.”

It’s a real mess!

He thought he saw a banker man,
Who made an honest buck,
He looked again, and saw he was,
Entwined in all the muck.
If I were king, he said,
His head would be on the block.

It’s a terrible mess!

He thought he saw a banker’s clerk,
A man of honest youth,
He looked again, and saw he was,
A succubus forsooth.
If he should stay, he said, for sure,
My savings I will lose.

Crikey, what a mess!

He thought he saw a kangaroo,
Hopping down his street one day,
He looked again, and saw it was,
A banker’s ill gained pay.
Were I to accept this, he said,
It would be a dark, dark day.

Mess, mess, mess!

He though he saw limousine,
With groom and bride, so sweet,
He looked again, and saw it was,
The country on its knees.
We’re lost, he said, the country’s bust,
Kaput, no more, deceased.

Fix the mess!

He though he saw a shaft of light,
That shone through all this gloom,
He looked again, and saw it was,
The cold, reflected moon.
If I were young, he said aloud,
I’d make them swing – and soon!

Get those who are responsible for the mess!

He though he saw a chink of light,
A way from all this mess,
He looked again, and saw it was,
Their New World Order – yes!
Their ways are bad, corrupt, he said
For them, not us, excess.

And when we get them, what are we going to do with them?

He thought he saw the final words,
Inscribed upon a sheet,
He looked again, and saw it was,
Them sweating from the heat.
They thought us fools, he sorely said,
Come on, we have lives to live!

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Posted by on April 22, 2015 in humor, humour, Ireland, politics

 

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TEST FOR SENIORS

TEST FOR SENIORS……think carefully.

Something for seniors to do to keep those “aging” grey cells active!

1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May….What was the third child’s name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers….What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole…that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language…is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer…..How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. …Why not?

8. What was the President’s Name…in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Here are the Answers: (No peeking!)

1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name?

Answer: Johnny, of course.

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn’t discovered yet. [You’re not very good at this, are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer: Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can’t take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President’s Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now – Barack Obama [Oh, come on …]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1) You can’t count your hair.

2) You can’t wash your eyes with soap.

3) You can’t breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.

Ten (10) Things I know about you.

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.

10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

 
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Posted by on April 6, 2015 in humor, humour, test

 

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British General Election

Vote For Bean

I am not Roald Dahl

Vote for Bean,

You know it makes sense,

And if it DOESN’T make sense,

It’s a load  of NONSENSE.

 
 

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There once was a dog quite bold

There once was a dog quite bold,
That thought it was fun to hold,
Little cats by the tail,
Then it exhaled a LOUD wail,
With a bloody and very sore nose.

I am not Roald Dahl

 
 

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Summer Coke

Summer time and the living is easy…

HECK, THAT’S NO WAY TO BE ENJOYING YOURSELF!

Get up, off your butt! Yes – YOU!

See this bottle? You do? God, I thought you’d NEVER see it!

Well, pick it up and drink its contents!

Pardon? You want to know what it contains?

You’ve blown it.

Go away, you creep.

I’ll find someone else, someone more deserving than you.

Summer time and the living is easy…

What on earth was all that about?

Let me explain…

I’m the crazymad writer,

The crazymad writer today.

I’m the crazymad writer,

The crazymad writer, hey hey!

You may think that I’m not serious,

And I might even agree,

But I’m still the crazymad writer,

The crazymad writer, hee hee.

Now do you understand?

There isn’t anything to understand.

I’m crazy, crazymad and bonkers, to boot!

Free eBooks for everyone

Summer Fun,

Summer Sun,

Summer Coke.

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2015 in humor, humour, news

 

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Coca Cola Life

I had my first taste of Coca Cola Life yesterday,

and, in my humble opinion, it tasted like a cheap,

watered down version of Coca Cola.

I am not Rolad Dahl

Coca Cola Life – nil points.

 

 
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Posted by on March 23, 2015 in humor, humour, news

 

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Giggle My Boots

Giggle My Boots

Giggle my boots, gaggle my hat,
Goggle my shirtsleeves and fraggle that cat.
I am friggled with laughter, for I know that it’s true,
That you really do love me and not Johnny Lazoo.

You see, Johnny Lazoo, a man of some strength,
Wanted to court you, wanted to bend,
Your ear with his stories, your eye with his looks,
But you never gave him as much as one look.

The day that you said, Yes, I’ll marry you, I will,
Was the happiest day of my life; it was brill,
To think that you chose me over Johnny Lazoo,
Makes me friggle with laughter knowing it’s true.

Before I head off with my bride and my life,
I will give you this piece of excellent advice.
If you are planning to woo your beau, here’s the rub,
Friggle her with laughter and griggle her with love.

Horrid henry? No, he's Horrible Horace, and he's in a free eBook especially for you.

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2015 in funny story, humor, humour

 

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Horrible Horace and Tinkering Tommy

Horrible Horace and Tinkering Tommy

step inside the spooky air-raid shelter

free eBooks for children

A FREE eBook you can download today

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2015 in free, free ebooks, humor, humour

 

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Witches, werewolves, ghosts, and ghouls

Witches, werewolves, ghosts, and ghouls
Love to frighten little fools.
I’m not frightened! No, not me!
But is t, t, there a ghost behind of me?

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Oh no, it’s Monday!

Arrrgh, it’s Monday!

Roald Dahl, i ain't.

 
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Posted by on February 2, 2015 in humor, humour, Roald Dahl

 

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