Perhaps the BEST children’s
stories in the world
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The Crazymad Writer
Category Archives: humour
It’s no laughing matter, or is it?
A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion,multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this” said theman. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We
went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that
one of the cows had something white in it’s rear end. I walked over
and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my
wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt.
That’s when I made my mistake.” “What did you do?”, asked the
doctor. “Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, “Hey!
This looks like yours!”
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THE ‘Y’ CHROMOSOME
THE ‘Y’ CHROMOSOME
People born before 1946 are called – The Greatest Generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called -The Baby Boomers.
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called -Generation X.
And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called -Generation Y.
Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
But perhaps a cartoonist explained it most eloquently below…
I just thought you might want to know “Y”
John Kerry
While John Kerry was at a meeting one day, he accidentally knocked over a glass of water on the table in front of him. Staring madly at the spilled water, he said, Vladamir Putin is responsible for that.
A Fart Poem
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud.
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known,
To sound just like a song.
Some farts do not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger awhile.
A fart can create
A most-curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, but deadly.
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairies,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of us
Sooner or later.
So be not afraid
Of the invisible gas,
For always remember,
That farts, too, shall pass.
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Courtesy of http://www.thefartmachine.com
I Am a Camel, it said Snarling at Her
I Am a Camel, it said Snarling at Her
*
I am a Camel, it said snarling at her,
A very old camel; you can tell by my fur,
My teeth and manner give also a hint,
And the hump on my back gives more than a hint.
*
I can see by your hump, said Alice – I do,
And also your teeth and manner; it’s true,
The look on your face has me all in affray,
Groaning and snarling, in such a way.
*
Still snarling at Alice, the Camel replied,
You’d never believe me; you’d think I had lied,
If the look on my face was gone; it’s a fact,
No one would listen or look at this chap.
*
Without offering Alice a chance to reply,
The Camel went on with his horrible lie,
Creeping closer and closer, until ever so near,
He suddenly pounced and bit off her ear.
*
Feeling the hurt and the blood running down,
Alice said, I was such a clown,
To have listened at all to a Camel like you,
Smelling of sweat and stinking like poo.
******
I am so Forlorn
I am so Forlorn
Rich slug, poor slug, fat slug, thin,
I am a slug that just cannot fit in,
To categorising, following the norm,
I was born with a shell; I am so forlorn!
*
Do not be upset, said a stranger to me,
Look at me, she said. Pray tell what you see,
I see a slug with a shell, but how can that be?
I am a snail, she replied, and so are you – can you see?
*
Rich slug, poor slug, fat slug, thin,
I am a slug that just cannot fit in,
To categorising, following the norm,
I was born with a shell; I am so forlorn!
*
Do not be upset, said a stranger to me,
Look at me, she said. Pray tell what you see,
I see a slug with a shell, but how can that be?
I am a snail, she replied, and so are you – can you see?
*
Yes, I replied, this is true – I can see!
The what and the wherefore are included, said she,
Come slime down the path; forget slugs and their ways,
Snails on life’s journey, together each day.
*
Yes, I replied, this is true – I can see!
The what and the wherefore are included, said she,
Come slime down the path; forget slugs and their ways,
Snails on life’s journey, together each day.
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Slug Joke
Slug Joke
“What is the difference between a slug and a bag of salt?” Bert asked his friend Fred.
“Go on, tell me,” Fred answered.
“Salt makes your food taste better; slugs, however, shrivel and up and die if they come into contact with salt.
“That’s terrible!” Fred protested. “That’s not a joke!”
“You think it’s terrible?” Bert replied, flapping his arms about wildly, with excitement. “Imagine how the poor slugs feel!”
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One two buckle my shoe
!
One two buckle my shoe,
Three four knock at the door,
Five six pickup sticks,
Seven eight open the gate,
Nine ten start again,
Nah, that would be silly,
I would much rather go look for slugs to kill.
(It’s funny old world, isn’t it?)
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That’s Joe
That’s Joe
There once was a slug called Joe
Who wished he were fast, not slow
Until one day, while alone
He saw a snail struggling, carrying its home
Now he slimes about happy: That’s Joe
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