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Monthly Archives: March 2014

He Thought He Saw…

He thought he saw a politician,

Who lived the perfect life,

He looked again, and saw it was,

A huge, humongous lie .

That’s it, he said, I realise,

The foolishness of life.

It’s a mess

He thought he saw an honest man,

Within the parliament,

He looked again, and saw it was,

Another bloated blimp.

Unless they leave this house,” he said,

There’ll be no hope, I think.”

It’s a real mess!

He thought he saw a banker man,

Who made an honest buck,

He looked again, and saw he was,

Entwined in all the muck.

If I were king, he said,

His head would be on the block.

It’s a terrible mess!

He thought he saw a banker’s clerk,

A man of honest youth,

He looked again, and saw he was,

A succubus forsooth.

If he should stay, he said, for sure,

My savings I will lose.

Crikey, what a mess!

He thought he saw a kangaroo,

Hopping down his street one day,

He looked again, and saw it was,

A banker’s ill gained pay.

Were I to accept this, he said,

It would be a dark, dark day.

Mess, mess, mess!

He though he saw limousine,

With groom and bride, so sweet,

He looked again, and saw it was,

The country on its knees.

We’re lost, he said, the country’s bust,

Kaput, no more, deceased.

Fix the mess!

He though he saw a shaft of light,

That shone through all this gloom,

He looked again, and saw it was,

The cold, reflected moon.

If I were young, he said aloud,

I’d make them swing – and soon!

Get those who are responsible for the mess!

He though he saw a chink of light,

A way from all this mess,

He looked again, and saw it was,

Their New World Order – yes!

Their ways are bad, corrupt, he said

For them, not us, excess.

And when we get them, what are we going to do with them?

He thought he saw the final words,

Inscribed upon a sheet,

He looked again, and saw it was,

Them sweating from the heat.

They thought us fools, he sorely said,

Come on, we’ve lives to lead!

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If THIS is what the New World Order is like, they can keep it!

 

I don’t care what you call me

as long as you enjoy reading my stories

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2014 in humor, humour, poems, politics

 

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There was an old elf called Fle

There was an old elf called Fle,

 Who was as happy can be,

 Until one day while alone,

 He fell and broke a bone,

 That’s Fle, with a broken old knee.

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I don’t care what you call me

as long as you enjoy reading my stories

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2014 in poems

 

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I don’t Like Mondays

It’s Monday; it came so fast,

Monday; I am aghast.

Where are the days? (They flew so fast),

As ever nearer the grave I pass.

If I could have that time again,

Oh, what changes I would make.

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Although my works are primarily aimed at children,

adults also enjoy reading them.  My works include such notables as: 

Tales of the Extraordinary,

The Witches,

Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World,

HARRY ROTTER (she has lost her Magical Marbles),

Jimmy, the Glue Factory and Mad Mr Viscous,

Slug Talk,

The Tales of Beetle About,

Tales of Childhood, volumes 1 and 2,

Horrible Horace,

Stories for Boys,

The Three Faerie Sisters,

Christmas: A Carol Betwixt,

The Fog,

Aliens Landed in Ballykilduff,

Stewed Rhymes,

A Beer in a Burger Bar,

 And a whole lot MORE.

sparkClick HERE to visit my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks

**********

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME

AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.

 

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I am NOT the new Roald Dahl, NO, NO!

I am NOT the new Roald Dahl, NO, NO! 

I am me, I, my very self; The Crazymad Writer of children’s stories – ARRRGH.

Although my works are primarily aimed at children, adults also enjoy reading them.  My works include such notables as: 

Tales of the Extraordinary,

The Witches,

Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World,

HARRY ROTTER (she has lost her Magical Marbles),

Jimmy, the Glue Factory and Mad Mr Viscous,

Slug Talk,

The Tales of Beetle About,

Tales of Childhood, volumes 1 and 2,

Horrible Horace,

Stories for Boys,

The Three Faerie Sisters,

Christmas: A Carol Betwixt,

The Fog,

Aliens Landed in Ballykilduff,

Stewed Rhymes,

A Beer in a Burger Bar,

 And a whole lot MORE.

sparkClick HERE to visit my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks

**********

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME

AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.

 
 

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Skoda

I’ve just bought the new 16 valve Skoda …….4 in the engine, 12 in the radio!

(If you understand this and you are under 40 then you need to get out more)

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2014 in humor, humour, joke

 

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Dunking the Mouse

Dunking the Mouse

 Dunking the Mouse, Oh, Dunking the Mouse,

 What can be better than dunking the Mouse?

 Be it with a fine friend like the Rabbit, so stout,

 Or on my old lonesome, I love dunking the Mouse.

 *

I open the pot and stick his head in,

 And before he’s awoken he’s half the way in.

 With Rabbit a-helping, we finish the job,

 Then put the lid on, though Mouse is beginning to sob.

 *

‘Oh please let me out’, he implore us, so meek,

 But why should we do that when the tea tastes so sweet?

 ‘Oh give me a cup of that heavenly brew’,

 Says Rabbit to me, ‘and a jam tart for you’.

 *

So I pour out two cups and we sit down anew,

 With the tea and the tarts – and with Mouse in the brew,

 Until Alice strolls by, and unsettles our ruse,

 Saving Mouse from his fate and us from the noose.

***************

sparkClick HERE to visit my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks

**********

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME

AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.

 

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DUSN

Oh my God, what happened?

DUSN is in my eye,

This terrible thing has happened,

And I don’t know why,

A worm entered my poor little eye,

Blow my nose and bye, bye eye.

 
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Posted by on March 13, 2014 in news

 

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Shadow People

A shadow person (also known as a shadow figure, shadow being or black mass, is believed by skeptics to be a type of hallucination where the subject perceives a patch of shadow in their peripheral vision to be a living, humanoid figure. However, paranormal researcher Heidi Hollis has expressed the belief that shadow people are malevolent supernatural entities.

A number of religions, legends, and belief systems describe shadowy spiritual beings or supernatural entities such as shades of the underworld, and various shadowy creatures have long been a staple of folklore and ghost stories.

Several physiological and psychological conditions can account for reported experiences of shadow people. These include sleep paralysis, illusions, or hallucinations brought on by physiological or psychological circumstances, drug use or side effects of medication, and the interaction of external agents on the human body. Another reason that could be behind the illusion is sleep deprivation, which may lead to hallucinations.

Heidi Hollis’ appearances on the Coast to Coast AM late night radio radio talk show helped popularize modern beliefs in shadow people. Hollis described them as dark silhouettes with human shapes and profiles that flicker in and out of peripheral vision, and claimed that people had reported the figures attempting to “jump on their chest and choke them”. She believes they can be repelled by invoking “the name of Jesus”.

Although participants in online discussion forums devoted to paranormal and supernatural topics describe them as menacing, other believers and paranormal authors do not agree that shadow people are either evil, helpful, or neutral, and some even speculate that shadow people may be the extra-dimensional inhabitants of another universe. Some paranormal investigators and authors such as Chad Stambaugh claim to have recorded images of shadow people on video.

Shadow people feature in two episodes of ITV paranormal documentary series Extreme Ghost Stories, where they are described as “black masses”.

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sparkClick HERE to visit my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks

**********

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME

AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.

 
 

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HO HO

A man awoke one evening to discover prowlers in his storage shed. He immediately called 911 (999), gave his address, to report the prowlers and possible burglary. The operator at the other end said “Are they in your house?” He said they were not, only in his storage shed in back of the house. The operator said there were no cars available at that time. He thanked the operator, hung up the phone and counted to 30 and called again. “I just called you about prowlers in my storage shed. Well you do not have to worry, as I just shot them all dead!” Within seconds there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and fire engine at the scene. After capturing the prowlers red-handed, the policeman asked the caller, “I thought you said you had shot them all!” The man answered, “I thought you said there were no police available!”

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HA HA

This man comes through a door to the bar and slipped on a pile of crap, he mumbles and brushes himself off. He orders a drink and sits down. A few minutes later a younger man walks through the door yelling and screaming, and he slips on the pile of crap. He gets up and looks around, and then he sits down next to the older guy. The older man says, “I did that!” The younger man punches the old man and leaves.

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