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Author Archives: The Crazymad Writer

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About The Crazymad Writer

FREE EBOOKS FOR ALL, that's what I say, FREE EBOOKS FOR ALL, courtesy of ME, The Crazymad Writer. Stories for children and young at heart adults. And remember, my eBooks are FREE FREE FREE!

There was an Old Woman who Swallowed a Gnat!

I know an old woman, who swallowed a gnat,

What was she at, to swallow a gnat?

The silly old prat…

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I know an old woman, who swallowed a lizard,

That squirmed and turned and burned inside her.

She swallowed the lizard to catch the gnat,

What was she at, to swallow a gnat?

The silly old prat…

**********

I know an old woman, who swallowed a bat,

What a sap to swallow a bat.

She swallowed the bat to catch the lizard,

That squirmed and turned and burned inside her.

She swallowed the lizard to catch the gnat,

What was she at, to swallow a gnat?

The silly old prat…

**********

I know an old woman who swallowed a bed…

She’s dead!

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Click HERE to be transferred to my online book shop, where you can purchase my eBooks.

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Posted by on November 1, 2013 in Stories for children

 

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The Queen of Hearts baked some Tarts

The Queen of Hearts,

She made some tarts,

All on a summer’s day.

 *

The Knave of Hearts;

Did he steal those tarts?

 Did he steal them right away?

 *

 The King of Hearts,

Called for the tarts,

And the knave, to beat, for sure.  

 *

But the Knave of Hearts,

 Got off scot free,

With Alice, amidst furor.

*

Click HERE to be transferred to my online book shop, where you can purchase my eBooks.

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OFF WITH HER HEAD

OFF WITH HER HEAD

(From Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World)

__________________________

Off with her head, I said, OFF, OFF, OFF!

Off with her head; put it on a block!

Swing your axe high executioner; find the true mark!

I said off with her head, now; make a start!

***********

Why do you want to punish her, so?

Said the King for Alice, standing below.

She is just a child; a mere wisp of a girl,

Searching for Rabbit’s house at the Top of the World.

**********

For a moment the Queen faltered, mulling her plan,

Then she roared, Are you mouse or a man?

Alice’s head it must fall or yours will be next!

Off with her head and don’t make a mess!

**********

Standing, there, listening, Alice thought she was done,

Waiting for the chopper with its final anon.

Then down from the sky an old man appeared,

Then he whisked her away; tucked under his beard!

**********

She won’t be chopping your head, he said with a smile,

Father Christmas, to the poor, startled child.

Let us up and away and follow our snouts,

To the Top of the World and the Rabbit’s fine house.

 **********

Hissing her annoyance, the Queen voiced her thoughts,

Behead everyone, and then she went for a walk.

**********

 

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Christmas is Coming…

Christmas is Coming (the goose is getting fat)

 

Click HERE to be transferred to my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks

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Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween to all of my followers

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As bonkers as conkers, that’s what I say

As bonkers as conkers, Halloween fray,

Fun times and blood times are coming, for sure,

Bonkers as conkers furor.

**********

HALLOWEEN

Halloween, Halloween,

It’s not the time for in between,

Heaven and earth,

Alive and bedevilled,

Choose your true tack,

Lest you are cast into Hell.

 **********

Cast into Hell,

To rot and decay,

Along with those others,

Who strayed from the way,

The way of God’s children,

Honest and true.

Halloween time is not for the few.

 **********

It’s not for the few,

It’s for all humankind,

While you are scaring bear that in mind,

‘Cos on the morrow, when the partying is done,

After you have chosen your tack,

And the witches are gone,

Eternity will beckon, urging you on…

To heaven knows what,.

GO: BE GONE.

**********

Happy Halloween.

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Stories for children and young at heart adults

by ME, The Crazymad Writer – ARRRRGH.

 
 

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I want to eat your brains

I want to eat your brains

I want to eat your brains,

That’s what I said,

I want to eat your brains,

Until you are dead.

I am a zombie; it’s what I do,

Eating brains all night through.

**********

In the morning,

When I’ m nice and full,

Of lovely brains and blood, so cool,

I will go to bed and sleep it off,

Until the evening when I’ll want some more.

**********

Click HERE to be transferred to my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks,

or click on the links to the left of this page,

to read more about my exciting new stories.

 

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Is a nit like a gnat?

 

Is a nit like a gnat?

Can you wear it on your hat?

Do you pick it off a tree?

Or like a scab upon your knee?

Might you pick it like a rose?

Or can a nit grow in your nose?

**********

Do I stay in to pick a nit

Or go out and throw a fit?

Wait, wait! …

How do you throw a fit?

I wonder if throwing a fit

Might be like picking a nit?

Click HERE to be transferred to my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks.

 
 

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The Brains of Branson

  Pumpkin Heads, at the Crazymad Writer's blog

The Brains of Branson

If I had the brains of Branson

His guile, ambition and throw,

I might be up there with him,

With an empire of my own,

**********

I might be sitting there pretty,

With the whole world at my feet,

With nothing at all to worry about,

My life would be complete.

**********

But I’m not up there with him,

‘Cos my vision was slightly askew,

Seeing things that bit differently,

My off was later, it’s true,

But now that I’ve seen that vision,

The route where my destiny lies,

I am catching up fast with him,

Make some room ‘cos I’ve nearly arrived!

**********

Click HERE to be transferred to my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks,

 

 
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Posted by on October 24, 2013 in Stories for children

 

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Christmas is Coming

Eyes a Popping

Today I went,

Christmas shopping,

Eyes a popping,

So much to see.

**********

All around me,

Things to buy,

This is now my,

Time to live.

**********

I make a purchase,

Then another,

It’s no wonder,

I am confused!

**********

Lights a sparkle,

Christmas glory,

Festive story,

All around.

**********

Each queue I join,

More souls to greet,

To chat and meet,

And share the time.

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When my shopping’s over,

It’s time to ponder,

The meaning of,

Christmas day.

***********

The Christ boy-child,

Came down to earth,

Of virgin birth,

Heralding peace and joy.

 **********

So, do remember,

This, here, story,

Don’t be sorry,

And share your luck,

With those in need.

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Click HERE to be transferred to my online book shop, where you can purchase my eBooks, or click on the links to the left of this page, to read more about my exciting new stories.

 
 

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I heard a sound by my bedside last night

I heard a sound by my bedside last night

I heard a sound by my bedside last night,

I heard a strange sound; I got such a fright.

As something passed by me deep in the night,

I heard a faint sound; did it want my poor life?

**********

I made not a sound; I was still, in such fright,

As I lay in bed in the deep of the night,

I could hear it close by, how I longed for the light.

What was the dark thing probing the night?

**********

An evil black form, a shadowy sight,

Began to rise slowly in front of my eyes.

As I lay in bed on my left-hand side,

The dark, wicked thing rose slowly into sight.

**********

I could move not a muscle; I was frozen in fright,

As the dark frightful vision continued in height,

Till it’s malevolent eyes were almost in sight.

Only then did I close mine, despite the dark night.

**********

I knew it was wicked, evil personified,

That he wanted my sight, the light of my life.

I closed my eyes; shut them tight as the night.

Evading the Grim Reaper’s deathly cold scythe.

**********

Finally, eventually, when I opened my eyes,

I thought it was gone, departed my side,

But it was still there, though lower this time,

Starting beginning to rise over again.

**********

How could I be free from the terrible beast,

That wanted my soul, my heart and my peace?

Perhaps, if I kept my eyes firmly closed,

It might give up and leave me alone.

**********

So I closed my eyes, though still in such fright,

And I prayed that I’d last out the night.

Although its Dark Presence was close to my brow,

I kept my eyes shut so it wouldn’t bother me now.

**********

The Darkness and danger passed from me that night,

It vanished, departed, left my bedside.

I rolled over, so comfy, lulled back into nod,

Till the next time it happened it was just me and my God.

A note: This really did happen

Click HERE to be transferred to my online book shop, where you can purchase my eBooks, or click on the links to the left of this page, to read more about my exciting new stories.

 
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Posted by on October 18, 2013 in Halloween, Horror, Scary

 

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