I saw a dog sitting on a rock one day,
The scrawniest dog in the world, I say,
Sitting on a rock under a hot sun,
Ever so hot and beginning to burn.
*
The dog had the mange or so I did think,
I could see its skin; it was ever so pink,
Hot in the sun, roasting for sure,
That dog on a rock must have been sore.
*
I wandered across to the dog on the rock,
And offered a drink from my bottle of pop,
Baring its teeth, the dog snarled and it growled,
So I beat a retreat as it started to howl.
*
Leaving dog on the rock to sit there and stew,
I thought of my skin that it threatened to chew,
Then strolling away with a skip and a grin,
I abandoned the dog with the mangy old skin.
*******************
Category Archives: humor
A Dog on a Rock
Paul
There was a young lad named Paul,
Who wanted to get away from it all,
So he took up sea swimming,
Then set off one evening,
Now he’s nowhere at all,
*****
Mystic Cola
Mystic Cola, powerful might,
Thunderous magic, hidden from sight,
Disguised by a drink,
So sugary and sweet,
The way to Alocyrrehcyzzif,
The Cryptic Agenda decree.
*
If this makes no sense to you,
Then click on to the link,
And buy the eBook about this fizzy drink.
But watch out for that bottle once it’s uncorked,
Lest you are ensnared by its wonder,
And inside it are caught.
*****
Some amazing facts you always(?) wanted to know
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. OMG
A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. Is that why they are always squealing?
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy) I’m still not over the pig.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Don’t try this at home; perhaps maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (Honey, I’m home. What the…?)
A flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
A catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. And I joined Rotary!?! (I still can’t believe that pig …quality over quantity.)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm…….)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.)
A cat’s urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
The mind BOGGLES, with it all. ZZZZZZ
You are old, Crazymad Writer…
“You are old, Crazymad Writer,” the youth said,
“And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head—
Do you think, at your age, it is right?”
*
“In my youth,” Crazymad Writer said to the son,
“I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I’m perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.”
*
“You are old,” said the youth, “As I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door—
Pray, what is the reason of that?”
*
“In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
“I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment—one shilling the box—
Allow me to sell you a couple?”
*
“You are old,” said the youth, “And your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak—
Pray, how did you manage to do it?”
*
“In my youth,” the writer explained, “I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life.”
*
“You are old,” said the youth, “one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose—
What made you so awfully clever?”
*
“I have answered three questions, and that is enough,”
Said the writer; “don’t give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I’ll kick you down stairs!”
**************
Don’t step on a duck!
Three women die together in an accident and
go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, ‘We! only have
one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!’
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are
ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to
step on a duck, and although they try their best to
avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, ‘Your
punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend
eternity chained to this ugly man!’
The next day, the second woman accidentally steps
on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t
miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment
as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not
wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man,
is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on
any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her
with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on … very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, ‘I wonder what I did to
deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?’
The guy says, ‘I don’t know about you, but I stepped
on a duck!’
I once had a pain in my toe
I once had a pain in my toe,
That would come and then it would go,
That’s how it stayed for all of my days,
The pain at the end of my toe.
A note: I don’t have a pain my my toe anymore.
I don’t have any toes, not even one.
You see, I have gone to heaven.
He went to the Doctor
An intern was sent to collect a new skeleton from the central store.
When he arrived at the consultant surgeon’s office there was already
a queue of patients waiting. As the intern wrestled the skeleton through
the outside door he became aware of people gazing at him enquiringly.
He gave them a smile and said, ‘I am bringing him to the doctor.’
An old lady said sympathetically, ‘My dear! Isn’t he a bit late for the doctor?’
Halloween Pumpkin
Would you like a BILLION Dollars?
Would you like a BILLION Dollars?
You would?
Then, here it is.
Have a nice day.
*****
The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 