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Category Archives: humor

TEST FOR SENIORS

TEST FOR SENIORS……think carefully.

Something for seniors to do to keep those “aging” grey cells active!

1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May….What was the third child’s name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers….What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole…that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language…is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer…..How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. …Why not?

8. What was the President’s Name…in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Here are the Answers: (No peeking!)

1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name?

Answer: Johnny, of course.

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn’t discovered yet. [You’re not very good at this, are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer: Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can’t take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President’s Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now – Barack Obama [Oh, come on …]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1) You can’t count your hair.

2) You can’t wash your eyes with soap.

3) You can’t breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.

Ten (10) Things I know about you.

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.

10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

 
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Posted by on April 6, 2015 in humor, humour, test

 

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British General Election

Vote For Bean

I am not Roald Dahl

Vote for Bean,

You know it makes sense,

And if it DOESN’T make sense,

It’s a load  of NONSENSE.

 
 

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There once was a dog quite bold

There once was a dog quite bold,
That thought it was fun to hold,
Little cats by the tail,
Then it exhaled a LOUD wail,
With a bloody and very sore nose.

I am not Roald Dahl

 
 

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Summer Coke

Summer time and the living is easy…

HECK, THAT’S NO WAY TO BE ENJOYING YOURSELF!

Get up, off your butt! Yes – YOU!

See this bottle? You do? God, I thought you’d NEVER see it!

Well, pick it up and drink its contents!

Pardon? You want to know what it contains?

You’ve blown it.

Go away, you creep.

I’ll find someone else, someone more deserving than you.

Summer time and the living is easy…

What on earth was all that about?

Let me explain…

I’m the crazymad writer,

The crazymad writer today.

I’m the crazymad writer,

The crazymad writer, hey hey!

You may think that I’m not serious,

And I might even agree,

But I’m still the crazymad writer,

The crazymad writer, hee hee.

Now do you understand?

There isn’t anything to understand.

I’m crazy, crazymad and bonkers, to boot!

Free eBooks for everyone

Summer Fun,

Summer Sun,

Summer Coke.

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2015 in humor, humour, news

 

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Coca Cola Life

I had my first taste of Coca Cola Life yesterday,

and, in my humble opinion, it tasted like a cheap,

watered down version of Coca Cola.

I am not Rolad Dahl

Coca Cola Life – nil points.

 

 
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Posted by on March 23, 2015 in humor, humour, news

 

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Giggle My Boots

Giggle My Boots

Giggle my boots, gaggle my hat,
Goggle my shirtsleeves and fraggle that cat.
I am friggled with laughter, for I know that it’s true,
That you really do love me and not Johnny Lazoo.

You see, Johnny Lazoo, a man of some strength,
Wanted to court you, wanted to bend,
Your ear with his stories, your eye with his looks,
But you never gave him as much as one look.

The day that you said, Yes, I’ll marry you, I will,
Was the happiest day of my life; it was brill,
To think that you chose me over Johnny Lazoo,
Makes me friggle with laughter knowing it’s true.

Before I head off with my bride and my life,
I will give you this piece of excellent advice.
If you are planning to woo your beau, here’s the rub,
Friggle her with laughter and griggle her with love.

Horrid henry? No, he's Horrible Horace, and he's in a free eBook especially for you.

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2015 in funny story, humor, humour

 

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Horrible Horace and Tinkering Tommy

Horrible Horace and Tinkering Tommy

step inside the spooky air-raid shelter

free eBooks for children

A FREE eBook you can download today

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2015 in free, free ebooks, humor, humour

 

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Witches, werewolves, ghosts, and ghouls

Witches, werewolves, ghosts, and ghouls
Love to frighten little fools.
I’m not frightened! No, not me!
But is t, t, there a ghost behind of me?

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Oh no, it’s Monday!

Arrrgh, it’s Monday!

Roald Dahl, i ain't.

 
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Posted by on February 2, 2015 in humor, humour, Roald Dahl

 

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Oh, I wish I’d looked after me feet

free eBooks

Oh, I wish I’d looked after me feet,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the miles that I walked,
And the shoes that I bought,
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me feet.

*

I wish I’d been that much more willin’
And provided more space for the fillin’
To pass up winklepickers,
From respect to me kippers
And to buy something else with me shillin’.

*

When I think of the miles that I trekked,
And the hills that I climbed without a heck,
Potholes, big and little,
Ruined my feet, so very brittle,
My kippers are horribly fecked.

*

My Mother, she told me no end,
“Good feet are always your friends”
I was young then, and brainless,
My shoe choice so careless,
I never had much time to spend.

*

Oh I showed them the new shoes so bright,
I flashed them about with delight,
But up-and-down walkin’
And kickin’ and rushin’
Played havoc with my dainty delights.

*

If I’d known I was paving the way,
To verrucae, corns and decay,
The pain of arthritis,
Gout and detritus,
I’d have thrown all me show shoes away.

*

So I sit in the podiatrist’s chair,
And I hear his diagnosis in despair,
Telling me what I should have done,
And the shoes I should have donned,
“They’ll only last,” he’ll say, “for a few more days.”

*

How I laughed at my Mother’s false leg,
As she struggled with it clunkin’ beneath,
But now comes the reckonin’
It’s me it is beckonin’
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me feet.

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