At Christmas Everyone Loves a Sprout
Three Old Ladies
Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Three old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Monday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there
The first one’s name was Elizabeth Porter
She went in to be rid of some overdue water
And she stayed there far more than she ought to
And nobody knew she was there.
CHORUS
The second one’s name was Elizabeth Pomphrey
She went in and made herself comfy
Then she said: “Girls, I can’t get my bum free.”
And nobody knew she was there
CHORUS
The last one’s name was Elizabeth Carter
She was known as a world renowned farter
She went in and played a sonata
And nobody knew she was there.
CHORUS
Fantastic Beasts and where to find them
Fantastic Beasts and where to find them,
That’s the aim and conundrum,
For they are keen and magical too,
And if not careful they will get you.
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So when you set off with wand in hand,
Make sure it’s primed with magical rhymes,
For as sure as night follows each day,
You will need that magic to get your way.
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And if you do, if you kill those beasts,
And make the world safe from gruesome deeds,
Don’t you forget how many there are,
Waiting, just waiting to strike from afar.
Fantastic Beats and where to find them
Remember, remember the Fifth of November
Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
the Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I see no reason why Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, t’was his intent to blow up King and Parliament.
Three score barrels were laid below to prove old England’s overthrow;
By God’s mercy he was catch’d with a dark lantern and lighted match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
Hip hip hoorah!
I’m dead and I’m feeling better
I’m dead and I’m feeling better,
Black and white, Vampires all around,
And oh, I must be getting bolder,
The need for blood is trying to get me down,
To the bodies, where it’s flowing away,
Sometimes I just don’t think I should to it,
But I then know it’s more than worth the waiting,
For another chance to drink some sweet warm blood.
Come on drink with me.
There are bodies with warm blood flowing away,
Sometimes I just don’t think I should drink it,
But yet I know it’s more than worth the waiting away
For another chance to drink that sweet warm blood
Come on drink with me.
Are You Normal?
Are you normal?
Do you want to be,
A faceless person in a heaving sea,
With no aims, ambitions, dreams or goals,
Just happily plodding along that road?
Are you slowly dying?
Don’t you feel the magic of each new day,
The sounds of laughter as children play,
The warmth of the sun on your back, so good,
The song of birds, the smell of wood?
Are you passing time?
Don’t you wonder at the sky, so blue?
The start and end so vague to you.
I hear you say, ‘I am happy, still,’
So too is an ant that has no will.
Wake up, wake up!
It’s not too late,
There still is time to change your fate,
Renounce the normal, do something MAD,
Shock them all create a fad.
Be yourself, alive with goals,
With dreams and wonders still untold,
Exult this life in your distinctive way,
It’s yours alone; you must have your say,
Lest you slip into oblivion without a trace…
Reilly, the Slug
There once was a slug called Reilly,
Who was incredibly slimy,
He thought he was smart,
Going out in the dark,
Until he fell down in a hole, did Reilly.
While stuck in that dark place,
Reilly thought about his life and his fate,
About the jerk he had been,
To everyone he had seen,
So he promised to be good, did Reilly.
Suddenly, a stick falling into the hole,
Presented a way to escape from it all,
Freed from that space,
Reilly forgot his promise, though great.
And returned to his bad ways, did Reilly.
One day when Reilly was alone,
He forgot to cover up his dank home,
It was an incredibly hot day,
The sun shone brightly away,
Drying him up, that slug, old Reilly,
The moral of my story is this,
Treat everyone you meet with a wish,
That their life is just fine,
Untroubled by lying and slime,
Don’t end up like silly old Reilly.
Hurricane Season
Hurricane warning for Jamaica, Cuba and Haiti as ‘extremely dangerous’ winds of 115mph to batter Caribbean islands. Somebody told me the hurricane season had already ended!!! Please note: Hurricane season is currently defined as the time from June 1st to the end of November.
