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The Moonlight Key and the Sky-Bottomed Square

The Moonlight Key and the Sky-Bottomed Square

Ballykillduff is a village where nothing ever happens twice. Liam is a man of spreadsheets and stone walls, a man who believes that a key’s only job is to open a door. But when he fumbles his keyring into the black, glassy surface of the Un-Lake, the laws of Carlow begin to fray at the seams.

He doesn’t just get his keys back. He pulls something out from the reflection—a Moonlight Key that hums with the sound of “What If.”

Now, the “Out-There” is leaking in. The local pub is made of liquid Guinness, the sky has swapped places with the ground, and a choir of sepia-toned ancestors is singing the town into a memory. As the “Architect of the In-Between,” Liam must navigate a landscape built of his own stray thoughts to lock the leak before the village he knows is un-thunk forever.

In the Un-Lake, the reflection is better than the reality. But as Liam is about to learn, a perfect world is a very lonely place to live.

To continue reading this story, click HERE and enjoy.

 
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Posted by on January 5, 2026 in ballykillduff, carlow

 

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The Troll

The Troll
The Troll of Ballykillduff Bridge
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Everyone in Ballykillduff knew the bridge, though nobody quite agreed on how long it had been there. Some said it had grown out of the river one night like a thought nobody remembered thinking. Others claimed Jimmy McGroggan once tried to repair it and the bridge repaired him instead.
But what everyone did agree on was this:
there was a troll living underneath it.
His name was Mosskin O’Grumble, and he was a very polite troll with extremely poor manners.
Mosskin lived in a snug hollow beneath the bridge, furnished with a teapot that never stopped dripping, three boots that were not a pair between them, and a chair that sighed whenever anyone sat on it. His beard was thick with moss, his coat smelled faintly of river stones, and his hat had once been a kettle before it decided it preferred being worn.
Each morning, Mosskin poked his head out of the shadows and called in his loudest, trolliest voice,
“WHO GOES OVER MY BRIDGE?”
This caused mild inconvenience, as the people of Ballykillduff went over the bridge all the time.
“Morning, Mosskin,” called Bridget, carrying her shopping.
“It’s only me,” said Seamus, for the third time that day.
“Oh,” Mosskin muttered, disappointed. “I was hoping for someone new.”
You see, Mosskin was meant to demand tolls. That was the rule. Troll rules were very old and written in ink that smelled of damp. Unfortunately, nobody in Ballykillduff ever had the right sort of toll.
One offered him a button.
Another offered a joke that didn’t quite work.
Once, Father Donnelly accidentally gave him a blessing, which caused Mosskin to glow faintly and hum hymns whenever it rained.
Mosskin accepted everything solemnly and stored it all in a jam jar labelled TOLLS (IMPORTANT).
The trouble began on a Tuesday, which in Ballykillduff is widely considered an unreliable day.
That morning, the river stopped.
It did not freeze. It did not dry up. It simply decided it had gone far enough and sat still, like a sulking child.
The bridge creaked uneasily.
“This will not do,” the bridge murmured.
Mosskin poked the river with a stick.
“Have you tried moving?” he asked.
The river refused to answer.
By lunchtime, the village had gathered. Jimmy McGroggan arrived with a machine involving springs, levers, and optimism. Bridget brought sandwiches. Someone suggested asking the bridge nicely.
At last, Mosskin climbed up onto the bridge itself, clearing his throat in a way that startled several beetles.
“I am the Troll of Ballykillduff Bridge,” he announced, surprised by how important it sounded. “And I declare that something is wrong.”
“I am tired,” said the bridge. “People cross me without noticing. The river forgets to sing. Everyone rushes.”
Mosskin thought very hard. This caused a small puff of steam to rise from his ears.
“Well,” he said slowly, “perhaps you need a proper toll.”
“But we haven’t any money,” Seamus said.
“Good,” Mosskin replied. “Money is rarely the right thing.”
That evening, the villagers lined up at the bridge. One by one, they crossed more slowly than usual.
They offered small, strange things.
A promise, spoken carefully.
A regret, folded neatly.
A story remembered from childhood.
A song hummed badly but honestly.
Mosskin collected each offering and, instead of placing them in his jam jar, gently set them into the river.
And the river began to move again.
Not quickly. Not sensibly.
But with the soft, happy sound of something remembering itself.
As dusk settled, the villagers drifted home. Mosskin remained beneath the bridge, listening.
The water flowed. The stones no longer sighed. The bridge stood a little taller, pleased in the quiet way old things prefer.
Mosskin sat on his sighing chair and looked at his jam jar. It felt lighter now, though it was fuller than it had ever been.
Only then did he understand.
Nobody had crossed the bridge in a hurry. They had slowed. They had looked down at the water. They had touched the stone. Some had even spoken to the bridge itself, which made it warm all through.
“All this time,” Mosskin murmured, “I thought I was guarding the bridge.”
But the bridge had never needed guarding.
It had only wanted to be noticed.
So now, when someone crosses the bridge at dusk and pauses without knowing why, they may hear a voice from below, warm and grateful, carried gently by the water.
“Thank you,” it says.
“Thank you for noticing.”
And the bridge, the river, and the village of Ballykillduff go on working properly again, as they always do, once someone remembers to pay attention.
 
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Posted by on December 28, 2025 in ballykillduff, carlow, troll

 

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A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

Deep in the heart of Ballykillduff, where the tea is strong and the Daleks have replaced their death rays with tinsel, comes a festive greeting just for you.

A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

“Listen here now, humans of the parish! It is I, Dalek O’Shea, and I have a formal announcement before the Angelus rings.

We have scanned the perimeter of the creamery and found no trace of bad luck. Therefore, by order of the Supreme Council (and Father Murphy), you are all sentenced to a Grand Ould Time.


The Festive Mandate

  • EXTERMINATE the dry turkey!
  • CELEBRATE with a decent drop of Jameson!
  • REGENERATE after the third helping of pudding!
  • INFILTRATE the neighbor’s house for a quick gossip and a mince pie!

“You will sit by the fire. You will watch the Late Late Show. You will enjoy yourselves… OR BE EXTERMINATED! (But only after we finish this plate of sandwiches.)”


The Wish

May your chimney be wide enough for a Dalek in a Santa hat, may your cows stay milked, and may your Christmas be more powerful than a Sub-Etheric Transmitter.

Nollaig Shona Duit—EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!


 
 

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The Twelve Dalek Days of Christmas

The Twelve Dalek Days of Christmas

The Daleks of Ballykillduff and the Twelve Days of Absolutely Catastrophic Christmas

Ballykillduff was gearing up for its usual festive carnage when the three Daleks (Zeg, Zog, and Zag) decided Christmas was a strategic weakness ripe for conquest. They were wrong. Spectacularly, hilariously, catastrophically wrong.

Day 1 – A Partridge in a Pear Tree Zeg declared himself the new Lord of Christmas and tried to occupy the village pear tree. The tree had ideas. One gust of wind and Zeg shot out like a metallic cannonball, landing upside-down in Mrs Mulgrew’s prize-winning compost heap. “EXTERMINATE THE COMPOST!” he shrieked, muffled by six feet of rotting cabbage. Mrs Mulgrew charged out in hair curlers, brandishing a broom. “You’ll be compost yourself, ya pepper-pot gobshite!” Zeg spent the rest of the day being hosed down by the fire brigade while the entire village filmed it for TikTok.

Day 2 – Two Turtle Doves Zog kidnapped the doves to interrogate them about “avian loyalty.” The doves shat on his dome in perfect unison, then flew off with his eyestalk cover. He chased them screaming “RETURN MY OPTIC!” straight into the duck pond. Ducks 3 – Three French Hens** The hens belonged to Sister Bernadette. They were ninja hens. Zog is still convinced they were cyber-converted. He has PTSD and flinches every time someone says “coq au vin.”

Day 4 – Four Calling Birds Zag tried to weaponising them with tiny Dalek voice modulators. The birds learned one phrase: “ZAG IS A SPAWNFACE.” They followed him everywhere for a week, screeching it at 140 decibels. He now sleeps with industrial earmuffs.

Day 5 – FIVE GOOOOLD RIIIINGS Zeg stole the five gold rings from the jeweller and tried to wear them like Olympic medals. They got stuck on his plunger. The fire brigade had to come back. Again. The chief now has a special “Dalek wedged in something stupid” incident code.

Day 6 – Six Geese a-Laying The geese took one look at three rolling dustbins shouting “EXTERMINATE” and decided it was go-time. Live-streamed goose chase lasted twenty-three glorious minutes. Final score: Geese 47, Daleks 0. Zeg’s dignity is still missing, presumed pecked to death.

Day 7 – Seven Swans a-Swimming The swans were rented from a posh estate for the crib scene. Daleks attempted a synchronized swimming takeover. Swans formed a V-formation and torpedoed them like feathery missiles. Zog was last seen doing 360-degree spins in the fountain yelling “WHY IS EVERY BIRD IN IRELAND EVIL?”

Day 8 – Eight Maids a-Milking The maids were actually eight burly farmers’ daughters who’d had three pints each at the pub. They mistook the Daleks for novelty kegs, flipped them upside down, and tried to “tap” them. Milk stout was not improved by Dalek hydraulic fluid.

Day 9 – Nine Ladies Dancing Céilí night. The Daleks stormed the hall demanding everyone riverdance in perfect Dalek formation. The band struck up “The Siege of Ennis” at double speed. The floor had been waxed with Murphy’s Homemade Furniture Polish (90% butter). All three Daleks achieved low-orbit skids, ricocheted off the walls like pinballs, and took out the Christmas tree, the buffet table, Father Murphy, and the life-size Baby Jesus in one glorious crash. The village gave them a standing ovation and voted it “Best Nativity Ever.”

Day 10 – Ten Lords a-Leaping The lords were the Ballykillduff under-12 hurling team in panto costumes. They used the Daleks as goalposts. Zag still has a hurley stuck through his grille.

Day 11 – Eleven Pipers Piping The pipe band marched straight at them playing “Garryowen” at full volume. Zeg’s audio circuits overloaded; he started speaking only in bagpipe noises for six hours. “SKRL-SKRL-SKREEEEE—EXTERMINATE—SKRL!”

Day 12 – Twelve Drummers Drumming Christmas Eve. The Daleks, battered, leaking, one still wearing a goose feathers like a Hawaiian skirt, rolled to the top of the hill for one last stand. Zeg raised his gunstick: “On the twelfth day of Christmas the Daleks give to you… TOTAL OBLITERATION!” Snow started falling. The village kids pelted them with snowballs. One perfect snowball hit Zeg’s power cell. He short-circuited, lights flashing like a disco, and began singing “Jingle Bells” in a helium voice. Zog and Zag joined in, completely against their will. The entire village gathered, phones out, singing along while three mortified Daleks performed an involuntary Christmas concert on the hillside.

Midnight struck. Church bells rang. Even the geese shut up for a minute.

Zeg’s eyestalk drooped. “Temporary… ceasefire. For tactical reasons.” Someone stuck a Santa hat on him. Someone else tied tinsel round Zog’s plunger. Zag got a sprig of mistletoe wedged in his gun barrel and spent the rest of the night accidentally kissing pensioners.

Mad Jimmy McGroggan raised his pint from the pub doorway and roared: “Merry Christmas, ya glorified teapots!”

And from the top of the hill came three metallic voices, small and very, very embarrassed:

“MER-RY CHRIST-MAS… TO YOU… FILTHY HU-MANS.”

Then, quieter: “…and don’t tell the Supreme Dalek.”

Best Christmas Ballykillduff ever had. The geese are already booked for next year.

 
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Posted by on December 8, 2025 in ballykillduff, carlow, dalek, daleks

 

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THE BALLYKILLDUFF DALEKS SAVE CHRISTMAS

A Festive Tale


CHAPTER ONE

Snow on Ballykillduff Hill

Ballykillduff was not known for dramatic weather. Rain was expected. Mists drifted in like gossip and no one questioned them.
Snow, however, did not fall in this part of Carlow. Not ever.

Which was why the villagers stared at the sky on Christmas Eve as soft flakes began to drift down with the elegance of ballet dancers who had taken a wrong turn.

Jimmy McGroggan burst out of his shed and threw his arms wide.

“I told you so,” he shouted. “The Weather Encourager Three Thousand works at last. I have finally persuaded the heavens to behave.”

Before he could continue bragging, three Daleks came sliding down Ballykillduff Hill.
“Slipping,” cried Zeg. “This terrain is treacherous.”
“My lower section is freezing,” shouted Zog.
“The ground is attempting to exterminate us,” howled Zag.

They crashed together in a perfect metallic heap inside Jimmy’s gooseberry bushes.
Jimmy sighed in a way that suggested he was used to this sort of thing.

Click HERE to continue reading this story.

 

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The Ballykillduff Banger

The Ballykillduff Banger

The Ballykillduff Banger (A Ballad of Mad Jimmy) 

(Verse 1) In Ballykillduff, where the grass is so green, Lived a man named Jimmy McGroggan, the wildest ever seen! They called him “Mad Jimmy”, but not for bad grace, He once tried to heat up the entire whole place! With a kettle and toaster, and a spring from a peg, He wasn’t quite right from the waist to the leg! He was just inventive, you see, a mechanical nut, Like a squirrel who stores nuts in a lawnmower’s gut!

(Chorus) Oh, the Ballykillduff Banger, a sight for sore eyes, A chariot of junk, underneath Irish skies! A mobile compost heap and a Transformer blue, Mad Jimmy’s creation, for me and for you! It’s got a wee wobble, it’s got a small cough, But when he got going, the wheel just fell off!

(Verse 2) Jimmy had a dream, not of riches or fame, But to drive a fine motor and utter its name! Now, banks made him sneeze and the law made him frown, So he built his own car from the junk of the town! The lads in the pub put their money down fast, They bet his poor shed wouldn’t properly last. His garden, a scrapyard, a magpie’s delight, With half a fridge, a pram, and a bathtub painted: “CURSED! DO NOT SIT TIGHT!”

(Verse 3) The chassis was bunk beds, all twisted and old, The engine from a lawnmower, the tale must be told! Four wheels he found, two from a trolley so bright, One from a wheelie bin, one from a unicycle‘s might! The steering wheel? Ah, a dinner plate grand, Glued fast to the shaft of a Dyson in hand! The horn was a bicycle bell, gave a “meep” when it cared, And the seat was a toilet with a cushion prepared!

(Chorus) Oh, the Ballykillduff Banger, a sight for sore eyes, A chariot of junk, underneath Irish skies! A mobile compost heap and a Transformer blue, Mad Jimmy’s creation, for me and for you! It’s got a wee wobble, it’s got a small cough, But when he got going, the wheel just fell off!

(Bridge) Sunday morning arrived, the townsfolk all near, Father Dunne kept his distance, quite sheltered by fear! Jimmy put on his goggles (a sieve with some film), The engine went “brrrrrrr” like a goat in a chill! He shot down the hill, then he spun to the side, Right into the hen house where Seamus’s chickens reside! Jimmy popped out the hole, with a feather on top, “She handles like a dream! Full of terror and POP!”

(Verse 4) They made a repair, added the bathtub as a seat, A microwave door for the glass, isn’t that neat? He tried one more time, on a hill stiff and steep, He made it just seven feet, then fell fast asleep! ‘Cause the wheel took a runner and flew down the slope, Chased by a child, a dog, and Father Dunne shouting: “NOPE! It’s heading for the Sacristy, oh dear, dear, dear!”

(Outro) Now the Banger is parked, an exhibit for sure, Tourists take selfies beside the front door. But Jimmy sits in it each Friday at dark, Sippin’ tea from a spark plug, just having a lark! Hands on the dinner plate, engine noises he’ll make, “Best car that I owned!” for goodness’ sweet sake! And smoke rises gently from somewhere amiss, But nobody tells him, they just nod and they kiss! Ah, nobody tells him otherwise!

 

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The Circus of Grotesques: It Will Change Your Life Forever.

The Circus of Grotesques: It Will Change Your Life Forever.

Chapter One

The Posters Arrive Out of Nowhere

On the morning it began, Ballykillduff woke up to an extra silence.

It wasn’t the usual sort of quiet you get before the rain, or the muffled hush after a good snowfall. This was a listening sort of silence, as if the whole village were holding its breath and waiting for something it couldn’t quite remember ordering.

The first to notice anything odd was a sheep.

She was an elderly ewe with a permanently offended expression and a tendency to wander off, which is exactly what she was doing—stomping along the lane toward the bridge, muttering in a sheepish sort of way—when a sudden gust of wind slapped a sheet of paper against her woolly flank.

The paper stuck there, fluttering like a strange rectangular tail.

The sheep stopped, blinked slowly, and decided—fairly—that this was one indignity too many. She shook herself. The paper refused to budge.

So Ballykillduff began its day with one very grumpy sheep trotting around the village green wearing an enormous poster as a cape.

No one questioned this at first. Ballykillduff was that kind of place.


Bridget O’Toole noticed the posters second.

She came out of McGroggan’s shop with a bag of flour in one hand and a packet of teabags in the other, intending to head straight home and not talk to anyone if she could possibly help it. That was her usual morning plan, and it rarely worked.

Today it didn’t even survive the pavement.

She stopped dead on the step, the way you do when something is so out of place that your brain needs a moment to catch up.

The noticeboard outside the shop was usually a patchwork of ordinary life: lost dogs, second-hand bikes, offers to teach the tin whistle, the eternal yellowing flyer for “Yoga with Maureen (Beginner Friendly, Bring Your Own Mat!).”

Today, every single scrap of paper was gone.

Instead, the whole board was covered edge to edge by one vast poster, so fresh the corners still curled.

It was printed in deep inky black and a strange, shimmering pearl that seemed to move when she looked at it. Not like glitter, which twinkled and sparkled and showed off, but like the inside of a seashell, where colours slid shyly from one to another.

In the centre, in letters that looked almost hand-drawn and yet impossibly perfect, were the words:


CIRCUS OF THE GROTESQUES

It Will Change Your Life Forever


Bridget read it twice, then a third time just to be sure it still said the same thing.

“Grotesques,” she murmured under her breath. “That doesn’t sound very nice at all.”

“Depends what you mean by nice,” said a voice behind her.

She jumped and spun around, slopping a little flour onto the step.

Jimmy McGroggan stood there, hands in his pockets, hair doing its usual impression of a startled hedgehog. He peered at the poster over her shoulder, squinting.

“If I’d made that,” he declared, “I’d have used better paper.”

“Did you make it?” Bridget demanded.

Jimmy looked genuinely offended. “Bridget O’Toole, if I were going to plaster the village with something, I’d sign my name at the bottom and probably add a small diagram. No, this isn’t mine. The ink’s wrong. Smell it.”

“I’m not smelling a poster,” Bridget said crisply.

Jimmy leaned closer anyway and inhaled. “Huh. Thought so.”

“What?”

“Smells like the page of a book you haven’t opened yet,” he said. “And just a bit like matches. Interesting.”

Before Bridget could decide what sort of reply that deserved, a small boy barrelled between them and slammed to a halt in front of the board.

“Whoa,” breathed Patrick Byrne. “Did you see the sheep?”

“What about the sheep?” asked Bridget.

“She’s wearing one of these things!” Patrick waved an arm at the poster, eyes wide. “Walked right past our gate like a circus queen. Nearly choked on my toast.”

“Then someone’s been busy,” Jimmy muttered. “This one here, and one on the sheep… I suppose the bridge lamppost has one too.”

He said it like a joke.

But when they turned to look, there it was: another poster wrapped neatly around the lamppost on the bridge, the pearl letters catching the weak morning sun.


By ten o’clock, everybody knew.

The posters had not appeared in ones and twos, the way normal notices did. They had multiplied in the night like mushrooms after rain.

There was one on the door of The Giddy Goat pub, another tucked neatly inside the window of the tiny post office, one pinned to the fence outside the primary school (which the headmistress removed three times before giving up, because every time she walked away, another one very quietly took its place).

There was even a poster folded under the sugar bowl in Mrs Prendergast’s kitchen, which was especially impressive because Mrs Prendergast never let anything lie around in her kitchen without first interrogating it sternly.

She unfolded it with two fingers as if it might explode.

“Circus of the Grotesques,” she read aloud to her kettle. “It will change your life forever.”

The kettle, wisely, said nothing.

Mrs Prendergast sniffed. “Nothing good ever promises to change your life forever, unless it’s a winning lottery ticket or a decent pair of slippers.”

She turned the paper over, looking for a clue. There was no address, no phone number, no small print, no “terms and conditions apply.”

Just the same message, printed again in tiny lettering along the bottom edge. The pearl ink winked at her.

She crossed herself three times and put the poster on top of the bread bin, where she could keep an eye on it.


By half past eleven, Ballykillduff had achieved the rare and powerful state known as Total Gossip Saturation.

In McGroggan’s shop, people queued for bread they didn’t need and milk they already had, purely for the pleasure of discussing the matter at length.

“It’s a prank,” declared Seamus Fitzgerald, who was naturally nervous about everything and found comfort in deciding things were nothing to worry about. “Has to be. Someone from Tullow, probably. They think they’re very funny up there.”

“Tullow wouldn’t know a proper prank if it bit them,” said Jimmy. “And anyway, have you seen the paper? Feel that.”

He shoved a folded poster into Seamus’s hands. Seamus took it like it might be electrified.

“It’s just paper,” he said.

“Ah, but is it?” Jimmy grinned. “It’s like no paper I’ve ever seen. Flexible, but strong. Look—no crease marks. The ink doesn’t smudge. And smell it.”

“Why does everyone want me to smell things this morning?” Seamus muttered, but he leaned in all the same.

He sniffed once, hesitated, then sniffed again. “It smells… odd.”

“Like the inside of a magician’s sleeve,” Jimmy suggested.

“Like trouble,” Bridget put in from behind, placing a loaf and a packet of tea onto the counter. “We don’t need any kind of circus here, grotesque or otherwise.”

“What’s a grotesque?” asked Patrick from his place by the door. He had been hovering there for the best part of twenty minutes, listening to every word, and was now buzzing with an excitement nobody else seemed to share.

“A gargoyle that’s taken itself too seriously,” Jimmy said promptly.

Bridget rolled her eyes. “It means strange. Ugly, maybe. Twisted.”

Patrick considered this. “So… like Aunt Philomena’s hat.”

Despite herself, Bridget half-smiled. “Something like that.”

“Maybe it’s one of those fancy modern circuses,” Seamus ventured, clearly trying to talk himself out of being anxious. “You know the sort. People dangling from the ceiling with ribbons. Clowns that don’t wear proper noses. They call everything grotesque these days.”

“They do not,” said Bridget.

“Well,” said Seamus feebly, “they might.”

Jimmy tapped the poster. “Whoever they are, they’re good. No phone number, no website, no nothing. That means they’re confident.”

“Or careless,” said Bridget.

“Or magical,” said Patrick.

The adults ignored that, which only strengthened his belief.


At lunchtime, the older children escaped the primary school and poured into the lane like bottled-up marbles, spilling in all directions and converging, as marbles often do, on the most interesting thing nearby.

Which today was, of course, the posters.

“It will change your life forever,” Patrick read aloud for the fiftieth time as he and his friends clustered around the one on the school fence.

“That’s a big promise,” said Maeve Molloy, folding her arms. “What if I like my life the way it is?”

“It might change it for the better,” Patrick said. “Like, I could get taller. Or be able to do that football trick where the ball spins and curves around everyone and into the goal.”

“You can barely tie your laces,” Maeve reminded him.

“That’s because laces are a trap designed by adults,” Patrick said solemnly. “Besides, it’s a circus. There’ll be acrobats and lions and people swallowing fire.”

“Grotesques,” Maeve said pointedly. “Not lions.”

“Grotesque lions, then. Even better.”

Behind them, the sheep trotted past, still wearing her poster cape. Some of the younger children applauded. The sheep rolled one unamused eye and kept walking.

“Do you think it’s real?” Patrick asked, quieter now.

Maeve shrugged. “The posters are real.”

“No, I mean the bit about changing your life.” He ran a finger along the swirling letters. “You think a circus can do that?”

Maeve hesitated. Her parents had told her in no uncertain terms that it was advertising nonsense and she was not to go lurking near any strange tents that might appear.

But the words on the paper sent a fizzy little feeling up her arms all the same.

“It’s just a poster,” she said, a little too briskly. “Posters say all sorts of things. Anyway, where would a circus even go? The meadow by the bridge is too small. And Dad says the ground’s terrible.”

“Maybe they know a trick,” Patrick said. “Maybe it just… appears.”

Maeve rolled her eyes in a way that said, You’re ridiculous and I hope you’re right all at once.


By late afternoon, even the birds seemed to have joined in.

Crows perched along the telegraph wires like a line of scruffy punctuation marks, cawing their opinion of the matter to anyone who would listen. Starlings swooped and spiralled above the fields, patterns shifting as if trying to spell something no human eye could quite read.

The wind picked up, tugging at the posters, making them flicker and flap.

Every now and then, if the breeze caught them just right, a few words seemed to whisper loose and go floating across the village in snatches.

“Circus…”
“…grotesques…”
“…change your life…”

Bridget heard them while she hung washing on the line.

She paused, a damp shirt in her hands, and looked up. The sky was pale blue and ordinary. The fields were just fields. The washing just washing.

And yet.

She thought of the words on the noticeboard. It will change your life forever.

“I don’t want my life changed,” she told the pegged-up socks and small flapping ghosts of shirts. “I just want it… not to hurt so much.”

The shirts declined to comment. A poster on the opposite fence rippled, folded in on itself, and unfolded again, as if quietly breathing.

Bridget shivered and went back indoors.


By evening, Ballykillduff had made up its collective mind in the way small places often did: noisily, contradictorily, and all at once.

In The Giddy Goat, the regulars declared it a swindle, a wonder, a sign of the times, a sign of the end times, a ridiculous fuss about nothing, and definitely, definitely not as interesting as the bad winter of ’82 when the milk froze in the bottles and the cows had to be persuaded not to lie down and give up.

In the houses and cottages scattered along the lanes, people argued quietly over dinner. Parents told children they certainly would not be going to any circus that turned up unannounced like a stray dog. Children nodded and said of course not, and wondered which window would be easiest to climb out of.

Jimmy McGroggan stayed up late at his workbench, a poster pinned under the light, muttering to himself as he tested the ink with cotton buds and strange little devices of his own invention.

Mrs Prendergast moved her poster three times—to the bread bin, then the mantelpiece, then finally under her mattress, where she could feel its faint, pearly warmth through the sheets.

And in his small bedroom at the back of a narrow house with peeling paint, Patrick lay awake, staring at the ceiling.

He could just see the corner of the poster on his wall from his pillow. He had very carefully peeled one off the school fence on the way home and worn it under his jumper like a secret armour until he reached his room.

Now it hung opposite his bed, perfectly flat, as if the wall had been waiting for it.

“Circus of the Grotesques,” he whispered in the dark. “It will change your life forever.”

He tried the words out in different tones.

Excited.
Scared.
Suspicious.
Hopeful.

In the end, they always came out sounding the same: like a promise and a dare wrapped around each other.

“I wouldn’t mind a bit of changing,” he admitted to nobody.

The house creaked the way old houses do when they’re settling in for the night. A car went by on the lane, its headlights briefly licking at the poster’s surface. For the smallest moment, the pearl letters seemed to glow with their own inner light.

Patrick sat up.

“Hello?” he whispered, feeling rather foolish.

The poster did not reply in any way a sensible person would recognise.

But somewhere in the village, carried on a wind that didn’t belong to the weather, a handful of words drifted faintly through the open crack of his window—so faintly that he might almost have dreamed them:

Step inside the pearl-and-black…

Patrick caught his breath.

He scrambled out of bed and pushed his face to the glass, squinting out into the night.

The meadow by the bridge lay dark and empty. The lamppost stood straight and lonely. The old sheep was asleep somewhere, cape and all.

There was no tent. No lights. No circus.

Only the posters, shivering on their nails and fences and lampposts, quivering as if holding in a secret.

Patrick pressed his forehead to the cool pane.

“You’ll come,” he told the night. “I know you will.”

Far off, beyond the fields and hedges and the comforting boundaries of Ballykillduff, something heard him.

Something that travelled between villages like a rumour and between hearts like a song.

The wind shifted, just a little.

The posters all over Ballykillduff rustled at once, a soft papery sigh like an audience taking their seats.

In the morning, everyone would say the same thing:

The posters had been odd enough.

But the truly strange part—the part no one could explain, no matter how they argued—was this:

The next day, without a single person seeing so much as a rope, a peg, a wagon, or a man with a hammer, a great striped tent stood in the meadow by the bridge.

But that is for another chapter.

To be continued

Click HERE to continue reading this story

 
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Posted by on November 29, 2025 in ballykillduff, grotesques

 

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Circus of the Grotesques

Circus of the Grotesques

Circus of the Grotesques (It Will Change Your Life Forever)

(A song for Doctor Vaude and the people of Ballykillduff)

[Verse 1]
The fog came down on Ballykillduff,
With posters on the wall,
And no one saw the tent go up,
But everyone heard the call.
A shimmer of pearl and shadow black,
A sign with a curious lore:
“Admission, one memory, no refunds—
But you’ll never be quite as before.”

[Chorus]
🎵 Step inside, dear dreamers, step inside and see,
The Circus of the Grotesques, where you trade what used to be.
Give us one small moment that your heart can spare,
We’ll change your life forever—if you’ve the mind to dare. 🎵

[Verse 2]
Madame Tallow of Wax and Whispers danced,
Her words like smoke and fire,
She told your truth before you knew,
And left your thoughts to tire.
The Gentleman Beast in velvet shame,
Spoke softly of his fall—
And every soul in Ballykillduff
Felt beast and man in all.

[Chorus]
🎵 Step inside, dear dreamers, step inside and see,
The Circus of the Grotesques, where your secrets come to be.
We’ll mend your pain and polish your despair,
We’ll change your life forever—if you’ve the mind to dare. 🎵

[Bridge 1]
Clockwork Twins ticked time away,
A minute each for tears,
The Librarian turned blank white pages
Filled with gentle years.
The Cook of Impossible Flavours smiled,
“Have a taste of who you were.”
And somewhere in the tent that night,
The stars began to stir.

[Verse 3]
Norah O’Dea with her toffee stick,
Raised her hand so small,
Said, “I’ll be brave, and I’ll be changed,”
Before them, one and all.
The ringmaster bowed, his smile too bright,
The tent bent close to hear,
And Ballykillduff held its breath—
Between wonderment and fear.

[Chorus — Slower, Lamenting]
🎵 Step inside, dear dreamers, pay the price of air,
One small memory traded, one truth laid bare.
You’ll leave a little lighter, you’ll walk a little strange,
For the Circus of the Grotesques has a gift called change. 🎵

[Bridge 2]
They called her name three times in love,
And once with iron will,
The black salt hissed, the lights went white,
And time stood faintly still.
Norah faced the ringmaster proud,
Her eyes as bright as glass—
She said, “Let’s play a riddle’s game,
To see what comes to pass.”

[Verse 4]
“What grows lighter shared, yet heavy kept?”
The ringmaster asked the air.
Norah smiled, “A story told—
It lives when it’s laid bare.”
Her riddle came like April rain,
“The cost of kind undone?”
He sighed, “A knot within the dark—
Until it’s all unspun.”

[Final Chorus — Triumphant, Soft Echo]
🎵 Step inside, dear dreamers, step inside and see,
The Circus of the Grotesques set your memory free.
What you lose will find you, though it may rearrange,
No refunds ever needed—only change. 🎵

[Outro — Spoken softly, as if by Doctor Vaude]
“Forever,” we promised. “Change,” we gave.
Both are true, and both behave.
So mind your steps, remember the fair,
The tent is gone—but the air is there.

🎵 No refunds… plenty of change. 🎵

 
 

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Steampunk in Ballykillduff

The Steampunk Daleks of Ballykillduff

Prologue: A Strange Copper Glow

On most Tuesdays in Ballykillduff, nothing more dramatic happens than the post landing in the wrong cottage and the weather deciding to be three kinds of rain at once. Mrs. O’Toole hangs out washing and scolds the sky. Old Seamus McGroggan studies his pipe as if it might tell him who ate the last custard cream. And young Mick—ambitious, daft, and acrobatic—tries to cycle backwards down the main street while balancing a loaf on his head. (It is, he insists, “training for the circus.”)

But on this particular Tuesday, at precisely half past eleven, a copper light spread over the village like someone had polished the clouds. The hens went quiet. The sheep froze mid-chew. Father O’Malley paused with the parish bell rope in his hand and whispered, “Saints preserve us.”

Then came the sounds:
HSSSSSS… CLANK-CLONK! WHOOOOMP-TCHAK! TOOT-TOOT!
Gears rattled. Pipes sighed. Something big exhaled steam with the weary dignity of a very old kettle.

Mrs. Byrne put down her shopping basket. “That’ll be the weather packing in for the year,” she said.

“Or the circus,” said Mick hopefully, wobbling.

A shadow rippled across the crossroads. And through the copper-coloured sky, down they came: brass-plated, rivet-studded, monocle-winked, stovepipe-hatted… Daleks.

“Ah,” said Seamus softly to his pipe, “we’re doomed so.”

The first of the strange machines landed with a THOONK that made the turf stacks shiver and the pub sign spin half a turn. Its dome lifted a fraction; a curl of steam puffed out like a sigh of satisfaction.
ATTEND!” wheezed a crisp, Victorian voice through a whistling grille. “THE AGE OF STEAM COMMENCES.

“Will it take cash,” Mrs. Byrne whispered, “or does it run on scones?”

The brass teapot-on-wheels swivelled its monocled eyestalk. “WE REQUIRE… TEA.

“Right,” said Mrs. O’Toole, squaring up. “That we can manage.”

And Ballykillduff held its breath.

Do you want to read more?

Click on the link, below, and enjoy.

Steampunk Daleks

 

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Aliens Landed in Ballykillduff for a Second Time

Chapter 1: The Spud-tacular Return

The first time the aliens landed in Ballykillduff, it was a proper kerfuffle. There was a stolen tractor, a case of mistaken identity involving a scarecrow, and a cosmic misunderstanding over Mrs. O’Malley’s prize-winning jam. The villagers thought they’d seen the last of the strange, green-skinned visitors from the planet Zorp, but they were wrong.

The second arrival was even more bizarre. Instead of a sleek, silver saucer, the aliens’ ship looked like a giant, glistening beetroot, complete with leafy antennae that twitched in the breeze. It didn’t land so much as plop right into the middle of Farmer McGregor’s best potato field, sending a shower of earth and spuds flying.

Out of the beetroot ship tumbled not two, but fifty tiny, mushroom-like aliens, each no bigger than a teacup. They didn’t have ray guns or cloaking devices; they had miniature shovels and wicker baskets. They immediately got to work, burrowing into the soft soil with an unearthly speed, muttering in a series of high-pitched squeaks and chirps.

Young Finn O’Connell, who had been hiding in the bushes since the ship arrived, peeked out. “Mam! Da!” he yelled, “They’re back! And they’re after the spuds!”

And they were. The Zorpians, it turned out, were not warmongers or explorers. They were expert potato farmers from a world where all spud varieties had gone extinct. The first landing had been a mistake, but the soil sample they took back from Ballykillduff had caused a sensation on Zorp. They had returned with one single purpose: to gather as many different types of potatoes as they could to save their civilization.

The villagers, after an initial period of utter confusion, saw an opportunity. They started a frenzied barter system. Mr. Fitzwilliam, known for his stubbornness and his Golden Wonders, traded a sack of his finest for a device that could make his garden gnomes sing Irish folk songs. Mrs. O’Malley, ever the businesswoman, bartered a crate of Maris Pipers for a gadget that could perfectly brew tea at the exact right temperature.

But the real chaos started when one of the aliens, in its excitement, dropped a small, glowing orb. The orb rolled into the village well and with a great gloop, a geyser of sparkling, purple liquid shot into the sky. The liquid had a curious effect on anything it touched—it made things… bouncy. Soon, the entire village was a trampoline. The church steeple wobbled like a jelly, the pub’s sign bounced merrily in the air, and the stray cats of Ballykillduff discovered a newfound joy in leaping from roof to roof.

The aliens, now terrified, scurried back into their ship, their tiny baskets overflowing with potatoes. With a final, apologetic chirp, the beetroot ship lifted off, leaving behind a village that would never be the same. The geyser eventually subsided, but the memory of Ballykillduff’s bounciest day would live on, a testament to the strange and wonderful things that can happen when you find yourself in the path of a Zorpian potato famine.

Chapter 2: The Chrome Sentinel

The purple geyser had long since faded, but its legacy remained. The houses of Ballykillduff had settled into a gentle, jelly-like wobble, and the villagers had grown accustomed to bouncing slightly as they walked. They’d even found it made a brisk walk to the pub much more efficient. The singing gnomes were a constant, if slightly off-key, source of entertainment in Mr. Fitzwilliam’s garden.

One Tuesday morning, the beetroot ship returned, hovering over the village with a low, contented thrum. It lowered a single, humming pod to the ground. Out of the pod rolled the “new tractor” the Zorpians had promised. It was not a tractor at all. It was a single, immense, chrome-plated slug.

The slug, which shimmered with an oily rainbow sheen, had a series of telescoping, metallic eyes that swiveled independently. It left a trail of what looked like solidified, glowing jelly. As it moved, it emitted a deep, rumbling purr that seemed to resonate in the villagers’ chests.

Farmer McGregor was the first to approach it. “Well, what’s this then?” he muttered, poking at the slug’s hide with a stick. The slug responded by extending a long, silvery tentacle and delicately plucking the stick from his hand. It then proceeded to twist the stick into a perfect, glowing pretzel before returning it.

The villagers quickly realized the slug-tractor had a mind of its own. It seemed to understand their farming needs, but in a way that defied all logic. It would plow fields by burping a stream of pressurized air, leaving perfect furrows in its wake. It would harvest vegetables by simply nudging them, causing them to float gently into waiting baskets. But it also had a mischievous streak. It would occasionally turn the village roads into sticky, caramel-colored toffee and rearrange the village’s fences into the shape of a smiling face.

The greatest surprise came when the slug-tractor reached the well. It took a long, thoughtful sip of the still-bouncy water, and then, with a satisfied shudder, it began to expand. It grew and grew, its metallic skin stretching and distorting until it completely enveloped the well, sealing off the source of the bouncing liquid. The village returned to normal, solid ground. The houses stopped wobbling, the pub sign went still, and the cats had a sudden, sad realization that leaping from roof to roof was no longer as exciting. The slug, now the size of a small cottage, settled into the village center, a silent, chrome monument to Zorpian technology, ready to work the fields and provide new, chaotic surprises whenever it saw fit.

Chapter 3: The Goliaths of the Glens

The villagers were slowly getting used to the slug-tractor, which they had affectionately, if a little fearfully, named “The Chrome Sentinel.” It sat in the village square, an oily, rainbow-hued guardian that seemed to watch over everything. Its methods were strange, but efficient, and they’d all agreed it was a small price to pay for having solid ground back under their feet.

One brisk morning, a familiar shadow fell over the village. The beetroot ship returned, hovering with a low, inquisitive hum. This time, the Zorpians were not a rabble of fifty, but a small delegation of three, looking much more official and serious. They landed not in a spud field, but near the Chrome Sentinel, their leafy antennae quivering with purpose.

They approached the slug-tractor, squeaking excitedly, and ran their tiny hands over its shimmering shell. But their squeaks of delight quickly turned to high-pitched squawks of dismay. One alien pointed to the village well, now sealed under a dome of chrome, and chittered frantically. The villagers, though they didn’t understand the words, understood the tone. They were a mix of confused and indignant.

Farmer McGregor stepped forward, his fists on his hips. “What’s the meaning of this? You left him with us! He fixed our well!”

The lead Zorpian held up a tiny, glowing tablet. On it, a series of pictograms flashed: a bouncing house, a purple fountain, and a very confused-looking Zorpian. The tablet then showed a picture of the slug, a tiny dot, and a giant, monstrous version. The message was clear: they had given the villagers a simple tool, not a world-altering beast. The slug was a juvenile, meant for small-scale tasks, and by drinking the “bouncy” water, it had grown into a colossus, far beyond its original purpose. They had come to retrieve their wayward technology.

But the villagers had other plans. The Chrome Sentinel was their pet, their protector, and their most efficient farmhand. Mrs. O’Malley brought out her best biscuits and placed them on a small platter near the slug’s head. The slug, in turn, gently nudged the platter, and with a soft whirr, extruded a beautiful, chrome rose, which it offered to Mrs. O’Malley. The villagers cheered.

Seeing this, the Zorpians realized the slug was not just a tool; it had become part of the family. They saw the singing garden gnomes, the perfectly tended fields, and the peaceful, solid ground. They exchanged a series of rapid-fire chirps, and the lead Zorpian turned back to the villagers. The tablet now showed a final message, written in shaky, imperfect English: “YOUR PET. OUR GIFT. WE WILL RETURN FOR MORE SPUDS.”

And so, the slug stayed. The villagers learned to live with its eccentricities. It would only plow fields if someone hummed a happy tune nearby. It would randomly rearrange Mr. Fitzwilliam’s fences if it felt they weren’t aesthetically pleasing. And sometimes, late at night, a single, glowing pretzel would appear on the doorstep of the pub, a token from their magnificent, chrome-plated pet. The slug-tractor was no longer just an alien artifact; it was Ballykillduff’s Chrome Sentinel, a guardian of the village and a constant source of magnificent, chaotic weirdness.

The peace of Ballykillduff was shattered one rainy afternoon by a low, guttural roar from the hills. A herd of ancient, stone-like creatures, long dormant, had been awakened by the seismic rumblings of the Zorpians’ landings. They were the Goliaths of the Glens—massive, moss-covered beasts with eyes of glowing quartz and an insatiable hunger for the village’s precious leeks. The villagers, armed with pitchforks and determination, stood ready, but the Goliaths’ hides were impervious to their efforts.

It was then that The Chrome Sentinel stirred. Its metallic eyes, which usually swiveled with a detached curiosity, now focused with a chilling intensity on the approaching threat. A deep, resonant hum emanated from its core, growing into a harmonic vibration that rattled the windows in their frames.

As the first Goliath stomped into the village square, the slug-tractor took a defensive stance. It didn’t fire a ray or blast an energy beam. Instead, it extruded a silvery, taffy-like substance from its mouth-like orifice, which it began to weave into intricate, sticky nets. It then launched these nets with a sound like a soft fwoomp at the Goliaths.

The Goliaths were not harmed, but they were hopelessly ensnared. The sticky substance clung to their mossy bodies, trapping their limbs and causing them to stumble and fall over each other in a colossal, grumbling heap. The Chrome Sentinel then scurried past them, leaving a trail of glowing jelly that, upon contact with the stone creatures, caused their quartz eyes to fizzle and dim. The Goliaths, now blinded and confused, simply lay down in the mud and began to quietly decompose.

The villagers looked on in awe. The Chrome Sentinel had defended them with what appeared to be nothing more than a giant, shimmering booger. But the slug was not finished. It then rearranged the fallen stones of the Goliaths into a beautiful, new public bench in the center of the village square, and as a final gesture, it extruded a perfect, glowing pretzel and placed it on the bench for everyone to share. Ballykillduff was safe once more, thanks to their bizarre, gelatinous guardian.

Do you want to know what happens next?

Click on the link, below, and all will be revealed.

Aliens Part 2 Contd

 

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