Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there; * The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads; And mamma in her kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap, * Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. * The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer, * With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name: Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!” * As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky; So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, With the sleigh full of Toys, and St. Nicholas too. * And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. * He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. * His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; * The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly. * He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread; * He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose; * He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, everyone into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.”
And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.
Christmas pud; it tastes so good, It’s got honey and spice; they sure are nice, With fruit and nuts; good for the gut, Christmas pud; it tastes SO GOOD. Now, where did I put my spoon and bowel?
These creatures – Christmas Giants – reside quiet and unseen, throughout the entire year, in people’s houses. They rest, slumber peacefully away in their places of concealment, until they are needed, when they are summoned, called by the old man himself, Father Christmas.
Nowadays, Christmas Giants are vital part of the yuletide effort, of getting the presents into children’s Christmas stockings, on Christmas Eve. What these Giants actually do is quite simple; they stretch all the way up the chimney, where Father Christmas is waiting patiently adjacent the chimney pot. Then, after the old man has given it the children’s presents, the Giant returns to ground level and places them in the children’s Christmas stockings, for him.
Yes, I know this has previously been done by Father Christmas. It’s just that, with modern building practices adopting ever thinner chimney flue designs, the old, and rather fat man, simply cannot get down them anymore. You see, the Giants, as well as being ever so tall, are incredibly thin. Passing up and down a chimney each Christmas Eve is child’s play for them. It’s a delightful task they volunteered for, when the old man began to get into difficulties with this new style of chimney design.
A note: If you happened to look for one of these creatures in your house, at a time other than Christmas, you might notice a large foot poking out from under your bed, or a long and incredibly thin finger half-hidden to the rear of a cupboard. Don’t be worried, it will not wake up, though, not until not until next Christmas Eve, that is.
I think that I shall never be, Sold on artificial trees. A Christmas tree with plastic limbs Just doesn’t stir me up to hymns. * A tree with needles made of foil, From a factory instead of soil, Although it will not burst nor shed, It neither is alive nor dead. * Perennial, yes, it may rightly be, And formed in perfect symmetry, But only God can make a tree, To suit old fashioned souls like me.
When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones,
Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure building up. Then, Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit. This news stressed him even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were nowhere to be seen.
When Santa began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked and the bag full of toys fell to the ground, scattering them far and wide. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel
with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day?
I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 