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Potholes from Hell

Potholes from Hell

When I am out driving my car,
I love my car; it’s a fine old car,
I watch the road ahead,
The road ahead, for potholes ahead,
Irish roads are a disgrace,
It’s a pothole place – a dangerous place!
*
While out walking the street,
On my two feet, my own two feet,
I fell into a pothole big,
Very big – extremely big,
It broke my face, my poor old face,
It’s a shocking disgrace!
*
I wrote to the Council,
And told them this, that I hurt myself,
In a pothole big – extremely big,
They said me, poor old me,
They would sell me the stuff,
The pothole stuff,
So I could fill them in,
The potholes in,
*
It’s a funny old world, isn’t it?

*********************

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2014 in humor, humour, Ireland, poems

 

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I once had a car, so fine

I once had a car, so fine,

I washed it all of the time,

From morning to night,

Until I caught fright,

When it crumbled to rust, so fine.

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Posted by on March 26, 2014 in classic car, humor, humour, poems

 

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Cola Blue

Cola Blue

It’s new; cola BLUE,

An icy mint flavour,

Made especially for you!

Are you willing, are you game,

To break the taboo,

Of drinking anything other than THAT cola, yes you!

 *

Forget red and the white,

The new colour is blue,

I knew you would try it,

Icy cold Blue.

It’s cool and it’s bright,

A minty delight,

Drink Cola Blue,

Made especially for you!

******

Stories for children and young at heart adults

I don’t care what you call me

as long as you enjoy reading my stories

*******

 
 

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The Flintstones get a phone call from the Crazymad Writer

The Flintstones get a phone call from the Crazymad Writer.

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Posted by on March 19, 2014 in humor, humour

 

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No Trespassing

No trespassing, that’s what the words read,

No trespassing, it’s what the sign said,

As I approached the gate upon which it was on,

The words, no trespassing, dared me to come on.

*

A voice in my head told me to ignore it, that sign,

It said there was something exciting to find,

In the field behind them, gate and its sign,

Are you afraid, the voice asked, or do you think I am lying?

*

No, I am not afraid, I answered it back,

My gut feeling, though, tells me to shy away from this tack,

Are you man or a mouse? It said mocking me so,

I am a man, I answered, a man on the go.

 *

So I climbed over the gate and stepped into that field,

A green, luscious sward that was ever so still,

Seeing nothing at all, there, other than grass,

I wondered, yes wondered, where it was at.

 *

Suddenly, startlingly, I heard a snort and a wheeze,

Then I saw it, a bull galloping towards me,

So I darted away from it as fast as I could,

And clambered back over that gate made of wood.

*

The moral of my story, my scary story, is this,

When out in the country give gates a miss,

Don’t listen to voices inside your head,

Stick to your gut feeling, it’s safer, instead.

***************************

 

I don’t care what you call me

as long as you enjoy reading my stories

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2014 in humor, humour, poems

 

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He Thought He Saw…

He thought he saw a politician,

Who lived the perfect life,

He looked again, and saw it was,

A huge, humongous lie .

That’s it, he said, I realise,

The foolishness of life.

It’s a mess

He thought he saw an honest man,

Within the parliament,

He looked again, and saw it was,

Another bloated blimp.

Unless they leave this house,” he said,

There’ll be no hope, I think.”

It’s a real mess!

He thought he saw a banker man,

Who made an honest buck,

He looked again, and saw he was,

Entwined in all the muck.

If I were king, he said,

His head would be on the block.

It’s a terrible mess!

He thought he saw a banker’s clerk,

A man of honest youth,

He looked again, and saw he was,

A succubus forsooth.

If he should stay, he said, for sure,

My savings I will lose.

Crikey, what a mess!

He thought he saw a kangaroo,

Hopping down his street one day,

He looked again, and saw it was,

A banker’s ill gained pay.

Were I to accept this, he said,

It would be a dark, dark day.

Mess, mess, mess!

He though he saw limousine,

With groom and bride, so sweet,

He looked again, and saw it was,

The country on its knees.

We’re lost, he said, the country’s bust,

Kaput, no more, deceased.

Fix the mess!

He though he saw a shaft of light,

That shone through all this gloom,

He looked again, and saw it was,

The cold, reflected moon.

If I were young, he said aloud,

I’d make them swing – and soon!

Get those who are responsible for the mess!

He though he saw a chink of light,

A way from all this mess,

He looked again, and saw it was,

Their New World Order – yes!

Their ways are bad, corrupt, he said

For them, not us, excess.

And when we get them, what are we going to do with them?

He thought he saw the final words,

Inscribed upon a sheet,

He looked again, and saw it was,

Them sweating from the heat.

They thought us fools, he sorely said,

Come on, we’ve lives to lead!

**************************

If THIS is what the New World Order is like, they can keep it!

 

I don’t care what you call me

as long as you enjoy reading my stories

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2014 in humor, humour, poems, politics

 

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I don’t Like Mondays

It’s Monday; it came so fast,

Monday; I am aghast.

Where are the days? (They flew so fast),

As ever nearer the grave I pass.

If I could have that time again,

Oh, what changes I would make.

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Although my works are primarily aimed at children,

adults also enjoy reading them.  My works include such notables as: 

Tales of the Extraordinary,

The Witches,

Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World,

HARRY ROTTER (she has lost her Magical Marbles),

Jimmy, the Glue Factory and Mad Mr Viscous,

Slug Talk,

The Tales of Beetle About,

Tales of Childhood, volumes 1 and 2,

Horrible Horace,

Stories for Boys,

The Three Faerie Sisters,

Christmas: A Carol Betwixt,

The Fog,

Aliens Landed in Ballykilduff,

Stewed Rhymes,

A Beer in a Burger Bar,

 And a whole lot MORE.

sparkClick HERE to visit my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks

**********

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME

AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.

 

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Skoda

I’ve just bought the new 16 valve Skoda …….4 in the engine, 12 in the radio!

(If you understand this and you are under 40 then you need to get out more)

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2014 in humor, humour, joke

 

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Dunking the Mouse

Dunking the Mouse

 Dunking the Mouse, Oh, Dunking the Mouse,

 What can be better than dunking the Mouse?

 Be it with a fine friend like the Rabbit, so stout,

 Or on my old lonesome, I love dunking the Mouse.

 *

I open the pot and stick his head in,

 And before he’s awoken he’s half the way in.

 With Rabbit a-helping, we finish the job,

 Then put the lid on, though Mouse is beginning to sob.

 *

‘Oh please let me out’, he implore us, so meek,

 But why should we do that when the tea tastes so sweet?

 ‘Oh give me a cup of that heavenly brew’,

 Says Rabbit to me, ‘and a jam tart for you’.

 *

So I pour out two cups and we sit down anew,

 With the tea and the tarts – and with Mouse in the brew,

 Until Alice strolls by, and unsettles our ruse,

 Saving Mouse from his fate and us from the noose.

***************

sparkClick HERE to visit my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks

**********

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME

AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.

 

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Ireland is (sadly) a Cesspit

Ireland is a cesspit,

Mired by bankers’ waste,

Brought down by their corruption,

Destroyed – and with such haste.

*

Where, oh where is the justice,

To punish these men of shame,

To make THEM pay for what they did,

Why aren’t THEY held to blame?

*

Why is it us, the average man,

And woman who takes the pain?

What did WE do, to be punished so,

We are CERTAINLY not to blame.

*

I think it’s all a part of some,

Big plan by those up high,

To take control of the world’s affairs,

To enslave us until we die.

 *

You might laugh me, and say I’m mad,

Thinking such things – and how,

But the day will come; you’ll see that I’m right,

I only wish you’d see it now.

*

I say remove those jerks, those men in suits,

Each and every one,

Politicians too; they are just as bad,

Don’t rest until they are all gone.

*

Let’s start a New World Order, I say,

In which we, the people, soar high,

Where we can live in peace and wealth,

Unchained from corrupt men’s lies.

 *

This day will come, make no mistake,

Men in suits, bereft of sense,

You will be punished, held accountable,

You’ll get your comeuppance!

*******************

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2014 in humor, humour, Ireland, poems

 

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