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Category Archives: Lewis Carroll

Alice and the Wild Boar of Wonderland

Alice and the Wild Boar of Wonderland

Alice and the Wild Boar of Wonderland:

The Director’s Cut (Now With 300% More Chaos)

Alice had returned to Wonderland for one reason: nostalgia. Big mistake.

The place had gone full corporate dystopia. The White Rabbit was now a crypto bro shilling “CarrotCoin,” the Mad Hatter ran an NFT tea party where every cup was a unique digital collectible worth exactly nothing, and the Queen of Hearts had rebranded as an influencer with the handle @OffWithTheirHeads69.

Worst of all, the Cheshire Cat had launched “GrinR,” Wonderland’s premier ride-sharing app. Slogan: “We vanish when you need us most.”

Alice tapped the app. Destination: Home.

Vehicle arriving: “Kevin the Boar – 4.9 stars (deducted 0.1 for chronic truffle addiction).”

Kevin arrived looking like a warthog that had lost a bet with a taxidermist. He wore a tiny saddle, a Bluetooth earpiece, and an expression that screamed, “I went to boar school for this?”

Alice climbed on. Kevin immediately side-eyed a glowing mushroom.

“Don’t even think about it,” Alice warned.

Kevin thought about it. Hard.

The ride began politely, past teacup gardens, under rainbow toadstools, until Kevin spotted the Holy Grail of truffles: a massive, glistening beauty sprouting right in the middle of the Queen’s private croquet lawn.

Kevin floored it.

“KEVIN, NO!” Alice screamed, clutching his mane as they bulldozed through a hedge maze like it was made of tissue paper.

Card soldiers dove left and right. One guard yelled, “License and registration!” only to be flattened into the shape of the two of clubs.

They skidded onto the croquet field just as the Queen was about to execute a flamingo for “unsportsmanlike squawking.”

Kevin launched himself at the truffle like a furry missile, uprooted it, and inhaled it in one obscene slurp. Then he let out a belch so powerful it parted the Queen’s wig, revealing a tattoo that read “Live, Laugh, Lob.”

The entire court froze.

The Queen’s face turned the color of a ripe tomato having a stroke.

“OFF WITH HIS TROTTERS!” she shrieked.

Alice, panicking, did the only thing she could think of: she pulled out her phone and fake-reviewed on the spot.

“Your Majesty, please! Kevin has 4.9 stars! He’s verified! He accepts tips in acorns!”

The Queen paused, mallet raised. “Reviews?”

Alice nodded frantically. “Read them yourself! ‘Best ride ever, 10/10 would be stampeded again.’ ‘Kevin took a shortcut through a caterpillar’s hookah lounge, legendary.’ ‘Only complaint: he ate my picnic.’”

Kevin, sensing an opportunity, turned on the charm. He sat. He gave paw. He even attempted a smile, which looked like a constipated bulldog discovering taxes.

The Queen lowered her mallet. “Fine. But he’s banned from my lawn. And someone get this pig a breath mint.”

As they trotted away, the Cheshire Cat materialized on Kevin’s head like a smug helmet.

“Not bad for a rookie driver,” he purred. “Next fare’s the Dormouse, he tips in half-eaten crumpets.”

Alice groaned. “Just get me out of here.”

Kevin suddenly braked. In the path ahead: a single, perfect truffle.

Alice glared. “Kevin. I swear to Lewis Carroll.”

Kevin looked back at her with big, innocent eyes.

Then he winked.

And floored it again.

Somewhere in the distance, the Queen’s scream echoed: “OFF WITH ALL OF THEM!”

Alice clung on for dear life, laughing in spite of herself.

Wonderland, it seemed, was exactly as mad as ever, just with worse customer service.

 

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Wonderland Christmas Countdown 2025

Wonderland Christmas Countdown – ENJOY.

 


 

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Alice and the Sun-Dappled Clearing

Alice and the Sun-Dappled Clearing

🌸 Alice and the Sun-Dappled Clearing 🐇

 

Alice stood quite still in the sun-dappled clearing, the light filtering through the canopy in warm, impressionistic blobs of gold and lemon. She was surrounded by a riot of oversized, pastel flowers—irises the size of her head, and roses that seemed to blush with a painter’s deepest pink. The air felt thick and sweet, like crystallized honey.

“Oh dear,” she murmured, adjusting the bow in her auburn hair. “Everything looks rather splashed here.”

From above, a lazy, white form materialized, hanging suspended between two sun-kissed trees. It was the Cheshire Cat, looking more like a puff of painted smoke than a proper feline, his famous grin a translucent arc.

“Splashed, my dear?” the Cat purred, his voice like silk sliding off a palette knife. “But the world is much more interesting when it’s spilled, wouldn’t you say?”

Alice smoothed down her blue dress. “I suppose. But everything seems to be hurrying, even when it stands still. Look at those blossoms—they look like they’re dancing!”

As if on cue, a sudden blur of white flashed past the rose bushes on the right. It was the White Rabbit, his pink eyes wide with that familiar panic, though he carried no waistcoat, no watch, only a sense of frantic urgency.

“Late, late, late!” chirped the Rabbit’s distant voice, sounding rather like a squeezed tube of paint. “The Mad Hatter’s Tea Party is beginning! And I haven’t time to dry!”

Alice sighed, a small smile touching her lips. She recognized this place—this beautiful, illogical field. It was her moment of calm before the chaos, the brief, quiet breath before tumbling back into the whirlwind of Wonderland. The light felt like a warm invitation, and the flowers nodded their permission.

“Well,” Alice decided, stepping forward into the swirling pink and green. “If I’m to be late for a very important date, I might as well enjoy the view first.”


 

 

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“Alice and the Swirling Canvas.”

“Alice and the Swirling Canvas.”
“Alice and the Swirling Canvas.”
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Chapter 1: The Yellow Crescent
The museum air was thick with the scent of old wood and quiet reverence. Alice, now seventeen and perpetually bored by the linear world of geometry and etiquette, paused before a small, heavily-framed oil painting. It was a night scene: a landscape of gnarled, dark trees reaching toward a sky that was less a void and more a seething mass of light. Every star was a thick, buttery dollop of paint, and the enormous crescent moon, a luminous, impossible yellow, seemed to push out from the canvas.
She knew the style instantly. It wasn’t just painted; it was felt.
Alice leaned closer, her nose almost touching the varnish. She noticed something odd about the moon. While the rest of the canvas held firm, this single yellow crescent seemed to vibrate, its impasto texture shifting, almost like wet paint refusing to settle. It was an instability in an otherwise frozen moment.
Drawn by an irresistible impulse that defied every museum rule she’d ever learned, Alice reached out a finger.
The moment she touched the paint, it gave way.
There was no sudden drop or dizzying vortex. Instead, the sensation was like plunging her hand into a bowl of thick, warm honey. The paint swallowed her fingers, then her hand, then her entire arm up to the shoulder. A gentle, viscous pressure pushed her forward, and in a blink, the quiet, dry museum fell away.
Alice stumbled onto a path that crackled under her feet.
The air was no longer still; it hummed with the energy of creation. The ground beneath her was a road of visible brushstrokes—thick, woven lines of ochre and burnt sienna—leading between two impossibly dark, gnarled trees. They were not trees of wood, but of coiled, energetic black and blue paint, their branches spiraling upward to meet a sky that was terrifyingly alive.
Above her, the Realm of the Saturated was dominated by the very yellow crescent she had touched. It blazed like a furious sun in the indigo turbulence, casting expressive, blue-black shadows that seemed to claw at the ground.
A feeling of intense, urgent motion seized her. She looked at her hands. Her skin was perfectly normal, but her dress and apron were rendered in the same high-relief style as the landscape, every seam and fold defined by a bold, blue outline.
“Stay still and you dry,” a thin, reedy voice whispered from the brushy undergrowth. “Drying is fading. Fading is being finished. And finished is the worst word of all.”
Alice spun around just as a figure leaped onto the path in front of her. It was the White Rabbit, but he was a portrait of anxiety. His white fur was ragged, rendered in hasty, unfinished lines of grey and zinc white. One ear looked fully realized, while the other was a mere suggestion of a stroke. He clutched his pocket watch, which had been reduced to a frantic, broken circle of orange dashes.
“Oh, it’s you,” he sighed, his voice full of disappointment. “Another element of disorder. But at least you’re wet. Tell me, child, do I look complete to you?” He thrust his unfinished ear toward her. “Am I resolved? Or am I still just a preparatory sketch for a better idea?”

A sudden, jarring shift in color drew Alice’s attention away from the White Rabbit’s existential crisis.

A short distance away, through a thicket of gnarled, swirling branches, the landscape erupted. It was a riot of color that fought against itself: streaks of raw vermillion clashing with aggressive viridian greens, all under a canopy of electric violet. It was loud, visually overwhelming, and undeniably wet.

The White Rabbit, clutching his hastily drawn watch, shuddered, his unfinished lines seeming to vibrate with distaste. “Don’t go that way, child! That’s the Saturation Zone! The Hatter has completely abandoned all sense of proportion or harmony. He’s destroying the value! It’s all so terribly… loud.”

But Alice, already overwhelmed by the thick texture and anxious energy of her arrival, found herself drawn to the visual noise. At least there, the danger wasn’t fading into the canvas; it was being intensely, brilliantly there.

“I think,” Alice decided, stepping over a thick, coiled stroke of blue that served as a root, “I need to speak to someone who understands color. Perhaps they understand how this world is painted.”

She plunged through the dark, expressive undergrowth.

 

🎨 The Mad Hatter’s Color Party

 

Alice emerged into a clearing where the air didn’t just smell of paint; it smelled of turpentine and fermented tea.

The famous long table was there, but it wasn’t set for tea; it was set for a lesson in chromatic chaos. Instead of fine china, there were pots and buckets overflowing with thick, undiluted pigments. The table itself was not wood, but a slab of brilliant, sticky Cadmium Yellow.

The Mad Hatter, his face painted with feverish, opposing stripes of cyan and magenta, was shouting at a trembling Dormouse who was struggling to balance a tiny teacup. The cup was filled with a liquid that glowed with the unnatural intensity of a pure Phthalo Blue.

“No, no, you infuriating rodent!” the Hatter shrieked, splashing a handful of Alizarin Crimson onto the table, creating a violent, wet mess. “You are sipping Primary Blue next to a background of Primary Yellow! You need a mediator! You need an Orange, or perhaps a delicate Tertiary Violet! Do you have any idea the visual friction you are causing?”

The Dormouse whimpered, his face a perfect, frightened circle of dull beige. “B-but this is the only color that won’t dry, sir!”

The Hatter ignored him and spotted Alice. He slammed his hand down on the yellow table, sending splatters of red and blue pigment flying.

“Ah! A new subject! And look at that lovely, pedestrian blue-and-white contrast!” He circled her, his eyes manic. “You, girl, are a walking exercise in simplicity! Tell me, what is the complement of that dreadful little apron?”

“White?” Alice ventured.

The Hatter threw back his head and laughed, a shrill, manic sound. “White is the absence of color, you dullard! The complement is pure black! You want contrast! You want the tension! The friction that keeps the canvas alive! Sit down, sit down! We are about to perform a great experiment in Value and Hue!

He gestured wildly to an empty chair next to the March Hare. The Hare, unlike his usual frantic self, was sitting perfectly still, coated in a thick, dull layer of umber brown, patiently waiting to dry out.

“Don’t worry about him,” the Hatter muttered, pouring a cup of neon Naples Yellow tea and thrusting it at Alice. “He decided the sheer complexity of color theory was too much, and now he’s waiting to become a restful, non-committal background element. Now, drink! And tell me if you feel the visual heat of that yellow against your blue dress!”

*******************
To be continued.
*******************
 

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Alice Deep in the Jungle

Alice Deep in the Jungle

The humid air of the jungle clung to Alice like a secret, a stark contrast to the familiar, crisp English gardens of her youth. Yet, here she was, not stumbling through a rabbit hole, but walking with purpose on a path of moss-covered stones. The scent of exotic blooms, heavy and sweet, mingled with the earthy aroma of damp soil. Sunlight, fractured into a thousand shimmering beams by the dense canopy, painted shifting patterns on her blue and white mini-dress and the soft leather of her long white boots.

She was no longer the small, curious child who had first tumbled into Wonderland. The years had etched a quiet confidence into her features, a knowing glint in her blue eyes that spoke of countless impossible encounters and challenges overcome. Her long, blonde hair, a silken river, cascaded around her shoulders, catching the golden light.

Above her, iridescent macaws, flashes of sapphire and scarlet, soared between ancient trees draped with lianas, their calls a symphony of the wild. Closer still, oversized hibiscus and bird-of-paradise flowers, rendered in hues too brilliant for any ordinary garden, unfurled their petals in silent welcome. Each leaf, each vine, seemed to pulse with a hidden life, whispering tales of forgotten magic.

Alice paused, a faint, playful smirk touching her lips. The air hummed with serenity, yet she felt the familiar tingle of something extraordinary just beyond her sight. This wasn’t Wonderland, not precisely, but it carried its echoes – the same breathtaking beauty, the same undercurrent of delightful mystery. She wondered which improbable creature she might encounter next, what riddle awaited her in this verdant dreamscape. With a graceful turn, she continued her journey, her boots making soft thuds on the ancient stones, ready for whatever hidden wonders the tropical realm might reveal.

 

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Baby Hippo and Alice

Baby Hippo and Alice

Alice and the Baby Hippo

Alice once mounted a hippo one day,
Who’d lost his way in a puddle of clay.
He huffed and he snorted and splashed with delight,
While Alice held on with all of her might.

“Faster!” she cried, “to the edge of the sky!”
The hippo just winked with a mud-sparkled eye.
They galloped through rushes and lilies and foam,
Quite certain they’d never find their way home.

Through puddles of puddings and rivers of tea,
They splashed past a fish who was trimming a tree.
A frog waved his bonnet, a duck tipped his hat,
And a snail cried, “Good gracious! She’s riding on that?”

The hippo just chuckled, “I’m only a tot,
But galloping’s easy when you’ve learned the trot.”
And off they went bouncing, through dream upon dream,
Till Alice awoke by a murmuring stream.

Her dress was still damp, her shoes full of sand,
And she whispered, “Next time I shall learn how to land!

 

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Christmas Time

Christmas Time – Mistletoe and Wine

The child is a King, the Caroller sing,
The old is past, there’s a new beginning.
Dreams of Santa, dreams of snow,
Fingers numb, faces aglow.

Christmas time, Mistletoe and Wine
Children singing Christian rhyme
With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
A time to rejoice in the good that we see

A time for living, a time for believing
A time for trusting, not deceiving,
Love and laughter and joy ever after
hours for the taking, just follow the master.

Christmas time, Mistletoe and Wine
Children singing Christian rhyme
With logs on the fire and gifts in the tree
A time to rejoice in the good that we see

Silent night, holy night

Its a time for giving, a time for getting,
A time for forgiving and for forgetting.
Christmas is love, Christmas is peace,
A time for hating and fighting to cease.

Christmas time, Mistletoe and Wine
Children singing Christian rhyme
With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
A time to rejo
With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
A time to rejoice in the good that we see.

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An Alice in Wonderland Christmas story

A NEW Alice in Wonderland story this Christmas.

 

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Alice in Wonderland MAYHAM

A NEW Alice in Wonderland story

Click HERE to purchase and download this exciting new eBook

Dunking the Mouse

Dunking the Mouse, Oh, Dunking the Mouse,

What can be better than dunking the Mouse?

Be it with a fine friend like the Rabbit, so stout,

Or on my old lonesome, I love dunking the Mouse.

**************

I open the pot and stick his head in,

And before he’s awoken he’s half the way in.

With Rabbit a-helping, we finish the job,

Then put the lid on, though Mouse is beginning to sob.

 **************

‘Oh please let me out’, he implore us, so meek,

But why should we do that when the tea tastes so sweet?

‘Oh give me a cup of that heavenly brew’,

Says Rabbit to me, ‘and a jam tart for you’.

 **************

I pour out two cups and we sit down anew,

With the tea and the tarts – and with Mouse in the brew,

Until Alice strolls by, and unsettles our ruse,

Saving Mouse from his fate and us from the noose.

**************

*****

***

*

 The Queen of Hearts

The Queen of Hearts,

She made some tarts,

All on a summer’s day.

 *

The Knave of Hearts;

Did he steal those tarts?

 Did he steal them right away?

 *

 The King of Hearts,

Called for the tarts,

And the knave, to beat, for sure.

 *

But the Knave of Hearts,

 Got off scot free,

With Alice, amidst furor.

*********

***

*

Off with her head!

Off with her head, I said, OFF, OFF, OFF!

Off with her head; put it on a block!

Swing your axe high executioner; find the true mark!

I said off with her head, now; make a start!

***********

Why do you want to punish her, so?

Said the King for Alice, standing below.

She is just a child; a mere wisp of a girl,

Searching for Rabbit’s house at the Top of the World.

**********

For a moment the Queen faltered, mulling her plan,

Then she roared, Are you mouse or a man?

Alice’s head it must fall or yours will be next!

Off with her head and don’t make a mess!

**********

Standing, there, listening, Alice thought she was done,

Waiting for the chopper with its final anon.

Then down from the sky an old man appeared,

Then he whisked her away; tucked under his beard!

**********

She won’t be chopping your head, he said with a smile,

Father Christmas, to the poor, startled child.

Let us up and away and follow our snouts,

To the Top of the World and the Rabbit’s fine house.

 **********

Hissing her annoyance, the Queen voiced her thoughts,

Behead everyone, and then she went for a walk.

**********

***

*

I am a Cat

I am a Cat, it said smiling at her,

A Cheshire Cat; you can tell by my fur,

My paws and whiskers are also a hint,

But the smile on my face is most significant.

…………………………………………

I can see by your fur, said Alice – I do,

And also your paws and whiskers; it’s true,

But that smile on your face has me all in a tizz,

Coming and going, in such a whiz.

………………………………………

Still smiling at Alice, the Cat dryly replied,

You’d never believe me; you’d think I had lied,

If the smile on my face was gone; it’s a fact,

No one would listen or look at this Cat.

………………………………………….

Without offering Alice a chance to reply,

The Cat went on with his horrible lie,

Creeping closer and closer, until ever so near,

When he pounced, lashed out, cutting her ear.

…………………………………………..

Feeling the hurt and the blood running down,

Alice said, I was such a clown,

To have ever believed a Cat with a grin,

Take that, and that, you horrible thing!

******

***

*

 

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A Christmas Carol – Betwixt

Ever since I was a child, I have loved Charles Dickens’ story – A Christmas Carol. The passing of years has done nothing to diminish my love of this story. It was with that story in mind that I wrote this one; a tale that ensues alongside the original. I call it A Christmas Carol Betwixt. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did, writing it.

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Click HERE to purchase this eBook

A Christmas Carol Betwixt

An Excerpt

Chapter One

Scrooge could never be anything other than cold

of heart, burning his coal one piece at a time

 

Exiting the counting-house, two gentlemen walked dejectedly away from it. “Mr Fosdyke,” the first gentleman, a plump, grey-haired individual, said, “I am deeply saddened that anyone could be so cold of heart, especially so at this time of the year.”

The second gentleman, sporting thinning, red hair and a ruddy-faced complexion, replied, “Indeed, Mr Hartwell. Imagine, wanting to put the poor and destitute into prisons, to punish them, so, just because of their bad luck. Mr Scrooge must surely be the coldest person in England, this Christmas.”

“His clerk was suffering mightily, so cold that it was in his office,” Mr Hartwell said to his colleague. “Did you see the moribund fire they had set in the grate?”

Nodding, Mr Fosdyke replied, “I did. Mr Scrooge could never be anything other than cold of heart, burning his coal one piece at a time.”

“Come; we have others to call upon before this day has finished with us,” Mr Hartwell said to his colleague.

“Yes,” Mr Fosdyke replied. “I am sure they will – all of them – offer us a better welcome than Mr Scrooge.” As the gentlemen made their way along the narrow, cobbled street, the sound of their footsteps echoed in the cold, shadowy doorways and arches bordering it.

Rounding a bend in the street, Mr Hartwell gasped; shocked to see someone lying face down upon it. “Look,” he said, pointing to the unfortunate person, “someone is in need of our help.”

Approaching the person (it was a male) they tried to ascertain who it might be. “Who is it?” Mr Fosdyke asked his colleague

“I don’t know,” he replied. “He is mightily thin, though.”

“And small,” said Mr Fosdyke.

“Help me to roll him over, so we can take a look at his face,” Mr Hartwell said to his colleague. They rolled him over, onto his back. “My God,” Mr Hartwell gasped, “he is no more than a child!”

“Yes,” Mr Fosdyke concurred. “No more than ten or eleven years of age, I’d hazard a guess.”

“He’s wet to the bone,” Mr Hartwell said, desperately concerned for the child.

“And as cold as the grave,” Mr Fosdyke added. “Come; we must get him indoors, before a warm fire, lest he expires from exposure this very night.”

Later, at the gentlemen’s base in Threadneedle Street, the boy, seated in a chesterfield chair in front of a roaring log fire, offered his hands to the flames, warming them. “Begging your pardon, sirs,” he said, speaking timidly, shyly to his rescuers, “but how did I get here, wherever it is?”

Offering him a mug of piping hot cocoa, Mr Fosdyke said, “You are safe, here; it’s our base. We found you lying unconscious in the street.”

“And on so cold a night,” Mr Hartwell added.  “We feared for your life, so we did.”

Accepting the drink, the boy said, “Thank you, sirs, for helping me.”

Sitting on a chair adjacent the boy, “Mr Fosdyke said, “Pray tell us your name, lad.”

“And why you were lying unconscious in the street at so late of the hour?” Mr Hartwell implored. “Your parents must be sick with worry.”

However, staring blankly into his mug, the boy offered no explanation as to why this was so.

“Has the cat got your tongue,” Mr Fosdyke asked, jesting, trying to lighten the child’s mood.

Running a finger around the rim of his mug, the boy whispered, “My name is Tommy, Tommy Tilbert, sirs.”

“And?” Mr Hartwell asked, urging him to say more.

“And…I had been playing.” he told them, uncomfortably recalling the details.

“Playing outside, at past four of the o’clock – in the month of December?” Mr Hartwell enquired, thinking he heard incorrectly.

“Yes, sir,” Tommy replied. “It’s true!”

“It’s alright,” said Mr Fosdyke,” we believe you, don’t we Mr Hartwell?”

“Humph, yes,” he answered. “Of course! You must have had good reason to be there, on so cold an evening.”

“I did, I did!” Tommy insisted. Running his finger ever faster around the rim of his mug, he said, “You see, sirs…I am homeless – and I was set upon.”

“Set upon?” Mr Hartwell gasped, shocked by this news.

“Yes, sir”” he answered.

“Who attacked you?” Mr Fosdyke asked him.

His finger stopping, Tommy looked up from his mug, and said, “Street urchins.”

“Why did they attack you?” asked the gentlemen.

“Because I am homeless,” he replied.

“But they are also homeless,” said Mr Hartwell, scratching his head, perplexed by it.

“They attacked me because I am not one of them, in their gang,” Tommy explained. “I have not always been homeless, sirs.”

“Why are you homeless, then?” Mr Fosdyke curiously asked him.

His finger running around the ring of his mug once again, Tommy’s thoughts deepened, remembering how it had come about.

“Did you get lost?” Mr Hartwell enquired. “Because if you did, we shall do all that we can to reunite you with your parents.”

Bursting into tears, Tommy wailed, “Mum and dad – are dead!”

Stunned by this news, Mr Hartwell and Mr Fosdyke were at a loss as to what they might say in reply.

Continuing, Tommy sobbed, Mum and dad died last year, just before Christmas. They died of consumption, both of them – the same day.”

“I am so sorry to hear that,” Mr Hartwell said, in all honesty.

“Please accept my sincerest sympathies,” Mr Fosdyke said sympathetically to him.

“Thank you, sirs,” Tommy replied. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he said, “The landlord came to our house the day after my parents’ funeral. He told me to get out, that he had to fumigate it, after them dying from consumption, there. That’s what he said. He told me that I could return a week later, after the fumes had dispersed. But when I returned, there was a new family in our house, and they ran me, threatening me with the police if I came back, so they did.”

“Have you any brothers or sisters?” Mr Hartwell enquired.

“No, sir, not any,” Tommy answered despairingly.

“Have you any relatives?” asked Mr Fosdyke.

“Apart from an uncle and aunt, living somewhere in Pimlico, that I was unable to find, I have none at all,” Tommy glumly replied. “That’s why I was on the street.”

“And why the street urchins picked on you,” said Mr Hartwell.

“Yes,” Tommy answered. Taking off one of his shoes, he reached into it. The gentlemen supposed it was to fish out a stray stone.  Withdrawing his hand, Tommy said, “But they didn’t get this.” He showed them a shiny bright sixpence. Seeing it, the gentleman laughed, so amused that they were by his antics. Perturbed by their reaction, Tommy said, “Why are you laughing at me? This is my life savings!”

“We are laughing with you,” Mr Fosdyke kindly explained, “not at you.”

“Mind your money well,” Mr Hartwell told Tommy. Seeing the funny side of it Tommy chuckled quietly to himself.

Later, after the gentlemen had shown Tommy upstairs, where the housekeeper, Mrs Mablethorpe had put him to bed, Mr Hartwell and Mr Fosdyke relaxed. Seated in front of a roaring log fire, drinking port, they discussed their find. “The child fell asleep the instant his head hit the pillow,” Mr Hartwell said to his colleague.

“Indeed,” Mr Fosdyke concurred, “he was so tired from roaming the streets for almost a year, he was unable to keep his eyes open long enough to bid her goodnight.”

“We must search for the child’s uncle and aunt, this very evening,” Mr Hartwell insisted.

“Indubitably,” Mr Fosdyke replied. “And we shall not rest until we have found them. Mrs Mablethorpe, the housekeeper, will take care of Tommy while we are gone.”

Lighting a taper from the fire, Mr Hartwell offered it to his pipe. Sucking, breathing in the sweet smoke, he relaxed, enjoying the moment. “You know something, Mr Fosdyke,” he said, blowing out smoke. “I have been thinking.”

“Thinking?” Mr Fosdyke replied. “About what?”

Chewing thoughtfully on his pipe, Mr Hartwell said, “About Christmas.”

“Christmas?”

“Yes, Christmas,” he answered. “I have been thinking about it for a while, now. Tommy has focused my thoughts. Let me explain…”

By the time Mr Hartwell had finished explaining, telling Mr Fosdyke his thoughts about Christmas, his colleague was somewhat confused. “Let me get this straight,” he said, “you want to make Christmas better by making it easier?”

“Yes, in a nutshell, that’s it,” Mr Hartwell replied.

“But how is that possible?” Mr Fosdyke asked. “There are so many poor and destitute in England, let alone the rest of the world, it would take a miracle to achieve such a noble ambition.”

Placing his glass of port onto the mantelpiece, Mr Hartwell looked him straight in the eye, and said, “A miracle is exactly what I am hoping for.”

Thinking his colleague had drank one port too many, Mr Fosdyke reached up to the mantelpiece and pushed his glass gently away from him. Laughing good naturedly, Mr Hartwell said, “That was my first glass of port, and well you know it.” Reclaiming his glass, he sipped the delicious liquid. “I can see that you are confused, old chap,” he said, “so I will put it another way.” Returning his glass to the mantelpiece, he continued, “Can you recall what Mr Scrooge said about Christmas?”

“He said many things about Christmas,” Mr Fosdyke answered, “and all of them unfavourable.”

“He most certainly did,” Mr Hartwell admitted. Gazing into the fire, he watched some sparks escaping the logs. When they had disappeared from sight up the chimney, he said, “He also told us that his partner, Mr Marley, died seven years ago, this very night.”

“He did,” Mr Fosdyke answered. “I thought it most peculiar that such a terrible thing happening – and so close to Christmas – had not softened his temperament, not even a bit.”

Inspecting his pipe, Mr Hartwell noticed that it had gone out. Tapping it against the fireplace, he emptied it of spent tobacco. Refilling his pipe, he said, “If I was Mr Marley, alive and well, not dead as a doornail in a cold and damp grave, I would use my money to make this Christmas, indeed every Christmas, better than the one before it.”

“I am sorry, old chap,” said Mr Fosdyke, “but I cannot see how talking about Mr Marley can make Christmas any better or easier.”

“After we have visited his grave, you will,” Mr Hartwell whispered in reply. “After we have visited his grave…”

CONTD

***********************************************

 

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Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World

A NEW Alice in Wonderland Story

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Chapter One

Into The Abyss

It was many years later when Alice had her next adventure, and whilst she was quite surprised to be having one at all, after the passing of so many years, she was even more surprised to see that she was a child again, no older than when she had first entered Wonderland and slipped through that fascinating Looking Glass.
“How curious,” she whispered, trying to recall the child she had once been.
“You took your time getting here,” said the White Rabbit who suddenly appeared in front of her.
“I beg your pardon?” Alice replied, remembering how rude he could be, if he felt so inclined.
“I said you took your time getting here. You should have been here fourteen years ago,” the Rabbit huffed indignantly as he began hopping quickly away from Alice.
“But,” Alice spluttered, running after him, “I have no idea how I arrived, let alone why I am so late!”
“We accept no ifs or buts, here – you should know that by now,” said the Rabbit, as he opened a door which had appeared as suddenly as he. Stepping through, he said, “Hurry up, please don’t dawdle.”
As she followed him through the doorway, trying her to keep up with the fast-hopping Rabbit, Alice surmised that he must have got out his bed on the wrong side, this morning, to be so grumpy on so wonderful a day. And it really was a wonderful day, with a warm sun shining brightly upon them.
‘I wonder where I might possibly be?’ thought Alice, as she admired the pink forget-me-nots skirting a winding path before her. “Am I in Wonderland?” she asked, just as another door, the same as the first one, appeared.
Giving Alice a most peculiar look, the Rabbit said, “Of course we are not in Wonderland.” Opening the door, he told her, “We are on the top of the world.” Having said that, he scurried off, hopping down another winding path, also bordered by pink forget-me-nots.
“The top of the world?” Alice cried out, quite in surprise. “Why, that’s impossible!”
The Rabbit stopped hopping. Turning around, facing Alice, he said, “Then how can you be here, if it’s impossible?”
Flummoxed by the Rabbit’s question, Alice found herself struggling to find a reply. The only thing she was able to come up with was, “I bet you are mad!”
“That all depends,” the Rabbit replied quite matter-of-factly.
“It all depends on what?”
“On whether you mean mad or mad.”
“That’s silly,” said Alice. “They both mean the very same thing.”
“If you were mad number one,” said the White Rabbit, with full conviction of the soundness of his case, “and someone happened to tell you that you were mad number two, you might be very mad indeed, at so fundamental a mistake.”
“But I’m not mad!” Alice insisted, becoming ever more frustrated at so silly a conversation.
“How do you know that you aren’t mad,” asked the Rabbit, who appeared to be enjoying flummoxing Alice, so “when you can’t tell the difference between mad number one and mad number two, I might ask?”
“I just know that I’m not mad!” Alice insisted, stamping her foot, displaying her annoyance at what she considered was questionable logic. Changing the subject, from her possible madness or claimed sanity, Alice informed the Rabbit that another door had appeared and was awaiting his attention.
Turning round, the White Rabbit took hold of the handle and tried to open the door, but it remained stubbornly shut.
“Might I try?” Alice asked, feeling very un-mad. Standing away from the door, the White Rabbit said nothing, but his pink, beady eyes watched her intently.
The door opened easily for Alice. Feeling vindicated, she said, “Could a mad person have done that?” Without waiting for a reply, she stepped through the doorway and fell into a gaping hole on the far side.
“No, they mightn’t,” said the Rabbit, laughing as she disappeared into the hole. “But would they have fallen down there?” Laughing again, he hopped through doorway and into the hole, following Alice…
After a long fall in near to total darkness, a fall that reminded Alice of the time she had fallen down the rabbit hole, into Wonderland, the speed of her descent began to slow. In fact it slowed so much it stopped altogether, and she began rising again. “I don’t want to return up there, even if it is to the top of the world,” she insisted. Staring at the speck of light high above her, she said, “It’s far too far!”
Hearing something passing her by (she had no idea what it could be, for it was far too dark to see properly), Alice jumped onto its back. Holding on tightly, she rode out from the well.
Alice was surprised to see that she was riding a baby hippopotamus, whose skin was as smooth as silk. She wondered how she had been able to stay upon it for second let alone long enough to escape from the dark, dreary place. Alice had so sooner begun thinking about this, when she felt herself slipping, sliding off the baby hippopotamus. Landing with a bump on the hard, dusty ground, she moaned, “I don’t like this place I don’t like it at all.”
“You don’t like it!” said the baby hippopotamus, in a surprisingly high-pitched voice for such an extreme animal. “How do you think I feel? There’s not a drop of water to be seen – anywhere. And we hippos need so much of it!”
Brushing her dress, removing the dust from it, Alice said, “Mr Hippopotamus, I would like to thank you for the ride from out of that cave, or whatever it happens to be. Moreover, it was the most comfortable hippopotamus ride I have ever had (Alice omitted to tell the hippopotamus that it was the only one she had had), thank you, again.”
“My dear child,” it answered, “you are so light I hardly noticed you there. Any time you feel the need to take a ride from out of that dark space, please feel free to jump on my back as I pass you by.”
“Thank you, thank you so much,” she told him. “I shall keep your invitation in my invitation book, and if I don’t find a need for it, I will treasure it always.”
After that the hippopotamus returned to the darkness, searching for some water. However, before he had a chance to begin, Alice heard another soft landing (though it has to be said that it was not as soft as hers). Before she could say Jack Robinson, the White Rabbit appeared, sitting back to front on the baby hippo’s back, riding out, into the bright light.
After the White Rabbit had thanked the baby hippopotamus for the ride (Alice felt he was nowhere near as grateful as she had been), he scolded Alice for having fallen down the hole, before him. He said, “If there is to be any hole-falling done around here, we must first have a vote, to decide who shall be first and who second. Is that clear?”
Although Alice nodded in agreement, she harboured a suspicion that he was quite possibly mad number one, and if not that he was most certainly mad number two.
Another winding path suddenly appeared before them, but this one, although also bordered by flowers, was in no way as inviting as the previous ones. You see, instead of pink forget-me-nots, giant aspidistras sporting green, snapping beaks awaited them.
“Come on, Alice, we have to find our way up, to the very top of the world” said the Rabbit as he hurried past the plants with their snap, snapping beaks.
Alice gasped as the first plant, snapping hungrily at his thick fur, tore a large wad from his back. “Come on, we must return to the top of the world,” he ordered, seemingly oblivious to the dangers posed by the snapping beaks. Having no intention of admitting that she was afraid of some silly old flowers that the Rabbit considered quite harmless, and having even less intention of asking him for his help, Alice got ready to pass down the dangerous path.
By now the White Rabbit was so far ahead of her, Alice doubted she might ever catch up with him. Closing her eyes, taking a first tentative step, she began her way down the aspidistra-bordered path, hoping, just hoping to catch up with the fast hopping Rabbit.
Alice hadn’t finished taking her first step, when one of the snapping beaks tried to remove a piece from her left ear. A second beak, sensing an easy target, pulled violently at her hair, while a third green beak tried to bite off her nose.
“Stop that!” Alice told the bad-mannered plants. “Stop that this instant or I shall be forced to dig you all up, and replant you with rhubarb,” she warned.
Like a switch had been turned, the beaks stopped attacking. Inspecting her head, Alice made sure that it was intact. After she was satisfied that everything was as it had previously been, she said, “Thank you. I can’t ever imagine what has got into you, to behave so rudely. Don’t you know that plants are supposed to be nice, not terrible, awful things?”
As she studied the giant plants, with their green beaklike mouths close in front of her, Alice thought she heard a cry, so she asked, “Who is crying?”
Despite listening intently, Alice heard no reply, as all the while the cry from somewhere deep within the group of plants continued. Then they began swaying, their beak mouths on stalks high above them, also swaying.
“Stop it, stop it,” Alice ordered. “Tell me which of you is crying?”
Although it was still swaying, one of the plants began speaking, it said, “She is crying, the little offshoot, close to my wife – see.” One of its long strappy leaves pointed across to the right.
“Your wife?” Alice asked, in surprise that a plant might actually be married.
“Yes,” the aspidistra replied, swaying some more. “Can you see them?”
“I might, if you stopped swaying,” she said. “I am beginning to feel quite sick from it all.”
“I can’t,” the plant told her. “None of us can. When we are upset, we sway. That’s why we sway so much in the wind, because we don’t like it, because it upsets us so.”
“Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“You can promise that you won’t dig us up…” a baby voice sobbed.
“Of course I won’t dig you up,” Alice promised. “I only said that because of the terrible way you were treating me.”
The plants stopped swaying, allowing Alice to see the child aspidistra tucked lovingly under its mother’s green leaves. Showing no fear for her safety, disappearing beneath the huge plants (she now trusted them unquestionably), Alice approached the baby plant and its doting mother.
“I am sorry,” she said, “if I upset you. Will you please forgive me?”
“Yes, I will,” said the baby plant, trying to hold back sob. “And we are sorry, so sorry that we frightened you. We are like this because we are so hungry… we are usually happy, with smiling beaks to welcome the weary traveller.”
Confused, Alice asked, “Hungry? How can you be hungry when your roots can find all the food that you need?”
“Fertilizer, all plants need fertilizer at some time in their lives,” the baby aspidistra explained. “None of us have had any fertilizer for ages. I have never had any – ever! I don’t even know what it looks like!”
“This is a most terrible state of affairs,” said Alice, scratching her head, trying to work out what could be done to remedy the unfortunate situation. Raising a finger, she asked, “Can I go fetch you some?”
If their beaks had been able to smile, every last beak skirting that path would have been smiling radiantly at Alice. They became so excited at the prospect of getting some fertilizer they began talking furiously amongst themselves. In fact, the plants’ conversation became so loud, so noisy Alice could hardly hear herself think. In the end she had to ask them to stop. “Stop, stop talking, please,” she said, “my ears are hurting from it all.”
It stopped; the excited talking stopped, except for one of the plants, the mother aspidistra, who said, “Do you know where you can find us some fertilizer?”
“I, I don’t know,” Alice replied uncertainly.
Smiling, Alice was sure she saw the beak smiling, when it said, “Go to the fertilizer mine, there you will find all the fertilizer we need.”
“Where is it, the mine?” Alice asked.
“I am sorry, I don’t know, none of us know where it is located,” the mother aspidistra confessed. “But we do know that it most surely exists.”
Seeing how sad the mother plant had become, Alice said, “I will find you some fertilizer, I will find enough fertilizer to feed you all – I promise.”

CONTD

*****

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