Turnip juice, so good to drink,
Turnip juice, that’s what I think,
Hold on now, and I’ll take a sip,
Blimey!
Turnip juice, I’m gonna be sick!!!
Author Archives: The Crazymad Writer
It’s no laughing matter, or is it?
A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion,multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this” said theman. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We
went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that
one of the cows had something white in it’s rear end. I walked over
and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my
wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt.
That’s when I made my mistake.” “What did you do?”, asked the
doctor. “Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, “Hey!
This looks like yours!”
***********************
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*****
I don’t care WHAT you call me
as long as you enjoy reading my stories.
THE ‘Y’ CHROMOSOME
THE ‘Y’ CHROMOSOME
People born before 1946 are called – The Greatest Generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called -The Baby Boomers.
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called -Generation X.
And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called -Generation Y.
Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
But perhaps a cartoonist explained it most eloquently below…
I just thought you might want to know “Y”
John Kerry
While John Kerry was at a meeting one day, he accidentally knocked over a glass of water on the table in front of him. Staring madly at the spilled water, he said, Vladamir Putin is responsible for that.
A Fart Poem
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud.
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known,
To sound just like a song.
Some farts do not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger awhile.
A fart can create
A most-curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, but deadly.
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairies,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of us
Sooner or later.
So be not afraid
Of the invisible gas,
For always remember,
That farts, too, shall pass.
*****************
Courtesy of http://www.thefartmachine.com
Noddy and Big ears were out driving one day
Noddy and Big ears were out driving one day,
When they heard that poor Golliwog, he just could not stay,
He’s politically incorrect, they was told by their peers,
Golliwog must go — do we make ourselves clear?
*
*
Golliwog must go, but how can that be?
He is our dear friend — it just cannot be!
We have had such good times with him and his kin,
Golliwog, you stay, they said with a grin.
*
*
Leaning down harder on Noddy and friend,
Their peers chastised them with their words once again,
The powers that be say he is not good for the land,
Or the people within it: Golliwog is banned!
*
*
Golliwog is banned? Now we know that you’re bad,
Said Noddy and Big Ears, (they were getting quite mad),
To punish our friend, to exile him in disgrace,
Just because of his skin and the look of his face!
*
Fighting back harder, Noddy and Big Ears they sang,
We’ll bring you to court, the highest in the land,
We’ll tell then you are racist, for denying our friend,
Our dearest friend, Golliwog, because of his skin.
*
*
Aghast and bamboozled that their case it was lost,
Their peers relinquished their grip on the fiendish old plot,
Okay, she said, Golliwog can stay,
Hurray, Noddy cheered, come on, let’s play!
******************
*****
I feel so sick, trying to look at this picture
I feel so sick, trying to look at this picture
The Vampires are Coming!
The Vampires are Coming!
The Vampires are coming, hip, hip hooray,
Fun times – and blood times – are coming YOUR way,
Watch out for the Vampires, cunning and chic,
They are coming, yes coming, to drink your blood, sweet.
*******************
I Am a Camel, it said Snarling at Her
I Am a Camel, it said Snarling at Her
*
I am a Camel, it said snarling at her,
A very old camel; you can tell by my fur,
My teeth and manner give also a hint,
And the hump on my back gives more than a hint.
*
I can see by your hump, said Alice – I do,
And also your teeth and manner; it’s true,
The look on your face has me all in affray,
Groaning and snarling, in such a way.
*
Still snarling at Alice, the Camel replied,
You’d never believe me; you’d think I had lied,
If the look on my face was gone; it’s a fact,
No one would listen or look at this chap.
*
Without offering Alice a chance to reply,
The Camel went on with his horrible lie,
Creeping closer and closer, until ever so near,
He suddenly pounced and bit off her ear.
*
Feeling the hurt and the blood running down,
Alice said, I was such a clown,
To have listened at all to a Camel like you,
Smelling of sweat and stinking like poo.
******
The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 