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Tullow Pyramid

Tullow Pyramid

The morning mist in Tullow usually smells of damp grass and the Slaney river, but on a Tuesday in October, it carried the scent of sun-baked cedar and ozone.

When the sun finally burned through the fog, the townspeople found it: a pyramid, no taller than a two-story townhouse, sitting perfectly centered in the middle of The Square. It hadn’t made a sound. No one’s Ring doorbell had captured a delivery truck, and the gravel beneath it hadn’t even been displaced. It looked as though it had been there for ten thousand years, and the town of Tullow had simply grown around it overnight.

The Impossible Stone

The structure wasn’t gold or limestone. It was made of a deep, matte basalt that seemed to “drink” the light around it. Local historian Sean O’Shea was the first to approach it with a magnifying glass.

“It’s not Egyptian,” he whispered to the huddle of onlookers. “The carvings… they’re Ogham, but they’re wrong. The lines are moving.”

He was right. The deep grooves etched into the stone weren’t static. If you looked at a symbol and then blinked, the notches had shifted, crawling like slow-motion insects across the surface of the dark stone.


The “Goings-On”

As the day progressed, the “mysteries” escalated from architectural anomalies to full-blown local phenomena:

  • The Weightless Zone: Within ten feet of the pyramid, gravity seemed to lose its grip. Local kids discovered they could jump six feet into the air with a single hop. A stray Border Collie was seen drifting three feet off the ground, looking mildly annoyed as it paddled through the air.
  • The Radio Silence: Every digital device in Tullow began to act up. Car radios played music that hadn’t been recorded yet—melodies with instruments that sounded like glass breaking in harmony. Phone screens showed maps of stars that didn’t exist in the Milky Way.
  • The Echoes of the Past: At noon, the air around the pyramid grew thick. People standing near the Post Office reported seeing “shadows” of people in ancient robes walking through the walls of the modern shops. They weren’t ghosts; they looked solid, but they were silent, focused on a city that had stood in Tullow’s place eons ago.

The Door Without a Seam

By sunset, the Irish Defense Forces had cordoned off the area, but the pyramid had its own ideas about security. A seam appeared on the eastern face—not a door opening, but the stone simply evaporating into a fine purple mist.

A low hum, like a thousand bees vibrating in a cello case, began to pulse through the pavement. Those standing closest reported a sudden, overwhelming memory of a life they had never lived—a memory of a Great Library and a sky with three moons.

“It isn’t a tomb,” Sean O’Shea shouted over the rising hum as the military tried to push the crowd back. “It’s a bookmark! It’s holding our place in time!”

As the clock struck midnight, exactly twenty-four hours after its arrival, the pyramid didn’t vanish. Instead, the colors of Tullow began to bleed into it. The gray pavement turned to gold dust; the local pub’s neon sign turned into a floating orb of cold fire. The pyramid wasn’t visiting Tullow—it was starting to rewrite it.


The Morning After

The next day, the pyramid was gone. The Square was empty. But the people of Tullow were different. Everyone in town now spoke a second language—a melodic, ancient tongue they all understood but couldn’t name. And in the center of the Square, where the pyramid had sat, the grass now grows in the shape of a perfect, unblinking eye.


The transition from a sleepy market town to a high-security “Linguistic Quarantine Zone” happened in less than seventy-two hours.

The Irish Defense Forces were replaced by international suits: UN observers, cryptographers from Fort Meade, and stone-faced men in lab coats. They set up a perimeter around Tullow, but they weren’t looking for radiation or biological weapons. They were looking for words.

The Incident at Murphy’s Hardware

It started small. Mrs. Gately, a grandmother of seven, was trying to explain to a scientist that she felt “perfectly fine.” But as she spoke the new melodic tongue—the Tullow Tongue—she reached for a word that sounded like ‘Lir-un-teth’.

As the syllable left her lips, the air in the room didn’t just vibrate; it crystallized. Every loose nail and bolt in Murphy’s Hardware rose from its bin, suspended in mid-air, forming a perfect, rotating sphere of jagged metal. When she stopped speaking out of shock, the metal fell, clattering to the floor like a thousand spilled coins.

The scientists stopped taking notes. They started taking measurements.


The Architecture of Sound

The townspeople soon realized that their new language was actually a User Interface for the Universe.

Phrase (Phonetic) Observed Effect
Vora-shé Localized gravity increases by 15%; footsteps feel like lead.
Kael-o-min Objects become transparent for exactly sixty seconds.
Thu-lar-is Temperature drops to freezing point within a three-meter radius.
 
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Posted by on December 19, 2025 in time travel

 

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When the President of Ireland met the Ballykillduff Daleks

When the President of Ireland met the Ballykillduff Daleks

When the President of Ireland met the Ballykillduff Daleks

The presidential motorcade, usually a beacon of solemnity, was currently attempting a precarious three-point turn in a field that smelled distinctly of prize-winning Kerry cows. Inside, President McMurrow, a man whose silver hair and kindly eyes belied a mischievous wit, chuckled. “Remind me again, Fiona,” he addressed his chief of staff, “why we bypassed the usual diplomatic channels for a direct engagement with… the Ballykillduff Daleks?”

Fiona, a woman who had seen it all – from rogue shamrock presentations to international incidents involving a missing Taoiseach and a particularly enthusiastic hurling team – sighed. “Because, Mr. President, their ‘Exterminate All Humans’ manifesto was getting an alarming amount of traction on TikTok, and Fine Gael were starting to panic about the youth vote.”

Just then, a shrill, metallic voice screeched from beyond the hawthorn hedge. “EXTERNAL-LIN-GUISH! EX-TER-NAL-LIN-GUISH THE GRAZING MENACE!”

“Ah,” President McMurrow adjusted his tie, a subtle nod to the seriousness of the occasion. “Sounds like our welcoming committee.”

They emerged to a truly surreal sight. Five Daleks, unmistakably Daleks, but with a distinct Ballykillduff charm. One had a tricolour painted rather crudely on its side. Another wore a tiny, ill-fitting leprechaun hat. The leader, a particularly rusty specimen, had what looked suspiciously like a hurley stick strapped to its casing.

“GREET-INGS, FLESH-BAG!” screeched the hurley-wielding Dalek. “WE ARE THE DA-LEKS OF BALLY-KILL-DUFF! PRE-PARE TO BE… ENTER-TAINED!”

President McMurrow raised an eyebrow. “Entertained, you say? Not exterminated?”

“EX-TER-MIN-ATE IS SO… LAST SEA-SON,” replied another Dalek, its eye-stalk swivelling to glare at a sheep that had dared to bleat nearby. “WE HAVE DE-CID-ED TO EM-BRACE LO-CAL CUL-TURE!”

It turned out their TikTok fame had come from their surprisingly viral Riverdance routine. “WE HAVE MOD-I-FIED OUR PLUN-GERS FOR PER-CUSS-IVE DANC-ING!” explained the Dalek with the leprechaun hat. “WOULD YOU LIKE A DEM-ON-STRA-TION, MR. PRES-I-DENT?”

Before McMurrow could answer, a local farmer, Seamus O’Malley, ambled over, scratching his head. “Are these the fellas who keep rearrangin’ my hay bales into the shape of the Millennium Falcon?”

The Daleks froze. “NEG-A-TIVE! THAT IS A SLAN-DER-OUS AC-CU-SA-TION!”

“Oh, come off it,” Seamus scoffed. “My prize-winning ram, Brendan, saw you! Said you were humming the Star Wars theme tune!”

President McMurrow, struggling to suppress a laugh, intervened. “Gentlemen, perhaps we could discuss your, ah, ‘cultural integration’ over a cup of tea? I believe Fiona has brought some Tayto.”

The word ‘Tayto’ seemed to short-circuit the Daleks. “POT-AT-O BASED SNACK PROD-UCT? EX-PLAIN! EX-PLAIN!”

Hours later, the presidential motorcade departed, leaving behind a scene of utter bewilderment and joy. The Ballykillduff Daleks were now sporting tiny GAA jerseys, had learned to play a passable bodhrán rhythm with their plungers, and were eagerly discussing the merits of cheese and onion crisps versus salt and vinegar.

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2025 in daleks, Ireland, president

 

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The Twelve Dalek Days of Christmas

The Twelve Dalek Days of Christmas

The Daleks of Ballykillduff and the Twelve Days of Absolutely Catastrophic Christmas

Ballykillduff was gearing up for its usual festive carnage when the three Daleks (Zeg, Zog, and Zag) decided Christmas was a strategic weakness ripe for conquest. They were wrong. Spectacularly, hilariously, catastrophically wrong.

Day 1 – A Partridge in a Pear Tree Zeg declared himself the new Lord of Christmas and tried to occupy the village pear tree. The tree had ideas. One gust of wind and Zeg shot out like a metallic cannonball, landing upside-down in Mrs Mulgrew’s prize-winning compost heap. “EXTERMINATE THE COMPOST!” he shrieked, muffled by six feet of rotting cabbage. Mrs Mulgrew charged out in hair curlers, brandishing a broom. “You’ll be compost yourself, ya pepper-pot gobshite!” Zeg spent the rest of the day being hosed down by the fire brigade while the entire village filmed it for TikTok.

Day 2 – Two Turtle Doves Zog kidnapped the doves to interrogate them about “avian loyalty.” The doves shat on his dome in perfect unison, then flew off with his eyestalk cover. He chased them screaming “RETURN MY OPTIC!” straight into the duck pond. Ducks 3 – Three French Hens** The hens belonged to Sister Bernadette. They were ninja hens. Zog is still convinced they were cyber-converted. He has PTSD and flinches every time someone says “coq au vin.”

Day 4 – Four Calling Birds Zag tried to weaponising them with tiny Dalek voice modulators. The birds learned one phrase: “ZAG IS A SPAWNFACE.” They followed him everywhere for a week, screeching it at 140 decibels. He now sleeps with industrial earmuffs.

Day 5 – FIVE GOOOOLD RIIIINGS Zeg stole the five gold rings from the jeweller and tried to wear them like Olympic medals. They got stuck on his plunger. The fire brigade had to come back. Again. The chief now has a special “Dalek wedged in something stupid” incident code.

Day 6 – Six Geese a-Laying The geese took one look at three rolling dustbins shouting “EXTERMINATE” and decided it was go-time. Live-streamed goose chase lasted twenty-three glorious minutes. Final score: Geese 47, Daleks 0. Zeg’s dignity is still missing, presumed pecked to death.

Day 7 – Seven Swans a-Swimming The swans were rented from a posh estate for the crib scene. Daleks attempted a synchronized swimming takeover. Swans formed a V-formation and torpedoed them like feathery missiles. Zog was last seen doing 360-degree spins in the fountain yelling “WHY IS EVERY BIRD IN IRELAND EVIL?”

Day 8 – Eight Maids a-Milking The maids were actually eight burly farmers’ daughters who’d had three pints each at the pub. They mistook the Daleks for novelty kegs, flipped them upside down, and tried to “tap” them. Milk stout was not improved by Dalek hydraulic fluid.

Day 9 – Nine Ladies Dancing Céilí night. The Daleks stormed the hall demanding everyone riverdance in perfect Dalek formation. The band struck up “The Siege of Ennis” at double speed. The floor had been waxed with Murphy’s Homemade Furniture Polish (90% butter). All three Daleks achieved low-orbit skids, ricocheted off the walls like pinballs, and took out the Christmas tree, the buffet table, Father Murphy, and the life-size Baby Jesus in one glorious crash. The village gave them a standing ovation and voted it “Best Nativity Ever.”

Day 10 – Ten Lords a-Leaping The lords were the Ballykillduff under-12 hurling team in panto costumes. They used the Daleks as goalposts. Zag still has a hurley stuck through his grille.

Day 11 – Eleven Pipers Piping The pipe band marched straight at them playing “Garryowen” at full volume. Zeg’s audio circuits overloaded; he started speaking only in bagpipe noises for six hours. “SKRL-SKRL-SKREEEEE—EXTERMINATE—SKRL!”

Day 12 – Twelve Drummers Drumming Christmas Eve. The Daleks, battered, leaking, one still wearing a goose feathers like a Hawaiian skirt, rolled to the top of the hill for one last stand. Zeg raised his gunstick: “On the twelfth day of Christmas the Daleks give to you… TOTAL OBLITERATION!” Snow started falling. The village kids pelted them with snowballs. One perfect snowball hit Zeg’s power cell. He short-circuited, lights flashing like a disco, and began singing “Jingle Bells” in a helium voice. Zog and Zag joined in, completely against their will. The entire village gathered, phones out, singing along while three mortified Daleks performed an involuntary Christmas concert on the hillside.

Midnight struck. Church bells rang. Even the geese shut up for a minute.

Zeg’s eyestalk drooped. “Temporary… ceasefire. For tactical reasons.” Someone stuck a Santa hat on him. Someone else tied tinsel round Zog’s plunger. Zag got a sprig of mistletoe wedged in his gun barrel and spent the rest of the night accidentally kissing pensioners.

Mad Jimmy McGroggan raised his pint from the pub doorway and roared: “Merry Christmas, ya glorified teapots!”

And from the top of the hill came three metallic voices, small and very, very embarrassed:

“MER-RY CHRIST-MAS… TO YOU… FILTHY HU-MANS.”

Then, quieter: “…and don’t tell the Supreme Dalek.”

Best Christmas Ballykillduff ever had. The geese are already booked for next year.

 
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Posted by on December 8, 2025 in ballykillduff, carlow, dalek, daleks

 

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THE BALLYKILLDUFF DALEKS SAVE CHRISTMAS

A Festive Tale


CHAPTER ONE

Snow on Ballykillduff Hill

Ballykillduff was not known for dramatic weather. Rain was expected. Mists drifted in like gossip and no one questioned them.
Snow, however, did not fall in this part of Carlow. Not ever.

Which was why the villagers stared at the sky on Christmas Eve as soft flakes began to drift down with the elegance of ballet dancers who had taken a wrong turn.

Jimmy McGroggan burst out of his shed and threw his arms wide.

“I told you so,” he shouted. “The Weather Encourager Three Thousand works at last. I have finally persuaded the heavens to behave.”

Before he could continue bragging, three Daleks came sliding down Ballykillduff Hill.
“Slipping,” cried Zeg. “This terrain is treacherous.”
“My lower section is freezing,” shouted Zog.
“The ground is attempting to exterminate us,” howled Zag.

They crashed together in a perfect metallic heap inside Jimmy’s gooseberry bushes.
Jimmy sighed in a way that suggested he was used to this sort of thing.

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The Circus of Grotesques: It Will Change Your Life Forever.

The Circus of Grotesques: It Will Change Your Life Forever.

Chapter One

The Posters Arrive Out of Nowhere

On the morning it began, Ballykillduff woke up to an extra silence.

It wasn’t the usual sort of quiet you get before the rain, or the muffled hush after a good snowfall. This was a listening sort of silence, as if the whole village were holding its breath and waiting for something it couldn’t quite remember ordering.

The first to notice anything odd was a sheep.

She was an elderly ewe with a permanently offended expression and a tendency to wander off, which is exactly what she was doing—stomping along the lane toward the bridge, muttering in a sheepish sort of way—when a sudden gust of wind slapped a sheet of paper against her woolly flank.

The paper stuck there, fluttering like a strange rectangular tail.

The sheep stopped, blinked slowly, and decided—fairly—that this was one indignity too many. She shook herself. The paper refused to budge.

So Ballykillduff began its day with one very grumpy sheep trotting around the village green wearing an enormous poster as a cape.

No one questioned this at first. Ballykillduff was that kind of place.


Bridget O’Toole noticed the posters second.

She came out of McGroggan’s shop with a bag of flour in one hand and a packet of teabags in the other, intending to head straight home and not talk to anyone if she could possibly help it. That was her usual morning plan, and it rarely worked.

Today it didn’t even survive the pavement.

She stopped dead on the step, the way you do when something is so out of place that your brain needs a moment to catch up.

The noticeboard outside the shop was usually a patchwork of ordinary life: lost dogs, second-hand bikes, offers to teach the tin whistle, the eternal yellowing flyer for “Yoga with Maureen (Beginner Friendly, Bring Your Own Mat!).”

Today, every single scrap of paper was gone.

Instead, the whole board was covered edge to edge by one vast poster, so fresh the corners still curled.

It was printed in deep inky black and a strange, shimmering pearl that seemed to move when she looked at it. Not like glitter, which twinkled and sparkled and showed off, but like the inside of a seashell, where colours slid shyly from one to another.

In the centre, in letters that looked almost hand-drawn and yet impossibly perfect, were the words:


CIRCUS OF THE GROTESQUES

It Will Change Your Life Forever


Bridget read it twice, then a third time just to be sure it still said the same thing.

“Grotesques,” she murmured under her breath. “That doesn’t sound very nice at all.”

“Depends what you mean by nice,” said a voice behind her.

She jumped and spun around, slopping a little flour onto the step.

Jimmy McGroggan stood there, hands in his pockets, hair doing its usual impression of a startled hedgehog. He peered at the poster over her shoulder, squinting.

“If I’d made that,” he declared, “I’d have used better paper.”

“Did you make it?” Bridget demanded.

Jimmy looked genuinely offended. “Bridget O’Toole, if I were going to plaster the village with something, I’d sign my name at the bottom and probably add a small diagram. No, this isn’t mine. The ink’s wrong. Smell it.”

“I’m not smelling a poster,” Bridget said crisply.

Jimmy leaned closer anyway and inhaled. “Huh. Thought so.”

“What?”

“Smells like the page of a book you haven’t opened yet,” he said. “And just a bit like matches. Interesting.”

Before Bridget could decide what sort of reply that deserved, a small boy barrelled between them and slammed to a halt in front of the board.

“Whoa,” breathed Patrick Byrne. “Did you see the sheep?”

“What about the sheep?” asked Bridget.

“She’s wearing one of these things!” Patrick waved an arm at the poster, eyes wide. “Walked right past our gate like a circus queen. Nearly choked on my toast.”

“Then someone’s been busy,” Jimmy muttered. “This one here, and one on the sheep… I suppose the bridge lamppost has one too.”

He said it like a joke.

But when they turned to look, there it was: another poster wrapped neatly around the lamppost on the bridge, the pearl letters catching the weak morning sun.


By ten o’clock, everybody knew.

The posters had not appeared in ones and twos, the way normal notices did. They had multiplied in the night like mushrooms after rain.

There was one on the door of The Giddy Goat pub, another tucked neatly inside the window of the tiny post office, one pinned to the fence outside the primary school (which the headmistress removed three times before giving up, because every time she walked away, another one very quietly took its place).

There was even a poster folded under the sugar bowl in Mrs Prendergast’s kitchen, which was especially impressive because Mrs Prendergast never let anything lie around in her kitchen without first interrogating it sternly.

She unfolded it with two fingers as if it might explode.

“Circus of the Grotesques,” she read aloud to her kettle. “It will change your life forever.”

The kettle, wisely, said nothing.

Mrs Prendergast sniffed. “Nothing good ever promises to change your life forever, unless it’s a winning lottery ticket or a decent pair of slippers.”

She turned the paper over, looking for a clue. There was no address, no phone number, no small print, no “terms and conditions apply.”

Just the same message, printed again in tiny lettering along the bottom edge. The pearl ink winked at her.

She crossed herself three times and put the poster on top of the bread bin, where she could keep an eye on it.


By half past eleven, Ballykillduff had achieved the rare and powerful state known as Total Gossip Saturation.

In McGroggan’s shop, people queued for bread they didn’t need and milk they already had, purely for the pleasure of discussing the matter at length.

“It’s a prank,” declared Seamus Fitzgerald, who was naturally nervous about everything and found comfort in deciding things were nothing to worry about. “Has to be. Someone from Tullow, probably. They think they’re very funny up there.”

“Tullow wouldn’t know a proper prank if it bit them,” said Jimmy. “And anyway, have you seen the paper? Feel that.”

He shoved a folded poster into Seamus’s hands. Seamus took it like it might be electrified.

“It’s just paper,” he said.

“Ah, but is it?” Jimmy grinned. “It’s like no paper I’ve ever seen. Flexible, but strong. Look—no crease marks. The ink doesn’t smudge. And smell it.”

“Why does everyone want me to smell things this morning?” Seamus muttered, but he leaned in all the same.

He sniffed once, hesitated, then sniffed again. “It smells… odd.”

“Like the inside of a magician’s sleeve,” Jimmy suggested.

“Like trouble,” Bridget put in from behind, placing a loaf and a packet of tea onto the counter. “We don’t need any kind of circus here, grotesque or otherwise.”

“What’s a grotesque?” asked Patrick from his place by the door. He had been hovering there for the best part of twenty minutes, listening to every word, and was now buzzing with an excitement nobody else seemed to share.

“A gargoyle that’s taken itself too seriously,” Jimmy said promptly.

Bridget rolled her eyes. “It means strange. Ugly, maybe. Twisted.”

Patrick considered this. “So… like Aunt Philomena’s hat.”

Despite herself, Bridget half-smiled. “Something like that.”

“Maybe it’s one of those fancy modern circuses,” Seamus ventured, clearly trying to talk himself out of being anxious. “You know the sort. People dangling from the ceiling with ribbons. Clowns that don’t wear proper noses. They call everything grotesque these days.”

“They do not,” said Bridget.

“Well,” said Seamus feebly, “they might.”

Jimmy tapped the poster. “Whoever they are, they’re good. No phone number, no website, no nothing. That means they’re confident.”

“Or careless,” said Bridget.

“Or magical,” said Patrick.

The adults ignored that, which only strengthened his belief.


At lunchtime, the older children escaped the primary school and poured into the lane like bottled-up marbles, spilling in all directions and converging, as marbles often do, on the most interesting thing nearby.

Which today was, of course, the posters.

“It will change your life forever,” Patrick read aloud for the fiftieth time as he and his friends clustered around the one on the school fence.

“That’s a big promise,” said Maeve Molloy, folding her arms. “What if I like my life the way it is?”

“It might change it for the better,” Patrick said. “Like, I could get taller. Or be able to do that football trick where the ball spins and curves around everyone and into the goal.”

“You can barely tie your laces,” Maeve reminded him.

“That’s because laces are a trap designed by adults,” Patrick said solemnly. “Besides, it’s a circus. There’ll be acrobats and lions and people swallowing fire.”

“Grotesques,” Maeve said pointedly. “Not lions.”

“Grotesque lions, then. Even better.”

Behind them, the sheep trotted past, still wearing her poster cape. Some of the younger children applauded. The sheep rolled one unamused eye and kept walking.

“Do you think it’s real?” Patrick asked, quieter now.

Maeve shrugged. “The posters are real.”

“No, I mean the bit about changing your life.” He ran a finger along the swirling letters. “You think a circus can do that?”

Maeve hesitated. Her parents had told her in no uncertain terms that it was advertising nonsense and she was not to go lurking near any strange tents that might appear.

But the words on the paper sent a fizzy little feeling up her arms all the same.

“It’s just a poster,” she said, a little too briskly. “Posters say all sorts of things. Anyway, where would a circus even go? The meadow by the bridge is too small. And Dad says the ground’s terrible.”

“Maybe they know a trick,” Patrick said. “Maybe it just… appears.”

Maeve rolled her eyes in a way that said, You’re ridiculous and I hope you’re right all at once.


By late afternoon, even the birds seemed to have joined in.

Crows perched along the telegraph wires like a line of scruffy punctuation marks, cawing their opinion of the matter to anyone who would listen. Starlings swooped and spiralled above the fields, patterns shifting as if trying to spell something no human eye could quite read.

The wind picked up, tugging at the posters, making them flicker and flap.

Every now and then, if the breeze caught them just right, a few words seemed to whisper loose and go floating across the village in snatches.

“Circus…”
“…grotesques…”
“…change your life…”

Bridget heard them while she hung washing on the line.

She paused, a damp shirt in her hands, and looked up. The sky was pale blue and ordinary. The fields were just fields. The washing just washing.

And yet.

She thought of the words on the noticeboard. It will change your life forever.

“I don’t want my life changed,” she told the pegged-up socks and small flapping ghosts of shirts. “I just want it… not to hurt so much.”

The shirts declined to comment. A poster on the opposite fence rippled, folded in on itself, and unfolded again, as if quietly breathing.

Bridget shivered and went back indoors.


By evening, Ballykillduff had made up its collective mind in the way small places often did: noisily, contradictorily, and all at once.

In The Giddy Goat, the regulars declared it a swindle, a wonder, a sign of the times, a sign of the end times, a ridiculous fuss about nothing, and definitely, definitely not as interesting as the bad winter of ’82 when the milk froze in the bottles and the cows had to be persuaded not to lie down and give up.

In the houses and cottages scattered along the lanes, people argued quietly over dinner. Parents told children they certainly would not be going to any circus that turned up unannounced like a stray dog. Children nodded and said of course not, and wondered which window would be easiest to climb out of.

Jimmy McGroggan stayed up late at his workbench, a poster pinned under the light, muttering to himself as he tested the ink with cotton buds and strange little devices of his own invention.

Mrs Prendergast moved her poster three times—to the bread bin, then the mantelpiece, then finally under her mattress, where she could feel its faint, pearly warmth through the sheets.

And in his small bedroom at the back of a narrow house with peeling paint, Patrick lay awake, staring at the ceiling.

He could just see the corner of the poster on his wall from his pillow. He had very carefully peeled one off the school fence on the way home and worn it under his jumper like a secret armour until he reached his room.

Now it hung opposite his bed, perfectly flat, as if the wall had been waiting for it.

“Circus of the Grotesques,” he whispered in the dark. “It will change your life forever.”

He tried the words out in different tones.

Excited.
Scared.
Suspicious.
Hopeful.

In the end, they always came out sounding the same: like a promise and a dare wrapped around each other.

“I wouldn’t mind a bit of changing,” he admitted to nobody.

The house creaked the way old houses do when they’re settling in for the night. A car went by on the lane, its headlights briefly licking at the poster’s surface. For the smallest moment, the pearl letters seemed to glow with their own inner light.

Patrick sat up.

“Hello?” he whispered, feeling rather foolish.

The poster did not reply in any way a sensible person would recognise.

But somewhere in the village, carried on a wind that didn’t belong to the weather, a handful of words drifted faintly through the open crack of his window—so faintly that he might almost have dreamed them:

Step inside the pearl-and-black…

Patrick caught his breath.

He scrambled out of bed and pushed his face to the glass, squinting out into the night.

The meadow by the bridge lay dark and empty. The lamppost stood straight and lonely. The old sheep was asleep somewhere, cape and all.

There was no tent. No lights. No circus.

Only the posters, shivering on their nails and fences and lampposts, quivering as if holding in a secret.

Patrick pressed his forehead to the cool pane.

“You’ll come,” he told the night. “I know you will.”

Far off, beyond the fields and hedges and the comforting boundaries of Ballykillduff, something heard him.

Something that travelled between villages like a rumour and between hearts like a song.

The wind shifted, just a little.

The posters all over Ballykillduff rustled at once, a soft papery sigh like an audience taking their seats.

In the morning, everyone would say the same thing:

The posters had been odd enough.

But the truly strange part—the part no one could explain, no matter how they argued—was this:

The next day, without a single person seeing so much as a rope, a peg, a wagon, or a man with a hammer, a great striped tent stood in the meadow by the bridge.

But that is for another chapter.

To be continued

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Posted by on November 29, 2025 in ballykillduff, grotesques

 

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The Whispering Knoll of Tullow

The Whispering Knoll of Tullow

The Whispering Knoll of Tullow

Just east of the Tullow Show Grounds, where the land rises sharply towards the older, quieter fields, stood a low hill known locally as Tír na gCnámh—the Hill of Bones. It wasn’t bones from battle, but from the ancient rock of the earth itself, protruding like the elbows of a giant. Every year, during the last week of August, when the ground was trampled by prize cattle and the air rang with the cacophony of the fairground rides, the knoll would grow restless.

The locals said the knoll was home to Ailbhe, a solitary, centuries-old member of the Aos Sí (the Irish Fair Folk) who resented the noise, the electric lights, and the yearly parking chaos that encroached upon her ancient domain.

Our story belongs to young Cillian, a lad of seventeen who earned good money helping the farmers set up their marquees. It was late on the final night of the Show. Rain had hammered the tents all day, and now a thick, unnatural mist—the kind the old men called the “Show Fog”—had rolled in, suffocating the last of the fairground lights.

Cillian had volunteered to take the day’s cash box, secured in a heavy leather satchel, back to the committee office in the town centre. To avoid the swampy roads, he had to take the shortcut: straight over Tír na gCnámh.

“Mind your steps, boy,” warned the security guard, glancing nervously at the hill. “And don’t you talk to any shadows up there. They’re listening tonight.”

Cillian, being seventeen, scoffed but kept his mouth shut. He started the climb, the weight of the satchel pulling at his shoulder. As soon as he crossed the low stone wall marking the knoll’s boundary, the sound of the Show Grounds vanished. Not faded—vanished. The frantic pop music, the generator hum, the distant shouts—all replaced by an immense, breathing silence.

The fog on the knoll was different, too. It didn’t just obscure the view; it played tricks with the light. The mist ahead seemed to part, revealing brief, tantalizing glimpses of things that should not be: a line of stone markers that weren’t there a second ago, and a flickering, cold flame that burned without fuel.

“It’s just the fog, Cillian,” he muttered, clutching the satchel tighter.

He had walked about fifty yards when the ground beneath his feet began to shift. It wasn’t a landslide; it was a rhythmic, almost deliberate heave, as though the whole knoll were drawing a deep breath. He lost his footing, dropping to his knees.

Suddenly, a sound arose that made his blood run cold: the sweet, unearthly melody of a tin whistle, played so perfectly it seemed to carve the air. It was coming from a clump of gorse bushes just ahead.

Then, the voice spoke. It was clear and cool, like water running over granite.

“You walk on our ceiling, little mortal. You bring the stink of diesel and the bleating of the hungry machines to the door of my home. And you carry a weight of ill-gotten gains.”

Cillian stammered, “N-not ill-gotten! It’s for the prize fund! The best barley, the fastest sheep…”

A figure coalesced from the fog near the gorse bush. It was Ailbhe, the spirit of the knoll. She wasn’t terrifying, but unbearably sad and beautiful. She wore a dress woven from mist and moss, and her hair was the colour of wet turf.

“The barley is good, yes,” Ailbhe sighed, the sound echoing like the movement of old leaves. “But the rush! The noise! It tears the sleep from the earth.” She gestured towards the Show Grounds, and a dark shadow, cold and vast, momentarily blotted out the flickering neon sign of the funfair below.

“I won’t disturb you again, I promise!” Cillian begged, scrambling to his feet.

Ailbhe paused, her deep eyes studying him. “You are the one who leaves the single silver shilling by the gatepost before the setup begins. You think I do not notice the small sacrifice, the tribute to the old courtesy?”

Cillian’s heart pounded. He always left one silver coin from his first day’s pay at the base of the knoll before the Show started—a superstitious habit taught to him by his grandmother.

“Because of that,” Ailbhe whispered, “I will let you pass. But the hill demands payment for the disturbance.”

With a swift, silent movement, she reached out. Cillian braced, expecting her to grab the satchel. Instead, her cool, dry fingers brushed his earlobe.

“Payment accepted,” she murmured, and stepped back into the gorse bush. The whistle melody soared once more, wrapping the knoll in music.

Cillian didn’t wait. He ran down the hill, crashing through the final hedge and onto the muddy perimeter road.

Only when he reached the main road did he notice the satchel was still heavy, the cash intact. He stumbled into the town office and threw the bag onto the desk.

“What happened to your ear?” the committee man asked, handing Cillian his fee.

Cillian touched his earlobe. There, hanging from a thin, almost invisible chain, was a single, tiny, perfectly formed dewdrop of amber, glittering like polished honey.

He never told anyone what he saw on the knoll, but he knew Ailbhe had taken her payment: a lock of hair, preserved in amber, ensuring that a piece of him would always belong to the Hill of Bones. And every August, Cillian always remembered to leave two silver shillings by the gatepost. He preferred to keep his appointments with the Fair Folk.

 
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Posted by on November 11, 2025 in ghost, tullow

 

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Aliens Landed in Ballykillduff for a Second Time

Chapter 1: The Spud-tacular Return

The first time the aliens landed in Ballykillduff, it was a proper kerfuffle. There was a stolen tractor, a case of mistaken identity involving a scarecrow, and a cosmic misunderstanding over Mrs. O’Malley’s prize-winning jam. The villagers thought they’d seen the last of the strange, green-skinned visitors from the planet Zorp, but they were wrong.

The second arrival was even more bizarre. Instead of a sleek, silver saucer, the aliens’ ship looked like a giant, glistening beetroot, complete with leafy antennae that twitched in the breeze. It didn’t land so much as plop right into the middle of Farmer McGregor’s best potato field, sending a shower of earth and spuds flying.

Out of the beetroot ship tumbled not two, but fifty tiny, mushroom-like aliens, each no bigger than a teacup. They didn’t have ray guns or cloaking devices; they had miniature shovels and wicker baskets. They immediately got to work, burrowing into the soft soil with an unearthly speed, muttering in a series of high-pitched squeaks and chirps.

Young Finn O’Connell, who had been hiding in the bushes since the ship arrived, peeked out. “Mam! Da!” he yelled, “They’re back! And they’re after the spuds!”

And they were. The Zorpians, it turned out, were not warmongers or explorers. They were expert potato farmers from a world where all spud varieties had gone extinct. The first landing had been a mistake, but the soil sample they took back from Ballykillduff had caused a sensation on Zorp. They had returned with one single purpose: to gather as many different types of potatoes as they could to save their civilization.

The villagers, after an initial period of utter confusion, saw an opportunity. They started a frenzied barter system. Mr. Fitzwilliam, known for his stubbornness and his Golden Wonders, traded a sack of his finest for a device that could make his garden gnomes sing Irish folk songs. Mrs. O’Malley, ever the businesswoman, bartered a crate of Maris Pipers for a gadget that could perfectly brew tea at the exact right temperature.

But the real chaos started when one of the aliens, in its excitement, dropped a small, glowing orb. The orb rolled into the village well and with a great gloop, a geyser of sparkling, purple liquid shot into the sky. The liquid had a curious effect on anything it touched—it made things… bouncy. Soon, the entire village was a trampoline. The church steeple wobbled like a jelly, the pub’s sign bounced merrily in the air, and the stray cats of Ballykillduff discovered a newfound joy in leaping from roof to roof.

The aliens, now terrified, scurried back into their ship, their tiny baskets overflowing with potatoes. With a final, apologetic chirp, the beetroot ship lifted off, leaving behind a village that would never be the same. The geyser eventually subsided, but the memory of Ballykillduff’s bounciest day would live on, a testament to the strange and wonderful things that can happen when you find yourself in the path of a Zorpian potato famine.

Chapter 2: The Chrome Sentinel

The purple geyser had long since faded, but its legacy remained. The houses of Ballykillduff had settled into a gentle, jelly-like wobble, and the villagers had grown accustomed to bouncing slightly as they walked. They’d even found it made a brisk walk to the pub much more efficient. The singing gnomes were a constant, if slightly off-key, source of entertainment in Mr. Fitzwilliam’s garden.

One Tuesday morning, the beetroot ship returned, hovering over the village with a low, contented thrum. It lowered a single, humming pod to the ground. Out of the pod rolled the “new tractor” the Zorpians had promised. It was not a tractor at all. It was a single, immense, chrome-plated slug.

The slug, which shimmered with an oily rainbow sheen, had a series of telescoping, metallic eyes that swiveled independently. It left a trail of what looked like solidified, glowing jelly. As it moved, it emitted a deep, rumbling purr that seemed to resonate in the villagers’ chests.

Farmer McGregor was the first to approach it. “Well, what’s this then?” he muttered, poking at the slug’s hide with a stick. The slug responded by extending a long, silvery tentacle and delicately plucking the stick from his hand. It then proceeded to twist the stick into a perfect, glowing pretzel before returning it.

The villagers quickly realized the slug-tractor had a mind of its own. It seemed to understand their farming needs, but in a way that defied all logic. It would plow fields by burping a stream of pressurized air, leaving perfect furrows in its wake. It would harvest vegetables by simply nudging them, causing them to float gently into waiting baskets. But it also had a mischievous streak. It would occasionally turn the village roads into sticky, caramel-colored toffee and rearrange the village’s fences into the shape of a smiling face.

The greatest surprise came when the slug-tractor reached the well. It took a long, thoughtful sip of the still-bouncy water, and then, with a satisfied shudder, it began to expand. It grew and grew, its metallic skin stretching and distorting until it completely enveloped the well, sealing off the source of the bouncing liquid. The village returned to normal, solid ground. The houses stopped wobbling, the pub sign went still, and the cats had a sudden, sad realization that leaping from roof to roof was no longer as exciting. The slug, now the size of a small cottage, settled into the village center, a silent, chrome monument to Zorpian technology, ready to work the fields and provide new, chaotic surprises whenever it saw fit.

Chapter 3: The Goliaths of the Glens

The villagers were slowly getting used to the slug-tractor, which they had affectionately, if a little fearfully, named “The Chrome Sentinel.” It sat in the village square, an oily, rainbow-hued guardian that seemed to watch over everything. Its methods were strange, but efficient, and they’d all agreed it was a small price to pay for having solid ground back under their feet.

One brisk morning, a familiar shadow fell over the village. The beetroot ship returned, hovering with a low, inquisitive hum. This time, the Zorpians were not a rabble of fifty, but a small delegation of three, looking much more official and serious. They landed not in a spud field, but near the Chrome Sentinel, their leafy antennae quivering with purpose.

They approached the slug-tractor, squeaking excitedly, and ran their tiny hands over its shimmering shell. But their squeaks of delight quickly turned to high-pitched squawks of dismay. One alien pointed to the village well, now sealed under a dome of chrome, and chittered frantically. The villagers, though they didn’t understand the words, understood the tone. They were a mix of confused and indignant.

Farmer McGregor stepped forward, his fists on his hips. “What’s the meaning of this? You left him with us! He fixed our well!”

The lead Zorpian held up a tiny, glowing tablet. On it, a series of pictograms flashed: a bouncing house, a purple fountain, and a very confused-looking Zorpian. The tablet then showed a picture of the slug, a tiny dot, and a giant, monstrous version. The message was clear: they had given the villagers a simple tool, not a world-altering beast. The slug was a juvenile, meant for small-scale tasks, and by drinking the “bouncy” water, it had grown into a colossus, far beyond its original purpose. They had come to retrieve their wayward technology.

But the villagers had other plans. The Chrome Sentinel was their pet, their protector, and their most efficient farmhand. Mrs. O’Malley brought out her best biscuits and placed them on a small platter near the slug’s head. The slug, in turn, gently nudged the platter, and with a soft whirr, extruded a beautiful, chrome rose, which it offered to Mrs. O’Malley. The villagers cheered.

Seeing this, the Zorpians realized the slug was not just a tool; it had become part of the family. They saw the singing garden gnomes, the perfectly tended fields, and the peaceful, solid ground. They exchanged a series of rapid-fire chirps, and the lead Zorpian turned back to the villagers. The tablet now showed a final message, written in shaky, imperfect English: “YOUR PET. OUR GIFT. WE WILL RETURN FOR MORE SPUDS.”

And so, the slug stayed. The villagers learned to live with its eccentricities. It would only plow fields if someone hummed a happy tune nearby. It would randomly rearrange Mr. Fitzwilliam’s fences if it felt they weren’t aesthetically pleasing. And sometimes, late at night, a single, glowing pretzel would appear on the doorstep of the pub, a token from their magnificent, chrome-plated pet. The slug-tractor was no longer just an alien artifact; it was Ballykillduff’s Chrome Sentinel, a guardian of the village and a constant source of magnificent, chaotic weirdness.

The peace of Ballykillduff was shattered one rainy afternoon by a low, guttural roar from the hills. A herd of ancient, stone-like creatures, long dormant, had been awakened by the seismic rumblings of the Zorpians’ landings. They were the Goliaths of the Glens—massive, moss-covered beasts with eyes of glowing quartz and an insatiable hunger for the village’s precious leeks. The villagers, armed with pitchforks and determination, stood ready, but the Goliaths’ hides were impervious to their efforts.

It was then that The Chrome Sentinel stirred. Its metallic eyes, which usually swiveled with a detached curiosity, now focused with a chilling intensity on the approaching threat. A deep, resonant hum emanated from its core, growing into a harmonic vibration that rattled the windows in their frames.

As the first Goliath stomped into the village square, the slug-tractor took a defensive stance. It didn’t fire a ray or blast an energy beam. Instead, it extruded a silvery, taffy-like substance from its mouth-like orifice, which it began to weave into intricate, sticky nets. It then launched these nets with a sound like a soft fwoomp at the Goliaths.

The Goliaths were not harmed, but they were hopelessly ensnared. The sticky substance clung to their mossy bodies, trapping their limbs and causing them to stumble and fall over each other in a colossal, grumbling heap. The Chrome Sentinel then scurried past them, leaving a trail of glowing jelly that, upon contact with the stone creatures, caused their quartz eyes to fizzle and dim. The Goliaths, now blinded and confused, simply lay down in the mud and began to quietly decompose.

The villagers looked on in awe. The Chrome Sentinel had defended them with what appeared to be nothing more than a giant, shimmering booger. But the slug was not finished. It then rearranged the fallen stones of the Goliaths into a beautiful, new public bench in the center of the village square, and as a final gesture, it extruded a perfect, glowing pretzel and placed it on the bench for everyone to share. Ballykillduff was safe once more, thanks to their bizarre, gelatinous guardian.

Do you want to know what happens next?

Click on the link, below, and all will be revealed.

Aliens Part 2 Contd

 

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The Midnight Mass of Haroldstown

The Midnight Mass of Haroldstown

The Midnight Mass of Haroldstown

On Christmas morning, long before the living stir, Haroldstown lies heavy with frost. The moon still hangs in the sky, pale and watchful, and the ruined church is black against the whitened fields.

It is then, the old ones say, that the congregation gathers. Not the living parish, but the other one — the flock that never left. Their procession begins in silence, rising from the graves where frost glitters like stars. From every crooked headstone they come, from beneath the yew roots and from the bog earth beyond the wall. Their feet make no mark in the snow.

They enter through the broken arch, and inside the roofless nave they take their places. Shoulder to shoulder, row upon row, a congregation of pale faces lifted toward the altar. From the southern wall comes a sound like breath — the little door hidden by ivy sighs open, and out steps the priest. None remember his name. His vestments are black, edged with silver thread, and in his hand he holds no book, no chalice, only a bell that has not rung in centuries.

When he lifts it, the toll spreads across the valley. Dogs shiver in their kennels, cattle shift in their stalls, and sleepers dream of voices whispering at the foot of their beds. The service begins, not in Latin, not in English, but in a tongue older than either, the syllables rolling like water over stones.

Those who dare to listen from the lanes say the dead reply in one voice, low and unearthly. They kneel, rise, and kneel again, as if the ruined church still had pews, as if the roof still sheltered them from the snow. Some claim the very air glows faintly within the walls, as if candlelight burns where no candle stands.

And then, just before the first cock crows, the bell tolls once more. The priest lowers his hand, and the congregation fades. The altar stands empty. The frost lies unbroken again.

When the villagers wake and walk to their own Christmas Mass in Tullow, the church at Haroldstown is silent, its ruin unchanged. But if you lean close to the stones, you may find them faintly warm, as though hundreds of hands had rested there only moments before.

midnight mass

 

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The Old Church of Haroldstown

The Old Church of Haroldstown

The Old Church of Haroldstown

The church at Haroldstown was never finished. Its stones were laid, its walls rose straight and sure, but the roof was never set. Each time the builders tried, storms rolled in from nowhere, tearing timbers down before a slate could be fixed. After the third attempt, the masons abandoned their work, leaving the ruin to the ivy and the wind.

The graveyard grew around it all the same. Crooked headstones tilt in the long grass, names half-vanished or lost to time. A black yew tree bends low over the altar, its roots tangled in the very stones.

At dusk, locals give the place a wide berth. They tell of a bell that tolls where no bell ever hung, and of figures drifting among the graves, faces pale and eyes unblinking. A farmer once swore he saw his grandmother kneeling at her own headstone, her lips moving in silent prayer. He left Haroldstown that very week and never came back.

The darkest tale is of the door in the southern wall. Hidden by ivy, too small for a grown man to pass through, it breathes a damp, cold air like the mouth of a cave. Old folk say it leads not to the fields beyond, but down — into hollows older than the church, older even than the dolmen by the roadside.

From time to time, some daring child squeezes inside. The ones who return are never quite the same. One wandered home white-eyed, whispering in a language no one knew. Another was never found at all, save for his cap snagged high on the yew’s lowest branch.

And when the moon rides low over Haroldstown, villagers swear the ruin does not stand empty. Through the gaps in the walls, they glimpse a congregation crowding shoulder to shoulder, their faces turned upward, waiting for a sermon that has lasted seven hundred years.

church ruins

 
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Posted by on August 18, 2025 in carlow, church, haroldstown, ruins

 

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The Ballykillduff Banger

The Ballykillduff Banger

The Ballykillduff Banger (A Mad Poem)

In Ballykillduff where the hedgehogs roam,
Lived Jimmy McGroggan in a bathtub home.
With a mind like a blender on setting “explode,”
He built a wild car that defied every code.

He cobbled it up from a lawnmower’s spleen,
A toaster, a tricycle, parts of a bean.
The wheels were all different—one square, one round,
One came from a pram that he found on the ground.

The steering was made from a bent frying pan,
The horn was just Jimmy yelling, “OUTTA ME VAN!”
It ran on potatoes, or tea bags, or jam,
And made noises like sneezing a whole Christmas ham.

It backfired at priests and startled the sheep,
It clattered and clanged like a robot with sleep.
It once outran lightning, then stalled at a bog,
And reversed on its own into Mrs. McGog.

The windscreen was glass from an oven that died,
The passenger seat was a toilet with pride.
He raced through the village, past bins and the nuns,
Screaming, “I’VE INVENTED THE FUTURE—WITH BUNS!”

The guards tried to stop him with road spikes and nets,
But he flew through the air yelling, “NO REGRETS!”
He landed in cabbage, still puffing with glee,
Shouting, “SHE FLIES LIKE A TRACTOR IN ECSTASY!”

Now tourists all visit to worship the wreck,
Which smokes once a week and pecks like a peck.
It’s parked by the pub, with a plaque in fine brass:
This banger was faster than gas, horse, or lass!

So raise up your spanners and sing, if you dare,
Of Jimmy McGroggan and his wheeled nightmare.
For though it made chaos, and startled ten cows—
It’s the pride of Ballykillduff even now.

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2025 in ballykillduff, banger, car

 

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