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Tag Archives: roald dahl

I am The Crazymad Writer

Some people say I am crazy…

I tell them I am crazy – and mad

I don’t care WHAT you call me as long as you enjoy reading my stories.

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2014 in news

 

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Jimmy, the Glue Factory and Mad Mr Viscous

Jimmy, the Glue Factory and Mad Mr Viscous

A story for children and young at heart adults

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Perhaps, the best children’s stories in the world

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Tales of Childhood Volume Two

Tales of Childhood Volume Two

This book, the second in a series about my childhood, contains another

seven stories, about the strange and oftentimes bizarre things that

happened to me when I was young. I hope you enjoying reading them

as much as I did, remembering them.

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Click HERE to purchase this eBook

 

 

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Tales of Childhood

Tales of Childhood

Click HERE to purchase this eBook

This book contains five stories, about some of the strange, oftentimes bizarre things that happened to me when I was a child. I hope you enjoying reading them as much as I did, writing and remembering them.

#1 Legs through the ceiling.

#2 The air-raid shelters

#3 Jumping down the stairs

#4 My socks that changed colour

#5 A punt on the Thames

Plus two bonus features!

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Click HERE to purchase this eBook

 

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Normal People

Normal People

 

What is normal, I ask of you?

Why does everyone aspire, of this, to do?

Why can’t they stop and think again?

Then reject normality, both women and men.

Why do they follow, like cattle do?

I am sure they know it, know that it’s true.

Perhaps acting, so, gives them peace of mind,

Or perhaps it lessens the daily grind,

Pain, however, MUST be met head on,

By doing so we can then move on.

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A Slug Called Reilly

There once was a slug called Reilly,

Who was incredibly slimy,

He thought he was smart,

Going out in the dark,

Until he fell down in a hole, did Reilly.

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While stuck in that dark place,

Reilly thought about his life and his fate,

About the jerk he had been,

To everyone he had seen,

So he promised to be good, did Reilly.

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Suddenly, a stick falling into the hole,

Presented a way to escape from it all,

Freed from that space,

Reilly forgot his promise, though great.

And returned to his bad ways, did Reilly.

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One day when Reilly was alone,

He forgot to cover up his dank home,

It was an incredibly hot day,

The sun shone brightly away,

Drying him up, that slug, old Reilly,

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The moral of my story is this,

Treat everyone you meet with a wish,

That their life is just fine,

Untroubled by lying and slime,

Don’t end up like silly old Reilly.

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Christmas is Coming…

Christmas is Coming (the goose is getting fat)

 

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where you can purchase my eBooks

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Harry Rotter synopsis

Harry Rotter synopsis.

 Mr. and Mrs. Privet, of number twenty-three Dorsley Drive, were anything but normal. They had been normal only a few weeks earlier, but they were now as crazy as anyone fortunate enough to have been incarcerated in the local loony bin.

On the outside, Mr. Privet, a tall, bald and incredibly thin man, appeared quite normal, but just beneath the surface, barely hidden, he was a seething mass of nervous ticks, idiosyncratic behavior, peptic ulcers and, above all, just plain loonyness.

As well as suffering from the same mad ways as her loopy husband, the extraordinarily fat Mrs. Privet was also suffering from the dreadful infliction of hearing voices in her head. She might hear them at any time of the day or night, and would oftentimes jump up in bed screaming in a most alarming way, giving her husband such a fright he’d begin shaking uncontrollably. It was a most dreadful state of affairs altogether. Despite suffering from these awful conditions, Mr. and Mrs. Privet tried to continue living as normal a life as was possible, but hardly a day went by without one of them experiencing a mad interlude that would make most normal people simply roll over and die.

Before I continue on with my story I must also tell you about their son Box, Box Privet. This child (the veritable apple of their eyes) was, like his father, of a tall and incredibly thin physique. At times this trait would cause him to be the butt of jokes and jibes by his classmates and acquaintances. However, he paid little or no attention, because his mind was always set firmly on the love, the passion of his life – electronics. Upstairs, in his small bedroom, Box would work for hours on end with his soldering iron, long nose pliers and tweezers creating, crafting bringing his new ideas to life. It was a lonely existence, but it suited him fine.

I have already told you how Mr. and Mrs. Privet had been quite normal only a few weeks earlier. In all truthfulness the Privet’s had been one of the happiest families in their entire estate of mock Elizabethan detached houses. But now they were mad, living in fear for their lives, the happy and contented existence they had so enjoyed in tatters, a shambles, and a shadow of what it had once been.

You see, the Privet’s had been hiding a secret, a big secret. And while it had been contained and suppressed, as they felt is should still be, they had been enjoying that happy and contented life, but from the moment, the very instant this secret, this terrible secret had escaped from its place of incarceration, a private boarding school going by the name of Hagswords,  it had come to an abrupt end.

This secret, this big dark secret was in reality a young girl, an orphan, the Privet’s only niece, going by the of Harry Rotter. She had actually been baptized Harriet, but from an early age had insisted that everyone call her Harry.

Let me tell you about Harriet – Harry… She was the boldest, cruelest, nastiest child you could ever be unfortunate enough to meet. To look as her, with her flowing locks of golden hair and a face that appeared so innocent, so angelic, one might easily be fooled into believing that butter could last forever in her mouth without melting. But she wasn’t an angel, no, the unfortunate truth, the terrible truth was she was an out and out scoundrel, a bully who had no respect for anyone but herself. Bullies can and so very often do make the lives of those living around them as miserable as hell – Harry proved to be no exception to this rule.

While Harriet – Harry – had been safely tucked away in her school everything had been just fine, and the Privet’s had been able to forgot about their troublesome niece, but from the moment she broke out, escaped from that high security ‘special’ boarding school, and found her way to the home of her only living relations, the Privets, their lives changed forever.

Click HERE to be transferred to my online book shop, where you can purchase this exciting new eBook

 

 

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