RSS

Tag Archives: ballykillduff

The Silver Needle

The Silver Needle

The Silver Needle

The North Wind did not blow; it exhaled, a long, shivering breath that flattened the dead grass of the meadow. Then came the Quiet.

I arrived in the lungs of the night. I am the Frost, the silent architect, the silver needle that sews the world shut.

I began at the edge of the pond. I am not like the Snow, who is heavy and loud, smothering the earth under a white wool blanket. I am delicate. I moved across the surface of the water, knitting a skin of glass so thin that the fish below looked up and saw a sky made of diamonds.

I climbed the stalks of the sleeping hemlock. I turned the spider’s web—a discarded, messy thing—into a lace veil fit for a ghost. I moved with a mathematician’s precision, tracing the jagged rim of every fallen oak leaf, outlining their veins in crushed pearls.

I found a discarded iron spade leaning against a stone wall. To the humans, it was rust and cold metal. To me, it was a canvas. I grew a forest of ferns across its blade, silver fronds that would never see the sun, for the sun is my executioner.

Near the Haroldstown stones, I found a small wooden birdhouse, empty and forgotten. I did not enter. Instead, I feathered the roof with a thousand tiny daggers of ice, pointing toward the stars.

The world was now a museum of stillness. No twig snapped. No breath was drawn. I had turned the unruly, muddy earth into a kingdom of crystal geometry. I sat upon the world, cold and perfect, waiting for the first grey light of the dawn to turn my silver into gold, knowing that as soon as I was most beautiful, I would vanish.

I am the ghost of the water. I am the memory of the cold. And for one night, I held the earth perfectly still.


 

Tags: , , , ,

A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

Deep in the heart of Ballykillduff, where the tea is strong and the Daleks have replaced their death rays with tinsel, comes a festive greeting just for you.

A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

“Listen here now, humans of the parish! It is I, Dalek O’Shea, and I have a formal announcement before the Angelus rings.

We have scanned the perimeter of the creamery and found no trace of bad luck. Therefore, by order of the Supreme Council (and Father Murphy), you are all sentenced to a Grand Ould Time.


The Festive Mandate

  • EXTERMINATE the dry turkey!
  • CELEBRATE with a decent drop of Jameson!
  • REGENERATE after the third helping of pudding!
  • INFILTRATE the neighbor’s house for a quick gossip and a mince pie!

“You will sit by the fire. You will watch the Late Late Show. You will enjoy yourselves… OR BE EXTERMINATED! (But only after we finish this plate of sandwiches.)”


The Wish

May your chimney be wide enough for a Dalek in a Santa hat, may your cows stay milked, and may your Christmas be more powerful than a Sub-Etheric Transmitter.

Nollaig Shona Duit—EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!


 
 

Tags: , , , ,

Alice and the Places That Think: Ballykillduff Wonderland

Alice and the Places That Think: Ballykillduff Wonderland

Prologue

Alice decided later that the most troubling part was not the sheep.

The sheep was troubling, certainly. It stood in the middle of the lane with the quiet confidence of something that knew it had always been there and always would be. Its wool was the colour of old clouds, its eyes were thoughtful, and around its neck hung a small wooden sign that read:

BACK SOON

Alice read it twice.

“I don’t think that’s how sheep work,” she said politely.

The sheep regarded her in silence, chewing in a manner that suggested deep consideration of the matter. Then it turned, quite deliberately, and began to walk away down the lane.

“Excuse me,” Alice called. “I think you’ve dropped your…”

The sheep did not stop.

Alice hesitated. She had been taught very firmly never to follow strange animals, especially those displaying written notices. But the lane itself seemed to lean after the sheep, curving gently, as if it preferred that direction. Even the hedges appeared to listen.

With a sigh that felt far older than she was, Alice followed.

The lane led her into Ballykillduff.

At least, that was what the sign said. It stood crookedly at the edge of the village, its letters faded and patched over, as though someone had changed their mind halfway through spelling it. Beneath the name, in much smaller writing, was a second line:

Population: Yes

Alice frowned.

The village looked entirely ordinary, which in her experience was often a bad sign. Stone cottages huddled together as if exchanging secrets. A postbox leaned sideways in what might have been exhaustion. Somewhere, a clock was ticking very loudly and very wrongly.

The sheep paused beside the postbox.

It did not look back. It did not need to.

The postbox cleared its throat.

“Letter?” it asked.

Alice jumped.

“I—no,” she said. “I mean, not yet.”

“Take your time,” said the postbox kindly. “We’ve plenty of it. Too much, if you ask me. It keeps piling up.”

The sheep nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Alice said carefully, “but could you tell me where I am?”

The postbox considered this. “Well now,” it said, “that depends. Where do you think you ought to be?”

“I don’t know,” Alice admitted.

“Ah,” said the postbox, sounding relieved. “Then you’re exactly right.”

The sheep turned at last and met Alice’s eyes. For a moment she had the strange feeling that it recognised her.

Then the ground beneath her boots gave a polite little sigh and began to sink.

Alice did not scream. She had learned by now that screaming rarely helped.

Instead, as Ballykillduff folded itself carefully over her like a story closing its covers, she wondered whether anyone at home would notice she was gone.

The sheep watched until she vanished completely.

Then it picked up its sign, turned it around, and hung it back around its neck.

BACK AGAIN.


Chapter One

In Which Alice Arrives Properly, Though Not Entirely on Purpose

Alice discovered that falling into Ballykillduff was not at all like falling into a hole.

There was no rushing wind, no spinning cupboards, no floating bookshelves or jars of marmalade. Instead, there was the distinct sensation of being lowered, as though the ground itself were doing its best to be polite about the whole affair.

The earth sighed again, thoughtfully, and then stopped.

Alice found herself standing upright on a narrow stone path, her boots perfectly clean, her hair only slightly rumpled, and her sense of direction completely missing.

Above her was a sky that could not quite decide what time it was. Clouds hovered in pale layers, some tinged with early morning pink, others sulking in late afternoon grey. A sun of modest ambition shone through the middle, as if unwilling to commit itself fully.

Ahead lay Ballykillduff.

Up close, it was even more ordinary than before. That, Alice felt, was the problem.

A row of cottages leaned together in a way that suggested ongoing conversation. Their windows blinked slowly, like eyes that had just woken up. Smoke curled from chimneys without any particular urgency, drifting sideways and then upwards as though reconsidering.

Alice took one careful step forward.

Nothing happened.

She took another.

Still nothing.

“Well,” she said to herself, “that is either very reassuring or extremely suspicious.”

A man appeared from nowhere in particular, which is to say he stepped out from behind a low stone wall that Alice was quite certain had not been there a moment earlier.

He was tall, thin, and wrapped in a long coat that had known many weathers and disagreed with all of them. In his hand he carried a pocket watch, which he examined with great seriousness.

He did not look at Alice.

“Oh dear,” he muttered. “Not yet. Definitely not yet.”

“Excuse me,” Alice said.

The man startled so badly that he nearly dropped the watch, which he caught just in time and then scolded.

“You shouldn’t do that,” he said to Alice. “Appearing suddenly.”

“I didn’t,” Alice replied. “You did.”

He considered this.

“Well,” he said at last, “we’ll call it a draw.”

He finally looked at her, his eyes sharp and kind and far too alert for someone who seemed permanently behind schedule.

“You’re early,” he said.

“Am I?” Alice asked.

“Oh yes,” he said firmly. “Or late. One of the two. We get very upset if people arrive exactly when they mean to.”

“What is your name?” Alice asked.

“Seamus Fitzgerald,” he said, consulting his watch again. “At least, that’s what it says here. And you are Alice.”

Alice blinked. “How do you know that?”

Seamus smiled apologetically. “You’ve been expected.”

“I have only just arrived,” Alice said.

“Yes,” Seamus agreed. “That’s what I mean.”

Before Alice could ask anything else, a bell rang.

It was not a loud bell, nor an urgent one. It sounded as though it had rung many times before and had learned not to get worked up about it.

Seamus gasped.

“Oh dear,” he said. “That will be Bridget.”

“Who is Bridget?” Alice asked.

Seamus was already walking away.

“You’ll see,” he said over his shoulder. “Everybody does.”

Alice followed him into the village.

As she did, she noticed that the houses were watching her now, not rudely, but with the quiet interest one might show a guest who had arrived without luggage and clearly intended to stay.

Somewhere behind her, the sheep coughed.

Alice did not turn around.

She had a feeling that once you began turning around in Ballykillduff, you might never stop.

And that, she suspected, was how the village liked it.

To read the rest of this story, click HERE – and enjoy

 

Tags: , , ,

When the President of Ireland met the Ballykillduff Daleks

When the President of Ireland met the Ballykillduff Daleks

When the President of Ireland met the Ballykillduff Daleks

The presidential motorcade, usually a beacon of solemnity, was currently attempting a precarious three-point turn in a field that smelled distinctly of prize-winning Kerry cows. Inside, President McMurrow, a man whose silver hair and kindly eyes belied a mischievous wit, chuckled. “Remind me again, Fiona,” he addressed his chief of staff, “why we bypassed the usual diplomatic channels for a direct engagement with… the Ballykillduff Daleks?”

Fiona, a woman who had seen it all – from rogue shamrock presentations to international incidents involving a missing Taoiseach and a particularly enthusiastic hurling team – sighed. “Because, Mr. President, their ‘Exterminate All Humans’ manifesto was getting an alarming amount of traction on TikTok, and Fine Gael were starting to panic about the youth vote.”

Just then, a shrill, metallic voice screeched from beyond the hawthorn hedge. “EXTERNAL-LIN-GUISH! EX-TER-NAL-LIN-GUISH THE GRAZING MENACE!”

“Ah,” President McMurrow adjusted his tie, a subtle nod to the seriousness of the occasion. “Sounds like our welcoming committee.”

They emerged to a truly surreal sight. Five Daleks, unmistakably Daleks, but with a distinct Ballykillduff charm. One had a tricolour painted rather crudely on its side. Another wore a tiny, ill-fitting leprechaun hat. The leader, a particularly rusty specimen, had what looked suspiciously like a hurley stick strapped to its casing.

“GREET-INGS, FLESH-BAG!” screeched the hurley-wielding Dalek. “WE ARE THE DA-LEKS OF BALLY-KILL-DUFF! PRE-PARE TO BE… ENTER-TAINED!”

President McMurrow raised an eyebrow. “Entertained, you say? Not exterminated?”

“EX-TER-MIN-ATE IS SO… LAST SEA-SON,” replied another Dalek, its eye-stalk swivelling to glare at a sheep that had dared to bleat nearby. “WE HAVE DE-CID-ED TO EM-BRACE LO-CAL CUL-TURE!”

It turned out their TikTok fame had come from their surprisingly viral Riverdance routine. “WE HAVE MOD-I-FIED OUR PLUN-GERS FOR PER-CUSS-IVE DANC-ING!” explained the Dalek with the leprechaun hat. “WOULD YOU LIKE A DEM-ON-STRA-TION, MR. PRES-I-DENT?”

Before McMurrow could answer, a local farmer, Seamus O’Malley, ambled over, scratching his head. “Are these the fellas who keep rearrangin’ my hay bales into the shape of the Millennium Falcon?”

The Daleks froze. “NEG-A-TIVE! THAT IS A SLAN-DER-OUS AC-CU-SA-TION!”

“Oh, come off it,” Seamus scoffed. “My prize-winning ram, Brendan, saw you! Said you were humming the Star Wars theme tune!”

President McMurrow, struggling to suppress a laugh, intervened. “Gentlemen, perhaps we could discuss your, ah, ‘cultural integration’ over a cup of tea? I believe Fiona has brought some Tayto.”

The word ‘Tayto’ seemed to short-circuit the Daleks. “POT-AT-O BASED SNACK PROD-UCT? EX-PLAIN! EX-PLAIN!”

Hours later, the presidential motorcade departed, leaving behind a scene of utter bewilderment and joy. The Ballykillduff Daleks were now sporting tiny GAA jerseys, had learned to play a passable bodhrán rhythm with their plungers, and were eagerly discussing the merits of cheese and onion crisps versus salt and vinegar.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 15, 2025 in daleks, Ireland, president

 

Tags: , , , ,

The Twelve Dalek Days of Christmas

The Twelve Dalek Days of Christmas

The Daleks of Ballykillduff and the Twelve Days of Absolutely Catastrophic Christmas

Ballykillduff was gearing up for its usual festive carnage when the three Daleks (Zeg, Zog, and Zag) decided Christmas was a strategic weakness ripe for conquest. They were wrong. Spectacularly, hilariously, catastrophically wrong.

Day 1 – A Partridge in a Pear Tree Zeg declared himself the new Lord of Christmas and tried to occupy the village pear tree. The tree had ideas. One gust of wind and Zeg shot out like a metallic cannonball, landing upside-down in Mrs Mulgrew’s prize-winning compost heap. “EXTERMINATE THE COMPOST!” he shrieked, muffled by six feet of rotting cabbage. Mrs Mulgrew charged out in hair curlers, brandishing a broom. “You’ll be compost yourself, ya pepper-pot gobshite!” Zeg spent the rest of the day being hosed down by the fire brigade while the entire village filmed it for TikTok.

Day 2 – Two Turtle Doves Zog kidnapped the doves to interrogate them about “avian loyalty.” The doves shat on his dome in perfect unison, then flew off with his eyestalk cover. He chased them screaming “RETURN MY OPTIC!” straight into the duck pond. Ducks 3 – Three French Hens** The hens belonged to Sister Bernadette. They were ninja hens. Zog is still convinced they were cyber-converted. He has PTSD and flinches every time someone says “coq au vin.”

Day 4 – Four Calling Birds Zag tried to weaponising them with tiny Dalek voice modulators. The birds learned one phrase: “ZAG IS A SPAWNFACE.” They followed him everywhere for a week, screeching it at 140 decibels. He now sleeps with industrial earmuffs.

Day 5 – FIVE GOOOOLD RIIIINGS Zeg stole the five gold rings from the jeweller and tried to wear them like Olympic medals. They got stuck on his plunger. The fire brigade had to come back. Again. The chief now has a special “Dalek wedged in something stupid” incident code.

Day 6 – Six Geese a-Laying The geese took one look at three rolling dustbins shouting “EXTERMINATE” and decided it was go-time. Live-streamed goose chase lasted twenty-three glorious minutes. Final score: Geese 47, Daleks 0. Zeg’s dignity is still missing, presumed pecked to death.

Day 7 – Seven Swans a-Swimming The swans were rented from a posh estate for the crib scene. Daleks attempted a synchronized swimming takeover. Swans formed a V-formation and torpedoed them like feathery missiles. Zog was last seen doing 360-degree spins in the fountain yelling “WHY IS EVERY BIRD IN IRELAND EVIL?”

Day 8 – Eight Maids a-Milking The maids were actually eight burly farmers’ daughters who’d had three pints each at the pub. They mistook the Daleks for novelty kegs, flipped them upside down, and tried to “tap” them. Milk stout was not improved by Dalek hydraulic fluid.

Day 9 – Nine Ladies Dancing Céilí night. The Daleks stormed the hall demanding everyone riverdance in perfect Dalek formation. The band struck up “The Siege of Ennis” at double speed. The floor had been waxed with Murphy’s Homemade Furniture Polish (90% butter). All three Daleks achieved low-orbit skids, ricocheted off the walls like pinballs, and took out the Christmas tree, the buffet table, Father Murphy, and the life-size Baby Jesus in one glorious crash. The village gave them a standing ovation and voted it “Best Nativity Ever.”

Day 10 – Ten Lords a-Leaping The lords were the Ballykillduff under-12 hurling team in panto costumes. They used the Daleks as goalposts. Zag still has a hurley stuck through his grille.

Day 11 – Eleven Pipers Piping The pipe band marched straight at them playing “Garryowen” at full volume. Zeg’s audio circuits overloaded; he started speaking only in bagpipe noises for six hours. “SKRL-SKRL-SKREEEEE—EXTERMINATE—SKRL!”

Day 12 – Twelve Drummers Drumming Christmas Eve. The Daleks, battered, leaking, one still wearing a goose feathers like a Hawaiian skirt, rolled to the top of the hill for one last stand. Zeg raised his gunstick: “On the twelfth day of Christmas the Daleks give to you… TOTAL OBLITERATION!” Snow started falling. The village kids pelted them with snowballs. One perfect snowball hit Zeg’s power cell. He short-circuited, lights flashing like a disco, and began singing “Jingle Bells” in a helium voice. Zog and Zag joined in, completely against their will. The entire village gathered, phones out, singing along while three mortified Daleks performed an involuntary Christmas concert on the hillside.

Midnight struck. Church bells rang. Even the geese shut up for a minute.

Zeg’s eyestalk drooped. “Temporary… ceasefire. For tactical reasons.” Someone stuck a Santa hat on him. Someone else tied tinsel round Zog’s plunger. Zag got a sprig of mistletoe wedged in his gun barrel and spent the rest of the night accidentally kissing pensioners.

Mad Jimmy McGroggan raised his pint from the pub doorway and roared: “Merry Christmas, ya glorified teapots!”

And from the top of the hill came three metallic voices, small and very, very embarrassed:

“MER-RY CHRIST-MAS… TO YOU… FILTHY HU-MANS.”

Then, quieter: “…and don’t tell the Supreme Dalek.”

Best Christmas Ballykillduff ever had. The geese are already booked for next year.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 8, 2025 in ballykillduff, carlow, dalek, daleks

 

Tags: , ,

THE BALLYKILLDUFF DALEKS SAVE CHRISTMAS

A Festive Tale


CHAPTER ONE

Snow on Ballykillduff Hill

Ballykillduff was not known for dramatic weather. Rain was expected. Mists drifted in like gossip and no one questioned them.
Snow, however, did not fall in this part of Carlow. Not ever.

Which was why the villagers stared at the sky on Christmas Eve as soft flakes began to drift down with the elegance of ballet dancers who had taken a wrong turn.

Jimmy McGroggan burst out of his shed and threw his arms wide.

“I told you so,” he shouted. “The Weather Encourager Three Thousand works at last. I have finally persuaded the heavens to behave.”

Before he could continue bragging, three Daleks came sliding down Ballykillduff Hill.
“Slipping,” cried Zeg. “This terrain is treacherous.”
“My lower section is freezing,” shouted Zog.
“The ground is attempting to exterminate us,” howled Zag.

They crashed together in a perfect metallic heap inside Jimmy’s gooseberry bushes.
Jimmy sighed in a way that suggested he was used to this sort of thing.

Click HERE to continue reading this story.

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

The Ballykillduff Banger

The Ballykillduff Banger

The Ballykillduff Banger (A Ballad of Mad Jimmy) 

(Verse 1) In Ballykillduff, where the grass is so green, Lived a man named Jimmy McGroggan, the wildest ever seen! They called him “Mad Jimmy”, but not for bad grace, He once tried to heat up the entire whole place! With a kettle and toaster, and a spring from a peg, He wasn’t quite right from the waist to the leg! He was just inventive, you see, a mechanical nut, Like a squirrel who stores nuts in a lawnmower’s gut!

(Chorus) Oh, the Ballykillduff Banger, a sight for sore eyes, A chariot of junk, underneath Irish skies! A mobile compost heap and a Transformer blue, Mad Jimmy’s creation, for me and for you! It’s got a wee wobble, it’s got a small cough, But when he got going, the wheel just fell off!

(Verse 2) Jimmy had a dream, not of riches or fame, But to drive a fine motor and utter its name! Now, banks made him sneeze and the law made him frown, So he built his own car from the junk of the town! The lads in the pub put their money down fast, They bet his poor shed wouldn’t properly last. His garden, a scrapyard, a magpie’s delight, With half a fridge, a pram, and a bathtub painted: “CURSED! DO NOT SIT TIGHT!”

(Verse 3) The chassis was bunk beds, all twisted and old, The engine from a lawnmower, the tale must be told! Four wheels he found, two from a trolley so bright, One from a wheelie bin, one from a unicycle‘s might! The steering wheel? Ah, a dinner plate grand, Glued fast to the shaft of a Dyson in hand! The horn was a bicycle bell, gave a “meep” when it cared, And the seat was a toilet with a cushion prepared!

(Chorus) Oh, the Ballykillduff Banger, a sight for sore eyes, A chariot of junk, underneath Irish skies! A mobile compost heap and a Transformer blue, Mad Jimmy’s creation, for me and for you! It’s got a wee wobble, it’s got a small cough, But when he got going, the wheel just fell off!

(Bridge) Sunday morning arrived, the townsfolk all near, Father Dunne kept his distance, quite sheltered by fear! Jimmy put on his goggles (a sieve with some film), The engine went “brrrrrrr” like a goat in a chill! He shot down the hill, then he spun to the side, Right into the hen house where Seamus’s chickens reside! Jimmy popped out the hole, with a feather on top, “She handles like a dream! Full of terror and POP!”

(Verse 4) They made a repair, added the bathtub as a seat, A microwave door for the glass, isn’t that neat? He tried one more time, on a hill stiff and steep, He made it just seven feet, then fell fast asleep! ‘Cause the wheel took a runner and flew down the slope, Chased by a child, a dog, and Father Dunne shouting: “NOPE! It’s heading for the Sacristy, oh dear, dear, dear!”

(Outro) Now the Banger is parked, an exhibit for sure, Tourists take selfies beside the front door. But Jimmy sits in it each Friday at dark, Sippin’ tea from a spark plug, just having a lark! Hands on the dinner plate, engine noises he’ll make, “Best car that I owned!” for goodness’ sweet sake! And smoke rises gently from somewhere amiss, But nobody tells him, they just nod and they kiss! Ah, nobody tells him otherwise!

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

The Ringmaster’s Chant

The Ringmaster’s Chant

**🎩 The Ringmaster’s Chant

(Spoken, low and hypnotic)**

“Ladies… gentlemen… wanderers in the dusk…
Lean closer now.
Don’t worry—
the shadows lean closer too.

In this tent of trembling light,
names slip,
faces shift,
and truths grow thin as moth-wings.

Repeat after me—
silently,
inside your obedient little minds:

Look not too long…
Look not too deep…
The circus wakes what should not wake from sleep…

For here, under the pearl and black,
the mirrors do not show you—
they show
what you fear you are becoming.

Listen…
Do you hear the canvas breathing?
Do you feel the ground remembering your steps?
Good.
It means the circus has seen you.

Now hush.
The show begins when the tent blinks.
And if it keeps its eyes open…
you may yet walk out
the same shape
as you walked in.”

 

Tags: , , , , ,

The Circus of Grotesques: It Will Change Your Life Forever.

The Circus of Grotesques: It Will Change Your Life Forever.

Chapter One

The Posters Arrive Out of Nowhere

On the morning it began, Ballykillduff woke up to an extra silence.

It wasn’t the usual sort of quiet you get before the rain, or the muffled hush after a good snowfall. This was a listening sort of silence, as if the whole village were holding its breath and waiting for something it couldn’t quite remember ordering.

The first to notice anything odd was a sheep.

She was an elderly ewe with a permanently offended expression and a tendency to wander off, which is exactly what she was doing—stomping along the lane toward the bridge, muttering in a sheepish sort of way—when a sudden gust of wind slapped a sheet of paper against her woolly flank.

The paper stuck there, fluttering like a strange rectangular tail.

The sheep stopped, blinked slowly, and decided—fairly—that this was one indignity too many. She shook herself. The paper refused to budge.

So Ballykillduff began its day with one very grumpy sheep trotting around the village green wearing an enormous poster as a cape.

No one questioned this at first. Ballykillduff was that kind of place.


Bridget O’Toole noticed the posters second.

She came out of McGroggan’s shop with a bag of flour in one hand and a packet of teabags in the other, intending to head straight home and not talk to anyone if she could possibly help it. That was her usual morning plan, and it rarely worked.

Today it didn’t even survive the pavement.

She stopped dead on the step, the way you do when something is so out of place that your brain needs a moment to catch up.

The noticeboard outside the shop was usually a patchwork of ordinary life: lost dogs, second-hand bikes, offers to teach the tin whistle, the eternal yellowing flyer for “Yoga with Maureen (Beginner Friendly, Bring Your Own Mat!).”

Today, every single scrap of paper was gone.

Instead, the whole board was covered edge to edge by one vast poster, so fresh the corners still curled.

It was printed in deep inky black and a strange, shimmering pearl that seemed to move when she looked at it. Not like glitter, which twinkled and sparkled and showed off, but like the inside of a seashell, where colours slid shyly from one to another.

In the centre, in letters that looked almost hand-drawn and yet impossibly perfect, were the words:


CIRCUS OF THE GROTESQUES

It Will Change Your Life Forever


Bridget read it twice, then a third time just to be sure it still said the same thing.

“Grotesques,” she murmured under her breath. “That doesn’t sound very nice at all.”

“Depends what you mean by nice,” said a voice behind her.

She jumped and spun around, slopping a little flour onto the step.

Jimmy McGroggan stood there, hands in his pockets, hair doing its usual impression of a startled hedgehog. He peered at the poster over her shoulder, squinting.

“If I’d made that,” he declared, “I’d have used better paper.”

“Did you make it?” Bridget demanded.

Jimmy looked genuinely offended. “Bridget O’Toole, if I were going to plaster the village with something, I’d sign my name at the bottom and probably add a small diagram. No, this isn’t mine. The ink’s wrong. Smell it.”

“I’m not smelling a poster,” Bridget said crisply.

Jimmy leaned closer anyway and inhaled. “Huh. Thought so.”

“What?”

“Smells like the page of a book you haven’t opened yet,” he said. “And just a bit like matches. Interesting.”

Before Bridget could decide what sort of reply that deserved, a small boy barrelled between them and slammed to a halt in front of the board.

“Whoa,” breathed Patrick Byrne. “Did you see the sheep?”

“What about the sheep?” asked Bridget.

“She’s wearing one of these things!” Patrick waved an arm at the poster, eyes wide. “Walked right past our gate like a circus queen. Nearly choked on my toast.”

“Then someone’s been busy,” Jimmy muttered. “This one here, and one on the sheep… I suppose the bridge lamppost has one too.”

He said it like a joke.

But when they turned to look, there it was: another poster wrapped neatly around the lamppost on the bridge, the pearl letters catching the weak morning sun.


By ten o’clock, everybody knew.

The posters had not appeared in ones and twos, the way normal notices did. They had multiplied in the night like mushrooms after rain.

There was one on the door of The Giddy Goat pub, another tucked neatly inside the window of the tiny post office, one pinned to the fence outside the primary school (which the headmistress removed three times before giving up, because every time she walked away, another one very quietly took its place).

There was even a poster folded under the sugar bowl in Mrs Prendergast’s kitchen, which was especially impressive because Mrs Prendergast never let anything lie around in her kitchen without first interrogating it sternly.

She unfolded it with two fingers as if it might explode.

“Circus of the Grotesques,” she read aloud to her kettle. “It will change your life forever.”

The kettle, wisely, said nothing.

Mrs Prendergast sniffed. “Nothing good ever promises to change your life forever, unless it’s a winning lottery ticket or a decent pair of slippers.”

She turned the paper over, looking for a clue. There was no address, no phone number, no small print, no “terms and conditions apply.”

Just the same message, printed again in tiny lettering along the bottom edge. The pearl ink winked at her.

She crossed herself three times and put the poster on top of the bread bin, where she could keep an eye on it.


By half past eleven, Ballykillduff had achieved the rare and powerful state known as Total Gossip Saturation.

In McGroggan’s shop, people queued for bread they didn’t need and milk they already had, purely for the pleasure of discussing the matter at length.

“It’s a prank,” declared Seamus Fitzgerald, who was naturally nervous about everything and found comfort in deciding things were nothing to worry about. “Has to be. Someone from Tullow, probably. They think they’re very funny up there.”

“Tullow wouldn’t know a proper prank if it bit them,” said Jimmy. “And anyway, have you seen the paper? Feel that.”

He shoved a folded poster into Seamus’s hands. Seamus took it like it might be electrified.

“It’s just paper,” he said.

“Ah, but is it?” Jimmy grinned. “It’s like no paper I’ve ever seen. Flexible, but strong. Look—no crease marks. The ink doesn’t smudge. And smell it.”

“Why does everyone want me to smell things this morning?” Seamus muttered, but he leaned in all the same.

He sniffed once, hesitated, then sniffed again. “It smells… odd.”

“Like the inside of a magician’s sleeve,” Jimmy suggested.

“Like trouble,” Bridget put in from behind, placing a loaf and a packet of tea onto the counter. “We don’t need any kind of circus here, grotesque or otherwise.”

“What’s a grotesque?” asked Patrick from his place by the door. He had been hovering there for the best part of twenty minutes, listening to every word, and was now buzzing with an excitement nobody else seemed to share.

“A gargoyle that’s taken itself too seriously,” Jimmy said promptly.

Bridget rolled her eyes. “It means strange. Ugly, maybe. Twisted.”

Patrick considered this. “So… like Aunt Philomena’s hat.”

Despite herself, Bridget half-smiled. “Something like that.”

“Maybe it’s one of those fancy modern circuses,” Seamus ventured, clearly trying to talk himself out of being anxious. “You know the sort. People dangling from the ceiling with ribbons. Clowns that don’t wear proper noses. They call everything grotesque these days.”

“They do not,” said Bridget.

“Well,” said Seamus feebly, “they might.”

Jimmy tapped the poster. “Whoever they are, they’re good. No phone number, no website, no nothing. That means they’re confident.”

“Or careless,” said Bridget.

“Or magical,” said Patrick.

The adults ignored that, which only strengthened his belief.


At lunchtime, the older children escaped the primary school and poured into the lane like bottled-up marbles, spilling in all directions and converging, as marbles often do, on the most interesting thing nearby.

Which today was, of course, the posters.

“It will change your life forever,” Patrick read aloud for the fiftieth time as he and his friends clustered around the one on the school fence.

“That’s a big promise,” said Maeve Molloy, folding her arms. “What if I like my life the way it is?”

“It might change it for the better,” Patrick said. “Like, I could get taller. Or be able to do that football trick where the ball spins and curves around everyone and into the goal.”

“You can barely tie your laces,” Maeve reminded him.

“That’s because laces are a trap designed by adults,” Patrick said solemnly. “Besides, it’s a circus. There’ll be acrobats and lions and people swallowing fire.”

“Grotesques,” Maeve said pointedly. “Not lions.”

“Grotesque lions, then. Even better.”

Behind them, the sheep trotted past, still wearing her poster cape. Some of the younger children applauded. The sheep rolled one unamused eye and kept walking.

“Do you think it’s real?” Patrick asked, quieter now.

Maeve shrugged. “The posters are real.”

“No, I mean the bit about changing your life.” He ran a finger along the swirling letters. “You think a circus can do that?”

Maeve hesitated. Her parents had told her in no uncertain terms that it was advertising nonsense and she was not to go lurking near any strange tents that might appear.

But the words on the paper sent a fizzy little feeling up her arms all the same.

“It’s just a poster,” she said, a little too briskly. “Posters say all sorts of things. Anyway, where would a circus even go? The meadow by the bridge is too small. And Dad says the ground’s terrible.”

“Maybe they know a trick,” Patrick said. “Maybe it just… appears.”

Maeve rolled her eyes in a way that said, You’re ridiculous and I hope you’re right all at once.


By late afternoon, even the birds seemed to have joined in.

Crows perched along the telegraph wires like a line of scruffy punctuation marks, cawing their opinion of the matter to anyone who would listen. Starlings swooped and spiralled above the fields, patterns shifting as if trying to spell something no human eye could quite read.

The wind picked up, tugging at the posters, making them flicker and flap.

Every now and then, if the breeze caught them just right, a few words seemed to whisper loose and go floating across the village in snatches.

“Circus…”
“…grotesques…”
“…change your life…”

Bridget heard them while she hung washing on the line.

She paused, a damp shirt in her hands, and looked up. The sky was pale blue and ordinary. The fields were just fields. The washing just washing.

And yet.

She thought of the words on the noticeboard. It will change your life forever.

“I don’t want my life changed,” she told the pegged-up socks and small flapping ghosts of shirts. “I just want it… not to hurt so much.”

The shirts declined to comment. A poster on the opposite fence rippled, folded in on itself, and unfolded again, as if quietly breathing.

Bridget shivered and went back indoors.


By evening, Ballykillduff had made up its collective mind in the way small places often did: noisily, contradictorily, and all at once.

In The Giddy Goat, the regulars declared it a swindle, a wonder, a sign of the times, a sign of the end times, a ridiculous fuss about nothing, and definitely, definitely not as interesting as the bad winter of ’82 when the milk froze in the bottles and the cows had to be persuaded not to lie down and give up.

In the houses and cottages scattered along the lanes, people argued quietly over dinner. Parents told children they certainly would not be going to any circus that turned up unannounced like a stray dog. Children nodded and said of course not, and wondered which window would be easiest to climb out of.

Jimmy McGroggan stayed up late at his workbench, a poster pinned under the light, muttering to himself as he tested the ink with cotton buds and strange little devices of his own invention.

Mrs Prendergast moved her poster three times—to the bread bin, then the mantelpiece, then finally under her mattress, where she could feel its faint, pearly warmth through the sheets.

And in his small bedroom at the back of a narrow house with peeling paint, Patrick lay awake, staring at the ceiling.

He could just see the corner of the poster on his wall from his pillow. He had very carefully peeled one off the school fence on the way home and worn it under his jumper like a secret armour until he reached his room.

Now it hung opposite his bed, perfectly flat, as if the wall had been waiting for it.

“Circus of the Grotesques,” he whispered in the dark. “It will change your life forever.”

He tried the words out in different tones.

Excited.
Scared.
Suspicious.
Hopeful.

In the end, they always came out sounding the same: like a promise and a dare wrapped around each other.

“I wouldn’t mind a bit of changing,” he admitted to nobody.

The house creaked the way old houses do when they’re settling in for the night. A car went by on the lane, its headlights briefly licking at the poster’s surface. For the smallest moment, the pearl letters seemed to glow with their own inner light.

Patrick sat up.

“Hello?” he whispered, feeling rather foolish.

The poster did not reply in any way a sensible person would recognise.

But somewhere in the village, carried on a wind that didn’t belong to the weather, a handful of words drifted faintly through the open crack of his window—so faintly that he might almost have dreamed them:

Step inside the pearl-and-black…

Patrick caught his breath.

He scrambled out of bed and pushed his face to the glass, squinting out into the night.

The meadow by the bridge lay dark and empty. The lamppost stood straight and lonely. The old sheep was asleep somewhere, cape and all.

There was no tent. No lights. No circus.

Only the posters, shivering on their nails and fences and lampposts, quivering as if holding in a secret.

Patrick pressed his forehead to the cool pane.

“You’ll come,” he told the night. “I know you will.”

Far off, beyond the fields and hedges and the comforting boundaries of Ballykillduff, something heard him.

Something that travelled between villages like a rumour and between hearts like a song.

The wind shifted, just a little.

The posters all over Ballykillduff rustled at once, a soft papery sigh like an audience taking their seats.

In the morning, everyone would say the same thing:

The posters had been odd enough.

But the truly strange part—the part no one could explain, no matter how they argued—was this:

The next day, without a single person seeing so much as a rope, a peg, a wagon, or a man with a hammer, a great striped tent stood in the meadow by the bridge.

But that is for another chapter.

To be continued

Click HERE to continue reading this story

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on November 29, 2025 in ballykillduff, grotesques

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Circus of the Grotesques

Circus of the Grotesques

Circus of the Grotesques (It Will Change Your Life Forever)

(A song for Doctor Vaude and the people of Ballykillduff)

[Verse 1]
The fog came down on Ballykillduff,
With posters on the wall,
And no one saw the tent go up,
But everyone heard the call.
A shimmer of pearl and shadow black,
A sign with a curious lore:
“Admission, one memory, no refunds—
But you’ll never be quite as before.”

[Chorus]
🎵 Step inside, dear dreamers, step inside and see,
The Circus of the Grotesques, where you trade what used to be.
Give us one small moment that your heart can spare,
We’ll change your life forever—if you’ve the mind to dare. 🎵

[Verse 2]
Madame Tallow of Wax and Whispers danced,
Her words like smoke and fire,
She told your truth before you knew,
And left your thoughts to tire.
The Gentleman Beast in velvet shame,
Spoke softly of his fall—
And every soul in Ballykillduff
Felt beast and man in all.

[Chorus]
🎵 Step inside, dear dreamers, step inside and see,
The Circus of the Grotesques, where your secrets come to be.
We’ll mend your pain and polish your despair,
We’ll change your life forever—if you’ve the mind to dare. 🎵

[Bridge 1]
Clockwork Twins ticked time away,
A minute each for tears,
The Librarian turned blank white pages
Filled with gentle years.
The Cook of Impossible Flavours smiled,
“Have a taste of who you were.”
And somewhere in the tent that night,
The stars began to stir.

[Verse 3]
Norah O’Dea with her toffee stick,
Raised her hand so small,
Said, “I’ll be brave, and I’ll be changed,”
Before them, one and all.
The ringmaster bowed, his smile too bright,
The tent bent close to hear,
And Ballykillduff held its breath—
Between wonderment and fear.

[Chorus — Slower, Lamenting]
🎵 Step inside, dear dreamers, pay the price of air,
One small memory traded, one truth laid bare.
You’ll leave a little lighter, you’ll walk a little strange,
For the Circus of the Grotesques has a gift called change. 🎵

[Bridge 2]
They called her name three times in love,
And once with iron will,
The black salt hissed, the lights went white,
And time stood faintly still.
Norah faced the ringmaster proud,
Her eyes as bright as glass—
She said, “Let’s play a riddle’s game,
To see what comes to pass.”

[Verse 4]
“What grows lighter shared, yet heavy kept?”
The ringmaster asked the air.
Norah smiled, “A story told—
It lives when it’s laid bare.”
Her riddle came like April rain,
“The cost of kind undone?”
He sighed, “A knot within the dark—
Until it’s all unspun.”

[Final Chorus — Triumphant, Soft Echo]
🎵 Step inside, dear dreamers, step inside and see,
The Circus of the Grotesques set your memory free.
What you lose will find you, though it may rearrange,
No refunds ever needed—only change. 🎵

[Outro — Spoken softly, as if by Doctor Vaude]
“Forever,” we promised. “Change,” we gave.
Both are true, and both behave.
So mind your steps, remember the fair,
The tent is gone—but the air is there.

🎵 No refunds… plenty of change. 🎵

 
 

Tags: , , , , ,