There once was a man with a cat,
Who wanted to get a new hat,
So he grabbed the poor cat,
Just where it was at,
Now the cat is his hat, it’s a fact.
Category Archives: funny story
Weirdo Cat
Castleknock Henry, is a cat that is fat,
It’s fatter than fat, a cat that’s so fat,
It cannot get into its home natural way,
Neither door or by window, I tell you, I say.
*
It enters its home via the roof,
The chimney above the chosen route,
Landing below in a cloud of black soot,
It meows, mama, it have landed, forsooth.
*
Gazing at it in anger and dismay,
Its mama cried out, you have ruined my day,
Destroyed the hard work I put into this place,
Making it nice my suppers and dates,
I should have listened to Ged; he warned me about you,
Weirdo cat be away I want no more of you!
I think I’ve forgot!
I might have forgot!
You might have forgot?
I think I’ve forgot!
You think you’ve forgot?
I know I’ve forgot!
You know you’ve forgot?
What have you forgot?
I’ve forgot!
It’s Not a Tank Top!
It’s not a tank top, it’s not, no no!
It’s not a tank top, please let it go,
It’s a slipover and I love it so much,
My wonderful slipover, why all the fuss?
farting for Sport
Henry is a horrible cat,
That’s not an opinion, it’s a simple, plain fact,
Sitting all day, doing little at all,
Just eating and sleeping and farting for sport.
Castleknock Henry
Castleknock Henry is a fine cat,
Enjoying his food while getting quite fat,
Off to the garden he sets off in hast,
To find a nice spot to dispose of his waste,
Around and around the garden he goes,
But all that he finds is cobblelock woes,
Oh, why is there nowhere to shit?
He hisses and spits, feeling quite sick,
This garden is not cat-friendly at all,
He snaps as he finally drops his big haul,
What have you done to my garden so grand?
Says Maria, his owner, this is not part of my plan,
A garden that needs no work to put in,
Take that and that you horrible thing!
Three Old Ladies
Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Three old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Monday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there
The first one’s name was Elizabeth Porter
She went in to be rid of some overdue water
And she stayed there far more than she ought to
And nobody knew she was there.
CHORUS
The second one’s name was Elizabeth Pomphrey
She went in and made herself comfy
Then she said: “Girls, I can’t get my bum free.”
And nobody knew she was there
CHORUS
The last one’s name was Elizabeth Carter
She was known as a world renowned farter
She went in and played a sonata
And nobody knew she was there.
CHORUS
Danny Brown
Danny Browne had many noses,
It’s the truth, so many poses.
He forgot to breathe, both in and out,
Now he’s dead, the silly lout.
The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 