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Tag Archives: E-book

I want to eat your brains

I want to eat your brains

I want to eat your brains,

That’s what I said,

I want to eat your brains,

Until you are dead.

I am a zombie; it’s what I do,

Eating brains all night through.

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In the morning,

When I’ m nice and full,

Of lovely brains and blood, so cool,

I will go to bed and sleep it off,

Until the evening when I’ll want some more.

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where you can purchase my eBooks,

or click on the links to the left of this page,

to read more about my exciting new stories.

 

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The Brains of Branson

  Pumpkin Heads, at the Crazymad Writer's blog

The Brains of Branson

If I had the brains of Branson

His guile, ambition and throw,

I might be up there with him,

With an empire of my own,

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I might be sitting there pretty,

With the whole world at my feet,

With nothing at all to worry about,

My life would be complete.

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But I’m not up there with him,

‘Cos my vision was slightly askew,

Seeing things that bit differently,

My off was later, it’s true,

But now that I’ve seen that vision,

The route where my destiny lies,

I am catching up fast with him,

Make some room ‘cos I’ve nearly arrived!

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Posted by on October 24, 2013 in Stories for children

 

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Why wait For Christmas?

This is from the story ‘Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World’

Why wait For Christmas?

Why wait for Christmas when you can have it every day,
Be it June or September, March, April or May. 
The thing to remember is not the date or day,
But the feeling that goes behind it, so share it right away.
Enjoy your time for living; enjoy your time on earth,
A time for celebration, a chance to spend in mirth,
Each day will go brightly as you strike out forth,    
And all of this made possible because of the virgin birth.
Oh, why wait for Christmas when you can have it every day,
Be it June or September, March, April or May. 
The thing to remember is not the date or day,
But the feeling that goes behind it, so share it right away.

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where you can purchase my eBooks

 

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Christmastime is nowhere at all

Christmastime is Nowhere at all

From the story ‘Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World’

smiley at the Crazymad writer's blog

Christmastime is nowhere at all,

It’s nowhere at all, if it’s not in your heart.

If it’s not in your wishes, right there from the start,

Christmastime is nowhere at all.

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Christmastime, a time to be glad,

A time to rejoice in all that you have,

But let us remember this time of good cheer,

Is also a time to erase every fear.

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Christmastime is nowhere at all,

It’s nowhere at all, if it’s not in your heart.

If it’s not in your wishes, right there from the start,

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Christmastime is nowhere at all.

Christmastime, it’s a time to be glad,

It a time to rejoice in all that you have,

But let us remember this time of good cheer,

Is a time to share blessings, this is my prayer.

**********

 

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where you can purchase my eBooks

 

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I am Man

I am man,

Born of woman; man,

I stand for all that is right,

*

I am man,

I fight injustice and bias,

I am man,

*

I will NEVER allow Neanderthals to get the upper hand,

For I am man, of woman, with woman, against Neanderthal man.

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where you can purchase my eBooks

**********

 
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Posted by on October 18, 2013 in Stories for children

 

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THE MAD CONVERSATION: An extract from Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World

THE MAD CONVERSATION: An extract from Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World

Flummoxed by the Rabbit’s question, Alice found herself struggling to find a reply. The only one that she was able to come up with, was, “I bet you are mad!”

That all depends,” the Rabbit replied, quite matter-of-factly.

It all depends on what?”

On whether you mean mad or mad.”

That’s silly,” said Alice. “They both mean the very same thing.”

If you were mad number one,” said the White Rabbit, with full conviction of the soundness of his case, “and someone happened to tell you that you were mad number two, you might be very mad indeed, at so fundamental a mistake.”

But I’m not mad!” Alice insisted, becoming ever more frustrated at so silly a conversation.

How do you know that you aren’t mad,” asked the Rabbit, who appeared to be enjoying flummoxing Alice, so “when you can’t tell the difference between mad number one and mad number two, I might ask?”

I just know that I’m not mad!” Alice insisted stamping her foot, displaying her annoyance at what she considered was questionable logic. Then changing the subject, from her possible madness or claimed sanity, Alice informed the Rabbit that another door had appeared and was awaiting his attention.

Turning round, the White Rabbit took hold of the brass handle and attempted to turn it, but despite his best efforts the door remained stubbornly shut.

Might I try?” Alice asked, feeling very un-mad. Standing away from the door, the White Rabbit said nothing, but his pink, beady eyes watched her intently.

The door opened easily for Alice, and feeling vindicated, she proclaimed, “Could a mad person have done that?” Without waiting for a reply, she stepped through the doorway and promptly fell into a gaping hole on the other side.

No, they mightn’t,” said the Rabbit, laughing as she disappeared into the hole. “But would they have fallen down there?” Laughing again, he hopped through doorway and jumped into the hole, following Alice…

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where you can purchase my eBooks.

***********

 

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The Witches

The Witches

It began one cold winter’s night, with the appearance of three witches flying around my bed on their broomsticks…

You may well ask, ‘Is this just another one of your fantasy stories, like so many others you have penned?’ My answer, the only thing I can say to you by way of reply, is read this story and find out for yourself…

CONTD

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where you can purchase my eBooks.

 
 

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Aliens Landed in Ballykilduff

Another great eBook

by The Crazymad Writer

Aliens landed in Ballykilduff,

Aliens landed; that is a fact,

In the dark of the night it happened, it did,

At the end of my garden they landed, then hid.

Chapter One

 

I was lying in bed, sleeping soundly one night, when something, a noise outside my bedroom widow woke me with a start. Sitting up in bed, I said, “What on earth was that?” However, despite listening intently I heard nothing else. Lying down again, I pulled the bed clothes tightly around me. “Brrr,” I said, shivering from the cold, “it feels more like winter than summer.” Pulling the bed clothes higher around me, I said, “This global warming thing, they keep telling us about, sure is cold.” With those words on my lips I fell fast asleep.

A few minutes the same noise woke me again. Rubbing my sleepy eyes, I said, “What on earth can it be?” Sitting up, I yawned, trying to figure it out. Scratching my head, I leaned over to the clock. Grabbing hold of it, I gazed it the dial. “It’s a quarter to four!” I grizzled. Scratching my head some more, I said, “Whoever is making that noise could have picked a better time in which to do it.”

Then I heard it again; the same noise, followed by the sound of banging and hammering. “Surely the neighbours aren’t fixing their car at this ungodly hour!” I groaned. “It has been giving them some trouble of late, but fixing it now, at a quarter to four in the morning, is going too far, so it is!”

The banging and hammering noises grew steadily louder. “It can’t be them, can it?” I growled. Getting out of bed, I shuffled across to the window. Pulling the curtains apart, I gazed outside, to their back garden. It was shrouded in darkness. “Well, it certainly ain’t them,” I said thankfully, “unless they can see in the dark.” Abandoning the curtain, I returned to bed.

I had only just laid my head on the pillow when the banging and hammering started again. Jumping out of bed, I groaned, “Will someone please tell me what is going on around here?”

Awakening from her slumbers, my wife, Breda, said, “What are you doing, Gerrard, standing at the end of the bed, ranting like a mad man?”

“I am sorry,” I answered. “I didn’t mean to awaken you.”

“Well, you did a good job of doing it,” she sarcastically replied. “What has you so worked up, anyhow?” she asked.

“It’s that noise,” I told her.

“Noise – what noise?”

“It was there a minute ago – honest it was.”

“Well, it’s not now!” she snapped. “Come to bed. You were probably having a dream.”

“More like a nightmare,” I grumbled. Approaching the widow, I pulled back the curtain, hoping to see the perpetrator going about his foul business. However, our garden, like our neighbour’s was shrouded in darkness.

“Forget about it,” Breda said to me. “On the morrow, we will go outside and see if anything is amiss. Meanwhile, get into bed lest you catch your death of cold!”

“Global warning, they keep telling us,” I said, grumbling about the weather.

“I’ll ‘global warming’ you if you don’t hush up and let me sleep!” she answered.

Suddenly, as I was letting go of the curtain an extraordinary bright flash outside secured my undivided attention.

CONTD

Click HERE to be transferred to my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks.

**********

 
 

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Wikipedia Doesn’t Know Me

Wikipedia Doesn’t Know Me

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Mad Eye Moody, can it really be,

That splendid interpretation, a hero so free?

Who gave up his all for the cry of the truth?

So we could know that good is forsooth.

 

Yes, they can all Twitter, be it here, be it there,

About American Idol and Celebrities fair,

But can they replace the genius, so fine,

Like Rowling and Dahl – or Wilson’s strange mind?

 

When next you are shopping in Wal-Mart, I think,

If its bargains you’re after then remember the ink,

On the paper, in the book section, where I’m waiting for sure,

To temp you with my writing so as to open that door.

 

And when it is open my world of strange stuff,

Will entrance and beguile you; the air will be hushed,

As you read about Alice, the Cat and the Mouse,

Harry Rotter and Jimmy – and Beetle About.

 

Forget about Powerball, cars and the news,

Never mind Danny Choo – who is he? I muse

Wikipedia doesn’t know me but, heck, do I care?

When I’ve got so many readers in the real world out there.

**********

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Posted by on October 14, 2013 in Stories for children

 

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The Fertilizer Mine

The Fertilizer Mine

(From the story Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World)

Fertilizer is a thing we don’t always sees,

Though it’s used quite a lot, know yous this if yous please.

It’s a spread on the ground, all around and around,

The plants that are a needing it, by the once and the pound.

Oh, I’s loves my business when I’m mining the stuff,

I’s carts it around and then I’s bags it right up.

I’s stores it away until it’s needed, for sure,

T’bring on the plants in a glorious rapport.

I’m the luckiest, here, elf in charge of this mine,

This wonderful place, the luckiest of finds.

I’s thank my stars that I’s can be of some help,

T’bring on the plants into a wonderful health.

T’end this here ditty, hear you this boys and girls,

If yous ever come t’visit the top of the world,

Yous’ll get a right welcome and a tour of this mine,

Then return home again in a new frame of mind.

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Stories for children and young at heart adults

by The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH!

 

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