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Category Archives: fantasy story

The Gift That Didn’t Fit

Chapter One: The Immediate Chaos

The air in the Quince living room was thick with the suffocating scent of fresh pine and manufactured guilt. It was 11:37 PM on Christmas Eve, and sixteen-year-old Lily Quince was perched on the edge of the sofa, trying to ignore the dazzling, high-wattage shame radiating from the pile of wrapped goods under the tree.

“Honestly, Mom, why does a human being need a self-stirring cocoa mug?” Lily muttered, batting a stray, metallic ribbon off the sofa cushion and onto the carpet. “It’s exactly what’s wrong with Christmas. Too much stuff.”

Her little brother, Sam, only eight, nodded solemnly, his brow furrowed with devastating sincerity. He was crouched by the fireplace, sketching feverishly in a notebook. “That’s what I keep trying to tell Santa, Lily. We need effort, not expenditure.” He looked up, his eyes shining with pure, tragic longing. “I just hope he remembered the Woven Basket of Live Earthworms this year. I truly don’t know how I’ll run my pet farm without them.”

“You’ll be yearning for a ceramic garden gnome that plays the lute by morning.”

Lily froze, her hand hovering near the tin. “Did… did the shortbread just talk?”

“Was that about the worms?” Sam asked, looking hopeful.

Lily shook her head, feeling a cold dread replace her cynicism. Outside, the first flakes of snow began to fall, but the typical, cozy feeling of Christmas Eve was absent. Something felt fundamentally wrong with the world. Across the street, they heard the distinct sound of Mr. Henderson, the CEO, weeping inconsolably about his lack of a custom-made tuba.

The Silent Night is Loud

Lily slipped on her coat, unable to wait for morning. If the Shifter had affected the desires of the entire neighborhood, Christmas Day would be a disaster—or a surreal comedy show.

“I’m just getting some air,” she mumbled to Sam, who was now meticulously reviewing his notebook, listing the exact dimensions required for a thriving earthworm community.

The moment Lily stepped onto the porch, the magnitude of the problem hit her like a punch of frosted air. Usually, Christmas Eve was silent and respectful. Tonight, it was a discordant mess of frustration and absurd longing.

Mr. Henderson, usually an impeccably tailored man, was kneeling in his snow-dusted front yard, staring mournfully into an empty, expensive-looking violin case. “They didn’t listen!” he wailed to his terrified poodle. “They brought me a watch! I need the booming resonance! I need the tuba!”

Two doors down, Mrs. Petula, the neighborhood’s notorious gossip, was shrieking at her husband, clutching a gift-wrapped broomstick. “A stick, Gerald! You call this a gift? I explicitly asked for a custom-made chandelier constructed entirely of dried macaroni! My heart is broken!”

Lily pulled her hood tight. The Shifter hadn’t just changed what people wanted; it had filled the absence of that desired object with genuine, heart-wrenching disappointment. It was weaponized absurdity.

She rushed back inside, snatching the Chrono-Crumble Tin off the mantel. “Listen, you rusty, talking dessert container,” she whispered fiercely. “What did you do? And how do I turn you off?”

The grumpy butler voice sighed dramatically from inside the tin. “Oh, the drama! I simply adjusted expectations, young hero. And I am only deactivated by a truly Perfectly Thoughtful Gift. A transaction of the heart, not the wallet. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to observe the mailman lamenting his lack of a ceramic foot bath.”

Lily stared at the tin, then down at the gigantic pile of expensive, unwanted electronics destined for Sam. “A perfectly thoughtful gift,” she repeated. “Something that proves I know him.”

Suddenly, a memory sparked: the feeling of peeling away a piece of glow-in-the-dark putty—a tiny, molded star—from her mirror two Christmases ago. And a ridiculous, low-value object immediately sprang to mind: the Worry-A-Day Jar. A simple jar filled with 365 days of Sam’s cheesy jokes and encouraging observations. Lily had scoffed at it then. Now, it felt like the only non-absurd object left in the world.

“That’s it,” Lily whispered, ignoring the tin’s muffled giggling. “The jar. I have to find that jar.”


Chapter Two: The Search for the Sublime

Lily’s bedroom was a landscape of teenage archaeology, a place where sentimental objects went to be buried under layers of homework, fashion magazines, and forgotten technology. The room was the first place she looked for the Worry-A-Day Jar, and it instantly felt like searching for a needle in a haystack—a haystack that suddenly felt full of unwanted and cursed gifts.

She dug through her closet, shoving aside boxes of things she’d asked for but never really used. Under a pile of textbooks, she found a plastic, voice-activated diary she’d begged for last year. It beeped softly.

Diary: “My deepest desire is for a miniature, fully functioning, decorative garden hedge.”

Lily slammed the lid shut. The Shifter was still working its magic on things, too.

She pulled out her winter wear. There, tucked inside a ski boot, was the brightly colored, slightly misshapen Green and Purple Mitten that Sam had knitted two years ago—the one intended to replace the left mitten she always lost. She felt a pang of guilt, remembering how quickly she’d bought a professional black pair instead.

“A thoughtful gift,” Lily muttered, holding up the uneven wool. “This could have been it, except I tossed it aside.”

The Chrono-Crumble Tin, which she’d tucked under her arm like a mischievous football, offered a raspy chuckle. “Close, but no cigar. The magic requires perfect thoughtfulness, not near-perfect discardment. And besides,” the tin added with spite, “it’s nearly Christmas morning. You’re running out of time.”

A glance at her phone confirmed the tin’s warning: 1:15 AM.

Lily began tearing through her desk drawers, scattering papers, pens, and loose change. The desk was where the Jar belonged. Sam had presented it to her with such a proud, serious expression two years ago.

“It’s the Worry-A-Day Jar, Lily,” he had announced. “You open one slip when you’re worried. I filled it with things you need more than homework.”

Lily remembered politely putting it behind her laptop, deeming it too childish. She hadn’t even opened a week’s worth of slips. Now, the space was filled with charger cables and empty soda cans.

Frustration bubbling up, she accidentally kicked a box under her bed. It was a dusty container labeled “Old Toys.” She pulled it out, coughing in the dust cloud. The box contained all the childhood treasures she thought she had outgrown: old picture books, a handful of plastic dinosaurs, and—

Bingo.

Sitting nestled between a stuffed unicorn and a broken kaleidoscope was the Worry-A-Day Jar: a simple, painted mason jar, the lid wrapped with a glittery pipe cleaner, looking utterly out of place amidst the chaos of her teenage room.

Lily carefully lifted the jar. The hundreds of small, folded paper slips inside were the only thing that felt real and pure in the whole magical, ridiculous night.

“Okay, Shifter,” she whispered to the tin under her arm. “I have the tool. Tell me how to use it to reverse the spell.”

The Chrono-Crumble Tin cleared its metallic throat. “You must craft the desired gift—the earthworm basket—with an act of love so genuine that it proves you truly saw the recipient. The key is in the Jar, child. The key is in the words.”

Lily frowned. “The words? The terrible jokes and advice?”

“They are proof of his attention,” the Shifter corrected with a rare note of seriousness. “You need to read the slips, understand how he sees you, and reflect that sincerity back in your gift to him. Go now. The sun rises in four hours.”

Lily clutched the Jar and the Tin, the strange weight of the magical responsibility settling on her shoulders. She had to rush downstairs, read her brother’s heart, and then craft a perfectly thoughtful earthworm basket before the world woke up to the most disastrous, absurd Christmas morning in history.

Click HERE to read the rest of this story

 
 

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The Ballykillduff Banger

The Ballykillduff Banger

The Ballykillduff Banger (A Ballad of Mad Jimmy) 

(Verse 1) In Ballykillduff, where the grass is so green, Lived a man named Jimmy McGroggan, the wildest ever seen! They called him “Mad Jimmy”, but not for bad grace, He once tried to heat up the entire whole place! With a kettle and toaster, and a spring from a peg, He wasn’t quite right from the waist to the leg! He was just inventive, you see, a mechanical nut, Like a squirrel who stores nuts in a lawnmower’s gut!

(Chorus) Oh, the Ballykillduff Banger, a sight for sore eyes, A chariot of junk, underneath Irish skies! A mobile compost heap and a Transformer blue, Mad Jimmy’s creation, for me and for you! It’s got a wee wobble, it’s got a small cough, But when he got going, the wheel just fell off!

(Verse 2) Jimmy had a dream, not of riches or fame, But to drive a fine motor and utter its name! Now, banks made him sneeze and the law made him frown, So he built his own car from the junk of the town! The lads in the pub put their money down fast, They bet his poor shed wouldn’t properly last. His garden, a scrapyard, a magpie’s delight, With half a fridge, a pram, and a bathtub painted: “CURSED! DO NOT SIT TIGHT!”

(Verse 3) The chassis was bunk beds, all twisted and old, The engine from a lawnmower, the tale must be told! Four wheels he found, two from a trolley so bright, One from a wheelie bin, one from a unicycle‘s might! The steering wheel? Ah, a dinner plate grand, Glued fast to the shaft of a Dyson in hand! The horn was a bicycle bell, gave a “meep” when it cared, And the seat was a toilet with a cushion prepared!

(Chorus) Oh, the Ballykillduff Banger, a sight for sore eyes, A chariot of junk, underneath Irish skies! A mobile compost heap and a Transformer blue, Mad Jimmy’s creation, for me and for you! It’s got a wee wobble, it’s got a small cough, But when he got going, the wheel just fell off!

(Bridge) Sunday morning arrived, the townsfolk all near, Father Dunne kept his distance, quite sheltered by fear! Jimmy put on his goggles (a sieve with some film), The engine went “brrrrrrr” like a goat in a chill! He shot down the hill, then he spun to the side, Right into the hen house where Seamus’s chickens reside! Jimmy popped out the hole, with a feather on top, “She handles like a dream! Full of terror and POP!”

(Verse 4) They made a repair, added the bathtub as a seat, A microwave door for the glass, isn’t that neat? He tried one more time, on a hill stiff and steep, He made it just seven feet, then fell fast asleep! ‘Cause the wheel took a runner and flew down the slope, Chased by a child, a dog, and Father Dunne shouting: “NOPE! It’s heading for the Sacristy, oh dear, dear, dear!”

(Outro) Now the Banger is parked, an exhibit for sure, Tourists take selfies beside the front door. But Jimmy sits in it each Friday at dark, Sippin’ tea from a spark plug, just having a lark! Hands on the dinner plate, engine noises he’ll make, “Best car that I owned!” for goodness’ sweet sake! And smoke rises gently from somewhere amiss, But nobody tells him, they just nod and they kiss! Ah, nobody tells him otherwise!

 

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Horrible Horace Flies a Kite

Horrible Horace Flies a Kite

Horrible Horace Flies a Kite

Children LOVE him

Parents HATE him

Click on the link, below, to read this exciting new story

https://thecrazymadwriter.com/horrible-horace-2/horrible-horace-2/

 

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There Once was a Slug called Slimy

There Once was a Slug called Slimy

The Great Lettuce Heist

Slimy’s ambition far exceeded his speed, or his girth. His dream was to cross the unforgiving expanse of Mrs. Higgins’s back garden to reach The Sacred Head of Romaine, a prize of such size and crispness it was practically a monument.

The year was 1968, the height of summer, and Slimy had a plan. He wasn’t going to crawl. Crawing was for amateurs.

He was going to surf.

His partner in crime was Pip, a beetle whose main function in life was complaining.

“I still don’t understand why we’re doing this during the hottest part of the day,” Pip muttered, clinging precariously to Slimy’s shell-less back.

“Silence, Pip!” Slimy yelled, his eyestalks twitching with maniacal focus. “The sun bakes my trail! It creates a slick, semi-solid layer of… of pure velocity!”

In reality, the heat was just evaporating the water in his mucus, leaving behind a sticky, awful film.

Slimy pushed off from the edge of the shed, aiming for the first patch of damp shade fifty feet away. Immediately, his undercarriage seized up. He wasn’t sliding; he was sticking. Every micro-millimeter of progress was achieved through pure, agonizing abdominal contraction, a motion less like surfing and more like peeling a sticker off a varnished tabletop.

“Velocity, you said,” Pip wheezed, adjusting his tiny sunglasses. “I believe the current rate of travel is approximately one Planck length per fortnight.”

Slimy ignored him. “I just need a better… launch!”

With a burst of desperation, Slimy secreted a volume of mucus that, had it been liquid, would have drowned Pip. The result was not speed, but a magnificent, sticky dome that enveloped them both. They slid three inches, then stopped dead, firmly glued to the concrete path.


 

The Unlikely Rescue

 

Just then, Kevin, a nine-year-old boy and resident Terror of the garden, came skipping out the back door, singing a song about “Groovy, Groovy Caterpillars.” Kevin was known for two things: an unnerving love of brightly coloured wellington boots, and an innate talent for accidentally stepping on invertebrates.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no,” Pip whispered, knowing their sticky situation meant a lack of escape options.

As Kevin’s neon green boot descended toward their mucus-prison, Slimy had a flash of inspiration. The glue!

He expanded the sticky dome, coating the bottom of the approaching boot just before impact. Kevin’s foot landed, missed Slimy by a hair, and then… stuck.

Kevin lifted his foot, and the entire surface layer of the concrete path, along with Slimy and Pip, came up with it. Slimy found himself traveling higher and faster than he ever had, clinging to the sole of the enormous boot.

“We’re airborne, Pip!” Slimy cried out, ecstatic. “We’re surfing the very winds of fate!”

“We are adhered to the sole of a rapidly moving, oversized rubber shoe!” Pip screamed back.

Kevin, oblivious, took a giant, stomping step right over the prize.

THWUMP!

Slimy, Pip, and the sticky patch of concrete landed squarely on top of The Sacred Head of Romaine.


 

The Victory

 

The impact shattered the lettuce, but left Slimy and Pip relatively unscathed. The surrounding slugs, who had spent the morning methodically nibbling the lower leaves, looked up in astonished, mucous-covered silence.

Slimy, covered in concrete dust and Romaine flakes, raised his eyestalks in triumph.

“See, Pip? Pure velocity!”

Pip merely shook his head, scraped himself off the sticky wreckage, and began eating the debris.

“Just call me King Slimy from now on,” Slimy declared.

“I’ll stick with Slimy,” Pip mumbled around a mouthful of lettuce, “but I’ll grant you this: you are the only slug in the county who has ever been rescued by his own failed adhesive technology.”

And that was the story of how Slimy, through utter incompetence and a staggering quantity of glue, successfully completed the greatest lettuce heist in garden history. Though, for the rest of his life, he was forced to peel himself off various surfaces using his tail.

 

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Steampunk in Ballykillduff

The Steampunk Daleks of Ballykillduff

Prologue: A Strange Copper Glow

On most Tuesdays in Ballykillduff, nothing more dramatic happens than the post landing in the wrong cottage and the weather deciding to be three kinds of rain at once. Mrs. O’Toole hangs out washing and scolds the sky. Old Seamus McGroggan studies his pipe as if it might tell him who ate the last custard cream. And young Mick—ambitious, daft, and acrobatic—tries to cycle backwards down the main street while balancing a loaf on his head. (It is, he insists, “training for the circus.”)

But on this particular Tuesday, at precisely half past eleven, a copper light spread over the village like someone had polished the clouds. The hens went quiet. The sheep froze mid-chew. Father O’Malley paused with the parish bell rope in his hand and whispered, “Saints preserve us.”

Then came the sounds:
HSSSSSS… CLANK-CLONK! WHOOOOMP-TCHAK! TOOT-TOOT!
Gears rattled. Pipes sighed. Something big exhaled steam with the weary dignity of a very old kettle.

Mrs. Byrne put down her shopping basket. “That’ll be the weather packing in for the year,” she said.

“Or the circus,” said Mick hopefully, wobbling.

A shadow rippled across the crossroads. And through the copper-coloured sky, down they came: brass-plated, rivet-studded, monocle-winked, stovepipe-hatted… Daleks.

“Ah,” said Seamus softly to his pipe, “we’re doomed so.”

The first of the strange machines landed with a THOONK that made the turf stacks shiver and the pub sign spin half a turn. Its dome lifted a fraction; a curl of steam puffed out like a sigh of satisfaction.
ATTEND!” wheezed a crisp, Victorian voice through a whistling grille. “THE AGE OF STEAM COMMENCES.

“Will it take cash,” Mrs. Byrne whispered, “or does it run on scones?”

The brass teapot-on-wheels swivelled its monocled eyestalk. “WE REQUIRE… TEA.

“Right,” said Mrs. O’Toole, squaring up. “That we can manage.”

And Ballykillduff held its breath.

Do you want to read more?

Click on the link, below, and enjoy.

Steampunk Daleks

 

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The Guardian of the Fertilizer Mine

The Guardian of the Fertilizer Mine

The Guardian of the Fertilizer Mine

In the depths of the Whispering Mountains, Fle, the very old elf, lived a life intertwined with the earth. His home was a sprawling fertilizer mine, a place rich with the essence of life itself. Here, he nurtured the most potent fertilizer known to the realms, a secret blend of organic matter that could bring even the most barren soil back to life. Fle guarded this treasure jealously, aware of its immense value and the greed it could inspire in others.

The Secret of the Fertilizer

Fle had discovered the unique properties of the fertilizer centuries ago, when he first ventured into the mine. It was a blend of decayed leaves, crushed minerals, and the remnants of ancient plants, all steeped in the magic of the earth. With it, he could grow lush gardens and heal the land, but he also knew that in the wrong hands, it could be weaponized to destroy rather than nurture.

Each day, Fle would tend to his precious stock, carefully mixing and aerating the fertilizer, ensuring it remained potent. He would sing to it, his voice echoing through the caverns, infusing the mixture with his ancient magic. The fertilizer thrived under his care, glowing faintly with a life of its own.

The Threat of Greed

Word of Fle’s extraordinary fertilizer began to spread beyond the mountains. Rumors reached the ears of greedy merchants and ambitious alchemists who sought to exploit its power for profit. They envisioned vast fields of crops, riches beyond measure, and the ability to control nature itself.

One evening, as Fle was tending to his garden, he sensed a disturbance. The air grew thick with tension, and the faint sound of footsteps echoed through the mine. He knew he had to protect his treasure.

The Intruders

That night, a group of shadowy figures crept into the mine, their eyes glinting with greed. They were armed with tools and bags, ready to harvest Fle’s precious fertilizer. As they approached, Fle emerged from the shadows, his presence commanding and fierce.

“Who dares to enter my domain?” he called, his voice resonating like thunder. The intruders froze, startled by the sudden appearance of the ancient elf.

“We mean no harm, old one,” one of them said, trying to sound convincing. “We only seek a small portion of your fertilizer. It could help many people.”

Fle narrowed his eyes, sensing the deception in their words. “You seek to take what is not yours. This fertilizer is a gift of the earth, not a commodity for your greed.”

The Confrontation

The intruders, realizing they could not sway Fle with words, drew their tools, ready to fight for what they desired. But Fle was not just a guardian; he was a master of the earth’s magic. With a wave of his hand, the ground beneath the intruders began to tremble.

Vines erupted from the soil, wrapping around their legs and pulling them down. The intruders struggled, but the more they fought, the tighter the vines gripped them. Fle stood tall, his eyes glowing with ancient power.

“You will not take what belongs to the earth,” he declared. “Leave now, and never return, or face the consequences of your greed.”

A Lesson Learned

Realizing they were no match for the old elf and his magic, the intruders relented. They dropped their tools and begged for mercy. Fle, seeing the fear in their eyes, decided to show them the error of their ways.

“Let this be a lesson,” he said, releasing the vines but keeping a watchful eye on them. “The earth provides for those who respect it. If you seek to take, you will find only destruction. But if you learn to nurture, you will be rewarded.”

The intruders, humbled and ashamed, fled the mine, vowing never to return. Fle watched them go, knowing that he had protected not just his treasure, but the balance of nature itself.

A New Understanding

From that day forward, Fle continued to guard his fertilizer, but he also became a teacher. He welcomed those who sought knowledge and understanding, sharing the secrets of the earth with those who showed respect. The mine became a place of learning, where the old elf nurtured not just the soil, but the hearts of those who came to him.

Fle’s legend grew, not just as a guardian of the fertilizer mine, but as a wise mentor who understood the delicate balance between taking and giving. And in the depths of the Whispering Mountains, the magic of the earth thrived, nurtured by the love and care of an old elf who had learned the true meaning of guardianship.

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2025 in elf, fantasy, fantasy story

 

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Little Red Riding Hood


Little Red Riding Hood and the Dalek

Chapter One: The Basket of Cakes

Once upon a time, there lived a cheerful little girl who wore a cloak the colour of bright cherries, with a hood that framed her round face. Because she wore it so often, the neighbours called her Little Red Riding Hood.

One fine morning, her mother packed a basket with cakes, butter, and a flask of hot chocolate.
“Take these to your grandmother, dear,” she said. “She has not been well. But remember—stay on the path. And don’t talk to strangers.”

Little Red Riding Hood promised she would be good, although she was secretly curious about the forest. She kissed her mother’s cheek, hoisted her basket, and set off humming into the green, leafy world.

What she did not know was that a strange new visitor had arrived in the forest—a creature made of shining metal, whose voice echoed like thunder.


Chapter Two: The Stranger in the Woods

The path twisted beneath tall oaks. Birds should have been singing, but they were silent. Even the squirrels kept to their holes.

Suddenly, there came a grinding, wheezing noise, followed by a screech:
“IDENTIFY! IDENTIFY!”

Red stopped in her tracks. Before her stood something unlike any fox, wolf, or bear. It was shaped like a giant pepperpot, plated in bronze and gold, with a single glowing eye.

“I—I’m Little Red Riding Hood,” she stammered. “Who are you?”

“I—AM—A—DALEK!” the creature boomed. “WHERE—ARE—YOU—GOING?”

“To visit my grandmother in her cottage, with cakes and hot chocolate.”

The Dalek’s dome swivelled. “WHERE—IS—THE—COTTAGE?”

Red pointed, still polite though her knees were shaking. “Over the hill, through the glade, by the old stone well.”

Without another word, the Dalek spun round and rolled away, faster than seemed possible.


Chapter Three: The Cottage in Danger

Grandmother’s cottage was small, with roses round the door and a chimney that puffed like a kettle. Inside, the poor woman was knitting by the fire when—CRASH!—her door burst open.

The Dalek burst in, screeching:
“EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!”

Granny dropped her knitting and dived under the bed. The Dalek considered blasting her to pieces but then remembered a half-broken file in its databank titled “HUMAN FAIRY STORIES: STRATEGIC USE.”

“NEW STRATEGY: DECEPTION!” it bellowed. With difficulty, it plucked Granny’s nightcap with its plunger and balanced it on its dome. Then it reversed awkwardly into her bed, pulling the blanket up to its grille.

The disguise was… questionable.


Chapter Four: “What Big Lights You Have!”

Little Red Riding Hood soon arrived, her basket swinging. She pushed open the cottage door, surprised that it hung off its hinges.

Inside was smoke, scorch marks, and splintered wood. But on the bed lay her “grandmother,” strangely lumpy under the quilt.

“Oh, Grandmother, what bright blue lights you have!”

“THE BETTER—TO—SEE YOU WITH!” screeched the Dalek.

“Oh, Grandmother, what a terrible voice you have!”

“THE BETTER—TO—COMMAND YOUR EXTERMINATION WITH!”

And with that, the Dalek threw off the quilt, cap flying, and aimed its death-ray straight at Little Red Riding Hood.


Chapter Five: The Hot Chocolate Surprise

hot chocolate surprise

Red gasped. She stumbled backward, clutching her basket. In her fright, the flask of hot chocolate slipped from her hands. The lid popped, and steaming cocoa splashed across the Dalek’s grille.

Instantly, sparks flew.
“WARNING! COCOA—INTRUSION! CIRCUITRY COMPROMISED!”

The Dalek spun in circles, smashing Granny’s dresser, knocking over the kettle, and shouting, “MALFUNCTION! MALFUNCTION!”

With one last fizzing shriek, it toppled into the fireplace, where sparks and smoke finished the job. The Dalek went silent, its single eye fading to black.


Chapter Six: Safe at Last

safe at last

From under the bed, Grandmother crawled out, trembling but alive.
“Oh, my dear child!” she cried. “You have saved me—from that dreadful… whatever-it-was!”

Little Red Riding Hood smiled shyly. “It seems hot chocolate can defeat more than just a cold day.”

They sat together, nibbling cakes and drinking what cocoa remained. And though the cottage was rather scorched and in need of repair, both were glad to be alive.


Epilogue: The Moral

From that day forth, Little Red Riding Hood never wandered through the forest without a flask of hot chocolate, just in case. And the villagers told the story for generations: how a girl in a red cloak defeated a terrifying Dalek with nothing more than kindness, quick thinking, and a very sticky drink.

Moral: Even the smallest comforts can triumph over the greatest terrors.

 

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The Ballykillduff Daleks Winter of Madness

The Ballykillduff Daleks Winter of Madness

The first frost of winter came sneaking into Ballykillduff one quiet night. It crept over the hedgerows like icing on a Christmas cake, decorated the village pump with shiny icicles, and froze the puddles so hard that even Bridget McGillicuddy’s hens slipped about like ballerinas on roller skates.

The Ballykillduff Daleks had never experienced such a thing. For weeks they had been trundling around the village, muttering about “TOTAL DOMINATION” and “EX-TER-MI-NATION,” but on this particular morning they emerged from their shed only to discover that their mighty treads were no match for frozen mud.

One Dalek gave a mighty shove forward.
“COMMENCING DAILY PATROL!” it announced grandly—then immediately skidded sideways and lodged itself in the ditch.

Another Dalek rolled confidently onto a glittering puddle.
“THESE HUMANS ARE WEAK! WE SHALL—AAAAAGH!” it screeched, spinning in helpless circles like a saucepan lid on polished tiles.

By the time Councillor McGroggan wandered down the lane with his bucket of coal, he found half a dozen Daleks floundering about, their eyestalks fogged with frost, their plungers stuck fast to frozen gates, and one unfortunate unit still wedged headfirst in the ditch.

Click on the link, below, to read the full, bonkers mad story.

The Ballykillduff Daleks Winter of Madness

 

 

 

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Dullingshire

Dullingshire

A Short Story: The Girl with the Purple Umbrella

There once was a girl named Lila who strolled through town with a purple umbrella—always open, even on the sunniest of days. She wore socks that didn’t match, spoke in rhymes when no one asked, and could often be found conversing with lamp posts or feeding imaginary pigeons.

People in the town of Dullingshire whispered.
“She’s strange,” said the baker.
“Weird,” nodded the barber.
“Completely off,” murmured the mayor.
“Possibly crazy,” concluded the postman.

One day, a curious boy named Felix asked her why she did the things she did. She twirled her umbrella, smiled, and said:
“I’m not strange, weird, off, nor crazy—
My reality is just different from yours, dear Daisy.”

“My name’s Felix,” he corrected.

“Exactly,” she winked.

She invited him to walk with her. Under her umbrella, the world looked different—full of colour, music, and upside-down rainbows. Trees whispered secrets, puddles shimmered like portals, and the clouds giggled above.

By the time they returned, Felix wasn’t sure whether he had visited another world or simply looked at his own for the first time. He tried explaining it to others, but they shook their heads and gave him cautious glances. He didn’t care.

From that day on, Felix carried a green balloon wherever he went and sometimes whistled at flowers to see if they’d sing back.

And when people whispered about him, Lila simply smiled and said,
“Welcome to my reality.”

And that’s how the world became a little less dull, and Dullingshire never quite lived up to its name again.

dullingshire

 
 

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Alice Logs In

Alice Logs In

Alice Logs In

One sunny day in Wonderland,
While sipping tea and chewing sand,
Young Alice yawned and had a thought:
“Why are we all so pre-internet caught?”

She pulled an iPhone from her sock,
(It ticked and tocked like a talking clock),
She poked the screen and gave a grin—
“Let’s see what world I’ve wandered in!”

The Caterpillar popped online:
“Who R U? U up? U fine?”
The Cheshire Cat just posted memes,
And vanished mid-conspiracy themes.

The Hatter live-streamed tea debates,
With Bonkers takes on interest rates.
The Queen of Hearts launched NFTs:
“Buy now! Each comes with severed knees!”

Alice sighed. “This can’t be right—
We’ve meme’d away the day and night.
No riddles, rhymes, no flights of fancy—
Just trolls and ads and apps called ‘Dancy.’”

She tried to post: “I miss the trees.”
But all she got were angry bees—
Replies that buzzed: “You’re cringe! You’re fake!”
“Return to hole! Go eat a cake!”

She shut the phone and dropped it fast,
Deciding screen life couldn’t last.
She skipped away through mushroom mist,
Her Twitter never once was missed.

So if you find your world askew,
Try Wonderland, not Webpage 2.
You won’t need likes or streams or fame—
Just talking cats who know your name.

 

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