Stories for children
and young at heart adults
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I don’t care WHAT you call me
as long as you enjoy reading my stories
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Author Archives: The Crazymad Writer
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HORRIBLE HORACE
Children LOVE him
Parents HATE him
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Satan Appeared
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”
The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
Satan asked, “Aren’t you going to run?”
“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”
The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”
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Lucky Five?
I was walking down the street the other day when I saw my best friend Jeff. I walked up to him and mentioned that I had the craziest dream the other night. Jeff listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge glowing number “5”. It was made of gold and sparkled with shiny diamonds. Jeff’s curiosity was peaked. I went on to say that the first thing that I did in the morning was to grab the daily racing digest and look up the 5th race.
Jeff raised an eyebrow. I told him that the #5 horse in the 5th race was named “The 5th Element.” Jeff started grinning. Then I told him point-by-point what I did that entire day.
I ate 5 bowls of cereal for breakfast and drank 5 cups of coffee
I went for a 5 mile jog to clear my head
I took a 5 minute shower to rinse off
I dressed in the 5th suit I found in my closet
I sat in my car for 5 minutes before starting it
I drove to the racetrack and parked in the 5th stall in the 5th row
I entered through the 5th admissions gate
I bought 5 programs
I went to the 5th betting window and bet $555 on the 5th horse in the 5th race
I went and sat in the 5th row of the bleachers making sure there were 5 people sitting on both sides of me.
I settled in and waited for the race to start.
“Well,” said Jeff. “Did your horse win??”
I frowned at Jeff and said, “Stupid horse came in 5th.”
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where you can purchase my eBooks
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I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME
AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.
OH NO, I GOT A COLD!
OH NO, I GOT A COLD
By Pam Ayres
That bloke in the telly adverts,
He’s supposed to have a cold.
He has a swig of whatnot
And he drops off, good as gold,
His face like snowing harvest
Slips into sweet repose.
Well I bet this tortured breathing
Never whistled down his nose.
I burnt me bit of dinner
Cause I’ve lost me sense of smell,
But then, I couldn’t taste it,
So that worked out very well,
I’d buy some, down the cafe,
But I know that at the till,
A voice from work will softly say
“I thought that you were ill”.
So I’m wrapped up in a blanket
With me feet up on a stool,
I’ve watched the telly programmes
And the kids come home from school,
But what I haven’t watched for
Is any sympathy,
Cause all you ever get is:
“Oh no, keep away from me!”
Medicinal discovery,
It moves in mighty leaps,
It leapt straight past the common cold
And gave it us for keeps.
Now I’m not a fussy woman,
There’s no malice in me eye
But I wish that they could cure
the common cold. That’s all. Goodbye.
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That Monday Morning Feeling
Monday Morning Blues
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Click HERE to visit my online book shop,
where you can purchase my eBooks
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I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME
AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.
A Smiley especially for you
Here is a Smiley
For all of my readers
This Friday.
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Click HERE to visit my online book shop,
where you can purchase my eBooks
**********
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME
AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.
Owerri, Imo State, Nigeria
I went to church here many a long year ago, in 1977/78
Owerri Church
Owerri, Imo State, Nigeria
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Joy
Joy is there in every mind
Joy is everywhere you find
Joy is there in every stage
Happiness, fury, kindness & rage
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Without Joy the world is colorless
Without Joy the mind is dream less
When Joy comes in the world, it shines
With rainbow-tinted colors of light.
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You can feel Joy by sharing
You can feel Joy by giving
You can feel Joy by thinking wise
And doing things that are always nice.
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So why don’t we make Joy grow
By sharing, giving & loving
So why should we not make every face
Lightened with Joy glowing.
By Aakash Solanki
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Stories for children and adultsl
Fear
Fear is when you run away,
Fear is when you’re scared to love someone,
Fear is when the sky turns grey,
Fear is when you lose your loved ones,
Fear is a feeling of danger,
Fear is when you aren’t brave,
Fear is the feeling of anger,
Fear is when you can’t behave,
Fear is when your shy,
Fear is like not having devotion,
Fear is when you’re afraid of saying bye,
Fear is like a dark blue ocean,
Fear is like ending you’re career,
Fear is like being lonely,
Fear is like not being able to reappear,
Fear is like feeling ghostly,
Fear is like an ashtray,
Fear is like a dark dungeon.
By Gerardo Pena
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The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 