Porridge, porridge, good for your bones,
Bones, bones, good for your bones.
Eat it up; it’ll do you good,
Do you good, good, good, good.
Look at it now; it’s so fine to eat,
It’s so fine and good, it is a treat.
Category Archives: funny story
Erdogan Burgers – Beefed up Security
The German manager of a burger bar in Cologne will start selling “Erdogan-Burgers” again, despite closing for three days because of threats, he told the BBC.
Joerg Tiemann said his Urban Burgery sold the burgers garnished with goat’s cheese as a “satirical answer” to Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.
He has now installed security cameras. BEEFED UP SECURITY.
Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!”
His father smiled and replied, “What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means?
The son replied, “I do know!”
“Okay,” said his father. “What does the Bible mean?”
“That’s easy, Daddy…” the young boy replied excitedly,” It stands for ‘Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.’
It’s the way I tell ’em!
David Cameron’s EU referendum plan
You put the right side in,
The left side out,
In, out, in, out,
Shake it all about,
You do the votey, votey,
And we turn around,
That’s what EU’s about.
Whoa, votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Hell-bent, downward trend, blah, blah, blah!
You put Eurocrats in,
Democracy out,
In, out, in, out,
Mix it all about,
You do the votey, votey,
And we turn around,
That’s what EU’s about.
Whoa, votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Hell-bent, downward trend, blah, blah, blah!
You put the fat cats in,
And freedom out,
In, out, in, out,
Shake it all about,
You do the votey, votey,
And we turn around,
That’s what EU’s about.
Whoa, votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Hell-bent, downward trend, blah, blah, blah!
You put the fascists in,
Your liberty out,
In, out, in, out,
Shake it all about,
You do the votey, votey,
And we turn around,
That’s what EU’s about.
Whoa, votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Hell-bent, downward trend, blah, blah, blah!
You put your whole world in,
Your old life out,
In, out, in, out,
Shake it all about,
You do the votey, votey,
And we turn around,
That’s what EU’s about,
Whoa, votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Whoa, the votey, votey,
Hell-bent, downward trend, blah, blah, blah!!!
I am not quite sane
I am not quite sane; not that sort of man,
I am not quite sane; it’s not a part of my plan,
I am bonkers, for sure, as mad as can be,
I am the Craymad Writer; it’s true, hee hee.
Creamy Porridge
Creamy porridge is good for your bones,
Bones, bones, good for your bones.
Get it down; it’ll do you good,
Do you good, good, good, good.
Look at this now, it’s so fine to eat,
It’s so fine and good, it is a treat.
Croaky the Frog
My story begins one sunny summer’s afternoon, with Croaky the fog sitting on his favourite lily pad, enjoying the sun while lying in wait for a dainty morsel to catch. Watching the flies buzzing to and fro across the pond, hoping that one of them landed nearby, or at least slowed down enough, to allow him an opportunity to secure his next meal, Croaky sat perfectly still. But there were so many flies flitting around, Croaky didn’t know which of them to watch let alone catch. Then he heard a sound, a low droning buzz, quite different to the usual insect sounds that he had become accustomed to hearing. This new one was an altogether more courser sound. Tilting his head over to one side, Croaky tried to hear it clearer. It was a fly, he was quite certain of that, but so different from any that he had up until then heard. The sound grew louder and louder, so loud Croaky imagined it must be the mother of all flies coming his way. His stomach growled in anticipation of the wonderful meal heading towards him…
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I Have a Little Satnav, by Pam Ayres
I have a little Satnav; it sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver’s friend it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav; I’ve had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones, My Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
“It’s sixty miles an hour”, it says, “You’re doing sixty five”.
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it’s never ever, Safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, Just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear
And taking this into account, It specifies my gear.
I’m sure no other driver, has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car, It still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey’s pretty fraught
So why don’t I exchange it, And get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I’m properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off
******************
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Wee Willie Winkie – Take Two
Wee Willie Winkie
Runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his night gown,
Rapping at the windows,
Crying through the locks,
I’ve lost my keys, my feet are cold,
THERE ARE HOLES IN MY SOCKS!
I fell down a waterfall; that is a fact,
I fell down a waterfall; that is a fact,
I fell down a waterfall, where were you at?
To have missed such a thing a long time ago?
When I fell into that water, it was ever so cold.
*
I almost died on that day; a terrible shock,
When the icy cold waters sniggered and mocked,
Bringing me closer to that hole in the ground,
Six feet under in a box coloured brown.
This is a TRUE story!
The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 