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Author Archives: The Crazymad Writer

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About The Crazymad Writer

FREE EBOOKS FOR ALL, that's what I say, FREE EBOOKS FOR ALL, courtesy of ME, The Crazymad Writer. Stories for children and young at heart adults. And remember, my eBooks are FREE FREE FREE!

The Twelve Dalek Days of Christmas

The Twelve Dalek Days of Christmas

The Daleks of Ballykillduff and the Twelve Days of Absolutely Catastrophic Christmas

Ballykillduff was gearing up for its usual festive carnage when the three Daleks (Zeg, Zog, and Zag) decided Christmas was a strategic weakness ripe for conquest. They were wrong. Spectacularly, hilariously, catastrophically wrong.

Day 1 – A Partridge in a Pear Tree Zeg declared himself the new Lord of Christmas and tried to occupy the village pear tree. The tree had ideas. One gust of wind and Zeg shot out like a metallic cannonball, landing upside-down in Mrs Mulgrew’s prize-winning compost heap. “EXTERMINATE THE COMPOST!” he shrieked, muffled by six feet of rotting cabbage. Mrs Mulgrew charged out in hair curlers, brandishing a broom. “You’ll be compost yourself, ya pepper-pot gobshite!” Zeg spent the rest of the day being hosed down by the fire brigade while the entire village filmed it for TikTok.

Day 2 – Two Turtle Doves Zog kidnapped the doves to interrogate them about “avian loyalty.” The doves shat on his dome in perfect unison, then flew off with his eyestalk cover. He chased them screaming “RETURN MY OPTIC!” straight into the duck pond. Ducks 3 – Three French Hens** The hens belonged to Sister Bernadette. They were ninja hens. Zog is still convinced they were cyber-converted. He has PTSD and flinches every time someone says “coq au vin.”

Day 4 – Four Calling Birds Zag tried to weaponising them with tiny Dalek voice modulators. The birds learned one phrase: “ZAG IS A SPAWNFACE.” They followed him everywhere for a week, screeching it at 140 decibels. He now sleeps with industrial earmuffs.

Day 5 – FIVE GOOOOLD RIIIINGS Zeg stole the five gold rings from the jeweller and tried to wear them like Olympic medals. They got stuck on his plunger. The fire brigade had to come back. Again. The chief now has a special “Dalek wedged in something stupid” incident code.

Day 6 – Six Geese a-Laying The geese took one look at three rolling dustbins shouting “EXTERMINATE” and decided it was go-time. Live-streamed goose chase lasted twenty-three glorious minutes. Final score: Geese 47, Daleks 0. Zeg’s dignity is still missing, presumed pecked to death.

Day 7 – Seven Swans a-Swimming The swans were rented from a posh estate for the crib scene. Daleks attempted a synchronized swimming takeover. Swans formed a V-formation and torpedoed them like feathery missiles. Zog was last seen doing 360-degree spins in the fountain yelling “WHY IS EVERY BIRD IN IRELAND EVIL?”

Day 8 – Eight Maids a-Milking The maids were actually eight burly farmers’ daughters who’d had three pints each at the pub. They mistook the Daleks for novelty kegs, flipped them upside down, and tried to “tap” them. Milk stout was not improved by Dalek hydraulic fluid.

Day 9 – Nine Ladies Dancing Céilí night. The Daleks stormed the hall demanding everyone riverdance in perfect Dalek formation. The band struck up “The Siege of Ennis” at double speed. The floor had been waxed with Murphy’s Homemade Furniture Polish (90% butter). All three Daleks achieved low-orbit skids, ricocheted off the walls like pinballs, and took out the Christmas tree, the buffet table, Father Murphy, and the life-size Baby Jesus in one glorious crash. The village gave them a standing ovation and voted it “Best Nativity Ever.”

Day 10 – Ten Lords a-Leaping The lords were the Ballykillduff under-12 hurling team in panto costumes. They used the Daleks as goalposts. Zag still has a hurley stuck through his grille.

Day 11 – Eleven Pipers Piping The pipe band marched straight at them playing “Garryowen” at full volume. Zeg’s audio circuits overloaded; he started speaking only in bagpipe noises for six hours. “SKRL-SKRL-SKREEEEE—EXTERMINATE—SKRL!”

Day 12 – Twelve Drummers Drumming Christmas Eve. The Daleks, battered, leaking, one still wearing a goose feathers like a Hawaiian skirt, rolled to the top of the hill for one last stand. Zeg raised his gunstick: “On the twelfth day of Christmas the Daleks give to you… TOTAL OBLITERATION!” Snow started falling. The village kids pelted them with snowballs. One perfect snowball hit Zeg’s power cell. He short-circuited, lights flashing like a disco, and began singing “Jingle Bells” in a helium voice. Zog and Zag joined in, completely against their will. The entire village gathered, phones out, singing along while three mortified Daleks performed an involuntary Christmas concert on the hillside.

Midnight struck. Church bells rang. Even the geese shut up for a minute.

Zeg’s eyestalk drooped. “Temporary… ceasefire. For tactical reasons.” Someone stuck a Santa hat on him. Someone else tied tinsel round Zog’s plunger. Zag got a sprig of mistletoe wedged in his gun barrel and spent the rest of the night accidentally kissing pensioners.

Mad Jimmy McGroggan raised his pint from the pub doorway and roared: “Merry Christmas, ya glorified teapots!”

And from the top of the hill came three metallic voices, small and very, very embarrassed:

“MER-RY CHRIST-MAS… TO YOU… FILTHY HU-MANS.”

Then, quieter: “…and don’t tell the Supreme Dalek.”

Best Christmas Ballykillduff ever had. The geese are already booked for next year.

 
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Posted by on December 8, 2025 in ballykillduff, carlow, dalek, daleks

 

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When Alice met the King of England

When Alice met the King of England

Alice, still dusting crumpets from her apron after a particularly rambunctious tea party with the March Hare, found herself tumbling, not down a rabbit hole this time, but into a most peculiar, exquisitely manicured rose garden. The roses, all red and white, seemed to be bickering amongst themselves about the proper shade of crimson for a royal eyebrow.

“Oh dear,” Alice murmured, adjusting her hair ribbon. “It seems I’ve wandered into another spot of bother.”

Suddenly, a voice, rather like the rustle of a silk dressing gown, boomed from behind a topiary shaped suspiciously like a corgi. “Who goes there, interrupting the delicate negotiations between my prize-winning petunias and the Royal Horticultural Society’s most fervent critics?”

From behind the bush emerged a gentleman of a certain age, with a twinkle in his eye and a crown that seemed to be listing slightly to port. He wore a magnificent, if somewhat patchwork, velvet robe, adorned with what looked like tiny embroidered teacups and miniature marmalade sandwiches.

“I’m Alice, Your Majesty,” she curtsied, remembering her manners, even if the monarch seemed to have misplaced some of his.

“Majesty, you say? Well, I suppose I am rather majestic, aren’t I?” He preened a little, almost tripping over his own sceptre, which was topped with a tiny, albeit slightly squashed, golden pineapple. “And you, young lady, seem to have rather a lot of sense for someone not wearing a hat adorned with a flock of startled pigeons. Are you perhaps here to discuss the optimal length of a royal wave, or the existential dread of a lost sock?”

Alice blinked. “I… I think I just followed a very enthusiastic squirrel.”

The King clapped his hands, sending a flurry of startled butterflies into the air. “A squirrel, you say! Excellent! They’re far more reliable than those blighters in Parliament, always chattering about nuts and bolts when what one truly needs is a good, solid acorn! Tell me, Alice, have you ever considered the philosophical implications of a well-buttered scone?”

He then led her on a merry chase through the garden, past a fountain spouting Earl Grey tea, and a chessboard where the pieces were miniature, sentient guardsmen who kept complaining about their aching knees. The King himself seemed to communicate primarily in rhetorical questions about the monarchy, the weather, and the surprisingly intricate history of a particular brand of digestive biscuit.

“You see, Alice,” he explained, pointing a finger at a particularly flustered flamingo trying to play croquet with a hedgehog, “the key to a successful reign is not merely waving, or even smiling at babies. It’s about knowing precisely when to offer a slightly stale crumpet and when to unleash the full might of the Royal Corgi Brigade upon an unsuspecting dandelion patch! One must be prepared for anything, even a sudden shortage of perfectly symmetrical teacups!”

Alice found herself nodding along, even as her mind reeled. This King was certainly mad, but in a rather charming, harmless way, like a well-meaning but slightly eccentric uncle. He seemed to genuinely enjoy her company, even if he mistook her silence for profound agreement.

Suddenly, a bell chimed, a sound like a thousand tiny spoons clinking against porcelain. “Ah, tea time!” the King declared, his eyes lighting up. “And this time, I’ve insisted on a fresh batch of cucumber sandwiches, precisely 0.5 centimeters thick, with the crusts removed by a team of highly trained, miniature badgers!”

As they sat down at a long table laden with treats, surrounded by an assortment of chattering teapots and a grumpy-looking White Rabbit who kept checking his watch, Alice couldn’t help but smile. She had met talking flowers, disappearing cats, and even a Queen who threatened to chop off heads, but a King who obsessed over scone philosophy and badger-removed crusts was a whole new level of Wonderland absurdity. And somehow, she felt perfectly at home.

“More tea, Alice?” the King asked, pouring from a teapot that had a tiny crown for a lid. “We simply must discuss the geopolitical implications of a slightly burnt toast point.”

Alice, with a sigh of delightful surrender, reached for another perfectly badger-trimmed cucumber sandwich. “Why, I’d love to, Your Majesty.”

 

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The Great Hot Cocoa Mix-Up

The Great Hot Cocoa Mix-Up

The Great Hot Cocoa Mix-Up

Old Mr. Arthur lived in the kind of silence only a widower with grown children far away could truly know. This Christmas Eve, he sat by a sparse tree, nursing a mug of tea—he’d forgotten to buy hot cocoa mix again.

Arthur decided to text his granddaughter, Clara, a photo of his favorite, slightly crooked ornament: a tiny wooden reindeer. He wanted to say, “Merry Christmas, sweetie.” He carefully typed the message, attached the photo, and hit send.

Except, in his haste, he hadn’t texted Clara. He had accidentally posted the picture to a local community group chat he hadn’t known he was in, followed by the text:

“Wish it wasn’t tea. Deer needs cocoa.”

The group, comprised mostly of busy, young families, usually exchanged lost-cat notices and plumber recommendations. They were silent for a long minute.

Then, the replies started.

A young man named Mike, who lived two blocks over, replied with a photo of a thermos: “On my way, Arthur. Best cocoa in the county. Don’t move the deer.”

A woman named Sarah added, “I’m baking cookies! Will swing by with a plate and some shortbread.”

Suddenly, the thread exploded. People weren’t just replying; they were mobilizing. Someone brought a bag of marshmallows. Another, a new string of twinkling lights to replace the half-burnt ones. The original post, with the slightly sad reindeer and the plea for cocoa, was screen-shotted and posted to a local social media feed with the hashtag #DeerNeedsCocoa.

Within an hour, Arthur’s quiet living room was filled with the gentle, chaotic energy of neighbors—strangers, really—who had shown up with gifts of warmth, light, and sugar. Arthur, eyes wide, was holding a steaming mug of actual, rich hot cocoa, the wooden deer ornament reflected in the dark surface.

He realized the “viral” part wasn’t the funny mistake; it was the immediate, overwhelming desire for connection and simple kindness that the mistake had uncovered. He looked around at the laughing faces, the glow of the freshly lit tree, and the plate piled high with cookies.

“Well,” he chuckled, lifting his mug in a salute, “it seems the deer got his cocoa, and then some. Merry Christmas, everyone.”

And somewhere, Clara finally checked her phone, saw the community post, and grinned. Grandpa Arthur had accidentally become the accidental, greatest Christmas star their little town had ever had.

 

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My Dream Christmas Cake

A Dream Christmas Cake

Merry Christmas, in advance, to each and every one of you.

 
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Posted by on December 4, 2025 in A Christmas message

 

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THE BALLYKILLDUFF DALEKS SAVE CHRISTMAS

A Festive Tale


CHAPTER ONE

Snow on Ballykillduff Hill

Ballykillduff was not known for dramatic weather. Rain was expected. Mists drifted in like gossip and no one questioned them.
Snow, however, did not fall in this part of Carlow. Not ever.

Which was why the villagers stared at the sky on Christmas Eve as soft flakes began to drift down with the elegance of ballet dancers who had taken a wrong turn.

Jimmy McGroggan burst out of his shed and threw his arms wide.

“I told you so,” he shouted. “The Weather Encourager Three Thousand works at last. I have finally persuaded the heavens to behave.”

Before he could continue bragging, three Daleks came sliding down Ballykillduff Hill.
“Slipping,” cried Zeg. “This terrain is treacherous.”
“My lower section is freezing,” shouted Zog.
“The ground is attempting to exterminate us,” howled Zag.

They crashed together in a perfect metallic heap inside Jimmy’s gooseberry bushes.
Jimmy sighed in a way that suggested he was used to this sort of thing.

Click HERE to continue reading this story.

 

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The Ballykillduff Banger

The Ballykillduff Banger

The Ballykillduff Banger (A Ballad of Mad Jimmy) 

(Verse 1) In Ballykillduff, where the grass is so green, Lived a man named Jimmy McGroggan, the wildest ever seen! They called him “Mad Jimmy”, but not for bad grace, He once tried to heat up the entire whole place! With a kettle and toaster, and a spring from a peg, He wasn’t quite right from the waist to the leg! He was just inventive, you see, a mechanical nut, Like a squirrel who stores nuts in a lawnmower’s gut!

(Chorus) Oh, the Ballykillduff Banger, a sight for sore eyes, A chariot of junk, underneath Irish skies! A mobile compost heap and a Transformer blue, Mad Jimmy’s creation, for me and for you! It’s got a wee wobble, it’s got a small cough, But when he got going, the wheel just fell off!

(Verse 2) Jimmy had a dream, not of riches or fame, But to drive a fine motor and utter its name! Now, banks made him sneeze and the law made him frown, So he built his own car from the junk of the town! The lads in the pub put their money down fast, They bet his poor shed wouldn’t properly last. His garden, a scrapyard, a magpie’s delight, With half a fridge, a pram, and a bathtub painted: “CURSED! DO NOT SIT TIGHT!”

(Verse 3) The chassis was bunk beds, all twisted and old, The engine from a lawnmower, the tale must be told! Four wheels he found, two from a trolley so bright, One from a wheelie bin, one from a unicycle‘s might! The steering wheel? Ah, a dinner plate grand, Glued fast to the shaft of a Dyson in hand! The horn was a bicycle bell, gave a “meep” when it cared, And the seat was a toilet with a cushion prepared!

(Chorus) Oh, the Ballykillduff Banger, a sight for sore eyes, A chariot of junk, underneath Irish skies! A mobile compost heap and a Transformer blue, Mad Jimmy’s creation, for me and for you! It’s got a wee wobble, it’s got a small cough, But when he got going, the wheel just fell off!

(Bridge) Sunday morning arrived, the townsfolk all near, Father Dunne kept his distance, quite sheltered by fear! Jimmy put on his goggles (a sieve with some film), The engine went “brrrrrrr” like a goat in a chill! He shot down the hill, then he spun to the side, Right into the hen house where Seamus’s chickens reside! Jimmy popped out the hole, with a feather on top, “She handles like a dream! Full of terror and POP!”

(Verse 4) They made a repair, added the bathtub as a seat, A microwave door for the glass, isn’t that neat? He tried one more time, on a hill stiff and steep, He made it just seven feet, then fell fast asleep! ‘Cause the wheel took a runner and flew down the slope, Chased by a child, a dog, and Father Dunne shouting: “NOPE! It’s heading for the Sacristy, oh dear, dear, dear!”

(Outro) Now the Banger is parked, an exhibit for sure, Tourists take selfies beside the front door. But Jimmy sits in it each Friday at dark, Sippin’ tea from a spark plug, just having a lark! Hands on the dinner plate, engine noises he’ll make, “Best car that I owned!” for goodness’ sweet sake! And smoke rises gently from somewhere amiss, But nobody tells him, they just nod and they kiss! Ah, nobody tells him otherwise!

 

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The Circus Came at Twilight

The Circus Came at Twilight

When twilight settles over Ballykillduff, a strange hush falls across the fields… and a tent no one saw being built begins to glow.
“The Circus Came at Twilight” is a dark, melodic folk ballad inspired by the haunting tale of The Circus of the Grotesques — a place where shadows breathe, lanterns flicker without flame, and laughter sometimes sounds like weeping.

This version blends cinematic musical-theatre emotion with eerie dark-folk storytelling, creating a mysterious, immersive journey into the heart of a cursed circus that appears only at dusk… and remembers everyone who enters.

✨ About the Song
🎵 Style: Dark folk • Cinematic • Theatrical
🎤 Vocals: Haunting male lead
🎻 Mood: Melancholy, magical, foreboding
🎪 Inspired by the story Circus of the Grotesques

✨ What You’ll Hear
• Warm yet eerie harmonies
• Whispering strings and distant calliope echoes
• A rising sense of mystery as the tent “comes alive”
• Lyrics that weave a ghostly narrative of arrival, memory, and fate

✨ Story Theme
The circus arrives without warning.
It grows like moonlight on empty ground.
Those who step inside may leave… but not unchanged.

Read the entire twelve chapter story HERE

 
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Posted by on December 1, 2025 in twilight

 

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The Ringmaster’s Chant

The Ringmaster’s Chant

**🎩 The Ringmaster’s Chant

(Spoken, low and hypnotic)**

“Ladies… gentlemen… wanderers in the dusk…
Lean closer now.
Don’t worry—
the shadows lean closer too.

In this tent of trembling light,
names slip,
faces shift,
and truths grow thin as moth-wings.

Repeat after me—
silently,
inside your obedient little minds:

Look not too long…
Look not too deep…
The circus wakes what should not wake from sleep…

For here, under the pearl and black,
the mirrors do not show you—
they show
what you fear you are becoming.

Listen…
Do you hear the canvas breathing?
Do you feel the ground remembering your steps?
Good.
It means the circus has seen you.

Now hush.
The show begins when the tent blinks.
And if it keeps its eyes open…
you may yet walk out
the same shape
as you walked in.”

 

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The Circus of Grotesques: It Will Change Your Life Forever.

The Circus of Grotesques: It Will Change Your Life Forever.

Chapter One

The Posters Arrive Out of Nowhere

On the morning it began, Ballykillduff woke up to an extra silence.

It wasn’t the usual sort of quiet you get before the rain, or the muffled hush after a good snowfall. This was a listening sort of silence, as if the whole village were holding its breath and waiting for something it couldn’t quite remember ordering.

The first to notice anything odd was a sheep.

She was an elderly ewe with a permanently offended expression and a tendency to wander off, which is exactly what she was doing—stomping along the lane toward the bridge, muttering in a sheepish sort of way—when a sudden gust of wind slapped a sheet of paper against her woolly flank.

The paper stuck there, fluttering like a strange rectangular tail.

The sheep stopped, blinked slowly, and decided—fairly—that this was one indignity too many. She shook herself. The paper refused to budge.

So Ballykillduff began its day with one very grumpy sheep trotting around the village green wearing an enormous poster as a cape.

No one questioned this at first. Ballykillduff was that kind of place.


Bridget O’Toole noticed the posters second.

She came out of McGroggan’s shop with a bag of flour in one hand and a packet of teabags in the other, intending to head straight home and not talk to anyone if she could possibly help it. That was her usual morning plan, and it rarely worked.

Today it didn’t even survive the pavement.

She stopped dead on the step, the way you do when something is so out of place that your brain needs a moment to catch up.

The noticeboard outside the shop was usually a patchwork of ordinary life: lost dogs, second-hand bikes, offers to teach the tin whistle, the eternal yellowing flyer for “Yoga with Maureen (Beginner Friendly, Bring Your Own Mat!).”

Today, every single scrap of paper was gone.

Instead, the whole board was covered edge to edge by one vast poster, so fresh the corners still curled.

It was printed in deep inky black and a strange, shimmering pearl that seemed to move when she looked at it. Not like glitter, which twinkled and sparkled and showed off, but like the inside of a seashell, where colours slid shyly from one to another.

In the centre, in letters that looked almost hand-drawn and yet impossibly perfect, were the words:


CIRCUS OF THE GROTESQUES

It Will Change Your Life Forever


Bridget read it twice, then a third time just to be sure it still said the same thing.

“Grotesques,” she murmured under her breath. “That doesn’t sound very nice at all.”

“Depends what you mean by nice,” said a voice behind her.

She jumped and spun around, slopping a little flour onto the step.

Jimmy McGroggan stood there, hands in his pockets, hair doing its usual impression of a startled hedgehog. He peered at the poster over her shoulder, squinting.

“If I’d made that,” he declared, “I’d have used better paper.”

“Did you make it?” Bridget demanded.

Jimmy looked genuinely offended. “Bridget O’Toole, if I were going to plaster the village with something, I’d sign my name at the bottom and probably add a small diagram. No, this isn’t mine. The ink’s wrong. Smell it.”

“I’m not smelling a poster,” Bridget said crisply.

Jimmy leaned closer anyway and inhaled. “Huh. Thought so.”

“What?”

“Smells like the page of a book you haven’t opened yet,” he said. “And just a bit like matches. Interesting.”

Before Bridget could decide what sort of reply that deserved, a small boy barrelled between them and slammed to a halt in front of the board.

“Whoa,” breathed Patrick Byrne. “Did you see the sheep?”

“What about the sheep?” asked Bridget.

“She’s wearing one of these things!” Patrick waved an arm at the poster, eyes wide. “Walked right past our gate like a circus queen. Nearly choked on my toast.”

“Then someone’s been busy,” Jimmy muttered. “This one here, and one on the sheep… I suppose the bridge lamppost has one too.”

He said it like a joke.

But when they turned to look, there it was: another poster wrapped neatly around the lamppost on the bridge, the pearl letters catching the weak morning sun.


By ten o’clock, everybody knew.

The posters had not appeared in ones and twos, the way normal notices did. They had multiplied in the night like mushrooms after rain.

There was one on the door of The Giddy Goat pub, another tucked neatly inside the window of the tiny post office, one pinned to the fence outside the primary school (which the headmistress removed three times before giving up, because every time she walked away, another one very quietly took its place).

There was even a poster folded under the sugar bowl in Mrs Prendergast’s kitchen, which was especially impressive because Mrs Prendergast never let anything lie around in her kitchen without first interrogating it sternly.

She unfolded it with two fingers as if it might explode.

“Circus of the Grotesques,” she read aloud to her kettle. “It will change your life forever.”

The kettle, wisely, said nothing.

Mrs Prendergast sniffed. “Nothing good ever promises to change your life forever, unless it’s a winning lottery ticket or a decent pair of slippers.”

She turned the paper over, looking for a clue. There was no address, no phone number, no small print, no “terms and conditions apply.”

Just the same message, printed again in tiny lettering along the bottom edge. The pearl ink winked at her.

She crossed herself three times and put the poster on top of the bread bin, where she could keep an eye on it.


By half past eleven, Ballykillduff had achieved the rare and powerful state known as Total Gossip Saturation.

In McGroggan’s shop, people queued for bread they didn’t need and milk they already had, purely for the pleasure of discussing the matter at length.

“It’s a prank,” declared Seamus Fitzgerald, who was naturally nervous about everything and found comfort in deciding things were nothing to worry about. “Has to be. Someone from Tullow, probably. They think they’re very funny up there.”

“Tullow wouldn’t know a proper prank if it bit them,” said Jimmy. “And anyway, have you seen the paper? Feel that.”

He shoved a folded poster into Seamus’s hands. Seamus took it like it might be electrified.

“It’s just paper,” he said.

“Ah, but is it?” Jimmy grinned. “It’s like no paper I’ve ever seen. Flexible, but strong. Look—no crease marks. The ink doesn’t smudge. And smell it.”

“Why does everyone want me to smell things this morning?” Seamus muttered, but he leaned in all the same.

He sniffed once, hesitated, then sniffed again. “It smells… odd.”

“Like the inside of a magician’s sleeve,” Jimmy suggested.

“Like trouble,” Bridget put in from behind, placing a loaf and a packet of tea onto the counter. “We don’t need any kind of circus here, grotesque or otherwise.”

“What’s a grotesque?” asked Patrick from his place by the door. He had been hovering there for the best part of twenty minutes, listening to every word, and was now buzzing with an excitement nobody else seemed to share.

“A gargoyle that’s taken itself too seriously,” Jimmy said promptly.

Bridget rolled her eyes. “It means strange. Ugly, maybe. Twisted.”

Patrick considered this. “So… like Aunt Philomena’s hat.”

Despite herself, Bridget half-smiled. “Something like that.”

“Maybe it’s one of those fancy modern circuses,” Seamus ventured, clearly trying to talk himself out of being anxious. “You know the sort. People dangling from the ceiling with ribbons. Clowns that don’t wear proper noses. They call everything grotesque these days.”

“They do not,” said Bridget.

“Well,” said Seamus feebly, “they might.”

Jimmy tapped the poster. “Whoever they are, they’re good. No phone number, no website, no nothing. That means they’re confident.”

“Or careless,” said Bridget.

“Or magical,” said Patrick.

The adults ignored that, which only strengthened his belief.


At lunchtime, the older children escaped the primary school and poured into the lane like bottled-up marbles, spilling in all directions and converging, as marbles often do, on the most interesting thing nearby.

Which today was, of course, the posters.

“It will change your life forever,” Patrick read aloud for the fiftieth time as he and his friends clustered around the one on the school fence.

“That’s a big promise,” said Maeve Molloy, folding her arms. “What if I like my life the way it is?”

“It might change it for the better,” Patrick said. “Like, I could get taller. Or be able to do that football trick where the ball spins and curves around everyone and into the goal.”

“You can barely tie your laces,” Maeve reminded him.

“That’s because laces are a trap designed by adults,” Patrick said solemnly. “Besides, it’s a circus. There’ll be acrobats and lions and people swallowing fire.”

“Grotesques,” Maeve said pointedly. “Not lions.”

“Grotesque lions, then. Even better.”

Behind them, the sheep trotted past, still wearing her poster cape. Some of the younger children applauded. The sheep rolled one unamused eye and kept walking.

“Do you think it’s real?” Patrick asked, quieter now.

Maeve shrugged. “The posters are real.”

“No, I mean the bit about changing your life.” He ran a finger along the swirling letters. “You think a circus can do that?”

Maeve hesitated. Her parents had told her in no uncertain terms that it was advertising nonsense and she was not to go lurking near any strange tents that might appear.

But the words on the paper sent a fizzy little feeling up her arms all the same.

“It’s just a poster,” she said, a little too briskly. “Posters say all sorts of things. Anyway, where would a circus even go? The meadow by the bridge is too small. And Dad says the ground’s terrible.”

“Maybe they know a trick,” Patrick said. “Maybe it just… appears.”

Maeve rolled her eyes in a way that said, You’re ridiculous and I hope you’re right all at once.


By late afternoon, even the birds seemed to have joined in.

Crows perched along the telegraph wires like a line of scruffy punctuation marks, cawing their opinion of the matter to anyone who would listen. Starlings swooped and spiralled above the fields, patterns shifting as if trying to spell something no human eye could quite read.

The wind picked up, tugging at the posters, making them flicker and flap.

Every now and then, if the breeze caught them just right, a few words seemed to whisper loose and go floating across the village in snatches.

“Circus…”
“…grotesques…”
“…change your life…”

Bridget heard them while she hung washing on the line.

She paused, a damp shirt in her hands, and looked up. The sky was pale blue and ordinary. The fields were just fields. The washing just washing.

And yet.

She thought of the words on the noticeboard. It will change your life forever.

“I don’t want my life changed,” she told the pegged-up socks and small flapping ghosts of shirts. “I just want it… not to hurt so much.”

The shirts declined to comment. A poster on the opposite fence rippled, folded in on itself, and unfolded again, as if quietly breathing.

Bridget shivered and went back indoors.


By evening, Ballykillduff had made up its collective mind in the way small places often did: noisily, contradictorily, and all at once.

In The Giddy Goat, the regulars declared it a swindle, a wonder, a sign of the times, a sign of the end times, a ridiculous fuss about nothing, and definitely, definitely not as interesting as the bad winter of ’82 when the milk froze in the bottles and the cows had to be persuaded not to lie down and give up.

In the houses and cottages scattered along the lanes, people argued quietly over dinner. Parents told children they certainly would not be going to any circus that turned up unannounced like a stray dog. Children nodded and said of course not, and wondered which window would be easiest to climb out of.

Jimmy McGroggan stayed up late at his workbench, a poster pinned under the light, muttering to himself as he tested the ink with cotton buds and strange little devices of his own invention.

Mrs Prendergast moved her poster three times—to the bread bin, then the mantelpiece, then finally under her mattress, where she could feel its faint, pearly warmth through the sheets.

And in his small bedroom at the back of a narrow house with peeling paint, Patrick lay awake, staring at the ceiling.

He could just see the corner of the poster on his wall from his pillow. He had very carefully peeled one off the school fence on the way home and worn it under his jumper like a secret armour until he reached his room.

Now it hung opposite his bed, perfectly flat, as if the wall had been waiting for it.

“Circus of the Grotesques,” he whispered in the dark. “It will change your life forever.”

He tried the words out in different tones.

Excited.
Scared.
Suspicious.
Hopeful.

In the end, they always came out sounding the same: like a promise and a dare wrapped around each other.

“I wouldn’t mind a bit of changing,” he admitted to nobody.

The house creaked the way old houses do when they’re settling in for the night. A car went by on the lane, its headlights briefly licking at the poster’s surface. For the smallest moment, the pearl letters seemed to glow with their own inner light.

Patrick sat up.

“Hello?” he whispered, feeling rather foolish.

The poster did not reply in any way a sensible person would recognise.

But somewhere in the village, carried on a wind that didn’t belong to the weather, a handful of words drifted faintly through the open crack of his window—so faintly that he might almost have dreamed them:

Step inside the pearl-and-black…

Patrick caught his breath.

He scrambled out of bed and pushed his face to the glass, squinting out into the night.

The meadow by the bridge lay dark and empty. The lamppost stood straight and lonely. The old sheep was asleep somewhere, cape and all.

There was no tent. No lights. No circus.

Only the posters, shivering on their nails and fences and lampposts, quivering as if holding in a secret.

Patrick pressed his forehead to the cool pane.

“You’ll come,” he told the night. “I know you will.”

Far off, beyond the fields and hedges and the comforting boundaries of Ballykillduff, something heard him.

Something that travelled between villages like a rumour and between hearts like a song.

The wind shifted, just a little.

The posters all over Ballykillduff rustled at once, a soft papery sigh like an audience taking their seats.

In the morning, everyone would say the same thing:

The posters had been odd enough.

But the truly strange part—the part no one could explain, no matter how they argued—was this:

The next day, without a single person seeing so much as a rope, a peg, a wagon, or a man with a hammer, a great striped tent stood in the meadow by the bridge.

But that is for another chapter.

To be continued

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Posted by on November 29, 2025 in ballykillduff, grotesques

 

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The Hippo Rider’s Splash.

The Hippo Rider’s Splash.

 

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