There was an old man with a hat,
Who got confused and thought it a cat,
So he gave it some meat and milk as a treat,
Then he put it out side for a crap.
**********
Click HERE to visit my online book shop,
where you can purchase my eBooks
**********
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME
AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.
There was a young man called Sam,
Who decided to live in a pan,
Then one day will at home,
He was burned to the bone,
When he mother fried eggs in that pan,
**********
Click HERE to visit my online book shop,
where you can purchase my eBooks
**********
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME
AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.
Everyone grumbled. The sky was grey.
We had nothing to do and nothing to say.
We were nearing the end of a dismal day,
And then there seemed to be nothing beyond,
Then Daddy fell into the pond!
And everyone’s face grew merry and bright,
And Timothy danced for sheer delight.
“Give me the camera, quick, oh quick!
He’s crawling out of the duckweed!” Click!
Then the gardener suddenly slapped his knee,
And doubled up, shaking silently,
And the ducks all quacked as if they were daft,
And it sounded as if the old drake laughed.
Oh, there wasn’t a thing that didn’t respond
When Daddy Fell into the pond!
By Alfred Noyes
**********
I don’t care WHAT you call me
as long as you enjoy reading my stories.
Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God.
Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?”
Jim was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “heyhey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff.
Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”
I don’t care what you call me
as long as you enjoy reading my stories.
The following was voted the greatest joke ever. I am not so sure that it is so. Read it yourself, then let me know how you liked it, or not.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.
Written by Pam Ayres.
*****
*****
Stories for children and young at heart adults.
*****
I don’t care what you call me
as long as you enjoy reading my stories.
There was a minister, quite bad,
Who told us one day we were mad,
That we borrowed too much,
And with reality had lost touch,
I say it is he, not us, who is MAD.
*****
The day the weather went mad
A day I thought I had been had,
By the weather extreme, quite obscene,
The day the weather went mad.
*****
He thought he saw a politician,
Who lived the perfect life,
He looked again, and saw it was,
A huge, humongous lie .
That’s it, he said, I realise,
The foolishness of life.
*****
He thought he saw an honest man,
Within the parliament,
He looked again, and saw it was,
Another bloated blimp.
Unless they leave this house, he said,
There will be no hope, I think.
*****
He thought he saw a banker man,
Who made an honest buck,
He looked again, and saw he was,
Entwined in all the muck.
If I were king, he said,
His head would be on the block.
*****
He thought he saw a banker’s clerk,
A man of honest youth,
He looked again, and saw he was,
A succubus forsooth.
If he should stay, he said, for sure,
My savings I will lose.
*****
He thought he saw a kangaroo,
Hopping down his street one day,
He looked again, and saw it was,
A banker’s ill gained pay.
Were I to accept this, he said,
It would be a dark, dark day.
*****
He though he saw limousine,
With groom and bride, so sweet,
He looked again, and saw it was,
The country on its knees.
We’re lost, he said, the country’s bust,
Kaput, no more, deceased.
*****
He though he saw a shaft of light,
That shone through all this gloom,
He looked again, and saw it was,
The cold, reflected moon.
If I were young, he said aloud,
I’d make them swing – and soon!
*****
He though he saw a chink of light,
A way from all this mess,
He looked again, and saw it was,
Their New World Order – yes!
Their ways are bad, corrupt, he said
For them, not us, excess.
*****
He thought he saw the final words,
Inscribed upon a sheet,
He looked again, and saw it was,
Them sweating from the heat.
They thought us fools, he sorely said,
Come on, we’ve lives to live.
*********************
*********************
*********************
*********************
The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 