There was a woman, so fat,
She didn’t know where she was at,
Her front and back were so round and so fat,
She looked like a ball; it’s a fact.
**********
Click HERE to visit my online book shop,
where you can purchase my eBooks
**********
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME
AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.
There was a baby called Sam,
Who fell right out of his pram,
He landed on his head,
Then rubbed it and said,
I will never go up there again.
**********
Click HERE to visit my online book shop,
where you can purchase my eBooks
**********
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME
AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.
There was an old man with a hat,
Who got confused and thought it a cat,
So he gave it some meat and milk as a treat,
Then he put it out side for a crap.
**********
Click HERE to visit my online book shop,
where you can purchase my eBooks
**********
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME
AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.
I am a Cat, it said smiling at her,
A Cheshire Cat, you can tell by my fur,
My paws and whiskers are also a hint,
But the smile on my face is most significant.
*
I can see by your fur, said Alice – I do,
And also your paws and whiskers – it’s true,
But that smile on your face has me all in a tizz,
Coming and going in such a whiz.
*
Still smiling at Alice, the Cat dryly replied,
You’d never believe me; you’d think I had lied,
If the smile on my face was gone – it’s a fact,
No one would listen or look at this Cat.
*
Without offering Alice the chance to reply,
The Cat went on with his horrible lie,
Creeping closer and closer, until ever so near,
When he pounced, lashed out, cutting her ear.
*
Feeling the hurt and the blood running down,
Alice said, Oh, I was such a clown,
To have ever believed a Cat with a grin,
Take that, and that, you horrible thing!
**********
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A Christmas Carol Betwixt
Click HERE to visit my online book shop,
where you can purchase my eBooks
**********
There was a young man called Sam,
Who decided to live in a pan,
Then one day will at home,
He was burned to the bone,
When he mother fried eggs in that pan,
**********
Click HERE to visit my online book shop,
where you can purchase my eBooks
**********
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL ME
AS LONG AS YOU ENJOY READING MY STORIES.
Everyone grumbled. The sky was grey.
We had nothing to do and nothing to say.
We were nearing the end of a dismal day,
And then there seemed to be nothing beyond,
Then Daddy fell into the pond!
And everyone’s face grew merry and bright,
And Timothy danced for sheer delight.
“Give me the camera, quick, oh quick!
He’s crawling out of the duckweed!” Click!
Then the gardener suddenly slapped his knee,
And doubled up, shaking silently,
And the ducks all quacked as if they were daft,
And it sounded as if the old drake laughed.
Oh, there wasn’t a thing that didn’t respond
When Daddy Fell into the pond!
By Alfred Noyes
**********
I don’t care WHAT you call me
as long as you enjoy reading my stories.
Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God.
Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?”
Jim was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “heyhey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff.
Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”
I don’t care what you call me
as long as you enjoy reading my stories.
The following was voted the greatest joke ever. I am not so sure that it is so. Read it yourself, then let me know how you liked it, or not.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Fifty Shades of Grey …..Hair
By John Summers (a really great bloke).
The missus bought a
Paperback down Mumbles, Saturday,
I had a look in to her bag;
T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
Fifty shades of gray
*
Well I just left her to it,
At ten I went to bed.
And, one hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
*
In her left hand, she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
*
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Doris hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.
*
Watching Doris bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things they went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
*
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and
Said that I must dominate her!!
*
Now if you knew our Doris,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
From our last complaint, I uttered.
*
She stood there nude, all naked like;
Bent forward just a bit…
I went to hold her sensuously,
And stood on her left tit!
*
Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one”!!
*
Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say, my jet black hair,
Turned “fifty shades of Grey”.
******
The Crazymad Writer Writes Again 