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Tag Archives: crazy

Slug Joke

18 Apr

Slug Joke

“What is the difference between a slug and a bag of salt?” Bert asked his friend Fred.
“Go on, tell me,” Fred answered.
“Salt makes your food taste better; slugs, however, shrivel and up and die if they come into contact with salt.
“That’s terrible!” Fred protested. “That’s not a joke!”
“You think it’s terrible?” Bert replied, flapping his arms about wildly, with excitement. “Imagine how the poor slugs feel!”

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Posted by on April 18, 2014 in humor, humour, joke

 

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I am The Crazymad Writer

18 Mar

Some people say I am crazy…

I tell them I am crazy – and mad

I don’t care WHAT you call me as long as you enjoy reading my stories.

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2014 in news

 

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Mystical Cola

06 Mar

Mystical Cola, powerful might,

Thunderous magic, hidden from sight,

Disguised by a treat,

Sugary and sweet,

A shortcut to enlightenment,

The Cryptic Agenda decree.

 *

If this has you thinking,

I would like to try that,

Go visit their temple,

And study their track,

But watch out for that bottle once it’s uncorked,

Lest you are drawn to its magic and inside it are caught.

********************

sparkClick HERE to visit my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks

**********

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME

AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.

I am the Crazymad writer – ARRRGH.

 
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Posted by on March 6, 2014 in humor, humour, poems, Stories for children

 

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Giggle my Boots

04 Nov

Giggle my boots, gaggle my hat,

Goggle my shirtsleeves and fraggle that cat.

I am friggled with laughter, for I know that it’s true,

That you really do love me, not Johnny Lazoo.

  **********

You see, Johnny Lazoo, a man of some strength,

Wanted to court you, wanted to bend,

Your ear with his stories, your eye with his looks,

But you never gave him as much as a look.
 

  **********

The day that you said, ‘Yes, I’ll marry you, I will,’

Was the happiest day of my life; it was brill,

To think that you chose me over Johnny Lazoo,

Makes me friggle with laughter, knowing it’s true.
 

  **********

Before I head off with my bride and my life,

I will give you this piece of excellent advice.

If you are planning to woo your beau, here’s the rub,

Friggle her with laughter and griggle her with love.

  **********

The Crazymad Writer writes again.

Stories for children and young at heart adults

By ME, The Crazymad Writer – ARRRRGH.

 
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Posted by on November 4, 2013 in Stories for children, The Crazymad Writer

 

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To Boldly Go

18 Oct

To Boldly Go

To boldly go where no man has gone,

 Our intrepid explorers fight the Klingons,

 They battles with foes and forces unknown,

 Kirk and his crew are so far from home.

 **********

Warping past Dwarfs as red as can be,

Streaking through space, and all for the free,

The freedom of choice, for you and for me,

Our intrepid explorers go forward boldly.

 **********

Out into the blackness, the fear and the dread,

Kirk and his crew by passion are led,

Explorers by nature, fighters by chance,

Man and machine go boldly ever on.

 **********

It was a voyage of years, a mission of five,

That’s all was intended, I tell you no lie,

More than forty years later they’re still forging on,

Onwards and upwards, to a new dawn.

 
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Posted by on October 18, 2013 in Stories for children, The Crazymad Writer

 

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Stone The Crows

14 Oct

Stone The Crows

 

Stone the crows.

What can you mean?

I said stone the crows.

You are awful mean,

To think you could hurt such wonderful birds,

I say stone you too, you are so absurd.

**********

Stone the crows.

Not YOU again.

Stone the crows.

You are not my friend,

That you could maim such marvellous things,

I say stone you too, you horrible thing!

**********

Stone the crows,

It’s a figure of speech!

Stone the crows?

It’s how I speak,

It means, Well I never,

I won’t harm the birds.

Stone the crows are such wonderful words.

**********

Stories for children and young at heart adults

by The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH!

 
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Posted by on October 14, 2013 in poems, The Crazymad Writer

 

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The Fertilizer Mine

13 Oct

The Fertilizer Mine

(From the story Alice in Wonderland on Top of the World)

Fertilizer is a thing we don’t always sees,

Though it’s used quite a lot, know yous this if yous please.

It’s a spread on the ground, all around and around,

The plants that are a needing it, by the once and the pound.

Oh, I’s loves my business when I’m mining the stuff,

I’s carts it around and then I’s bags it right up.

I’s stores it away until it’s needed, for sure,

T’bring on the plants in a glorious rapport.

I’m the luckiest, here, elf in charge of this mine,

This wonderful place, the luckiest of finds.

I’s thank my stars that I’s can be of some help,

T’bring on the plants into a wonderful health.

T’end this here ditty, hear you this boys and girls,

If yous ever come t’visit the top of the world,

Yous’ll get a right welcome and a tour of this mine,

Then return home again in a new frame of mind.

*******************

Stories for children and young at heart adults

by The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH!

 
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Posted by on October 13, 2013 in Alice in Wonderland, Stories for children, The Crazymad Writer

 

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Time Does Not Exist

13 Oct

Time Does Not Exist

Time does not exist…

Ah, but here’s the twist,

It’s always NOW.

 No before or then,

No happy ever after,

For mice and men.

It’s NOW,

It has always been NOW,

Before and after,

Is just a silly dream.

*****

Stories for children and young at heart adults

by The Crazymad Writer – ARRRGH!

 
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Posted by on October 13, 2013 in Stories for children

 

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Aside
12 Oct

Concorde

Lead a Good Life

Lead a good life; full to the brim.

Enjoy each day as if it’s the last one you win,

Show by example how much you can do,

Whilst here on this plane, this earthly pursuit,

And when you’re in bed, deathly, so grim,

You will gaze up from it with a wink and a grin,

Saying, I lived a good life; full to the brim,

Leading by example, never lecturing about sin,

When you close my eyes for the last time on earth,

Angels will surround you, guiding you forth,

Through the pearliest of gates they will lead the way home,

To God’s heavenly love, sitting adjacent his throne.

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Lead a Good Life

 
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Posted by on October 12, 2013 in My crazymad life, Stories for children

 

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Pumpkin Heads

12 Oct

Pumpkin Heads,

Pumpkin heads, pumpkin heads, ho, ho, ho, they’re the pumpkin heads,

Creepy things, eerie things, scaring half to death,

Pumpkin heads we must get!

 

Pumpkin heads, pumpkin heads, ho, ho, ho, they’re the pumpkin heads,

Yellow things, orange things, burning bright inside,

Pumpkin heads or we will cry!

 

Pumpkin heads, pumpkin heads, ho, ho, ho, they’re the pumpkin heads,

Witches here, wizards near, chanting round them lit,

Pumpkin heads: we will hit!

 

Pumpkin heads, pumpkin heads, ho, ho, ho, it’s the pumpkin heads,

Smash them up, bash them up, ‘till they’re whacked to bits,

Pumpkin heads, hit, hit, hit!

 

Tired heads, sleepy heads, zzz, zzz, zzz, we’re going to bed,

Land of nod, brains all fogged, drifting off to sleep,

Pumpkin heads next year – and heaps!

Click HERE to be transferred to my online book shop,

where you can purchase my eBooks

 
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Posted by on October 12, 2013 in Halloween, The Crazymad Writer

 

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